Regent Observer - Part One and Part Two
by The Unpredictable Muse
Summary: Creative self-insert of a modern lady into the regency era. Follows the book. IMPORTANT - Elizabeth and Darcy are not the main POV for this nor will they become a main POV. They are peripheral at best, maybe the occasional main focus, but this is not an " Elizabeth and Darcy fall in love after a series of conflict' type of story.
1. Chapter 1

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

I pitied the single man for one simple reason - vicious mothers intent on marrying off daughters as well as possible. The whole stigma of a daughter being a burden bothered me exponentially. Admittedly I'm not English and I was born and raised in an entirely different time, but still! Daughters were not burdens!

I digress. The single man in possession of a good fortune wanting a wife seriously needed a guarded escort to beat off the mothers and fathers who perpetrated the lack of value they called daughters. Mr. Bingley certainly had no expectations of marrying coming into Hertfordshire. (Where was Hertfordshire on a map of counties anyway? Made up counties, while easy to build and dictate certainly made writing fanfictions difficult,) His sisters didn't even want him in Hertfordshire.

I, Emery Banfield, was 'born' into Pride and Prejudice with a fully fleshed out backstory that fit me in to the original Jane Austen storyline. I was now known to everyone as Caroline Banfield. But how did this happen, you might ask. I wished upon a shooting star after a particularly difficult day of homework and parental lecturing on my lack of responsibility and forethought. But why Pride and Prejudice? I happen to have a love/hate relationship with Jane Austen's work and wish that we studied her work instead of Shakespeare in English literature. Strange, right? How could I love a time and place that was completely against my own character? Nonetheless I am here.

As you expect, it is all about Elizabeth Bennet. Jane's beauty is overwhelmingly serene and unmatched. Elizabeth is a close second, almost Elizabeth Taylor. The movies are incredibly misleading. Jane does not have blonde hair. Mrs. Bennet is an aging beauty who certainly once held the power to hold men under her spell by physical beauty alone. Mary, Catherine, and Lydia all pale in comparison to their elder sisters' beauty. What really made Elizabeth stand out from Jane was her wit, and with Mr. Bennet's love and support, she often held an advantage none of her sisters ever hoped to wield - the support of Hertfordshire and her father's respect.

And of all the people in this house - a beautiful but run down house affectionately called Longbourn - I have the strongest urge to strangle Mrs. Bennet and Lydia. It could be silent for a solid two hours before breakfast and once everyone seated themselves at the table, poof! Her screeching starts. She laments the lack of husbands for her daughters. She complains about the house's decor and how Mr. Bennet holds a tight purse. She batters everyone but Jane about their physical appearance, regardless the state of the wear of the clothing that Jane may be currently wearing. She demands Elizabeth tone down her wit whenever the parson visits and that Mary put away the book of sermons instead of boring them with moral lessons. Occasionally she'd mention a rumor Mrs. Phillips heard in town and launch into how delightful it was or how dreadful it was.

Then Kitty and Lydia start on each other! Lydia stole Kitty's bonnet. Kitty stole it back, except because Lydia claimed possession of it, it was and has always been Lydia's. Naturally Mrs. Bennet lets Lydia have everything or else Lydia will whine and mope about the house in an unbearable, intolerable manner. Kitty retaliates in various manners, often by claiming most of the Harrington sisters' attentions when they call upon the younger Bennets. Every night I spend in the company of the pair, I am tempted to drag them out by their styled hair and let them sleep outside. Mrs. Bennet's nerves, in some truth, are torn to shreds by Kitty and Lydia constantly fighting.

Elizabeth and Jane keep to themselves most of the time, except for when Charlotte Lucas calls upon Elizabeth. Then Elizabeth ignores all of her family and lavishes complete attention on her childhood friend. Jane I barely hear a peep from unless she is laughing at Elizabeth or speaking of their distant acquaintances who travel to and fro, often writing when they can. Something about Jane's perfection rubbed me the wrong way and I kept expecting her to plunge the proverbial dagger into my back when I wasn't looking.

Lastly Mary. Mary is an interesting lady, and I found myself more curious about her than anyone else. While Elizabeth was more like Elizabeth Taylor and Jane impossible to describe because she literally was the most beautiful woman in any room, Mary was special. Compared to her sisters, she did not stand out. Her shyness and introverted character did not permit her the luxury of having a striking character such as Kitty or Lydia. Mary's beauty lie in her eyes, a smoky gray blue color framed by thick eyelashes and a strong eyebrow. Lydia did stand taller than the rest of her sisters despite her age, but her thin figure was less desirable than Jane's statuesque figure or Elizabeth's full chest (And I do mean that she had been fully blessed in 'that'department,). Mary's figure filled out as an average's woman's would with enough love around the hips to make up for her lack of breasts, and a respectable B cup she was!

But enough of that! I assure you that the Bennets exhibit their embarrassing behavior behind closed doors as they do in public.

You must be wondering how I factor in. Caroline Banfield is the cousin of the Bennets. The Banfields are the in-laws of Mr. Edward Gardiner's wife. When my father passed away and my mother attempted to kill me in my sleep to avoid my inheriting of my father's wealth, I was placed in the care of the esteemed Abigail Gardiner. Mr. Gardiner asked a favor of his brother-in-law to take me in until I married or the Gardiners were able to fit me in their small London house in Cheapside. Complicated, right? At Longbourn, I share a room and bed with Mary. It's been three weeks since my appearance at Longbourn and all Mrs. Bennet talks of is how my 4,000 pounds overshadows her daughter's potential opportunities to marry respectably and that I should leave Longbourn for a better suited home.

Infuriating as she is, I can not argue that my 4,000 pounds, fictitious it may be, does not distract attention from the Bennet girls at the assemblies. Often the 4,000 pounds is brought up in whispers whenever people believe I am not near or listening. People are exhausting to handle and as an introvert, I absolutely hate large groups for any period of time longer than an hour or two. When everyone is watching me and waiting to see what my decisions will be - who I choose as a suitor, who I dance with, whether I laugh at their remarks and smile the entire time - I constantly worry I'm going to slip up and expose that I'm not from the regency era.

Of course that's impossible. Caroline Banfield was born and raised in England. She is the child of two hardworking parents who lost three sons at birth and resigned to their only surviving child being a daughter. She has the memories and experiences befitting her position in society and the time. Even the accent is legitimate.

Did I mention that the day of reckoning has come for the Bennets? It is the start of October! For those who are ignorant of the significance of that, it means that Mr. Bingley is coming to Netherfield Park.

Yes, the circus is coming to town and Jane is about be paraded around like a peacock.

Stupid people, my greatest pet peeve, is about to give me a migraine in a time where Advil and ibuprofen aren't invented yet. God help me.

At the dining table a day after Mrs. Long visited Mrs. Bennet, she introduced the grand news to everyone. Her eyes landed on me, and for a moment I swore the floor opened beneath me and swallowed me whole. " A man of large fortune, girls! Four to five thousand a year! What a catch,"

I really couldn't argue on this point. Even in my time a man inheriting 100,000 pounds would still be considered highly worth pursuing, inflation aside. If you added inflation, then Mr. Bingley's wealth made him a highly desirable choice in partner. To put in perspective, rough calculations placed Mr. Darcy earning around $400,000 US dollars to being a multimillionaire depending on what calculation method you decided to use. Bearing in mind that Mr. Bingley inherited half of Mr. Darcy's share of wealth, that means that Mr. Bingley would respectably earn anywhere from $200,000 US to maybe a small multi-millionaire. Even more perspective, Mr. Darcy would have come from one of the wealthiest 400 families in England at the time, meaning Mr. Bingley was a very eligible catch for someone as 'poor' as the Bennet family.

Except I can't stand constantly happy, smiling people (Mr. Bingley in particular). I didn't want to stay in the regency era and I had zero intention of drawing the wrath of Caroline Bingley. Quite the opposite, I wanted her friendship just to irritate Mrs. Bennet into a heart attack or stroke.

Lydia squealed, clapping her hands together much like a puppy's tail wagged. Even the grin on her face could be compared to a puppy's happy little appearance as they awaited a treat or scratch behind the ear. " What a joke it would be if he were to choose me!"

Kitty kicked her shin under the table. She kicked back equally hard. " What a joke indeed. You are two years younger and not yet properly out!"

" Girls, girls, my nerves!" Mrs. Bennet shouted in manufactured exasperation.

Oh yes...her infamous 'nerves'. I continued to cut up the bacon with my knife in favor of determining if it was truly her nerves or the need to be center of attention.

Jane and Elizabeth held their measured restraint until needed. Per usual, Mary continued to read the book of sermons while nibbling on toasted bread.

" What difference does two years make?"

" You are fifteen,"

" And you are seventeen and Mary is nineteen, and Lizzy is twenty and Jane-"

" And they are all properly out,"

" What do you know? You're just a silly, vain lady of no conse-"

Mr. Bennet locked eyes with Mrs. Bennet and nodded in mock admiration. Mrs. Bennet huffed and tapped her fork against her plate until the girls stopped arguing. Seeing the opportunity to measure up the elder sisters' reaction to having their age broadcasted like a mark of the devil (Or was it Satan? I never know what the christian branches choose to call their arch demon,), I ate each meticulously cut square slowly savoring the cook's expertise. Regrettably neither sister showed any emotion. Mary glanced up occasionally, meeting my gaze and just shrugging. In the three weeks we shared a bedroom, an understanding has grown.

" What a fine joke it would be if this Mr. Bingley were a lifelong bachelor," I said with the express intention of irritating Mrs. Bennet. Plus it's so annoying to have the bachelor always fall in love or marry! Romance was overrated.

" Surely not! 100,000 pounds and he must desire a wife,"

" Fear not for your Jane. I have no intention to marry such a wealthy suitor at this time," I replied flippantly, almost too perfectly. Jane's usually empty expression filled with nothing short of betrayal. I didn't feel guilty for a moment because I never liked how Jane Austen portrayed her as 'perfect'. No woman was that perfect.

" What a sporting comment, but you do intend to marry?" Mr. Bennet inquired.

" Eventually," I answered. " Mr. Brooks complimented my redingote. I complimented his stirring sermon."

No one dared utter a word as Mrs. Bennet's jaw set. I feared she might throw the china at me if I continued to goad her. Instead she turned to Jane. " You must have your dresses repaired. And Lydia!" Her head whipped around so fast it was a perfect swivel. " Think of the possibilities! He may have a handsome single relative just for you,"

" And Lizzy," I added with conviction. " Her dresses should be mended as well. She is the second eldest, and as propriety dictates-"

Mr. Bennet raised his ale in agreement.

"- if the eldest are yet unmarried it is most beneficial to the family to have them married first over the youngest," I disliked the complicated rules of the regency era surrounding interaction between the sexes, as if men were even more unable to control their hands and thoughts than in the modern ages. I thought it was bad when girls who had sex before marriage were described as a cup of spit water while boys were perfectly innocent. Living in these times made me wish for the days of having to only worry about the social injustices of being considered responsible for a hormonal boy's dirty thoughts instead of having to worry about that AND being cast out of the family home to preserve the family's 'reputation'.

Lydia slammed her palm on the table. " How will I marry at all if Lizzy is stealing all the attention? It's not fair!"

" You used my bonnet for church and said you made it. How was that fair?" Kitty attacked, close to tears.

I finished off the roll smothered in jam and the eggs, deciding that the pot had been stirred enough and I didn't even have to start off the disaster. Mrs. Bennet capably lead the destruction without help.

"It was my bonnet before you tore it apart,"

" You said I could!"

" And I took back what was mine!"

" Only after I made it pretty. You always take what isn't yours. It isn't fair!" Kitty started to cry.

Jane sighed. " Lydia, it was very bad form to claim work that is not yours." Finally! " Kitty, you know how Lydia can be," Nope. Same old passive I'm a princess Jane as ever. Blah!

Elizabeth snorted.

Mary continued to read her sermons which she must have read over hundreds of times before. I did notice she pulled back her legs and sat up straighter while Lydia and Kitty were more slouched and kicking each other under the table. Mr. Bennet collected his newspaper from the servant and abandoned the dining table. I followed suit, unsurprisingly Mary close on my tail.

" Why is it that the youngest are forgotten?" Lydia demanded of Jane as Mrs. Bennet ushered all of them out of the dining room. " We are of age too!"

" Hardly," Mary muttered under her breath. I glanced over at her as she seated herself at the pianoforte, taking my seat by her to give the quarreling sisters the entire other side of the room to argue in.

Jane turned to Elizabeth to support. " You are too young to be properly out," Lizzy supplied the right answer.

" As if you know society, Miss Lizzy," Mrs. Bennet snarled. Mary adjusted her quizzing glass so that she could comfortably perform without it dangling onto the keys. " Now had Lydia 4,000 pounds would you still declare this?"

Mary glanced up at me and in turn I shrugged. I had no reason to enter this disagreement. " Cousin Caroline is our guest, Mama," Mary corrected her mother from the pianoforte with undeniable authority on the subject. " It is not respectable to insult her in such an indirect manner,"

" Cousin Caroline is our guest at the request of your uncle," Mrs. Bennet retorted.

I knew my standing in the Bennet house very well. I was not genteel. Born of the trader class, my small fortune may have granted me more freedom to live comfortably, but the sphere in which I was born was still very much the prison that the society wished to keep me in. While I had no issue with 'keeping to my sphere' I did think that people needed to grow up and mature. Especially the 'lady' known as Mrs. Bennet.

I back my true thoughts. " Mr. Gardiner is a very respectable man, Mrs. Bennet. Mr. Bennet is honoring his request. It is the respectable choice," Jane accepted the tray of tea cups and pot of hot water from Lucy. She poured Elizabeth's cup first, then Lydia's. Kitty waved off the offer while Mary volunteered a hand when Jane asked who else would want a cup. I volunteered for a cup, needing the distraction before I succumbed to the urge to strangle her in her sleep tonight.

I often wondered how Mrs. Bennet was allowed in polite company given her proclivity for her chosen topic of discussion and lack of volume control. Her lack of tact could be excused, but I found great fault in her application of the normal plotting that every parent executed in these times. Mrs. Bennet accepted her cup of tea from Jane before raising it to me. I curtsied in acknowledgment that the truce was now in place until she saw fit to tear it down without warning. Sadly, not everyone in the room relaxed as Mary began to play. I graciously accepted my cup of tea from Jane and did not complain about it's off putting taste.

This is the regency era, after all, and I was stuck, for better or worse, in the book of Pride and Prejudice.


	2. Chapter 2

The plotting of Mr. Bingley's demise ruled Longbourn. Everywhere I roamed throughout the house, the talk of a man no one ever set eyes on ( aside from Mr. Bennet,) conquered nearly every conversation. Lydia's obsession with gaining his attentions amplified her whining about Jane and Elizabeth's wardrobes improving. Kitty smugly basked in the victory that Jane claimed knowing full well it would come back to bite her when she least expected it. Even Jane mused that he must be a sensible man to be extroardinarily wealthy. Elizabeth quickly declared (and quite smartly too!) that inheriting wealth did not mean he would be sensible or even respectable. Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Phillips, thick as hens, plotted how to best present the girls so that they would be preferred company.

I avoided Lydia and Kitty entirely. There was not enough advil or ibuprofen in the modern ages, let alone the regency era to justify even a minute of their arguing to my already tried nerves and tolerance ceiling. This lead to some interesting situations that I'd prefer to never find myself in again - ever. On one such day I was hiidden away in the kitchen, the cook patted me on the shoulder sympathetically and told me that the Mr. Bingleys were not worth the fuss so thoroughly granted to them. I agreed with the woman but then Mrs. Hill shooed me out of the kitchen and right into Mr. Bennet's path. His questions about my family then drove me into the garden less than an hour later.

Normally the garden is a quiet place to escape to. Not so today, or the past three days. If not already occupied by Jane and Elizabeth, then Mary would tuck herself in a corner and read in absolute peace. Mrs. Bennet only vacated the confines of the home in true desperation and because Mrs. Hill was paid exceptionally well by Mr. Bennet, she never needed to leave her armchair. Because of the garden's connection to the vegetable garden outside the kitchen, I was able to overhear the servants talking and none of it was flattering to Mrs. Bennet. Almost every servant in the household talked of how awful it was that Jane was likely being sold off to the highest bidder - in this case, Mr. Bingley - just because of her famous beauty. The cook remarked on Mr. Bennet's lack of spine in reigning in his wife and her exuberant spending - that such extreme measures need not be necessary if only the family lived within its economical confines!

So why did I expect today to be any less different when Mary cornered me in the wild part of the garden, dressed for the weather. She carried her book like a shield, and for many it was an effective shield. She smoothed her bonnet down and smiled at me. I tentatively returned the smile.

Out of all the sisters, Mary surprised me the most. I could never predict her actions, and her loyalty floored me at the most unexpected times. One of the most forgotten sisters and the least written about in the book, she showed a strong bond that Jane Austen did not define. Whenever Kitty and Lydia argued about whose clothing was whose, Mary usually sided with Kitty. Whenever Lizzy would start to tease Jane, Mary reminded Lizzy that not everyone was as bold as she was. Even Lydia she occasionally stood up for, and on the rarest of occasion she told Lady Lucas that her mother was not always victim of weak nerves. The only person she hasn't defended in my presence was Mr. Bennet.

" Cousin,"

" Cousin,"

" Have you much thought of Mr. Brooks?" She inquired.

" I have,"

Allow me to paint a picture of Parson Brooks. This Parson is a man of majestic beauty and I'm not exaggerating. Brown eyes, a pleasing complexion, and a strong build most likely from extensive horseback traveling and many a walk, Parson Brooks could please just about any female. His symmetrical face added an undeniable charm, and his voice! It was like basking in a breeze on a warm summer day, the deepness of it mellowed out with a certain warmth crowned with genuine desire to be conversing with the congregants. His dark brown hair cropped at the neck and impressive but regal sideburns adorned his handsome face. When in his church dress, while a bit of a drag for someone who comes from a modern age, I did believe him very fetching.

" He complimented you,"

Apparently this meant something in a sexually repressed era. I know that fans and umbrellas were common props in a silent language of flirting,but beyond that I was as ignorant as a servant girl.

" Yes, he did,"

" And he is a most suitable match,"

From what I did study about the church for a fanfiction I wrote, I already knew that Parsons had to collect benefactors to make a decent income. I also knew that the average income to scrape by in this era was 50 pounds, and even then currency switched from pounds to guineas etc. I had no idea how much Parson Brooks current earned or how convenient of a life it would afford me if I was stuck in this book forever (Not a pleasant thought considering the lack of medical advances and dying at childbirth was NOT an option for me,).

" I agree that he would be a suitable match," For someone like Mary.

She played with her book, turning it over in her hands." Would you desire a walk to Meryton?"

I offered her a gloved hand. She slid her hand in mine and we locked arms as we exited the wild garden for the lane that would lead us to the main road that would take us to Meryton. The silence of the walk relieved our introverted selves. Neither of us required significant conversation. That's why I preferred Mary's company over everyone else's. In a manner, I understood her needs better than her own sisters. It broke my heart that no one, not even Jane, bothered to put aside their own needs to listen to the sister that was practically crying out for attention.

Sarah Long greeted us in front of the book store before we could enter. " Mama is in a tizzy and Mrs. Morrison is talking of a new gentleman!" She greeted us in a hushed whisper, bouncing with energy.

" Oh?" Mary feigned confusion.

Wrong move.

" A...Mr. Bingley? What a handsome name, Bingley! But you do not think so…" Her eyes flicked between Mary and I. Before either of us could respond, she latched onto Mary. This was how we walked toward her family home on the edge of Meryton. Instead of visiting the Phillips, we visited the Longs.

Mrs. Long greeted us warmly and offered tea. I requested a strong tea while Mary held onto my arm. Her attachment alarmed me and made me wonder how comfortable she really was outside of her home and away from the pianoforte. " It is always a pleasure, Miss Banfield. How is Mrs. Bennet's health?"

" Aside from the fainting? She is a lovely woman," I lied with expected politeness. " I adore the home. Longbourn is exceptionally charming," Mrs. Long was a woman of some significance in the town. We did not discuss Mr. Long and his work, instead preferring to focus on what really mattered at the given moments.

" It is a handsome home," Mrs. Long agreed. " Surely the home isn't the only handsome sight,"

I held in a groan. " By what are you referencing?"

" Mr. Brooks naturally. He's never shown an interest in any lady before," She answered in true, up front form. I liked that about her. She reminded me of my aunt in a way that I had yet to put a finger on. Even though my uncle divorced her, I still considered Aunt Theresa family. Mrs. Long, my adoptive Aunt Theresa in this time, continued to smile at me as if I held something back. She leaned forward as if it should be a secret. " No gentleman notices a lady's redingote,"

Gentleman notice breasts. They notice asses. Coats, nope.

I cursed the sexually repressed era and its ridiculous rules. Furthermore, I cursed their expectation that all women should marry or die unhappy. Ridiculousness at it finest, I dare say.

" He is a handsome young man. I will endeavor to draw his attention again," I went along with it to give the ladies a mission besides entrapping Mr. Bingley.

Mary raised her hand quickly. " Wear a softer color,"

" Lilac," Sarah suggested in growing excitement.

" Hmm, what of Primrose instead?" Mrs. Long thoughtfully added as all their eyes studied my bare skin.

Mary cocked her head in lost thought, but she no longer gripped my arm like a life raft. I sipped my tea and allowed them the luxury of plotting my potential future. I never expected much of anything in this book anyway. Books were all about conflict. Even if I achieved a relationship with Parson Brooks, it would be ruined or stalled somehow to hook the reader. At a regency era pace, the relationship would never advance beyond hand holding guaranteed.

" And your fan must match. I have a fan you may borrow for the occasion," Mrs. Long offered with a sincere interest.

My face burned as I appreciated the tea even more. " My thanks,"

" You should invite him to the Meryton assembly," Sarah suggested, taking hold of my hand after I set my cup on the saucer. At least these people used their china instead of just putting it on display.

Entrapment, I decided, was the wrong word. It was outright silent war, an ambush of an unsuspecting target. Mrs. Bennet laid her eyes on Mr. Bingley. The Longs were aiming at Parson Brooks for me. Truth be told, I was starting to enjoy the support they gave me. I may not agree that marriage was the best course, but at least I knew they were willing to support me as a person.

Then Mary nudged me. " Do you know how to use a fan?"

" No," Try as hard as I might to remember my research on the use of fans and umbrellas, none of it recalled with clarity.

For the better part of two hours, Mary with the help of Sarah tutored me on the finer arts of 'fan flirting and speaking'. We practiced holding the fan, twirling the fan, unfurling the fan, closing the fan shut with flourish, and eventually the dreaded sign language of fanning. For the most part, I actually thought it genius for the meanings to be stated simply yet clearly without the need to speak. However I could easily imagine on a hot summer's day a miscommunication arising very quickly. My wrist complained when the cooler weather seeped through the gloves to touch the exercised muscles and consequently I learned a very valuable lesson. Regency ladies were truly soldiers in the name of beauty and propriety.

" I didn't know that you were aware of how to use a fan, Mary. When did you learn?" I asked, surprised. I never saw her without the book of sermons in her hands. I never noticed another book in her room, not even the infamous book of etiquette which were commonplace due to the extreme standards placed on women by all of society.

Come to think of it, there was not a single book in Longbourn that focused on etiquette. At least in that I could genuinely thank Mrs. Bennet for not allowing that monstrosity of a book to enter the sacred abode I lovingly called Longbourn.

Mary smiled. " Charlotte taught me,"

" Miss Lucas? I should have known," I had a soft spot for Charlotte, mostly in part because she was the 'ugly' friend to a 'pretty' friend. Her kindness defined her as one of the most likable characters in the book. She did marry the odious Mr. Collins after all!

" Lizzy knows how to use a fan and an umbrella, but if Mama knew, she would insist that all of us owned both. Fans are more than an accessory that should be tossed aside when no longer fashionable,"

I wish I knew how much a simple fan cost, much less a more elaborate fan. Did you know that a pencil in the regency era was encased in squared wood or wrapped in string? I didn't. I also didn't know how much of a luxury that letter writing was, which means that I am much more grateful for email and modern pens and pencils.

I brushed against her as I stepped around a rut worn into the side of the road. " I wonder at Mrs. Long's generosity for allowing me to borrow her fan. She strikes me as a pleasant woman and her daughter is exceedingly friendly. When I first arrived, Miss Long was one of the first to call on me,"

" What of the Robinsons and Harringtons?"

" Hmm, no. Neither called on me, but the Morrisons made a point to welcome me with open arms and well wishing,"

She held onto me to avoid a mud hole temporarily hardened until the next rainfall. I danced her around the mud hole and neatly bowed into her. She mimicked me with a full grin. " Miss Bennet! Miss Banfield!" A familiar voice called to us from ahead. A small carriage traveled down the country road , a hand outstretched from the open carriage.

Moving off to the side dutifully, we waited for the driver to rein in the two horses. A lady wearing burgundy presented herself. " Pardon me for the intrusion. I just wanted to warn you - Mrs. Bennet is keeping to her bed again, and no one is to interrupt her peace,"

On principle I deemed interaction with Mrs. Bennet only necessary when the book demanded it.

" Thank you, Mrs. Elsor. We will endeavor to be the example of peace," I answered, finally recognizing her. She was one of the few ladies who lived on smaller estates outside of the town's perimeter. Her husband regularly hunted with Mr. Bennet whenever the study bound gentleman decided he had enough sporting of his wife's antics. " Safe travels,"

Mary curtsied. " Mrs. Long is soon to retire for the day, if you planned on calling upon her,"

" Aye," I nodded. " Mary, are you ready to return to Longbourn?"

She took my arm again. Mrs. Elsor motioned for her driver to continue on. I let out a deep sigh as the carriage headed to Meryton. We walked in silence out of concern for our privacy. While I trusted a select few ladies to keep a confidence, casual conversation was subject to open scrutiny and to be freely traded as currency.

We started to skip after several minutes, laughing as the skipping turned into dancing. My muscle memory turned into an amusing game as I learned that not only did I know many country dances, I was also barely winded by them! Mary stopped mid laugh as we turned into the lane toward Longbourn. Her face fell as she gazed upon her family home. I put my arm around her shoulder and side hugged her. She rested her head against my arm. The hint of rose water hit my nose and another gem of the regency era made me reconsider my dislike of the era.

The countdown to the 15th was already in place and while Mary didn't know what would sabotage her family, I did.


	3. Chapter 3

Mr. Bennet's confession that he finally called upon Mr. Bingley added to my hell. It didn't help that the movies depicted Mr. Charles Bingley in conflicting appearances and that I was vaguely aware of each actor who played that particular role. My own frustration of lacking the foreknowledge lead me to the conclusion that I had come to enjoy the comfort of knowing beforehand the horrors pre-designated for this set of characters. I expected the hairstyle to at least be constant - hair chopped off at the neck and kept natural instead of wearing powdered wigs. Refusing to defect to Mrs. Bennet's cause, I decided to wait it out until the 15th. I failed to realize how tempting it was to join in and sequestered myself away from the bulk of the efforts.

Everyone else succumbed to the mystery that Mr. Bennet hoarded for himself. Mary suppositioned that Mr. Bingley was a devout man. Lizzy suggested that Mr. Bingley shared similar reading interests as her father. Mrs. Bennet accused her husband of purposefully tearing her nerves apart, to which he silently raised his cup of coffee. It all seemed a hopeless affair to Jane and Lydia, who paired and decided to farm out their neighbor's knowledge. A missive from Charlotte revealed that her mother and father met the gentleman in particular and spoke only accolades of his mannerisms and appearance.

I happened to be sitting in the dining room with my needlepoint as it was the only quiet room in the house. A small headache started to develop and I refused to take a local remedy to fix it. My other solution, avoid all noise, lead me to my current position in the dining room. After stabbing myself in the fingertips several times with the needle, I reached for the thimble when a familiar voice stopped me from slipping it on my index finger.

" He declared that he would be attending the ball!" Lydia screeched, twirling in a circle with Kitty in the vestibule. I moved to the door and cracked it open further to learn of this 'development'. " Oh it will be so perfect! What a joke it will be when he prefers us over Jane,"

Closing the door again, I settled down at the table and started to thread the eye of the needle. Two attempts and a minute later, I poised the needle beneath the cotton ready to start my first flower. Since I had nothing better to do while living at Longbourn, I determined to stitch myself a very pretty pillow case. Of course, I knew nothing about needlepoint aside from how to mend clothing. Mary showed me certain stitches each night, but I was a person who learned by doing instead of watching.

" Cousin, have you heard the news?" Lydia poked her head in.

I sighed, glancing up at the grinning lady. " Mr. Bingley is attending the ball?" I asked innocently.

" Aye,"

" Won't it be a joke if he prefers Charlotte to Jane?" Lydia turned into her mother in the manner that she switched from one position to another on mere whim and fancy. Jane took after Mrs. Bennet in a less than pleasing choice - intellectual inferiority compared to other genteel ladies well educated by parents who wanted their children well married.

Kitty frowned. " That was not kind,"

" Oh stop acting like Jane." Lydia stuck her tongue out. " Cousin, are you not excited?"

I focused on the needle. " I am excited that Mr. Bingley will be attending the assembly, but why are you interested in whether I am excited? Should you not be more concerned about securing Mr. Bingley for yourself?"

Kitty frowned. " But you've 4,000 pounds,"

" 4,000 pounds of nothing," I countered. " And as it stands, there is a certain Mr. Brooks I am encouraging. It would not be proper for me to lead on more than one gentleman,"

Casting aside the needlepoint, I put my fingertips to my forehead and blindly massaged an area I hoped would relieve the headache. Lydia moved in front of my chair and removed my hands. " You are doing it all wrong. Let me,"

I raised a brow at Kitty, who just shrugged. In a surprising move, Lydia focused on the temples and hummed as she soothed away the ache. For all her loudness and rash behavior, this softer action actually took me by surprise. " I should probably-" I stopped myself, already knowing that drinking water only was a bad idea due to the water contamination and the possibility of water contamination. People had yet to connect the cleanliness of a water supply with superior health, at least to the standard of WHO. "I should drink some tea…"

Lydia stepped back. " I'll have Lucy bring us a tray," She beamed, full of the innocent cheerfulness that made her lovable.

I didn't know how to respond to her lapse of chaotic neutrality and decided to appreciate it in silence. Kitty seated herself and picked up my not yet started needlepoint. " You were not taught as we were,"

" I wasn't always genteel," I admitted watching her rapidly stitch a basic flower pattern from memory. " Your hands move quickly. Why do you not stitch more often?"

" Why should I? There is always something better to do," She answered flippantly. My real mother would have killed, no pun intended, to have the needlepoint skills she currently displayed.

I used that excuse before. Having it turned on me by someone I considered vain and silly soured any attachment I might have had to it. Was I really like Catherine 'Kitty' Bennet? It wasn't exactly the insult my mother used but close enough, right?

" Perhaps it is time for you to consider it a more...entertaining activity when the weather is inhospitable," Given my brief knowledge of weather reports from England, it was almost a crime to make mention of sunshine when precipitation was the go-to climate pattern for them.

" Of course. What else will we do in the dead of winter?"Kitty did not look up as she finished off a tight knot and cut another length of thread.

" Right. It's this...headache. Mr. Bingley, Mr. Bingley...He's the cause of this headache," Truthfully, Mr. Bingley ought to know that he owed me a fortune for not spoiling his backstory for the rest of the family but like any character that wasn't Lydia or Elizabeth, his backstory was just as blank as Jane's. Fitting, I suppose.

She laughed. " I promise not to tell anyone if you wish to retire early,"

I believed her but I wanted to experience every waking moment I could before I was forced back into the modern times and the responsibility of-well, I suppose I have it lucky. I wasn't expected to marry until I was at least 20 years old and children were supposed to take place inside a marriage, not outside of it. Birth control also meant I wouldn't be a Michelle Duggar. " Thank you, Kitty,"

" For what?" She looked at me as if she'd never been thanked before.

" For helping me understand something," I rose to my feet and patted her shoulder. " I'm going for a brief walk outside. Hopefully that will help this aching," I might freeze my toes off, but at least I could think further about how supremely spoiled I had been.

The following day offered a new insight aside from the girl's discovering Mr. Bingley's favored coat color and his horse's coloration. Mary helped change me into my best muslin white dress before sending me downstairs to greet Mr. Brooks. How she knew the Parson was visiting I did not know, but I was situated in the parlour with Mary when he arrived. We started to select music for a warm up finger exercise when Mrs. Hill announced his presence.

" Mr. Brooks, Ma'am,"

I always pitied Mrs. Hill for the chaos she wrangled each day. The gray in her hair showed the weight of the stress. " What a pleasant surprise, Mr. Brooks," I declared exuberantly as possible.

He bowed to us. " Forgive me, but it appears I arrived too late to meet the infamous Mr. Bingley,"

Mary plucked away at the keys. The entire visit lasted ten minutes, so everyone interested likely would have missed the acquaintance.

" You are forgiven. Should we take your confession?"

He chuckled. " I confess I am taken by that instrument. It is a handsome pianoforte," Mary beamed at me, and only I knew it was because the conversation was actually moving! " Do you play?"

" I...not often," I answered. I honestly never tried to play it. Mary played the pianoforte so well that I'd just watch her hands dance across the keys like hands on a keyboard.

As he neared I noticed more details I never noticed before. He was an older gentleman, probably late twenties or early thirties. He carried himself with an impressive confidence that did not border on arrogance, an amazing accomplishment to be sure. " I also confess that I have deceived your caretaker in my intentions," His eyes rested on me.

" Oh?"

Mary turned to look directly at the man she grew up alongside for years.

Color flushed his cheeks. I raised a brow, not trusting my sharp and playful tongue. Yes, I was nineteen years of age. Yes, I liked to flirt and date and toy with guys. I didn't need a seer to see where this conversation headed. " Surely your intentions are pure," I pressed.

Everyone fell silent and an eternity passed before Mary plucked away at the keys again. Mr. Brooks seated himself, holding his riding gloves in one hand. " Usually at this point I would ask about your well being and your family,"

" And I would normally answer that my family is well, as you can see," I helped him along, because this awkwardness was more painful to me than Mary's distracted playing. " Start with the first remark that comes to mind,"

Hearing myself speak always kept me entertained, especially as I noted the accent and how it differed from my native tongue.

" White does not suit you," He said without thought. Well I'll be...I did like him after all.

I smirked. Oh he didn't know the half of that statement. " I prefer the other colors of our homeland in truth. Greens are particularly captivating, and blues are calming,"

" You would wear the reds well," Our eyes met, and my chest cavity ached from the pounding of my heart.

" It is a shame you can only wear the habits of the church, but such is your position. The benefice is…"

Fudge. How did I politely say he'd look handsome in dark blue? He'd look handsome in a burlap sack if that's what he preferred to wear, but I was going to be the last person to tell him that before a proverbial wedding day.

He stopped folding his gloves over in his hands and truly looked at me. " Miss Banfield, I am in a unique position of having a benefice that allows me the privilege of a wife,"

My heart dropped. It wasn't horror that held me captive, but the intrigue of knowing Mr. Brook on a more personal level. Please don't let Mrs. Bennet ruin the moment! Nor Lizzy! Or even Jane!

" You wish to court me?" I squeaked. Mary winked at me over her shoulder and out of Mr. Brooks' line of sight. All I could focus on was the sincerity of his words and how he acted nervous. It contrasted with the confidence of my prior boyfriends and their self-determination that I would go along with their plans regardless of my own plans.

" With your permission,"

Never before had I a guy ask my permission to 'court me'. The novelty of having the control coupled with the fact that Mary's playing improved lead to a thoughtless 'yes'. Mr. Brooks's shoulders sagged, his chest exhaling forward. I offered my hand to him, and in a scandalous whisper of time, his bare lips grazed my knuckles, the shared warmth of our touching hands a tantalizing hint of what could eventually be.

I held onto his hand even though it went against propriety. " How do you intend to court me, sir?"

Losing myself in his eyes, I almost forgot about the potential audience that could burst in at any moment. Mary's off tune singing now snapped me back to reality as it was and what I risked. I could not compromise myself or else Mrs. Bennet would insist on a quick three week waiting period before the union would unfold in the local parish. She wanted me out of her home the moment I set foot in it.

He placed my hand gently on my lap. " I understand that taking a curate is frowned upon but given the circumstances, I might be forgiven,"

Curates, as I vaguely recalled, were the helpers of Vicars and Rectors. I could be wrong, as religion was not my forte nor of any strong interest to me. I only cared about the a certain branch of Christianity because it was the branch that battled Methodists for control of England in this given time period. ( Then again, my current memory is spotty so please don't quote me on this,).

" You mean to learn how to dance?" I slowly asked, as some of the knowledge trickled back in bits and pieces. If I recalled correctly dancing was only frowned upon by the most rigid of believers, and parson were expected to be married because how else was it respectable for a married woman to confess to a man in Mr. Brooks position? All poppycock, I say, but I'm not from this time and place so my opinion matters little on the subject. " I do not believe that dancing is all that makes a partner desirable, sir. In fact, I have much evidence that points to dancing as a grand distraction from the...trials of courtship,"

" Trials of courtship?" Mary interrupted. " Surely courtship is not a trial!"

Mr. Brooks just smiled kindly. " It is a trial to determine if two people are truly meant for one another. As the good Lord tells us, we must support each other to grow in this life and the next,"

At the very least he preached like a sensible person and turned it into some deep profound statement instead of a sermon or long winded preaching. I sighed. I could have said gamble or game, and that would have ended badly. Perhaps to test his devotion to choosing me, I could purposefully choose to be less conservative and more liberal in my word choice in a later conversation. Yes, that would be perfect. If he still pursued me then, it was either the 4,000 pounds or my good looks that lured him in.

Mary stared me down. I returned the treatment. " Mary is a secret romantic, sir."

" I am not! I protest this characterization,"

" You doth protest too much, me thinks," I teased in my best poorly mimicked Shakespeare language adaptation. " Mr. Brooks, next time you are here, would you humor us in taking part in a small play? Reading out loud the parts and acting them out would not be against church teaching, especially since it serves the flock so well,"

He bowed while remaining seated. His eyes sparkled with a liveliness no doubt inspired by my acceptance of his advances. I wanted to kiss him then and there to see if he really was the man of my dreams. Good looking, well mannered, employed...what more could a lady ask for in a world where men were increasingly living in their parents' basements well into their 20s and even stranger, 30s!

" Mr. Brooks, had I known you called upon us I would have appeared at the earliest convenience. I have been ill of late, but it comes and goes - as is the way of faintness of breath and poor nerves," Mrs. Bennet laughed boisterously from the door. I tried not to glare at her but my jaw worked back and forth, teeth grinding. " Do tell me, what have you heard of the Mr. Bingley?"As she made herself comfortable in the room, all the congenial familiarity sucked out into the corridor leaving all company in a cold polite meeting of minds.

I prepared myself as Mr. Brooks stayed seated and informed the three of us ladies that not only did he hear many good things of the young man, but also that Mr. Bingley was a rarity - a young man with incredible wealth that would make a young lady a very lucky woman. " Mary does play the pianoforte well, does she not?" Mrs. Bennet shifted his attentions to my 'cousin', cocking her head ever so slightly when we made eye contact. With the gauntlet thrown down, she couldn't have made it plainer that she wanted me out of her home and would resort to any method of driving me from it.

Then and there I spotted the obstacle to Mr. Brooks and I falling violently in love - none other than Mrs. Bennet.


	4. Chapter 4

" Caroline, you must hurry!" Mrs. Bennet yelled up the steps as I grabbed an extra pair of dancing slippers. Although Miss Jane Austen never mentioned it in the book, ladies often wore their slippers through due to the poor material choice. Tucking them in my reticule, a darling emerald blue sack decorated with golden tassles dangling from the bottom, I grabbed my shawl that best matched the bottle green of my muslin gown. Mary held out my jonquil colored redingote, bonnet with a complimenting blossom ribbon band, and black walking gloves.

It amazed me at the thinness of the dresses and the incompatibility to english weather. Why women suffered horrible fashion choices I know not but I did know men used this to their advantage to heel their women. Even more astounding to me was the fact that a married woman had less rights than a single woman in this era.

I slid my arm into the offered sleeve and then bunched the shawl up so the redingote fit properly. The bonnet and gloves bundled me nicely in the chilly weather and hopefully there wasn't a breeze. " Lizzy, will Charlotte be attending?"

" Of course she will," Mrs. Bennet answered for Elizabeth whilst shooing everyone out of the door. " Though I know not why as she is plain and past the shelf age,"

Kitty frowned. " Charlotte is kind,"

" And plain as your day dresses," Lydia argued.

Sometimes I marveled at Lydia's cruel and rash reactions. She held a capacity to love yet the capacity to hate and insult rivaled even my worst enemy.

" Silence is appropriate now, Lydia," Elizabeth scolded, squeezing into the carriage. It was a tight fit for all of us, but our slim empire waisted clothing permitted the barest breathing space. Mr. Bennet decided to stay at home, willing to hear a second hand account of Mr. Bingley instead of attending the spectacle of his family embarrassing themselves.

The carriage jostled us as we traveled the roads ravaged and shaped by the weather and wear. I rested my arm on Kitty's shoulder and chose to allow Lydia to hold my other hand on her lap. I liked the Bennets, with the exception of the mother, and wished I had sisters growing up. I would miss them if and when I returned to my time. Mary, squeezed into the corner without complaint caught my smile and nodded. I wondered if any of them knew I wasn't really their cousin, and if they did, why did they act like I was their cousin? Who was I kidding, they didn't know about my true past any more than I knew about why the family estate was entailed away from the female line.

" Look. Mrs. Elsor is arrived and that is the Lucas's driver!" Mary exclaimed from her curtained window. " I do not see Mr. Brooks-"

" He does not have a curate," I reminded Mary. " Though he should out of practicality," The parson had too many responsibilities - conducting marriages, blessing babies, attending to births and deaths, among taking confessions and seeing that everyone was able to be fed and clothed and housed and properly employed. A commendable duty and poorly underpaid, the men in this position often were denied the proper respect given to the higher ranking in the church.

" And the church should pay them instead of the parson," Kitty said.

I nodded.

Mrs. Bennet hmphed. I really had no words for the manner Mrs. Bennet treated Mr. Brooks intended courtship and my acceptance of it. I assumed it had to do with 4,000 pounds outshining even the very handsome Jane.

" I want to speak to Sarah," I said to Kitty as Jane filed out of the carriage after Mary. " She said Mrs. Jones is expecting the babe any day,"

" A lucky Mr. Jones," Mary sighed at the idea of their apothecary actually growing his family. Everyone loved Mr. Jones and more than one common lady lamented the fact he was married. " If he is fortuitous, it will be a boy,"

" He is a very busy man, and I doubt that he would be displeased were it a girl," Men like Dr. Jones often spent their days traveling to families to tend to the ill before traveling back to his shop and home. I pitied the man for his lack of home base and his wife for not being able to spend more time with the man she married. Then again if she did not desire him any longer, his profession is the perfect divider.

" And well employed," Elizabeth added enviously. I sometimes believed that she desired the ability to support herself without disapproval from society.

All talk of normal Hertfordshire ceased when we entered the assembly hall. Everyone gathered in the large space defined by one wall separating with two arch ways on either side of the room. I'm certain they kept a kitchen in the back of the building and wanted to explore but found myself more enthralled by everything around me. With the announcement of our party, the Bennets peeled off to their separate acquaintances one by one.

Kitty and Lydia ran off toward the Harrington sisters conversing with the Morrison family while Elizabeth spotted Charlotte Lucas in a matter of ten minutes. Jane stayed with Mary and Mrs. Bennet to observe the general crowd and dancing. I discovered Sarah with her cousins Eudora and Susanna Lovell. Sarah's sisters currently resided with an uncle elsewhere for better marriage opportunities. Consequently Sarah spent most of the ballroom time with her cousins. While adjusting to the new acquaintances, I didn't even notice the appearance of Mr. Bingley and party.

Half the hall fell silent before resuming the dancing and heavy volume of many conversations. All the Bennets gradually moved toward each other, and I stayed with Sarah and her cousins. Mr. Bingley's first dance offer was to Charlotte Lucas, the surprised lady more than pleased as she took to the floor and Lady Lucas's hopes rose for a daughter that might be married. While dancing, Mr. Bingley learned of the Lucas's friendship with the Bennets, which lead him to ask Jane for her hand in the next set of dances.

" Mrs. Bennet, Miss Jane Bennet, Miss Eliza Bennet, Miss Mary Bennet, Miss Catherine Bennet, and Miss Lydia Bennet," Sir William Lucas made the introductions much to the delight of Mrs. Bennet. " Lastly Miss Banfield,"

We all curtsied. The withering stare of Mr. Darcy hardly affected my general excitement of being at a real regency ball, although it seemed to unsettle Elizabeth more than Jane Austen made apparent. Curiously her defiance at holding Mr. Darcy's evaluating gaze defied propriety in so public an arena.

" Might I have the honor of Miss Jane Bennet's hand in dance for the next two dances?" He asked of the leading lady while Darcy kept his head high and proud. His pride came off as arrogance to me, and I intended to determine for myself if he really had his head up you-know-where like the books described.

" I accept, sir," Jane answered calmly, barely a hint of a smile. She needed to open herself more if she expected the rest of Hertfordshire to know she was pleased with this offer.

Elizabeth clutched my arm as Mr. Bingley lead Jane off and Mr. Darcy wandered off around the hall some more. " He is handsome," She whispered, her mother already moving toward Mrs. Long and Mrs. Morrison to boast of this achievement.

I currently spotted Lydia dancing the amiable but not yet established Mr. Booth. A shame she'd end up with Wickham. " As is his friend," At the very least I owed it to the author to 'help' along the story.

" Who is not so fond of dancing," Mary declared. " And not a sight of Mr. Brooks."

I did not expect Mr. Brooks to attend. His hours were early and he needed to attend to his many duties, especially with a new baby Jones on the way!

" Lizzy, you should raise your spirits with Charlotte. She appears ready to tell you all about Mr. Bingley,"

Elizabeth glanced toward Charlotte who was speaking with her younger sister Maria. In the regency era, they pronounced the name as Ma-rye-ah instead of Ma-ree-ah. I always mixed up the spelling of the names but Maria Lucas was a charming sweet girl who would find someone to suit her bubbly personality. She reminded of a girl in my philosophy class in college, sweet and harmless.

" You do think of the best remedies," Elizabeth said before scampering off to her good friend.

I barely had time to appreciate setting the stage for Mr. Darcy's insult before Mary asked how the Longs and Lovells were. We talked an hour into the topic of suitors and economy when I glimpsed the Bingley sisters glancing occasionally in our direction. I boldly grabbed Mary's hand and encouraged an acquaintance with Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley. " Caroline, please," She pleaded in a soft whisper.

" They are only ladies, Mary,"

" All evening they have kept to themselves,"

They did humor the other guests, and drink much and laugh a lot they did! To their merriment was a touch of disdain for current company that I found interesting given that they were nouveau riche in a world where old money was still very much in charge.

" As have we to ourselves. You judge by the same actions we display?"

Her expression lowered. " But what do we say? What would Fordyce's suggest? Perhaps I could ask after their schooling or-"

" Remark upon their feathered hair pieces," I thought the hair pieces were ridiculous and the color of their gowns to be less flattering. Mrs. Hurst's morone colored gown and Miss Bingley's puce colored gown hurt to look at it compared to the softer colors in the hall. Furthermore, I did not want to discuss the superiority of one's education when my own was decidedly lower.

Mr. Booth bowed to Mary and I. " Would you care to dance?" He asked Mary.

Mary clutched my hand even tighter. I cruelly answered for her. " She would be most delighted, sir,"

Socially inept but socially respectable, Mary did not argue with me. She let herself be helped to her feet by the gentleman that danced with Lydia and Miss King. I leaned forward and observed the pair walk toward the dance floor to take their places, so caught up in my mechaninations that I didn't notice Miss Bingley acutely observing my every move. I should have paid more attention to her, as the pair did not dance at the first assembly upon their arrival, and Mr. Hurst gained himself a poor reputation because of his excessive drinking.

A half hour later, Mary took a seat with me while everyone rested their feet in between the dances. She glared at me while I simply smirked. " He is intending to go into the military like his uncle," She informed me stiffly.

" Oh? I wish him the safest of experiences," I expected the man to either die in the many conflicts that involved Napoleon Bonaparte or to survive and be afflicted with the symptoms of war time conditions on one's health. A soldier still held my fancy in high enough regard that I sincerely desired Mr. Booth the greatest of careers, and if he were fortunate enough, he could invest in a commission and become an officer.

" He wishes to call upon me tomorrow,"

" Even better,"

" I do not know what to say to a gentleman, Caroline," She wrung her hands and for a brief second I felt bad for her. " What if he does not care for my pianoforte or my devotional prayers and the many hours we spend visiting the tenants?"

I had yet to visit a tenant, but I was not a member of the Bennet family so it was not required of me to see to the well being of the farmer tenants. From what Lydia and Kitty said, it was depressing to see so many people live in a small home and to never have a servant to attend to their needs. Jane and Elizabeth sewed dolls for the girls and mended the clothing of the children, especially around the end of the annum.

I put my hand on her shoulder. " I believe you will impress him, and if he is not impressed, there are many a gentleman who would appreciate you as you are,"

She shushed me as Mr. Booth approached to claim her attentions for the second dance of the set. I removed myself to take a stroll through the hall for more punch and a light snack that was laid out in sprawling grandeur on a long table. I spotted Mr. Bingley and Jane exchanging replies as they hopped and skipped through the country dance displaying near perfect skill. Making myself comfortable by the punch bowl, I waved at Sarah, who waved back. Just as I swallowed the interesting drink, I 'felt' a prodding.

Glancing over my shoulder, I spotted Caroline Bingley advancing toward me or at least in my direction. Did I mention these people really needed to learn to drink something with less alcohol in it? I don't know how they didn't die of liver damage before their natural times.

" Miss Banfield," She purred.

" Miss Bingley,"

" We share a name, or so I was told," She pasted a fake smile on her semi-pretty face. " Caroline to Caroline, this ball is dreadfully dull,"

I thought the opposite, especially watching the many groups grow and shrink and the many ties being put on display like a trophy or warning. " It does lack the gentleman for all the ladies to dance, I agree," Poor Lizzy had to sit out 2 dances because of that, and right on cue it appeared as if Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy would be colliding in a matter of twenty minutes or less.

She lacked the blonde hair of her brother, instead a warm brunette that really needed to ease off the make up and trust in her natural beauty and that wonderfully plump dowry she was afforded by her father.

" Do tell me that Hertfordshire has more to offer," I want to hold her tongue in place until she stopped using that irritating 'charm'.

I leaned in at the touch of her fingers on my arm. The shawl didn't help much with the chilly weather and poor insulating of the building. " It has much more to offer, but do not take my word for it. I find that the experience is often worth more than a properly rendered story,"

" Louisa and I have heard so much of Netherfield Park,"

" I understand it is a grand building," And in all the movies, the home was grand. A mansion fit for a millionaire complete with drafty rooms and many chimneys that to build it today would cost over $600,000 at least! " But I have not seen the home myself,"

" You are only visiting," Caroline prodded. I doubted she was ignorant of my origins in this world and if she were, she would soon learn of my horrid past. Thank you, Mother Dearest, for trying to kill me. Not!

" For the moment, yes," I didn't know if I wanted to live in Hertfordshire and I knew I wanted to avoid London due to the number of health problems that plagued it. I also didn't trust any medical professional because their solutions were folk remedy based and often misguided or flat out wrong. " From where do you hail?"

She mentioned a city in the north that I'd have to glance at a map for geographical reference. It was when her brother escorted Jane back to Mrs. Bennet and presented himself to Miss King that I approved of the man. He carried himself with the same pride that Mr. Darcy carried himself, but the pride softened by Mr. Bingley's pleasant youthful personality made him easier to swallow.

" I see your brother has a love for dancing," I said. " Such a fondness for dancing will endear him to all the ladies of Hertfordshire,"

The purposefully dropped threat spurred Caroline's concern that one of the ladies of Hertfordshire would keep her brother away from London. I promptly excused myself to make myself familiar with the Morrisons before the night ended.


	5. Chapter 5

" If he had any compassion for me," Mr. Bennet leaned forward in his chair rigid and sore from hours of reading while waiting for the return of his family. "He would not have danced half as much! For God's sake, say no more of his partners. Oh that he sprained his ankle in the first dance!"

I held my breath, fingers crossed that he'd tell his wife to finally shut up. Her mouth opened already and I laid back on the couch again resting my sore feet.I ended up dancing the last set and the boulanger with a pleasant gentleman of little consequence, leading to my current ache. Dancing on dirt and grass was different than dancing on cold hard floor, and I once again applauded the soldiers of fashion for choosing to wear slippers instead of actual footwear.

" Oh! My dear, I am quite delighted with him. He is so excessively handsome,"

No, Mr. Bingley was not. Mr. Bingley, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being Jane perfect, was at best a 6. He made Jane appear angelic standing next to him. Mr. Darcy topped at least an 8, not exactly a Colin Firth, but a near replica of the man.

" And his sisters are charming women. I never in my life saw anything more elegant than their dresses. I daresay the lace upon Mrs. Hurst's gown-"

" No lace,"

" But Mr. Bennet, the overlay-"

" No lace, Mrs. Bennet," He snapped.

Not to be ignored and shut out entirely, Mrs. Bennet latched onto Elizabeth's unfortunate insult. I covered my eyes with my hand and wiggled my toes to regain feeling. It was almost like the book with a few additional details Jane Austen hadn't imagined. If I bothered to sit upright and properly view everyone in the room, I would have seen Mr. Bennet in a fine fury silent yet deadly to any who dared cross its path. Mrs. Bennet, though played by thinner actresses, was actually plumper due to her spoiled living, and her extravagance for fine dresses was nauseating. She defined the term hoarder and would have filled the house with fine furniture and clothing if Mr. Bennet didn't put his foot down. So to have the husband staring down his wife with the witnesses of his daughter ( and one time traveler) was something of a scandal!

" But I can assure you that Lizzy does not lose much by not suiting his fancy; for he is a most disagreeable horrid man, not at all worth pleasing," Mrs. Bennet turned her nose up and at the moment I supported her general opinion. " So high and so conceited-"

Lydia rolled her eyes. She danced all evening and cared for nothing else. Mary had her head in the clouds, smiling dumbly at her pillow that she needlepointed only last week. Jane lounged likewise and basked in the 'unexpected' showering of attention of Mr. Bingley. Kitty yawned loudly and kissed her father on the forehead, retiring to bed early. Only Elizabeth sat perched on the edge of the couch otherwise taken up by Jane and Mary resembling her father.

"-that there was no enduring him! He walked here, and he walked there, fancying himself so very great!" She gestured grandly. " Not handsome enough to dance with! I wish you had been there, my dear, to have given him one of your set-downs. I quite detest the man,"

Elizabeth sighed. Lydia sat upright in the opposite couch complaining of sore feet and a lack of partners at the assembly. " Lizzy, had to sit out two dances and Miss Lucas one. And Harriet was always stealing Mr. Booth! Miss King and Mary too!"

Mr. Bennet actually nodded and turned to the still comatose-like Mary. " Oh? Someone to rival and your own sister,"

I moved my hand down to my chest to take in the dismayed Lydia, who sat at the end of my feet. An aware Mary looked out the window at the dawn landscape. " I am exhausted. Mary, shall we delay Lydia's temper for the afternoon?"

Mary accepting Jane's hand despite their mother's protesting. I accepted both their offered hands. Mary then turned to Lydia and bowed. " Good morning, Lydia,"

My eyelids ached, the exhaustion hitting me full force. I lead the way out of the drawing room to the steps that would take us to our rooms. " Excellent form last night, Jane," I complimented her, not the least surprised she mastered every dance ever set before her.

" I glimpsed you dancing with Mr. John Ayles. He does enjoy a lively partner," Jane replied as we crested the top of the steps.

I stretched my arms over my shoulders. " He did mention a desire to dance with me again. I have full intention to accept," Mary dragged me into the room and I yelled good night to Jane.

We both woke to a shouting of Kitty and Lydia tugging back and forth on what appeared to be another bonnet. Mary picked out her morning dress as well as mine from our trunks. " Do they always have to fight first thing in the day?" I complained, yanking knots out of my long hair with a brush and fingers. My hair did not flow as long as the sisters, but it fell past my shoulders which meant I had to be careful of lice and moreso I had to take better care of it.

" Every day. I wonder at how they share a room," Mary answered darkly. " Jane looked beautiful in the pomona green last night. Do you think Mr. Bingley will call on her?"

" Were we attending a different ball?" I raised a brow, unsure of how awake she truly was. Admittedly keeping the hours we did, I did not want to wake this late. I threw off my sleep schedule too much, and sleep was one thing not regulated by an alarm clock.

In the midst of dressing, I glimpsed a white scar on Mary's calf. " He danced with different partners all night,"

" And Jane twice," And as I recalled two dances marked a special interest in a lady.

" Yes, but many a suitor abandons Jane after learning she has no money," It didn't help with the estate being entailed away from the female line.

" Mary," I stopped trying to fight with the stay. " If he calls upon Jane, he will call upon Jane,"

She picked up my emerald green velvet gown for me to wear later that evening. A gentle knock at the door stopped our conversation. As I slipped into the neck high, long sleeved day dress, Mary let Kitty in. " You can help us arrange our hair," Mary rubbed her back as Kitty wiped away tears.I long since ceased to consider them real tears, since she often forgave Lydia more than she ought to.

Oh yes, I took a great disinterest in constantly changing clothes. I was a jeans and t-shirt girl normally. Occasionally I'd throw on a party dress and heels. But changing into different outfits for different parts of the days when the same activities occurred? Pointless.

" Aunt Phillip was by. She said that the Regiment arrived in Meryton and Lydia stole another bonnet," Kitty pouted.

Good lord, I almost forgot about the Red Coats. At least I could count upon Mr. Wickham amusing us in weeks to come.

I huffed as I wrapped a shawl around my shoulders. " Kitty, have you considered that maybe you shouldn't trust a word out of her mouth?"

Mary and Kitty both stared at me.

" Mama gave Kitty's new dress to Lydia, even though Aunt Gardiner said it was for Kitty,"

" And Mama said if I told Aunt Gardiner that I would be forbidden from balls," Kitty collapsed onto the bed. " Not fair,"

I leaned over her, dangling the shawl across her nose. " Life is not fair. If it were fair, we'd all have princes," Actually I'd prefer the dragon because dragons are badass and make their own schedules. Princes answer to the dictate of the people, the good ones anyway.

She yanked me onto the bed with her. We stared up at the ceiling on top of crumpled covers. " I hate Lydia,"

" Aye,"

" She's a selfish singleminded obstinate vain child,"

" Aye,"

" Stop saying Aye,"

" Aye,"

I grinned and rolled off the bed to avoid her tickling. Mary pulled me onto a stool so that my hair could be brushed through. Lucy tended to all us in descending order. Jane and Elizabeth because of their age, then Mary and Kitty as long as Lydia wasn't already running through the house, and lastly Lydia if she kept to her usual sleep schedule. Since I roomed with Mary, Lucy tended to me at the same time as Mary.

Not that Lucy had time to prepare us for the visiting Lucass. By the time Mrs. Bennet screeched about Lucy taking too long, Lydia only just sat down for the woman.

" You always take too long," Mrs. Bennet scolded Lucy, who had helped arrange five heads of hair already. I opened my mouth to reprimand the older woman on her manners only to have Mary put her hand over my mouth. " Lydia is more important than a guest,"

Kitty grabbed hold of my arm and started to drag me from Lydia's room. " Insufferable-"

" Not another word, please," Mary pleaded. I sensed that this wasn't the first time that Mrs. Bennet rebounded on the servants.

I never would have believed Mrs. Bennet so petty and childish. My mother taught me if you had nothing nice to say you didn't say anything! Apparently her mother failed to teach her basic manners.

Keeping my seething in check at the table,I barely tasted the delicious breakfast (Or late breakfast). Mary kept peering nervously at me over the top of her book, and Kitty ignored Lydia entirely. I ended up giving Kitty a bonnet that Lydia would never claim because I refused to allow it. We didn't wait long for the Lucass to visit. Their young son, a rambunctious child of maybe 7 or 8 adopted the male behaviors too quickly.

While the young boy boasted of wanting to drink excessively if he was as rich as Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth and Charlotte played to Mrs. Bennet's vain achievement of Jane being naturally blessed with beauty. Jane enjoyed the attention lavished on her, even as Miss Maria fancied Mr. Darcy and his impressive wealth.

" Miss Banfield, did Mr. Ayles speak of anything interesting while you danced?" Maria inquired, tired of Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley.

" Does talk of his father's practice interest you?"

" It would if he pursued it," Mr. Ayles is an article clerk, and while I didn't know what that was, I did know that he expected to rise above that position one day and into another. I had to refresh my memory on what a solicitor was when I returned to my time.

I feigned my best ' I know what I'm talking of' expression. " I believe he will. He did say during the boulangier that his future was on a cliff ready to ascend,"

" A Mr. Booth," Mrs. Hill announced the gentleman to the entire party.

Mary locked eyes with the gentleman. I felt the connection between them as if it were plainly visible, yet everyone else showed no reaction. Another half hour passed with Lydia, Kitty, and Maria clamoring around Mr. Booth inquiring after his health and family. Mary hid beside me and Charlotte the whole time.

A familiar hand was offered to Mary after Mr. Booth exhausted all their obvious questions. " Miss Mary, would you be so kind as to walk the lane with me?"

" Yes," She answered quickly. Mrs. Bennet's jaw dropped and Elizabeth lifted it back into place gently while the gentleman was distracted.

I moved quickly for the coats and gloves. Maria sprung after me, desiring fresh air as well. All as it was, Mary needed an escort for their privacy to be entirely respectable. I turned to find Jane nodding in approval while Elizabeth and Charlotte directed the rehashed topic of the assembly to more varied individuals such as Mrs. Long and Mr. Robinson.

" He is too lowly ranked for the likes of you, Lydie," Mrs. Bennet consoled the pouting Lydia. " Though he is a respectable gentleman," She added for Charlotte's benefit. No one believed the compliment genuine.

When the visit came to a close, it started off a fatiguing day. When Mary said adieu to Mr. Booth, Mrs. Bennet put her down immediately.

" Were he to offer I would not accept. He has no living to provide. Take my word, Mary, that there are men more equal your position," Her wild hand gesturing coupled with the manner in which she stared down Mary revealed the great disdain she held both Mr. Booth and Mr. Brooks in.

Lydia beamed, her hands clasped together waiting for something.

Jane settled herself on the couch and rethreaded a needle over her needlepoint while Elizabeth picked up a little girl's dress and started to mend it. " Mama, Mr. Booth is well respected and properly educated,"

" Is he? I have seen no income to come of this,"

I figured I could ask Mr. Ayles piercing questions about Mr. Booth at our next meeting. Mary already learned from the gentleman himself that he intended to enter the military. Mrs. Long likely held more information on the family, and if not Mrs. Long, then surely Mrs. Morrison could be of assistance. If those ladies failed me, then I know for certain that Mrs. Phillips would not!

" Mary and Mr. Booth are both respectably matched. I approve of the pairing," Elizabeth said, nodding to Mary. Mary blushed, able to only glance up from her book before retreating to it to avoid her mother's withering stare.

" As do I," Kitty echoed bravely.

" I do not. Mr. Booth was my favorite," Lydia pouted.

I scoffed. " But you were not his," I muttered before I could stop myself.

" Miss Caroline Banfield," She seethed.

" Miss Lydia Bennet," I countered in ready challenge, staring the young girl down. Hard to believe I was once as young and rash as her. " Be happy for your sister. She is being acknowledged by a gentleman who has done no wrong to her or anyone in known acquaintance. If she marries, the pool of acquaintances to woo and choose from grows. Use your mind instead of your emotions," Her lip twitched and she gripped the couch with strength worthy of Superman himself.

No one dared to challenge me, support me, or express an opinion of their own on the heated subject. Poor Mary hid behind her book so obviously raised that it completely shielded her face from view. Eventually Lydia stormed out of the drawing room complaining about being the youngest and forgotten!

Kitty let out a sigh as Mrs. Bennet rushed after her youngest daughter to soothe the tensions of Longbourn. Jane shook her head. " There are other ways to handle Lydia,"

I let out a deep breath, reminding myself of my place and how this was all hopefully very temporary. " Jane, Lydia is 15. She is a child, an ignorant vain child spoiled by your mother for a long time. And if the goal of your mother is to marry each of you off like livestock, then encouraging Mary in her pursuit of Mr. Booth is the proper avenue!"

Livestock might've been too harsh...But it was the truth! Elizabeth paced the window, determined to not be subject to her overwhelming prejudices.

Kitty stood behind Mary, who grabbed Kitty's offered hand and held onto it like a lifeline. " I want my Mr. Booth without strings,"

" As I'm sure Jane would like Mr. Bingley without strings too, Mary, but it is what it is. Your only other choices outside of marriage is to become a governess or to rely on the kindness of family. I am sorry to say that all of the family able to support you have many children of their own. I don't mean to be rude, Mary, but your mother does you a great disservice by discouraging your possible union with Mr. Booth."

Unless Mr. Booth was another Mr. Wickham, I firmly stood against Mrs. Bennet on this. Kitty massaged Mary's shoulder and nodded to Jane. " We must stand with Mary on this, Jane. Lydia must not be the victor of this battle. Mama will not see to Mary's ruin, even if we are unable to find anyone as willing as Mr. Booth,"

Such was the general agreement that all the sisters present, Elizabeth included, put their weight behind Mary and Mr. Booth. No one reprimanded me on ignoring rank and station in society, preferring to see their sister supported instead of cast aside in favor of the 'local beauty'.


	6. Chapter 6

Mrs. Bennet motives for not permitting Mary an uneventful marriage soon became apparent. The first evening that the Bingley party called upon the Bennets at Longbourn revealed that Mr. Bingley preferred Vingt-Un over Commerce. Mr. Darcy complimented Mary on her performance, though everyone doubted he sincerely believed her performance exemplary. The second evening at Netherfield Park showed that Kitty and Lydia loved to dance and would perform a country dance on a whim if asked. The third night allowed Mr. Darcy to properly admire Elizabeth from a distance though no one noticed. The fourth night at Longbourn revealed Caroline and Louisa favored Jane and Elizabeth and discarded the rest of us like vintage trash.

I didn't mind being ignored. I didn't mind being the brunt of their hushed whispers about my low born raising and nonexistent connections. I expected it. I didn't expect Mrs. Bennet to plunge the Bennets head first into the gutter before the Netherfield ball!

It happened on the fourth night and I felt the entire ground drop from beneath me as the very words left Mrs. Bennet's mouth. " An unworthy association to the Booths? How will Jane ever marry well, Lizzy?" Mrs. Bennet didn't know how to whisper. I didn't know how to whisper half the time but I chose to separate myself from company when it came to such sensitive topics!

Elizabeth's ashen face said all. " Quiet, Mama,"

" I will not! This is my home," The indignant woman held her head high and observed the gentleman and Jane at the card table in the middle of a game of whist.

Caroline and Louisa leaned in toward each other. " You can not be serious." Louisa whispered. " Jane Bennet marrying Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy? Never!" At least they appeared unaware of Mrs. Bennet sabotaging her entire family.

I cocked a brow, and Kitty yanked on my shawl so hard I tipped toward her. " What do you think they are talking of?" She actually whispered, much softer than her mother and softer than the visiting ladies.

I honestly didn't know what they were talking about. I did know that for the pair to be giggling like hens it probably wasn't to anyone's benefit but their own. " Your gown or Mary's growing fondness of Mr. Booth. Maybe even your mother. We can inquire,"

" Oh no! Then it means they will ask who makes our lace and how many evening gowns we have," That topic did not frighten me. I had six day dresses and eight evening gowns. I helped clean all of them at least once a week just to allow the servants free time to catch their breath and rest their feet.

" Kitty, it is impolite to avoid them entirely," I started to fear they might actually take offense. An actual offense would scar any hope of me utilizing them in the future, provided that I was still stuck in the regency era. I needed them, and as much I hated myself for that, I wasn't going to allow this opportunity to slip from my grasp.

Kitty glanced down at her wringing hands in shame. I sighed. " At least you can evade her influence," She nodded toward her mother darkly.

" You must remember my mother did try to kill me, Kit." The very idea of someone trying to kill me pissed me off, and nothing I could say or do would ever change the innate sense of betrayal I experienced every time I thought of the word 'mother'. Mrs. Bennet's constant reminder reinforced my own negative memories of being smothered in the middle of a cold night. " I'll gladly trade it for your sisters,"

" My sisters repel supporters. Your mother's cruelty and 4,000 pounds lure people to you," A valid point she had, but I still preferred to have sisters to fight with than a hovering fortune that did not aid me in the least.

Something else slipped in my perfect internal composure. " When you say it like that…"

" I did not wish to insult you-"

" You did not. I just…"

My connections were even lower. Mrs. Bennet descended from trade, and both 'my' parents descended from trade. All told I was 4,000 pounds and no meaningful connections outside of the merchant class. The royalty of trade sat across from us acting like they ascended from the landed gentry.

" I realized, Kit, that it is not what you have but who you surround yourself with," I know I sounded like my mother as I said that but this era was forcing me into a full fledged adult faster than I'd like.

Her hand tightened around mine.

" Honestly, Lizzy, you act as if it matters what they hear. Better that Mary marry Mr. Booth after Jane secures-"

Having one set of ladies on one side and another set of ladies on the other side disoriented who I should be entertaining. Hearing two sets of conversations, aside from my conversation with Kitty, also left me with the impression that Miss Austen seriously needed therapy for forcing people clearly not meant to congregate in the same building, much less the same room. Thankfully the rest of the evening passed with less chance of complete ruin and Jane and Mr. Bingley swatted down Mr. Hurst and Mr. Darcy.

If I believed that the woes would lessen, I was wrong. After that rather 'enlightening' evening, I thought my life would ease into a predictable flow. Two days later we attended the private party hosted by the Lucas family. I chose my emerald velvet gown for the party, and much to my surprise, along with Mr. Booth, Mr. Brooks would also be in attendance!

" You would be brimming with excitement," Jane remarked as we dressed for the evening. " Mr. Brooks is a special suitor, blessed by the Good Lord himself,"

That I highly doubted, but I wasn't about to broadcast that the Bennets hosted an atheist in a country dominated by religion. I liked Mr. Brooks because he was a good man, not because he was a godly man.

" Jane, with all due respect to your position," I tugged on my slippers and settled on the bed she shared with Elizabeth. " I do not believe that I am as excited as you are," I batted my eyelashes and picked up the fan Mrs. Long loaned me. I unfurled it with a full grin, enjoying the effortless flourish. " I do not pretend to know you as Lizzy does, but I can see that you have not sit still longer than ten minutes a piece today, and I know that it is Mr. Bingley!"

She cast her gaze down to her soft, delicate hands. I bet she never did a hard day of labor in any of her life. Mary crept into the room, nodding to Jane only once she hooked my arm.

" Caroline!" Mary wrapped herself around my arm, tugging me out of Jane and Elizabeth's room toward Kitty and Lydia's room, the door cracked open. " Come,"

I shook the fan at Jane and back stepped until Mary helped turn me around. Dragged into the messy room, I tripped over a trunk corner and bumped into Kitty pulling tight Lydia's stay. Mary nudged the door closed with her bare foot. " We decided that Lydia will woo Mr. Wallstron,"

" We?" I bet the servants had the full scoop on everything that passed in these four walls and roof. What a book they could write if only they were permitted.

" Yes!" Lydia gasped for her breath. " Kitty, pull tighter," She held onto the bedframe to stand still against the pulling, allowing Kitty to rest one foot against the frame for support.

I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that tight stays and corsets would cause her internal organs to squeeze into places they shouldn't squeeze and that it wasn't healthy for her. I thanked the unknown force that it was Mary who I roomed with. Mary preferred the luxury of breathing as did I. " Why Mr. Wallstron?"

You'd think that Miss Austen would have made a list of names of the families that the Bennets dined with and the publishers would have published it as part of the book. I as a fan and writer would have appreciated this, but I do not fault the author for lack of insight. How did she know that I, Emery Banfield, would come along and play within her works of art?

Kitty grunted, finally tying the back of the stay. " Mr. Wallstron is going to inherit a family home and land," She stepped back from Lydia and caught her breath. " You look pretty, Caroline,"

I glanced down the front of my dress. I didn't know how having my breasts bared was considered appropriate for the evening. If they were bared in the morning, I'd have all of England down my back. But it was the fashion of the day, so my breasts were proudly on display. " Most of it is the dress,"

" The dress wears you well," Kitty declared definitively. " Mary, you can not wear that! Mr. Booth needs to see you in blossom. It complements your skin better,"

My lips twisted as I withheld my amusement.

Mary shook her head, dragging me after her. " I know, I know…" She warned me before I could say " I told you so!"

I dutifully helped her out of the soft blue dress she picked hours earlier and glanced her over head to toe. She wasn't unattractive. By all means, she was an average woman with a number of small scars from a typical childhood. Her hair curled more than Jane's and the length of it fell to the center of her back in waves I envied. " Mary, do you...what about Mr. Booth intrigues you? Are you in love with him?"

She laughed. " I do not love him. He is handsome. There's a rough quality to the way he dresses, but Mr. Booth is not Mr. Bingley. He does not have the 4,000 to 5,000 per annum to sustain a proper wardrobe in pristine condition. He..He asked me to dance because the Harrington sisters were declaring me a maiden aunt in the making,"

" How cruel of them,"

" Aye,"

" And now?" I held out her gown to her, catching her eye before she glanced away.

She accepted the gown, folding the garment in her hands before dressing herself with critical awareness. " I am under his spell, and I submit myself wholly to it,"

I didn't know Mr. Booth as Mary did. I did know that I admired Mr. Booth for his brave choice of the Bennet sisters.

" I hope he does not disappoint you,"

" As do I," We both stared into the vanity and studied our reflections. Pretty ladies going to a private party so that we could meet our suitors and flirt in public because otherwise it was a grand scandal.

A knock at the door and Lydia popped her head in. " It is almost time to leave," Lydia's breasts popped up nicely, spilling out enough to intrigue any male.

I instinctively reached for my favorite shawl. Mary grabbed my reticule, placing an extra pair of slippers in it. " I think you are forgetting your book, Mary," Lydia teased making no move to help find it.

" Fordyce can stay at Longbourn for a few hours more," Mary answered Lydia proudly, slipping on her slippers and urging all of us into the hallway.

I stood at Elizabeth's side while Mary and Mr. Booth danced in the ballroom at Lucas Lodge. Mr. Bingley claimed Jane as soon as he arrived, much to the disdain of his sisters. Mr. Hurst could be found near the punch bowl with all the other gentlemen who did not desire to attend the party. I gracefully avoided Caroline and Louisa from the start. Kitty and Lydia were already scouting out new dance partners, roaming through groups like gypsies.

Listening to Charlotte speak of Jane's future and Elizabeth's light scolding, I covered a yawn mostly because I didn't want people to breathe my bad breath. I brushed my teeth with a stiff toothbrush each day and used a tooth powder that I hoped would not kill me. Sometimes when I could not sleep I would go to the kitchen and boil a pot of water and then brush my teeth with the boiled water. All the effort into maintaining my off white teeth occupied a lot of my time when I wasn't putting in time with the Bennets. All that effort paid off now as I watched everyone from my limited perch comfortable in how I smelled and appeared.

The Red Coats mingled with the inhabitants of Hertfordshire, as Colonel Forster and his young wife were given leisure to extend the invitation to all of their militia. In doing so, the Red Coats matched the normal inhabitants, almost outnumbering them and offering a tantalizing fresh source of dance partners.

" But she does not help him on, as much as her nature will allow," Elizabeth's plaintive voice bored me. " If I can perceive her regard for him, he must be a simpleton , indeed, not to discover it too,"

My eyes danced among the Red Coats in search of a handsome Mr. Wickham. I expected Mr. Wickham to be a 9 or 10, because of how he was written. I tuned out Charlotte and Elizabeth, finally moving from their protective circle to nearly collide with Mr. Brooks.

" Miss Banfield," He bowed to me.

" Mr. Brooks," I said, reaching up to hold the cup of punch he held. " Allow me,"

He offered it to me. " To the handsome lady in emerald," At least the man acknowledged my choice of clothing.

" What shall we drink to, sir?" I asked in return, pleased that we were at a private party instead of a public assembly. No introductions were required, and we could speak privately all night long, although some might disapprove on propriety reasons.

" To an evening together," He raised his cup to mine and they tapped. I knew then I wanted to be lost forever in his arms, if that was possible.

All I could think of was a corny line. " If you were a star, sir, you would be the brightest," Hearing it spoken aloud I mentally berated myself on becoming vocally inadequate. Did my tongue rebel on me? Has my mind mutinied in favor of something more favorable to focus on?

" If I guided a lady to her true destination, then I have accomplished my life's mission," He replied in spirit, saving us the awkwardness that surely would have enveloped our awkward attempts at socializing in a setting as this.

I finally tasted the punch. It was an acquired taste and unique every time it was made. Standing in the middle of loosely controlled chaos I hung onto his presence at my side like a life raft. At least Mrs. Bennet was too preoccupied with boasting about Jane and Mr. Bingley to notice my own happiness growing. That didn't mean other people hadn't noticed I was secluding myself from the family. Kitty already winked at me and I think Mary shook a finger in my direction in between people dancing up and down the line.

" Might I remark how lovely you are this evening,"

" A lady takes great care in her appearance, Mr. Brooks, no matter what class she is born in," I said proudly. " I favor this dress more than the others,"

His eyes drifted over my bosom and I could not fault him. " Not chosen whimsically,"

" I specifically chose this dress for this night," I boasted not the least bothered that he would know this. " Have you employed a curate?"

He blinked. " Yes, which means I have the leisure of courting you at public assemblies,"

" And private parties," God we sounded like such idiots!

" And private parties. Mrs. Long is motioning at us," He motioned toward her with his cup. I clutched the fan in my free hand, wishing I'd left it at Longbourn. " Shall we?"

I accepted his arm. We passed Mrs. Bennet and Lady Lucas in spirited competition of how soon Mr. Bingley would offer to Jane. Mr. Brooks turned his head, slowing down. He leaned in toward me. " Is all of Hertfordshire expecting the union of Miss Bennet and Mr. Bingley?"

" Mrs. Bennet is invested in it," I answered him honestly. " She is determined to see it through,"

" And Miss Bennet?" He nodded to Jane with Miss Rowley and Miss Harrington. " Is she desiring the same?"

Charlotte's warning to Elizabeth already started to take shape and even the Parson doubted Jane's desiring Mr. Bingley. " Jane is just a quiet, serene lady, Mr. Brooks. She does favor Mr. Bingley, but I can not speak of matters of her heart," I only hoped that Mr. Brooks could see what Lizzy saw - a Jane in love because I only saw a Jane attached to Mr. Bingley's youth and wealth.

Mrs. Long greeted us with a smile and immediately asked after Mrs. Jones. She took my hand in hers and complimented me on my gown, and even though the fan did not match, she complimented my excellent eye for beauty. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the wardrobe pre-existed my entrance to Hertfordshire or that my choice of garment was only complemented by the dark colors that Mr. Brooks wore. We must have talked for over an hour without a thought to dancing before she excused herself to seek out Sarah to tell her the good news. " It will be a blessing to see Mr. Brooks married,"

" You do not do us proper credit, Mrs. Long. We are only enjoying the fruits of courtship. Marriage is a way off," Mr. Brooks beat me to the punch, and in doing so, my appreciation of him increased.

I smiled up at him, placing my hand on his arm. I could grow to love this man if he continued on his gentlemanly path.


	7. Chapter 7

As it was the private party at Lucas Lodge only increased my interest in the people of Hertfordshire. Much congratulation bestowed on myself and Mr. Brooks after Mrs. Long spoke with Sarah. The large party present would spread the news fast enough, we were both certain and I expected an offer within months.

" Mr. Darcy is a gentleman of particular preferences. Obstinate and odd given his own status," Mr. Brooks said as we overheard Elizabeth turn down Mr. Darcy's offer to dance. " Is it not foolish for Miss Elizabeth to refuse?"

I tugged the shawl tighter around my shoulder. " Foolish, yes, but Elizabeth has a very determined view of the world. When at the assembly, Mr. Darcy declared her not handsome enough to tempt him,"

" Wounded pride is a fearsome beast," He mumbled in agreement as we tracked Kitty and Lydia dancing with officers. Mrs. Bennet shamelessly admired the Red Coats while Mr. Bennet joined Mr. Hurst in drinking. " Mr. Darcy's rudeness the stems from his reluctance to dance,"

I wondered how I learned to dance if I was raised in trade. I suppose the trade class held their own balls time to time or I was taught privately. " That is an acceptable theory, Mr. Brooks,"

" Miss Elizabeth Bennet is a beautiful lady and any gentleman to refuse is a fool,"

" I wonder then that you offered a courtship to me," I blurted out before I realized what I had said.

He took my hand in his. " Miss Banfield, though the lady is superior in natural beauty, her wit is sharp as a carving knife. I prefer a lady less high born for the sole reason that she she does not outspend my economic means,"

I couldn't be insulted by his own financial security. I respected him more for being brutally honest. " And a wit less sharp than a carving knife," I teased to show I wasn't offended.

We lapsed into comfortable silence, content to listen to Mary play Scottish and Irish airs for dancing. Mr. Booth hovered over her shoulder and at her side, speaking in hushed whispers to her throughout the evening, leaving most everyone in the dark about what they talked of. Mary would nod and smile and laugh, occasionally blushing. Mr. Brooks and I agreed that they made a handsome pair. Likely they thought the same of us as they would nod in our direction occasionally.

" Will you bless our meal?" Mr. Darcy asked of Mr. Brooks after we settled down for the late supper.

Mr. Brooks finished putting small portions of all the nearby platters offerings onto my plate and then bowed his head. The rest of the long table followed in creepy unison. I reluctantly bowed my head and watched everyone from underneath eyelashes. Much to my surprise a very strong stare met mine. Mr. Darcy blinked and then concluded the prayer under his breath, lifting his head slowly.

" Miss Banfield," Mr. Brooks offered me my fork and knife.

I took them in hand. " Mr. Brooks."

He cut up his cold meats methodically, keeping them from touching the rest of his food choices. I watched him work, amused by this slight detail.

" Miss Banfield," Miss Bingley said loudly. " Have you picked the fateful day you become Mrs. John Brooks?"

" We are not yet engaged," Mr. Brooks corrected her, ceasing his cutting and separating.

The china on which my food sat showed an interesting scene I had yet to put importance to. I pushed around a mush of sauce and meat with my fork, stalling on eating until a certain set of individuals wasn't so focused on how I acted.

" Mrs. Bennet declares otherwise. As I recall, she said it quite fortuitous for Miss Banfield to hold the attention of Hertfordshire's most eligible beloved parson," Caroline Bingley explained patiently. My gaze slid from my plate and down the table past Mary and Maria Lucas straight to Mrs. Bennet. The elder woman remained unaware of being outed so soon.

Mr. Brook's eyes swept my countenance in gentle scrutiny. " Mrs Bennet presumes much of an affair not in her control. Only one person can make the engagement official and he is living in London," Mr. Darcy's careful gaze studied us both now, and not even his critical gaze could probe to my heart that decided it was falling in love with Mr. Brooks.

Caroline leaned in. " What part of London?"

I cleared my throat. Cheapside, I almost said. " My family once lived in London. My caregiver, Mr. Gardiner, resides at Gracechurch Street," I watched her nod along knowing she'd call it Cheapside when in privacy of her home. " Mr. Brooks has not made an offer of marriage,"

" Offers of marriage are not lightly made," Mr. Darcy stated more for Caroline's benefit. Mrs. Hurst separated him from Caroline and lead to Caroline's vexation at being separated from her desired husband. " Miss Banfield, do you dance?"

I don't know how he missed me dancing at the assembly. " I-uh-yes. Though not nearly as often as Mr. Bingley,"

" My brother enjoys the art form," Caroline claimed the attention she sorely sought. " As does the Miss Bennets,"

I withheld a chuckle. " Miss Bingley, do you dance?" Now that I thought of it, I remembered her dancing with Mr. Darcy at the assembly but only once.

" I do." Her critical stare measuring my intelligence bounced off my modern 'armor'. " I often attend private parties in London during season,"

Mr. Brooks nodded along. His fingers sought mine on the table top, casually brushing. I ran my slippered foot up his calf boldly and cleared my throat. " I am pleased to hear that private parties draw your support. Does Hertfordshire disappoint that you did not dance tonight?" Hopefully no one noticed the slight touching.

Mr. Darcy ate his cold ham while Louisa choked down her forkfull in shock that anyone dared be this blunt with her sister. " You did not dance either,"

" At least I am acknowledging that the attendees are more interested in the young and free spirited. Unlike you I do not possess a large dowry to afford the luxury of willingly sitting out countless dances. My feet were not-" I pointed my fork at her. " -prepared for dancing tonight and thus I have proudly escorted Mr. Brooks into polite society,"

" If you practiced more often-"

" If the footwear were more practical-"

" -you would be better prepared,"

" -I could dance as much as Mr. Bingley,"

We stared each other down and I've no doubt I lowered in Mr. Darcy's respects. Mr. Brook nodded to Mr. Darcy and Mrs. Hurst. " A pair of fine eyes and a strong opinion will make me a proud husband one day,"

If it were for Caroline's stubborn disrespect ( To be fair, I did pick the fight,) I might've lost all composure. He still wanted me?!

Half a table down, Mrs. Bennet and Mr. Hurst laughed boisterously while Mary pedantically recited Fordyce's advice at the slightest opportunity. Mr. Darcy, in turn, studied the entire room to pass the time before he could escape to Longbourn and inevitable Caroline's complaining.

After another all nighter of partying ( They didn't skimp on amusement in the regency era, especially with gambling and gossip,), Kitty and Lydia collapsed into each other on a couch in the drawing room at Longbourn. Jane, Elizabeth and Mrs. Bennet sat opposite of them to speak exuberantly of Mr. Bingley's most minute attentions to Jane and Elizabeth. Mary boasted of being a better performer than Elizabeth to the entire room in general, pleased with the private party.

" You were in rare form, Miss Caroline," Mr. Bennet propped up his feet on a cushioned stool.

I wrapped my shawl around me so tight I heard the cloth stretch. " I suppose I was,"

Did he mean the bold flirting exchanged between Mr. Brooks and myself or the confrontation with Caroline Bingley? Maybe I slighted another lady pining after Mr. Brooks.

Mary nudged me with elbow. " Did you hear what Miss Bingley said about Sarah? A plain unattractive lady of no valued acquaintance! I wished Sarah put her down as the trade descended nouveau riche they are," I did not discount Mary's truth. Mary was Genteel, the Bingleys were merely wealthy traders. Socially Mary was a class above them but Mary would inherit nothing of value in the eyes of the Bingleys, therefore it was the reverse for Miss Bingley and like Mrs. Hurst as well.

" Oh!" Kitty cried out, ready to interrupt before forgetting what she wanted to say.

Mr. Bennet rubbed his brow. " When should I arrange the transport of your trunk to the parsonage?"

" No offer of marriage-"

"-was made. Mr. Brooks plainly stated as such before parting. A true gentleman to the soul," He accepted his coffee from Mrs. Hill. " He does declare you are to be his future wife,"

Mary took my hand in hers. " I approve,"

" Of course you do! And a fine consolation it is to know you will be the first to hear when we are quarreling,"

" You quarrel with the Parson? Ha!" Mr. Bennet laughed more heartily he normally would.

Neither Mary or I knew what made it amusing.

We both stared at him until Kitty dragged a limping Lydia after her to bed. Mary sighed and announced she passed the evening tolerably well even though she and Mr. Booth did not dance. Mr. Bennet's drunken state of being prevented him from delivering his usual dose of sarcasm and wit, leading to Mary deciding it was time that we parted for bed as well.

When we neared Lydia and Kitty's bedroom, we stopped at their loud voices audible through the closed door.

" Umm! Handsome as King George I reckon,"

" Captain Carter did strike a pleasing figure,"

" Red is the only color soldiers should wear,"

I shook my head and opened Mary's bedroom door to find the room tolerably chilled. I dreaded undressing but wearing this velvet dress and a stay to bed was not within my comfort zone. I needed to breathe without restriction when I slept, and normally I'd sleep naked because I tossed and turned. Here I had no such luxury nor would I force Mary to sleep beside a naked me.

" And what did you and Mr. Booth speak of?" I asked of Mary as I helped her out of her evening dress.

She giggled, a lady happily enveloped in lovey dovey emotions. " He is a complete gentleman. I will miss him when he is called into service and it will be soon from what he gathers,"

I stopped picking at the knot. " Will he write?"

" If he can," She glanced over her shoulder. " I think I am safely in love with him, Caroline,"

Funny. I started to feel that way for Mr. Brooks myself. " Hmm. Love does seem to be in the air,"

" Do you believe it will cease to be in the air with the militia stationed in Meryton? Now that there are Red Coats everywhere, Lydia will not want Mr. Wallstron and Kitty will become obsessed with outbidding Lydia again,"

We both stopped talking and I covered a yawn but to no avail as she yawned minutes later. Disrobing and redressing for bed took over a half hour between the clothing and hair, making me appreciate my short hair in the modern times. Mary promised to confide more in me in the following day after she was assured no one spread rumors about an expectant marriage for her.

Underneath the covers I curled up into a ball and allowed myself to hope and desire something more permanent or at least intimate with the Mr. Brooks. I wanted to import him to the future and remove a decade off of his current age. I didn't want my mother stealing him for herself!

" Mary?" I whispered.

She stirred. " Yes?"

" What is love supposed to feel like?"

Her back was still toward me, which was the way I wanted it. " Love is supposed to wrap you in a warm embrace, to bring you security in times of uncertainty and harsh realities. It's...hope drowned in idealistic views that is supposed to somehow change the world,"

" I know all of that, but how is it supposed to feel? Is my chest to explode from rapid heart beat? Should it be the anxiety I feel whenever I think of another lady catching Mr. Brook's attentions?"

" Are you feeling that way?" Mary asked after a moment of reflection.

I frowned. " Yes, and no,"

" Love is also complicated, cousin," Mary patted my arm, signalling that she was not mentally available until we'd both wake up for the next day. I sighed and hoped my mind would take the hint as well.


	8. Chapter 8

Once or twice a week marked how often the Bennet sisters walked to Meryton before the arrival of the Red Coats. With the arrival of the Red Coats they turned into four visits a week. I lingered back with Mary whenever Kitty, Lydia, Elizabeth, and Jane would call upon their aunt.

" Will the gentleman call upon us today?" Mary asked me as she settled at the pianoforte. She played at least twice a day in between studies of drawing techniques and painting with a tutor that Mrs. Bennet recently employed in response to my added presence at Longbourn.

I snorted. " Every Wednesday they call upon us, and this is Wednesday," I settled down with a book in Mr. Bennet's chair and curled my feet beneath me.

She glanced over her shoulder. " Mr. Booth will travel to the recruiting station this coming Monday,"

" I am sorry to hear that, Mary. At the very least his contract is not for life,"

" If he survives," She picked her favorite piece, a concerto that she played technically well. " I fear my long engagement will be cut short by death's early knocking,"

I sincerely feared for her emotional well being. Wait! Did she just say 'engagement'? " He offered?" I barely trusted the words I just spoke.

" Yes. In the garden while Mr. Brooks tended to your wind blown bonnet,"

I laughed, remembering that day. The wind hooked my loose bonnet and sent it down the lane. Mr. Brooks chased down gallantly. Yet not even Miss Austen could be as disappointed as I was to have missed the proposal. " What did he say? I must know," My revolving library book no longer interested me.

She motioned me over with a hand. I hopped to my slippered feet without hesitation and advanced to her side. " He said and I quote ' You are the jewel of Hertfordshire, Mary, and I am privileged to hold your adoration and affections. My only regret is that I will not know you as my wife before I earn my living as a true man,"

My palms pressed together. " There's more?" I asked giddily, unaware and uncaring of Mrs. Hill eavesdropping in the doorway with the tray of hot water and milk for our tea.

Mary held up a hand to silence me. " It would console my split heart to know that our hands are joined as betrothed halves to a beloved whole. Will you honor me?" She ended with full flourish, clutching her folded hands over her chest.

" Miss Mary Bennet!" I pulled Mary into a big hug and squeezed. Mrs. Hill set down the tray and almost tip toed out unnoticed until Mrs. Bennet intervened.

" Hill, I need you to clean Jane's dress - the one that is fitted to her bosom perfectly. Mr. Bingley must draw his gaze to it if we are to expect a marriage,"

" Yes, Ma-am," Mary and I both let each other go to investigate the particular manner in which Mrs. Bennet addressed her housekeepers. To those not in the know, housekeepers were always called Mrs. whether they were married or not. To call Mrs. Hill by her last name alone was not only insulting but disrepecting her distinguished position among servants.

Neither of us moved for fear we be heard so we strained to listen further.

" Lucy is to tend to my girls before Miss Banfield. It is hard enough she is sneaking off Mr. Brooks,"

Mary cocked a brow up at me. Our elation at her engagement withered and died as we heard all. My hand tightened on her shoulder. How can I sneak off a willing suitor who approached me even though he had already been well acquainted with the Bennets? Obviously he wanted the 4,000 pounds or he liked our growing bond.

" Yes, Ma-am," Mrs. Hill answered with even less pleasantness.

Another brief pause. " Mr. Bennet will hire a new housekeeper if I must remind you again that my girls are on a higher level. They are here and Miss Banfield is here," No doubt she put me much lower than her daughters.

Another " Yes, Ma-am," and Mrs. Bennet released the house keeper to go about her duties. Mrs. Bennet walked past the drawing room ignorant of it being occupied.

Mary shook my arm. I snapped out of it and glanced down. " Mama is mean spirited but you are not," I don't know what she expected of me. I wasn't a crazy axe murdering woman on her period, and I didn't know the first thing about poisons. Mrs. Bennet was perfectly safe from my own attempt at her life, but that did not mean I wasn't irritated.

" Oh no, Mary. You are here," I put my left hand above my head. " And I am here," I put my right hand at my waist.

" Caroline-" Mary looked like she wanted to cry but I didn't care!

" No," I stepped back and breathed. " Stop apologizing and brushing over how bitter and put out your mother is. Once I am five and twenty, the 200 per annum will support me. Until then I am bound to whatever house Mr. Gardiner sends me to,"

Mary abandoned any recourse.

I stepped back again. " I am retiring to the garden. Do not bother me," I left the room, angry tears rolling down my cheeks.

She stood in the drawing room estranged from the closeness we developed since my arrival. Once in the garden I dropped to my knees in front of the statue and rested my forehead against its weathered exterior. Closing my eyes I recalled my mother's memory and how much I wanted a hug from her right now.  
I don't know how long I knelt like that, letting my emotions calm down and pool into a conglomerate of passive-aggressive I-hate-Mrs.-Bennet icy politeness. I didn't even hear anyone approaching. " Am I interrupting?"

" No," I answered Mr. Brooks. I assumed Mr. Booth proceeded inside Longbourn already. " I am vexed with Mrs. Bennet and her snide childish jabs about how I am somehow stealing you from one of her precious daughters,"

His eyes rested on my back and I made no move to shift from my stiff knees.

" Would you wish me to pray with you?"

I glared at him. " God can not fix that...female known as Mrs. Bennet. Hadn't you heard? I'm as well respected as a governess, If that," Jane Austen liberally spared the readers the real Mrs. Bennet. I can only imagine that Caroline Bingley outmatched her or Miss Austen chose to be more honest about Miss Bingley's character.

He stepped two steps closer. " You are crying,"

" No, I'm not. I'm angry." I wiped away the tears with my fingers. That female is undeserving of this home and family. Who is she to treat me as so?"

Mr. Brooks knelt next to me and put aside his bible and prayer book. " She does not know you as I do. Though she may be blind she is wrong still for casting you out. He who casts out the weak and vulnerable are not God's chosen,"

" I'm not cast out yet," I cleared my nose into the hand cloth. " I hate her,"

He rested his palm on my upper back. " We are not divine. To hate another is a failing that should be remedied in time but acceptable given your current circumstances," Did he not understand what it was like to live with someone who hated you? I guess not….

" All will be well," I collected myself in controlled stoicness and stood, my dress stained from the grass and dirt where I knelt.

Mr. Brooks tipped his hat to the manservant cleaning Mr. Bennet's study window above. We stood like that several minutes before he held out his hand to me. I took it in mine and allowed myself to be embraced. " What are you thinking?" He stroked the back of my neck patiently, like a mother to a child.

" I have a secret, Mr. Brooks,"

" We all do," His secrets could never best mine.

" Do you care for me?" I braved direct eye contact, losing myself in his eyes and possibly his kind soul.

His hands cupped my face. " Yes,"

I took a deep breath, ready to expose my future life to him in intimate detail. What blurted out was the exact opposite. " My mother was hung for trying to kill me after my father died. I am without support if the Gardiners withdraw it. At only 19 I am vulnerable,"

His thumb trailed down my neck as his hands moved to my shoulders. I bet that even this was scandalous behavior for the times, yet I needed his touch to soothe my hurt pride and wounded heart. I understood I wasn't a Bennet or a Jane or Elizabeth or a Lydia, but I was still a guest! " What do you will of me?"

Marry me. Love me. Come back to the future with me. Practice your sermons on me in the privacy of a parsonage that we can share as lovers. That's what I wanted. " I worry that Mrs. Bennet will try to ruin me to give her daughter's an advantage,"

" I will not permit that," He gave his word. " My lips to God's ear, I will never permit it,"

I choked on gratitude and a multitude of other nameless emotions. This provoked him to pull me into his arms and hold me there. Lydia and Kitty stopped in the garden gate to gape while Jane poorly attempted to shoo them on. Only after Elizabeth followed behind Jane did the entire group move forward toward the main entrance of Longbourn.

" We are ruined," He said in mock horror. " How will our secret ever be kept with so many loose lips,"

I buried my face in his shoulder and held onto him, grateful that he was my rock in this storm. Had I looked up I would have seen him just as contented, and cosmically I'm certain somewhere there was a mad god cackling as he set the random dice into play.

" Captain Carter is a gentleman from the North and his family owns a textile mill," Kitty shared with everyone at the dining table that evening. I moved the food around my plate with a spoon, thinking of my future and how glacierly slow my courtship with Mr. Brooks moved. We rarely saw each other in person though he did write very pretty, flowing letters often delivered in the evening after a meal. His turn of phrase was poetic and romantically inclined, even when he did throw in a biblical verse as guidance or advice.

Lydia blushed. " Mm,"

I lifted the head at the mention of my name. " You have no interest in the Regiment?"

I stopped pushing the food around. " The militia are filled with young men making a living. A dock worker earns more than they do by at least 21 shillings. Captain Carter might be the exception to the rule, but most men will try to marry their fortune," Tis how it worked in these times. Even in Sense and Sensibility, Marianne got the shaft for being poor, though had Willoughby actually not impregnated a certain lady his aunt would not have disinherited him but that is beside the point.

Elizabeth tried to determine why I turned combative and when an explanation eluded her, she turned to her mother. " Mama, they will march through Meryton as a company,"

" You must attend. More Captain Carters could mean more husbands," Yet she discouraged my likely marriage to the Parson. How awfully convenient of her to switch sides. I finally started to eat my meal, because I did not wish to insult the cook. The cook was a very kind lady and I adored her.

Mr. Bennet's attentions focused on me while his wife and daughters launched into a full scale report of the regiment's officers and their familial connections. " Mr. Brooks visited today,"

" As did Mr. Booth," I did not see or speak to Mr. Booth and I doubted he would survive his career with the Regulars, but I did wish him well in all his pursuits for Mary's sake. The poor girl might not fall in love again if her first love died on a battlefield.

He stirred his coffee. " Yes, but Mr. Brooks asked for my permission before departing,"

" To offer?" Mr. Bennet nodded in answer to my question. " And this is to be a surprise when he does offer?" Mr. Bennet nodded again, and our small exchange effectively silenced all of the table.

Jane broke it. " The emerald gown would be an excellent wedding gown,"

Then the damn let loose. " Mr. Bennet, you'll need to commission new dresses for all the girls!"

" Oh please, Papa!" Lydia and Kitty cried out together.

Elizabeth nodded her congratulations, and yet none of them actually acknowledged that Mr. Brooks did not offer to me yet and until he did I was still residing at Longbourn. Only Mary appeared distraught.

" I would gladly welcome visitors," I said directly to Mary. She looked up from the loaned book on architecture from Sir William Lucas.

Mrs. Bennet did not give up her mission of securing new dresses for her daughters and Lydia and Kitty only badgered Mr. Bennet into his study while Elizabeth and Jane counted down the time until their mother increased the pressure for them to marry as well. Mary latched herself onto me. Jane and Elizabeth seated themselves opposite of me with their needlepoint. They were as talented as Kitty with a needle and thread. I still failed to even learn the most basic of stitches proficiently.

We formed a protective perimeter against the silliness of Mrs. Bennet, Lydia, and Kitty. Mary kept the architecture book on her lap, and it was the first book aside from Fordyce that I ever witnessed her reading. " If you wear the emerald velvet then you must use a matching reticule and employ a lady maid," Jane advised in a truly lowered voice that the other half of the room would struggle to listen in on effectively.

Me? Employ a servant? " Who would I employ as a lady maid?"

" There are many ladies who would gladly fill the role and well," Elizabeth volunteered. " I'll have my aunt supply you a list of ladies with the ability to arrange hair, keep house, and cook the most basic of food,"

" Since Mr. Brooks lives at the parsonage freely for his services to the church and parish, you will have a wider use for your new found wealth," Jane added, smiling at me. " Have you considered whether you will take up the pianoforte?"

Out of the four of us, only I had nothing to do with my hands. I tucked myself into a ball underneath a cover and let myself drift into the unknown. If I married Mr. Brooks now I would not be around for all the chaos that follows them. I couldn't leave Longbourn and lose my front row seat to the gladiatorial blood, guts, and gore. " I will try to learn it but I am not genteel,"

" What difference does it make if you are genteel? You are marrying Mr. Brooks, who earns 200 per annum," Elizabeth pointed out politely, as if this common knowledge.

I let out a deep breath. At least I wasn't marrying a man living in borderline poverty. I don't think I could live out a future like that in the regency era, especially knowing what the future carried for economic failures within the English society.

Mary nudged me. " Are you well?"

" I don't think we can all act surprised when Mr. Brooks offers," I said honestly before bursting into laughter at the mental image of Mrs. Bennet restraining her wild tongue and loose behavior. This relieved almost everyone, especially Mary.


	9. Chapter 9

Between Mr. Bingley, Mr. Booth, and Mr. Brooks, Mrs. Bennet launched into an exploration of marriage, connections, and a brighter future. I would have supported her had she not decided to just now support my rising in rank. Call it petty, but the woman wore on my every nerve.

" Think of it, girls! Mrs. Brooks being able to escort you to London for the season!"

I still waited for Mr. Brooks to offer. Admittedly I dreaded the day as often as I looked forward to it. Mary was the only one I confided in about my own cold feet and how I desired to stay at Longbourn and it's cozy surrounding village. " Mrs. Bennet, please refrain from calling Mrs. Brooks until I am Mrs. Brooks," I warned the woman lightly. Arguing with her lacked a finesse I required for my sanity. For all my disdain of politeness at all times, I wanted a certain rules of conduct to our arguments.

Her lips pursed into a thin line. " As you wish,"

I returned to my tea pouring, practicing for when I'd be hosting as Mrs. John Brooks. Elizabeth warmed her hands near the fire while Jane corrected my hand positioning. " Are you able to afford a season for the girls?" I asked.

" Of course we are. We are not poor!" Mrs. Bennet screeched.

Elizabeth sighed. " Caroline is tryingto learn how to proceed, Mama,"

" Is she?"

" I am," I snapped back, utterly exhausted with her back and forth loyalties.

" If you do not have the funds to support them, I can not hope to entertain the fantasy,"

And a fantasy it was. The key to the girl's future was a season in London and Mrs. Bennet spent too much on clothing. I'm sure paying the servant's for privacy and secrecy added onto their restrictions.

Kitty sighed, putting down her paint brush and examined her bowl of fruit in clear frustration. " I am not upset, Cousin,"

" Do not mistake me, Kit. I would gladly escort you to a brighter future, but I am not rich," And if Mrs. Bennet thought I was footing the costs of lodging she was out of her mind.

" We know," Jane assured me. " And we do not think less of you for it,"

Mrs. Bennet frowned, peering off out the window. " Mr. Bennet can not refuse Elizabeth. Lizzy, you should suggest it to your father,"

" Aye," Kitty added her support, mixing her paints again. " Is Lydia with the cousins Phillips again?"

" Your sister is calling upon Miss Watson presumably to learn more about the officers," Mrs. Bennet answered, turning to Elizabeth to instruct her on how to convince their father. I listened to her conniving cunning with a new respect. Elizabeth listened intently, more than happy to comply. The worst that Mr. Bennet could do was say no.

Jane leaned in. " Have you called upon Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst?"

" No, but I have had much on my mind as of late. Your uncle has given me leave to hire a lady maid from Longbourn village or Meryton. I am conducting interviews during my visits and I call upon Mrs. Long regularly,"

" Is Sarah well?"

" Sarah is helping Mrs. Jones with the baby. Mrs. Long hopes she will not be reduced to a governess, but such hopes do not fill the belly,"

" It is difficult to claim a respectable husband once one chooses to be a governess or companion," Jane agreed upon taking her cup of tea sweetened with a drop of honey. " But better that she at least be reasonable about her future comfort,"

I think that they forgot I was lower than them. " Mrs. Hill's husband would disagree, but you are genteel and raised sheltered. Your views will reflect as such," I poured my own cup now.

" I did not see it as such," Jane said quietly. She watched Elizabeth and her mother plot Mr. Bennet's approval while I enjoyed my sugarless tea. " Will you be happy with Mr. Brooks?"

Holding the small cup with both hands I let the warmth seep into my palms. " I will. He is a good man, godliness aside. Kind, understanding. The sort of man that everyone loves because he is a reputable man. I am not in love with him, but as Charlotte said at the party, it is better to know less of a partner's defects so that we grow together, not separate,"

Jane let out a breath. " Mr. Bingley does smile excessively,"

" Is that the worst of his faults?" I teased, now sipping the tea.

She blushed. " No. But he is a pleasant young man, all the things a young man ought to be." Kitty put down her paint brush and stepped away from the canvas.

" Jane, Caroline - does it resemble a bowl?" She asked, wringing her hands.

We both moved off the couch and stood with her to properly view it. The round bowl tilted disproportionately at the one end and the apples piled in it big red blobs with light spots on them. " You captured the essence,"

" Yes," Jane nodded quickly.

Kitty sighed. " It is hopeless,"

" Not hopeless," Jane hugged her younger sister. "Miss Green is teaching you and you are taking to it faster than Lydie,"

I resumed my seat and considered what new intel Lydia would discover from Miss Watson. We did not have long to learn as Lydia burst into the drawing room red faced and full of energy. " Oh, Mama! You would not believe it! Mr. Booth has joined the Regiment!"

Kitty stopped covering up her bowl of fruit with more canvas neutral paint. " Wait. Does he have a commission?"

" His father purchased him the rank of Ensign and he is to serve under Colonel Forster," Lydia announced breathlessly. " Mary will be married to an officer, Mama!"

Except Mary hadn't announced her long term engagement and I wasn't about to betray her secret.

Mrs. Bennet squealed in delight. " I can't wait for Mary to hear at the dining table. She will be offered to!"

I rolled my eyes. " Mary is resting. Let her be," I warned Lydia with a shake of the finger.

Lydia dropped down with an umph. " If you insist,"

" I do. And no springing it on her at the table. Wait until she is properly settled in the drawing room. You do not want her choking on drink and food, do you?" Mary is as dear to me as a sister from another mother, and I knew as did all the Bennets, Lydia would ruin it for her sister.

Lydia waved me off. Elizabeth escaped the drawing room to have a moment of peace. Jane followed leaving only Kitty as my ally until Mary woke from her nap. Mrs. Bennet and Lydia dropped into their own world of gossip. Kitty entered it willingly and soon I found myself reading one of Charlotte's gothic novels. So wrapped up in it that Kitty had to yank me out of it to dress for dinner.

I entered the bedroom to find Mary reading a letter to herself. She motioned me into the room immediately. " It is not as if you will expose it, but Mr. Booth is going to call upon Papa and we are to announce the engagement," She clutched the letter to her chest and beamed at me.

Mrs. Bennet would fall over from disbelief. " Mary, is it wise to let your mother know you have kept this from her?" I put down the gothic novel and picked through the gowns. Most of them were thicker fabrics - cotton or velvet, but the two muslin evening gowns I had were always neglected and collecting dust in my trunk. I settled on the the rare muslin gown and chose my heaviest wool shawl.

Mrs. Bennet would fall over from disbelief.

She danced across the floor. " Oh, I do not care! Mr. Booth and I will announce our engagement!" I noticed she already changed and held onto the letter like it was her lifeline.

With everyone at the table, Lydia bubbled with desire to tell Mary the great secret and Mary ate her food without a book to read for the first time since I met her. Kitty studied her spoon trying to figure how to draw it. " Did you learn to draw, Caroline?" She held the spoon up to the light.

I held back a chuckle. Enough art classes taught me her frustration. " No. I was taught practical skills. Mending, basic dress making, shop keeping, bartering-"

" Ah. Your father owned his shop," Mr. Bennet remembered. " And your mother worked it?"

I nodded. " We made our own dresses, to save a shilling and pence, and mending clothing was another income," In many ways, Caroline Banfield advanced a rank in society.

" Mrs. Bennet, take note. When I tell you the cost of your gowns is too much, Miss Banfield would know,"

" Thank you, Mr. Bennet. My father would be proud to know I learned greatly from him," Especially how to live comfortably without luxury, which was something Mrs. Bennet could never do. " The 4,000 pounds was his private fortune in hopes to induce a wealthy suitor for myself,"

Jane glanced toward their mother discreetly. No one dared to confront if the 4,000 is the reason that I was chosen over them.

Lydia turned up her nose. " What is 4,000 to 800 pounds and a genteel lady?" There were moments, and this was one of them, that I wanted to wrap my hands around her throat and strangle the life out of her.

" I believe the answer to that is Mr. Brooks," Kitty said for me.

I choked on laughter.

" It is the truth." Kitty defended herself to the silent table. Mary simply poised her spoon over her bowl, waiting for the foot to drop while Elizabeth cleared her throat and Jane played with her hands. " Mr. Brooks could have married another, but he chose a handsome lady with a fortune. We are destined to be forced to accept the first gentleman who offers," Kitty moped.

Lydia grabbed her hand in a surprising show of sisterly support. " Once Caroline married Mr. Brooks-"

" I'm still here," I spoke up before they could plot another trip to London. Mr. Bennet enjoyed my temporary frustration as if he would one of his daughters.

Mary sighed, relieved that no one would bother her while she basked in the knowledge of Mr. Booth's return. " Better that they argue about a truth than be ignorant of our reality,"

" And Fordyce?" I challenged her while Lydia and Kitty now involved Mrs. Bennet in the urgency of their plight.

Mary shrugged. " Woe to those who are ignorant of their faults and foolish those that do not seek to remedy them," She offered me another hand pat before returning to her soup.

By this point everyone forgot about Mr. Booth returning to Hertfordshire with a tidy fortune to retire on. Mary settled back with the book of architecture while I read the gothic novel at her side. We tuned out Lydia and Mrs. Bennet while Kitty, Elizabeth, and Jane worked Mr. Bennet over for a proper season in London. At the end of the evening Mr. Bennet showed no inclination of sending them to London and Mary prided herself on Mrs. Bennet devolving into another speech about hedgrows.

" Miss Mary," Lucy stopped us as we readied for bed. " We wish you much happiness," She held out a small wrapped box.

Mary started to tear up. I stepped forward in my night gown to claim it for her. " She's really happy. I swear," I whispered to Lucy.

" Mrs. Hill wanted to ensure that Miss Mary understood we wish much happiness in her engagement. She is a sweet lady and Mr. Booth's a proper man," Lucy whispered, not desiring to upset Mary further.

I glanced over my shoulder at Mary using her night gown to wipe away the tears. " Mrs. Hill is very appreciated. Mary snapped up the present out of my hands and tore the bow off in christmas excitement. Lucy and I waited for her to unfold the brown wrapping. " They're sweets," She held up crumb-like treats that I recognized from the Lucas Lodge party. " Thank you!" I stepped aside in time for Mary to ambush Lucy with a big hug.

The startled servant stumbled back a step. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head. Mary eventually allowed Lucy to leave the bedroom and curled up beside me. " How nice of Mrs. Hill and staff," She mumbled in genuine satisfaction.

I was just as pleased that someone else shared the secret and wanted Mary's happiness as much as I.

" From all that I can collect by your manner of talking," Mr. Bennet motioned between Kitty and Lydia completing each other's sentences. " You must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced,"

Of course no one put her dearest Lydia down as silly or anything negative. Any talk of officers being a frivolous subject was put down effusely by Mrs. Bennet. Listening to her fondly declare that she still loved a Red Coat in her husband's presence floored me. How could she insult Mr. Bennet in his own home?

The footman handing over a note to Jane. Everyone hushed and watched Jane read the folded note. Only Mrs. Bennet impatiently demanded answers to a private note. Lydia pined having missed Mr. Bingley, Mr. Hurst, and Mr. Darcing dining with the officers.

" Dining out. That is very unlucky," Mrs. Bennet's remark didn't help everyone's expectations rising and falling like tides.

I often wondered at how engineered this invitation had been. It made sense that Mr. Bingley would desire to dine with other men. What didn't make sense is Mr. Darcy lowering himself to dine with less fortunate men. Now I knew he was a good, respectable man, but at this point in the book, Hertfordshire did not know him as such. The way he acted was horrendous, even for a rich guppy.

" Can I have the carriage?"

My eyes went to Mary then. Would Mr. Darcy associate with Mr. Booth? Or Mr. Brooks?

" No, my dear, you'd better go on horseback, because it seems likely to rain, and then you must stay the night,"

I rolled my eyes. I wanted to hear from Mr. Brooks before the flood of rain imprisoned everyone in the house. The entire process of readying the paper, ink well, and feather quill occupied my complete attention when Elizabeth helped Jane ready for the ride to Netherfield. When the rain fell, I looked up at the window and sighed happily. The sound of rain pleased me, although Mrs. Bennet's pleasure outmatched mine ten fold.

Elizabeth paced to and fro,making a biting comment to her mother every half hour about endangering Jane's health. Mrs. Bennet's smugness turned intolerable, even with the comfort of rain pounding on the roof and windows. Mary and Kitty expressed a strong concern to their father, who claimed it was not his business. Lydia pouted and whined about being undermined - again!

" If it comforts you,Lydia, I would not want the company of the Bingleys, Hursts, and Darcy. They think themselves above us, much like your mother believes herself above me,"

" Is that so?" Lydia sounded surprised.

" Elizabeth is lucky to not have accompanied Jane," I encouraged Lydia's lack of interest. I needed her to give up on wanting Mr. Bingley's impressive fortune.

She tugged on my sleeve. " Did I tell you about Captain Carter's fondness for chocolates?"

" No. Do tell me more," She carried on the topic effortlessly with such animation that I had not the heart to stop her. Kitty and Mary settled, and Lydia casually revealed Mr. Booth was stationed in Meryton under Colonel Forster. Mary feigned ignorance ( quite believably actually) and expressed her joy without restraint. With the knowledge now freely known, only Mrs. Bennet remained on edge with hope Jane and Mr. Bingley would become one.

Of course Mr. Bennet humored Mrs. Bennet and consoled Elizabeth. I wondered why he disliked Mr. Bingley and the radical idea that he was like Mr. Bingley as a young man struck me still. Mr. Bennet's marriage to Mrs. Bennet held no felicity, and perhaps he feared Mr. Bingley could regret marrying his daughter. With a governess such as Mrs. Bennet I did not hold it against Mr. Bennet - IF my theory were true.

" Miss Banfield," Mr. Bennet addressed me after Mrs. Bennet retired to bed early along with Kitty, Lydia, and Mary. Elizabeth and I stayed in the drawing room to read and soak in the rare peaceful silence while hoping that Jane was not adversely affected by the rain. " Your father employed many dress makers?"

I shifted the cover to face him and stayed covered at the same time. " Yes, although my mother was his favorite,"

" And you learned from your mother?" His sudden interest did not bother me. I actually took it as a compliment that he wanted to learn these details.

Elizabeth readjusted her gown and listened in. " Did you make all your dresses?" She asked.

" Yes," A fact which I wanted to boast of but few genteel ladies would appreciate.

Mr. Bennet sipped his late night tea. " Well, Elizabeth, your mother will hear her results tomorrow,"

" Good night, Mr. Bennet," I smiled at him, pleased that he did not wholly approve the plan.

Elizabeth waited till he was out of the room entirely. " I hope Jane is well,"

She wasn't. " Nelly is a reliable beast,"

" It is not Nelly who sent Jane without carriage, even if the horses were in the fields," Elizabeth argued bitterly. " Rain is not to be underestimated,"

Oh didn't I know that! " Well, Lizzy, I retire to bed. You should too," Leaving the throw cover on the couch, I made the lone journey through the dark house, each step familiar to me as my real home.


	10. Chapter 10

The day of sacrifice arrived the next morning after Mr. Brooks arrived with the messenger from Netherfield Park. I was summarily excused from the breakfast table and followed Mr. Brooks to the drawing room. " Miss Banfield," He took my hand and helped me into Mrs. Bennet's chair. "You are glowing this morning,"

His casual manner started tricking my mind into believing he wanted to set me down gently. Oddly enough I needed him to do the exact opposite or else I might become a Lydia with the moping. He clasped his hands behind his back and faced me.

" I know we are not well acquainted but I 've full faith that should you accept my hand in marriage we will learn we fit together as well as the church and the people,"

My heart jumped to my throat. " I know ladies are shy and coy but you are no such lady. Tell me plainly if I am not to flourish under your adoration,"

I did adore him, even now when his stupidity was the strongest.

" Mr. Brooks, we have courted each other for weeks on end through letter and personal visits. What signs have I shown that I would refuse you?"

Did I not flirt hard enough with him? Usually I was too obvious it turned awkward. I was the very example of a 'bad flirt' and I couldn't even 'talk dirty' to someone without bursting into laughter before one word escaped my mouth.

His hands unclasped. He knelt in front then on one knee. " I could not be certain,"

" Be certain," Why were the good men always so stupid?! " You are handsome,well mannered, respectable and respected, independent, and never treated me as less than equal," I let this sink in for him through his thick skull and blessedly thick hair. " Moreso you have kept my confidence when I told you how awful Mrs. Bennet is and you have not judged me for my discomfort and awkwardness. I can not refuse you nor would I for I am a fool who is attached to you,"

" An angel after my heart," He pressed a chaste kiss to my hand. " You are accepting my hand then?"

" Oh for the love-yes!" My voice echoed in the near empty drawing room.

He cast a wistful glance toward the window. " The mud makes a walk impossible,"

" I accept your company in here, Mr. Brooks,"

" John," He helped me to me feet and held my hands in his, gazing upon my countenance. I'm pleased that he was pleased, yet a part of me refused to be detached from this whole experience. I wanted very much to be his wife, for real, even if it meant staying in this dreaded era with him.

As I mulled over his given name in my mind with many phrases - " John, please hand me the salt," " John , do you know where my needle and thread are?" " John, darling, could you please stop preaching to me and help me lift this?" " John, John, John…." I jolted out the daydreaming at the sound of giggling. I knew it couldn't be Mary. Her giggle wasn't so high pitched.

Lydia stumbled into the room and verbally stuttered for a suitable explanation. It became apparent rapidly to Mr. Brooks that she eavesdropped and didn't want to wait for an answer. While Mr. Brooks was properly disturbed, I placed a chaste kiss to his knuckles. " You may call me Caroline," I replied in tender regard, genuinely rooted in the man himself and what he inspired in me.

Scampering from the room, Lydia's own giggling added to the other giggling. " Caroline," He breathed my regency name in awe. " Caroline,you are-"

" Bold?" I dared, unable to quell the eagerness to embrace his physical touch. " Mr. Brooks, we are engaged. Are you not elated?"

Indeed I was! The first image that popped in my head was of a pristine avant garde wedding dress and a beautiful archway of flowers and matured vines straddling a stone or brick ladened path that would lead up to an octagonal gazebo blessed with a victorian or elizabethian era design.

He shook his head. " I am very pleased, Miss-Caroline. Does no one control that child?"

I burst out in laughter and shook my head. " No. Mr. Bennet have given up entirely and Mrs. Bennet encourages it. She declares a stupid wife is a preferable wife. It would explain Jane's lack of accomplishments as a lady," I often wondered if Jane had a brain at all at times given how quiet and meek she was.

He stole a kiss, lingering to bask in the momentus accomplishment of wooing a lady and finally embracing the status of a taken man. " If I could, I would wisk you away to Scotland and marry you now," I sank further into his charm, his voice lulling me into the predatorial embrace that would surely devour me whole.

" Not very proper of a parson," I touched his cheek gently and pressed another kiss to his knuckles, loathing the inability to fully kiss him or otherwise I would be 'ruined'. " Lizzy had visited Jane at Netherfield. Jane is ill with a cold,"

" I will pray for her,"

" And you, Mr. Brooks, have duties to attend to," I wondered who would marry us. My research never covered who married a parson and his bride. I should ask Mary. She would know.

He embraced me a moment longer, his thumb brushing along my fingers. " I will speak with Mr. Bennet about Miss Lydia Bennet," I doubted he would convince Mr. Bennet to step up and be a real father. My father would've put Mr. Bennet in his place by now. I grew up with a father who was never at home, but when he took a break in between traveling to clients and sites, he was a super-dad.

I curled my fingers into his clothing, wanting to prolong his exit. " Might I suggest it be a private discussion?"

His eyes remained on the open door. Soon after a parade of Kitty, Lydia, and Mrs. Bennet forced Mr. Brooks out of the famous drawing room. For the next hour Mrs. Bennet demanded to know if he offered and if I accepted while Lydia brushed it off as trivial.

" You are not genteel. Why do we care?"She bounced from one end of the room to the other. Mary, for whatever reason, decided to hide away. At this point in time, I didn't blame her.

Kitty gasped. " Lydia!"

" It's all well and good she is to marry comfortably but why a gentleman above her? If I had 4,000-"

" Lydia!" Kitty yelled. I ignored the desire to slap her for her insolence. " She is our guest,"

" Only because Papa has a big heart," The childish, petulant teenager replied.

I glanced over at Mrs. Bennet. The woman leaned back and maintained her silence. She probably felt no guilt for making Jane ill. Why did I expect her to care now?

" Lydia, Mr. Brooks chose-"

" Mr. Brooks chose the 4,000 pounds. Good lord, Kitty, you are stupid to believe he actually loves her," Lydia greatly resembled her mother, shocking even Kitty into what could only be described as a state of total disbelief.

Love, I realized, was nothing more than blind partiality. I didn't lie when I told Mr. Brooks he was a man of dreams. He reminded me of my father in ways but not so much that I was put off. Problem was I didn't love him. I just formed a strong jealous attachment to him. Eventually I would love him.

I sighed. " Dearest Lydia, you are a vapid, arrogant silly minded girl," I opened my book and put myself in the farthest couch's farthest corner. " Control your tongue else I will cut it out,"

" You would not,"

" Why not? My mother tried to kill me. Are you so certain I will not snap too?"

Kitty opened her mouth to speak, but it was Mrs. Bennet who nearly fainted. While Kitty called for Mrs. Hill, I settled into my book of scheming mother-in-laws and lieing bastards called men.

" Is Elizabeth still at Netherfield?" I asked over the dinner table after Mr. Bennet returned from touring the property. No one spoke to me since I threatened Lydia. I started to fear I stepped over the line and needed to mend the fences.

Kitty picked at her food. " I packed her dresses and gowns earlier. Jane is too ill and Mr. Bingley is a true gentleman," She glared at her mother and went back to barely eating.

Mrs. Bennet nodded, sensing the a growing trend of dissent against her. Mr. Bennet sensed nothing.

" La! Jane is not ill enough," Lydia declared before shoving a biteful of food into her mouth and chewing loudly. " " Two days is not enough to encourage his affections,"

I scoffed. " They might test them, but Jane must encourage his attentions for him to form anything beyond an appreciation of her beauty," In my opinion Jane was just too damn quiet, and not even in a good way. Either she was extremely shy, to which I have evidence that she is not, or that she was purposefully dumbing herself down because that's what her mother told her to do every time she met an eligible bachelor of some repute and wealth.

" Quite smart," Mr. Bennet remarked, keenly observing everyone. " Mrs. Bennet, does Jane love Mr. Bingley?"

" If she does not, she is a fool. 4 to 5,000 a year!"

Mary covered a yawn, not the least interested in stirring up their mother's hopes. Every time a gentleman visited Hertfordshire, Mrs. Bennet always went on and on about husbands and marriage until it drove the man away or she was put off by the suitor's lack of wealth.

" Yes, but does she love him?" He demanded pointedly, having already cleared his throat once.

Kitty and I locked eyes while leaning over our plates. We both glanced toward Lydia stuffing her mouth full of meat. Later she would complain of feeling fat. She always did after dinner but never after breakfast.

" She has expressed no such love to me," Mrs. Bennet reluctantly answered. " But I will work on her to display the necessary fondness-"

" You will do no such thing, Mrs. Bennet. If Jane chooses to pass 4 to 5,000 a year to another young lady, let it be of her choosing," He then pointed his fork to Mary and I. " As these ladies have done so and earned their fiances,"

Lydia stared wide eyed at us while Kitty prepared to remove from her seat and embrace Mary. Mrs. Bennet's heavy stare rooted Kitty to her chair, choosing to swallow the bite of chewed food instead of taking joy in her sister's raised standing. I wanted a wealthier match for Mary, but Mr. Booth complimented her and complemented her. Mr. Bennet respected Mr. Booth, and Mr. Bingley he did not respect at all. Oh the rub to Mrs. Bennet!

" But when did he offer?" Lydia demanded archly while Mary beamed. She glanced to her mother for answer and the elder had no answer.

I locked hands with Mary, proud of her for securing herself a husband who liked her for who she was. " He offered before he signed with the Regiment," Mary answered proudly. " I will marry an officer and Caroline a parson," Mr. Bennet smiled more so at me than Mary, and I suspected it had to do with Mr. Collins.

All this time Mrs. Bennet formed no coherent thought, flabbergasted that the least beautiful ladies in the house were already engaged before the eldest two! " Lydia, we must order you new dresses-"

" And what of Catherine, Mrs. Bennet?" Mr. Bennet cut her off before she could demand him to loosen the purse strings. " Does she not concern you as well?"

Kitty stabbed at the piece of meat and didn't look up. I wanted to hug her but a table separated us and Mr. Bennet already drew the line in the sand for everyone to acknowledge.

A string of excuses followed and it was decided on the following day that everyone would call upon Netherfield Park. Kitty grumbled about being forgotten and resigned herself to being a maiden aunt, the role previously dedicated to Mary.

Everyone turned into Kitty, Lydia, and Mrs. Bennet. Mary and I stayed behind after a surprise visit by Mr. Brooks and Mr. Booth. The weather permitted us a walk down the lane. After days being in the house with unpleasant company, it relieved us to be freely able to move and congregate with more agreeable company.

" Imagine my surprise when I was informed I would see my betrothed and know we had months more of each other's blessed company," Mr. Booth announced to the group while gazing adoringly at Mary. I determined that Mary did not get shafted after all in the pick of husbands. Mary most likely won the best husband of them all, lured only by her character.

Mr. Brooks and I fell back to give the pair more space.

" It is a shame that Jane is ill, but she recovers quickly," Mary leaned in toward him. " How do you find your comrades in arms?"

" Amusing. We often partake in games of chance and luck, but even a fool knows when he is bested and should bow out of such amusement. Captain Carter is a pleasant fellow, very amiable and pleasant even in the worst of weather."

" Always an admirable quality to a person's character,"

" You are a wise lady, Miss Mary, but even you can agree that inclement weather leads to foul tempers. We all have our dark days,"

Mr. Brooks leaned in and pressed my knuckles to his lips. " He will make a fine officer one day,"

" Aye, but that day is not today. Today he is merely a gentleman I can respect," I replied gently, reminding myself to subdue by wilder tendencies. " Did the talk with Mr. Bennet…"

Mr. Brooks shook his head.

" I could have warned you," I blurted out. " Mr. Bennet distances himself from his failures. Lydia is one of them, but she need not be,"

Mary turned. " Caroline, Mr. Booth tells me that another officer is to join them soon. A Mr. Wickham,"

At the most inconvenient time, a large rock obstructed my path. I thought I cleared it's perimeter until the pain of a stubbed toe reminded me of how much I hated slippers. Never again would I ever wear slippers this impractical! Mary made to help me as Mr. Brooks held me up. I held out my hand to ward off Mary. " Just a toe, my darling friend,"

Mary turned back around and carried on her flowing conversation with Mr. Booth. Mr. Brooks more closely guided my walking path, his studious alertness learned enough to know I reacted to Mr. Wickham whereas all of Hertfordshire did not know of Mr. Wickham at all. I would pay for my silence, but today was not that day as we proceeded to learn more of each officer and eventually their wives.


	11. Chapter 11

Time passed rapidly. Mary and I hoarded all we learned of the officer's wives while Lydia and Kitty absconded to Meryton and back. I received a letter after the dinner from Mr. Brooks and all of the world slipped my mind.

 _ **My Beloved Lady, Today inspired me to dare to believe that our future will shine brighter than a mid-day sun on a cloudless afternoon. Your opinions, strong and sound, gave me much to contemplate. As you know I called upon our neighbors. The Millers son is not well. Mrs. Miller requires a supportive shoulder that I hope you will offer as extension of my inability to tend to all my flock in a timely manner. Miss Mary Bennet displays a willingness to pursue such activities, her steady influence a desired connect I permit.**_

" Is it from Mr. Brooks?" Kitty asked, distracted from her needlework.

I worked my jaw back and forth and set aside my frustrations with the last few days. I wasn't mad at Kitty or even Mary. Lydia and Mrs. Bennet on the other hand I repressed the urge to strangle them when they slept.

" Yes. He wants our union to proceed as soon as the three weeks is through," I suspected another rector was to marry us, but I truly had no definitive answer for this either.

" A parson's wife is expected to be his arm and hand. Did you not know this?" Mr. Bennet said to me in genuine confusion. " You will aide him in serving the flock,"

" His curate helps with many of the duties and he is more focused on providing for the ill," I folded the letter back up, not wanting my attention split. " Mrs. Bennet, I am aware of what is expected of me. Mary can attest to this,"

Mary in the middle of a fordyce sermon looked up at the mention of her given name. " Huh?"

" And you did not know before?"

" I was aware of select responsibilities," I answered carefully, amazed at my self-control. " Honestly, it is not as I am against the duties. I am merely anxious to become Mrs. John Brooks,"

Her lips pursed. I already watched the gears of her mind turning as she sought a way to undermine me. " Mary," That must mean that she couldn't find a point to hook on. " Has Mr. Booth scheduled the banns?"

" No, Mama. He wishes to wait till he has saved up more income," Mary answered dully.

" Unfortunate," Mrs. Bennet lamented.

" No, Mama. It is unfortunate that he will not always be near and that I will miss him," She flipped the page and covered a yawn.

I wondered about Mary at times and Kitty even more. Lydia, I predicted to an artform. When she 'got her way' she was as cooperative and loving as Jane. When she didn't get her way, she turned into Mrs. Bennet. Kitty's kind heart ruled her actions and Mary's commitment to the church surpassed even my grandmother's. Jane, I suspected, was a kind and sweet lady but had no true identity outside of her beauty. We all know what Elizabeth is like, and thus it broke my heart to know Mary would be separated from her fiance.

" So Lizzy is anxious to be home?" Mr. Bennet teased his wife. " And you told her no. What will the neighbors say of us now?"

I went back to my letter.

 _ **Forgive me for asking this of you, as I am aware that we are not as familiarly acquainted, but does my flock suffer the potential acquaintance of Mr. Wickham? I ask as the caretaker of this parish responsible for their well being.**_

I rubbed my brow and sat down on the wide window ledge. If I didn't know any better, he possibly wrote the letter in disappointment after I toppled off the pedestal he created for me.

 _ **I pray that I will have the pleasure of your company soon, if the collection of taxes does not hold me captive longer than desired. Wholeheartedly Yours, John Brooks, Rector.**_

 __Aside from him 'permitting' me the association of Mary and begging for answers I could not provide without disrupting the timeline, I did allow myself to care for him - even his flaws. We could work on those as time progressed. " Kitty, when I marry Mr. Brooks, will you call upon me?"

" I will repair to your abode frequently," Kitty answered cheerfully, pleased she wasn't underfoot and forgotten. " Goodness knows that we can not all be Lydia, owner of the largest wardrobe in this house,"

" I do not!" Lydia pointed at her mother. " Mama's wardrobe is twice mine,"

To put this in perspective, I possess six day dressed and eight evening gowns. All my dresses and gowns are well worn and much appreciated. Lydia's wardrobe boasted of twenty in total and Mrs. Bennet's endless supply of them made me appear poor. Compared to a servant or shopkeeper's daughter, I was spoiled. Yes, I admit my regency father spoiled me. I'd like to believe he never spoil me as much as Lydia was.

The image of Mrs. Bennet's wardrobe swallowing Kitty whole shook me with laughter. " Kitty, my new lady maid-" I cleared my throat, warding off the chuckles. "-is due to start tomorrow,"

" Was it Miss Stone?" She sounded hopeful.

" No. She refused the position. Or more exactly, her father refused it. Being a lady maid to someone lowly born was not his daughter's fullest potential," I wanted the lady's company too, because she and I shared common interest.

Kitty leaned forward. " Who did you select then?"

" Miss Finch. I felt bad for how greedy and ambitious her mother is. Miss Finch will be helping her sister find a more suitable husband than Mr. Robinson,"

Mr. Bennet slowly lowered his paper to stare me down in leveled contemplation of whether the jab at Mrs. Finch also applied to his wife. " I can save you the trouble and offer Catherine's services," He adjusted his eye piece to better read the small print of the many advertisements.

I slowly folded up the letter. " Mr. Bennet, Kitty is genteel. Miss Finch is of the common class. Were society less judgmental I would dearly adore her as a companion," Mary mimicked her father and put aside her book to better observe the explosive build up.

Kitty beamed and stuck her tongue out at Lydia, who merely laid back on the couch with her arm slung across her chest. Lydia pouted. " At least I'm not fat," She shot back at Kitty. " Your backside is broad as a-"

" Oh!" Mary slammed her book on the side table. " We are family, Lydia. You're just pouting because you will not be the first to marry,"

" I am not!"

" And that I am engaged to an officer,"

" I am not!" Lydia yelled louder.

Mary smug smirk put Lydia over the edge. " I was not even Mama's favorite," Mrs. Bennet put her hand to her forehead and held out an attack of nerves. Mr. Bennet picked up his tea and sipped it. I decided to seat myself at the desk and unfold the letter again to write the opposite direction, over the already written words to save funds on writing materials. After the first two letters I learned how to read the many layers of writing typical of letters at this day and age. The Bennets needed the confrontation more than civility.

" And what if I am? You are as plain as Miss King,"

I paused at the beginning of the letter, able to tune it all out due to my time living with them. I didn't care if my letters lacked a poetic touch, nor did Mr. Brooks apparently.

" Why does it matter, Mary? We are not Mama's favorite nor as beautiful as Jane or witty as Lizzy. Who are we but-" Kitty wiped away angry tears, choosing to stay the war even if she cried.

Mary ceased all leisurely hope of a quiet afternoon and hopelessly, wordlessly, begged their parents for intervention. " We are retiring to our rooms. Caroline," She turned to me in full authority.

I glanced up from the ink well and feather quill. " I will join you after I send this letter to Mr. Brooks. It is of urgent nature," Mr. Bennet turned to a stubborn Mrs. Bennet, successfully able to fend off the common fainting spell. Petulant Lydia basked in her perceived victory. Neither showed remorse or concern for how they may be perceived.

A hand rested on my shoulder then and I glanced up to see Mr. Bennet. " Cordially remind Mr. Brooks of the Hultons in need of his prayers and assistance. Mr. Hulton broke his leg working the field and now only Mrs. Hulton and their children can tend to it,"

I nodded. I suspected that my new role would involve a lot of relaying information.

The next day Jane and Elizabeth returned after services. During the services the banns for Mr. Brooks and Iwere read, stirring previously unacknowledged nerves. Afterwards after Mrs. Long and Mrs. Finch inquired after my immediate plans, I joined with Miss Tabitha Finch. While overjoyed that Lucy would only attend to her daughters, Mrs. Bennet complained under her breath about housing someone else's servant.

" Are you in good health, Miss Finch?" I asked as we walked toward the Bennet exchange.

The young woman, a frail stick thin lady with a sun blessed complexion and thin blonde hair, nodded. " I am,"

I glanced over my shoulder at the greedy scheming mothers. " I would like to walk to Meryton and purchase material for my wedding dress. Miss Catherine Bennet will join us," Having control, while a power trip, granted me freedom from Longbourn and the Bennets entirely. After the vicious argument the day prior I felt Kitty needed sisterly love.

" Why do you not use your best gown?" Miss Finch asked curiously. Soon she'd learn why I did what I did, especially after learning what Mrs. Bennet believed servants capable of and what they ought to be responsible for.

I wanted to shove the dress in Mrs. Bennet's face. I needed her to learn who she was pushing and that I was superior to her daughters in ways that mattered. I could live without needing someone to serve me. Not even Elizabeth could do that. " I want to surprise the wonderful parson I am set to wed," I lied in Maria Lucas-bubbling likeness.

Half a step behind, Mary jogged to keep up. " Caroline, why is Mr. Brooks asking about Mr. Wickham?"

I paused, almost forgetting that I elaborately lied to my betrothed. " He is aware of my previous knowledge of the gentleman's reputation. I assume he means to protect his flock," If Mr. Brooks could protect all the ladies I'd lay at the ground of his feet in full worship.

Convinced, Mary nodded.

" Miss Finch, Miss Mary Bennet is my dearest friend,"

" Hello," Miss Finch curtsied. Mary returned it. We entered the carriage and waited for the mothers, Kitty, and Mr. Bennet. Mrs. Bennet private conversed with Mrs. Finch about who knows what. " I look forward to your company,"

Mary offered bare faced advice on handling her sisters, which turned out to be pointless. By the time everyone returned to Longbourn, Tabitha Finch was greeted and walked off by Mrs. Hill for instruction on how to be a lady maid. Soon after Mr. Bingley and party delivered Jane and Elizabeth with Caroline Bingley claiming headache so that her brother did not linger. I caught Mr. Darcy studying me from a distance and prayed Mr. Brooks did not reveal to him my hasty elaborate lie.

Kitty clasped onto my arm and dragged me to the dining room while Mary started playing the pianoforte for her returned sisters. " Have you heard?"

" No?" I didn't even know why she was being secretive.

She sighed heavily, as if exhausted. " Lydia was caught spying on the officers in their quarters. Mrs. Fernside said she even tried to seduce Captain Carter,"

My jaw dropped. " How? You accompanied her,"

" No. I called upon Miss Watson. She said she was calling upon Mrs. Fernside," Kitty disputed, placing her hand against the door to hold everyone else out. " Why would Lydia compromise herself?"

I didn't understand the youngest Bennet's desire for risky behavior in a time where it could make her homeless. " Lydia is upset. She is likely lashing-"

" But she should not be lashing out, Caroline. Mr. Booth marrying Mary is no threat and once you marry Mr. Brooks, you will not reside in this house,"

I put my hand on her cheek. " I thank you for your gained wisdom but Lydia is stupid. The best quality that she can lend to a husband is her youth. Not even you will change her," Goodness I needed a sugared drink.

Kitty collapsed into my arms, resting her head against my shoulder. I rubbed her up back and held her as long as she wanted. " You are a good friend, Caroline,"

Once we returned to the drawing room, Jane and Elizabeth suffered their mother's severe disappointment they did not stay till Tuesday. Despite Mary's impressive technical concertos, no one could spare Jane from being accused of harboring a cold and Elizabeth not wanting her sister to marry well. Kitty and I sat to the side while Kitty helped me needlepoint while Lydia asked questions of Netherfield Park. Initially entertained, her excitement waned when it became clear she'd neither attract Mr. Bingley or Mr. Darcy.

Mr. Bennet beamed all morning, happy to have his eldest daughters home again. Moreso a Mr. Collins was scheduled to arrive at four o'clock. " Miss Banfield, may I have a private audience with you in my study?" Mr. Bennet requested of me after Mrs. Bennet's overwhelming joy that Mr. Collins could save her family.

I followed him obediently, certain that it might have to do with parson activities. Once we settled in the study, he poured himself port. " Now that we are away from Mrs. Bennet's ignorance and nerves, tell me more about Mr. Booth," He demanded.

How did he not know all about Mr. Booth, given that Mr. Booth grew up in Meryton? " Is there anything specific that draws your interest?"

" He is an officer now," He paced his spacious study.

" Ensign at 400 pounds, yes," A low rank but everyone had to start at the bottom.

" He loves Mary?"

I hoped Mr. Booth did not deceive Mary but I truly did not know the man. " He is liberal in affections and conservative in actions. Mr. Brooks thinks highly of him," If there's anything I learned, Mr. Brooks good opinion weighed more than a lady's factual opinions.

The gray at his temples showed his age. I pitied him. Five daughters and a childish minded wife certainly aged him beyond the usual stressors.

" And Mary?" He stared past me at his wall of books. Maybe I was too hard on him. Handling his family is an exhausting, embarrassing task - especially with Meryton aware of the tendencies.

I played with my hands. " She adores him. I believe she would run off to Gretna Green if he agreed," I answered honestly.

He let out a deep breath.

" Mr. Bennet, you need not fear for Mary. Mr. Booth would give her the world. He worships the ground she walks on," That kind of love was intoxicating and obsessive, and while not my kind of love, it pulled Mary into her own.

" And Catherine has no secret suitor?" He smiled easily now despite Mr. Collins pending arrival.

I shook my head.

" A father can hope," He declared. I prayed he found the answers he sought for I had no further intel for him.


	12. Chapter 12

The nervous energy Mrs. Bennet spread throughout the sisters started to irritate me because I too worried about Mr. Collins arrival. The book described him as tall and heavy set, nothing like all the actors who played him modern movie adaptations. True to the book's description, the man that stepped off the hackney carriage stood at over six feet tall and weighed at least 200 pounds. He held himself straight as an arrow and spoke of the Bennets' beauty as if it would save the family.

We all know that Mr. Darcy saved the family and the Bingley side affair that was an instigator for Elizabeth's interactions with Mr. Darcy. Beauty had only a smidge of responsibility for this man's motivation.

I admired my wedding dress pattern as it evolved in front of me. " Miss Banfield, a divine creation for a blessed event!" He complimented my hardwork. I impressed myself with the even stitching and clean cuts.

I pierced the fabric with another pin. " Thank you, Mr. Collins. I ask you not describe it to anyone until that day. I want Mr. Brooks to be pleasantly surprised," Kitty offered up the pompeian red velvet, happy to assist and learn from me.

" You are not yet married. Red on your wedding-"

" I am aware of your thoughts, Mrs. Bennet," I looked her in the eye and held her attention without blinking for over half a minute before going back to lining up my seams the way I wanted them. " " I also refuse to give up the dream gown for your stilted views," I nodded to Mr. Collins, amazed I'd talk back to the mistress of the home.

He turned to Jane predictably and expressed confusion at how she could not be married. Elizabeth grabbed my shawl from her lap and kindly returned it to my shoulders. " Red does suit you," She said loud enough to encourage her mother's flustered disapproval. " Do you not agree, Mr. Collins?"

No sooner had Mr. Collins opened his mouth then did Mary yawn and inched away from Lydia's poking. Mary preferred Mr. Booth's handsome figure and easy manners to the barely tolerable parson. Lydia, too young to care, merely saw a disgusting young man of five and twenty. Kitty showed no interest in him, and while Jane and Elizabeth were polite, only Mrs. Bennet hoped Mr. Collins considered one of her daughters as a wife.

" Miss Mary, you are a devout follower of Fordyce. Would you care to read to us?" He offered her well worn book to her. She would have taken it if Lydia hadn't grabbed her hand and hastily smiled at their real cousin. " I see that my fair cousin prefers your attention more," His lack of displeasure showed no sooner than it disappeared.

I barely held my tongue at his boldness. When he did compliment, he admired. Though he used pretty words to impress everyone, I caught him eyeing up Elizabeth's chest and Jane's full figure head to toe. Though he was a man and a man in charge of preaching God's holy word, his behavior certainly showed his vices to the more observant.

Was he malicious? No, but he certainly acted in a reprehensible manner. At least Mr. Brooks slyly admired my assets and Mr. Booth always complimented Mary when he appreciated her beauty. He treated the sisters like a stable without regard to each tendencies and characters. He made that clear with his comment about the estate being entailed away from the female line. Though he shied from calling them broodmares for his bloodline, his eyes spoke for him. Mr. Bennet ignored the man, preferring his book and Mrs. Bennet's blinders tossed Kitty or Elizabeth at Mr. Collins, whether the mentioned ladies were aware of it or not.

The dining table introduced Lady Catherine De Bourg. Mary nudged my ankle with her foot and shook her head as Mr. Collins proudly describe how close he lived to his wealthy dictator.

I should apologize for my jaded view of Mr. Collins and Lady Catherine De Bourg. I did not have a true introduction to their character, yet their actions of which only I know of yet to come defined my deep rooted hatred of them. Perhaps the olive branch Mr. Collins offered to the Bennets was genuine and I was merely prejudiced. I am human, after all.

I covered up my own yawn as he described a sickly Miss De Bourg as superior to all other more capable ladies. Mr. Bennet raised his brow in my direction as I covered up another yawn. Mrs. Bennet glared at me and I was tempted to declare that I timed the yawns poorly.

But it was not Mary and I rolling our eyes and shaking our heads at the ridiculousness out of the cousin's mouth, Mr. Bennet's amused glances to Elizabeth, or Lydia's restlessness that delivered the truest insult that evening. Lydia did launch the offended party but his own tongue angered me more than Mr. Brook's comfortable sense of authority I was supposed to submit to.

" I have often observed how little young ladies are interested by books of serious stamp, though written solely for their benefit,"

My jaw worked back and forth at the audacity of his words. I felt Mary's hand in mine and quickly loosened my grip apologetically. At this point, it should be obvious I am a feminist. I suppose the inner monologue is a way of my coping with this era, but writing this all in a journal is too expensive and I feared Lydia prying open the chest to read it. So, to the world that I hope exists in the real time that I want to return to, I should say that Jane Austen's feminism differed from mine. Had a man said what Mr. Collin's said to Lydia, he would have been punched in the dangling orbs of great sensitivity or had a near object swung at him. But this is 1811 and if I did that, it would be the talk of all Hertfordshire.

" It amazes me, I confess; for certainly there can be nothing so advantageous to them as instruction," Only Mary anchored me to that couch and only my attachment to Mr. Brooks stilled my tongue. When Lydia started talking of Colonel Forster, I engaged her in a real conversation pleased to devote my frustrations to new intel.

On time Mr. Brook's letter arrived, and I settled into disseminating the excellent news to Mr. Bennet. " And how are you so informed not yet married? Does his curate not better aide him?" Mr. Collins demanded incredulous.

I took a deep breath, my hatred visible and I refused to hide it. Call me a fool but no one insulted my Mr. Brooks. " We are engaged, Sir, and we will be married three weeks from now provided no one disputes the banns," I specifically turned to Mrs. Bennet, the woman holding her head high. I hoped common sense prevailed and she let me marry my gentleman in peace.

Mr. Bennet's calm composure held up admirably, though Lydia's giggling gave away hints of a less stable Mrs. Bennet. Ignorant to all of this, Jane and Elizabeth continued to needlepoint and talk among themselves. Mr. Collins odd character did not permit him an immediate understanding of the war or roses within the house. " He trusts you with such reports?"

" I wasn't aware that caring for the poor and needy was secretive work, but then again, Mr. Collins, I have observed that men of your position tend to elevate their work out of the need to be self-important. You may be an exception, but I am not mindless nor is this information meant to be secret," I nodded to Mr. Bennet, knowing he'd have a good chuckle in the privacy of his study.

" Miss Banfield, forgive me," Mr. Collins hastily apologized. " I merely meant that it is clear he trusts you with his most important work, aside from tax collection and writing sermons,"

Well thank you, Mr. Collins for making me feel like an ass. " It is I who erred and who should ask forgiveness, not you," I had no intention of actually begging forgiveness.

He nodded. " Steady hands and a sharp eye for dressmaking will lend you well to the parish,"

" One should hope so. But I am no dress maker, and there are other duties I will attend to." I must have confused him because he resorted to mentioning how well built the fireplace was and that it did not smoke into the room.

Mary let out a sigh and joined Kitty in helping me construct my dress.

Not a person remarked on my increased combativeness. When we retired to bed, Mary covered her loud yawn and cheerfully said goodnight. I barely slept a wink, wrapped in a web of lies, burdened by the silence and desire to warn everyone about Mr. Wickham and how royally Mr. Collins would turn on them. In a surprising move I was already awake when Miss Finch entered the room, a headache in full rage.

I bore it as cheerfully as possible, greeting everyone when they were dressed for the day. I inquired after Mrs. Bennets time in the court, shocking all the Bennets. Her measured answer laid down the truce that saved me from total destruction. Observing Mr. Collins and his general character I determined to give Mr. Collins a fair shake.

Unable to shake it off, I wrote a long letter to Mr. Brooks detailing my great dislike of Mr. Collins, how I wanted to be his wife now and not three weeks from now, whether my sanity could survive Mrs. Bennet, and if he'd give me a moment of understanding while we were permitted a brief honeymooned tour. I poured more emotion into that letter than I ever did any email and proved it by a cramped hand afterwards and an hour later. At the time of writing the letter, no one dared or desired to break my privacy and silence.

In my haste to clear the burden of what seemed irrational hatred, I missed out on Mrs. Bennet warning Mr. Collins away from Jane. When everyone announced a walk to Meryton, I joined them with hopes of visiting Mrs. Long and Sarah. They anchored me in a world foreign to me, without the stress of Mrs. Bennet bearing down on me.

" I have never met the rector of this parish. Is he a respectable man?" Mr. Collins asked of me, providing much relief to the sisters. Mary expected to meet her betrothed in town and was the happiest of the entire group.

I straightened my favorite jonquil bonnet. " According to the people, he is. I am biased therefore I will always answer in the affirmative." I scored, in my opinion a 8 or 9 out of 10, and compared to Mr. Collin's 3 or 4, I preferred and trusted Mr. Brooks more.

His false servility only made him more intolerable. " Ah. Mrs. Bennet informed me of your pending union. Are you prepared to serve the church faithfully?"

I tired of the talk of my marrying Mr. Brook, and I didn't understand why people only wanted to discuss my connection to Mr. Brooks when I had an amazing backstory that was more complex and interesting than any lady's same tired gossip.

Breathe. Just breathe. Jane came to my aid. " Mr. Collins, our Aunt Phillips will find your company enlightening," I caught up with Mary, rigidly rooted in a justified mistrust. This man would remove them from their home when Mr. Bennet died and when that day occurred the Bennets would be erased from Hertfordshire. I refused to accept this future.

" Mr. Booth will likely be on guard, but all the same I would like to see him," Mary said to me, bubbling with positivity.

I hooked my arm around her shoulders. " I will gladly walk with you," With the road a long stretch still, we stayed far enough ahead Mr. Collins would need to run to catch us, leaving Jane and Elizabeth to suffer his company.

" Caroline, why do you dislike Mr. Collins?"

" It is hard to explain," I stared forward, not wanting to look at her.

" I am not in disagreement with your dislike. His olive branch is marriage and he is only handsome in the eyes of God,"

" Mary!" I gasped.

She shrugged. " Do not scold me. Even Jane does not welcome his attentions," Her voice never raised above high whisper.

Had I tainted Mary?! Usually she was not this rude.

" Why do you dislike him? He done no wrong to you," Mary insisted.

I frowned. " His moral preaching should be saved for sermons, not households. While Lydia does require a shorter rope," Good Lord, that girl needed a leash all the time. If only her parents were more attentive to controlling her instead of letting her be this wild! " She does not constantly need instruction. Nor do all women for that matter. We are not helpless creatures ignorant of our own wants and needs, as he indicated his first day here,"

Lydia and Kitty turned toward us. I did not care if they overheard. Mary attached herself more closely. " I am obliged to agree. Will you continue to point out his faults?"

In my opinion, Mr. Collins set himself up for the reminder. Lydia wasn't the only one who needed instructions. " If he continues to point out our faults, yes. He may be a rector but he is still a man, Mary. No man is perfect,"

The healthy three miles stretch lead to a Red Coat dotted town. Lydia and Kitty's officer-hound sense kicked in with Jane and Elizabeth right behind to rein them in leaving Mr. Collins to watch in growing embarrassment. They darted across the street and started speaking to Mr. Denny. Mr. Denny approved to be a pleasant young man of respectable character, and most mothers generally approved of him overall. Even Colonel Forster mentioned him in general approval.

" Who is that?" Mary pointed to the handsome gentleman in Red with Mr. Denny.

Had I forgotten when Mr. Wickham would arrive? " He is quite striking, isn't he? Not a Mr. Darcy but incredibly matched in handsomeness," Upon closer inspection, from a short distance, he could have easily walked a red carpet event in pajamas and turned every lady's head. His dark hair and full sideburns framed a very handsome countenance.

Mr. Collins cocked his head in interest, to which Mary and I took no notice.

" I still prefer Mr. Booth,"

" And I Mr. Brooks. Come. We should introduce ourselves while Lydia and Kitty are determined to be boldly scheming," I took Mary's arm and dragged her willingly along. Mr. Collins followed us like a shadow.

Mr. Wickham already wrapped the ladies around his finger, all smiles and easiness as he complimented Meryton's quaint charm and its many pretty ladies. " Mr. Wickham, this is our sister, Miss Mary Bennet, engaged to Mr. Booth. Our distant cousin, Miss Caroline Banfield and another cousin, Mr. William Collins," Elizabeth made the introductions eagerly.

" Mr. Booth is a fortunate gentleman," Wickham said to Mary, all charm.

Mary blushed. " You are all politeness, sir,"

I stilled my hand to keep from slapping Mary upside the head. She was just as beautiful as any of her sisters and especially beautiful in her own way. " Excuse us, Mr. Denny. Mr. Wickham. We wish to call upon Mr. Booth," It felt wrong to walk away but it needed to be done. The plot needed to progress properly, my own opinions irrelevant. I refused to risk a possible return to my time for a simple grudge over a few plot points.

Lydia's wildness and Mr. Wickham's reckless charm and their combined lack of restraint for propriety inevitably would lock together and spell disaster. I intended to distance myself as much as possible. I had to give Miss Austen due credit for turning a poor gentleman into a handsome british god carved from flesh. I daresay he ranked 10 out of 10.


	13. Chapter 13

Mary paused at the corner as a horse and buggy obstructed us from Mr. Booth's view. He stood at a corner in full regimentals, aiding ladies, acknowledging gentlemen, and occasionally tossing a stick for a stray dog to bring back to him so he could toss it again. We melted as he pet the stray and offered to feed it later.

" You chose well, friend," I teased Mary.

Mary pushed me. " Hush. We are not Lydia and Kitty,"

I laughed. " Yes, we are. At least in this moment," The liberating modernity overwhelmed me, and it was then that I wanted to go home. To hug my mother and father and go back to college. I wanted to sleep in a comfortable bed and fluffy blankets in a natural gas warmed house. I wanted my jeans and t-shirts. But most of all I just wanted freedom again.

I moved forward at her tugging and soon we were in front of Mr. Booth. I turned my back to the pair and took the stick from the dog as it wagged its scruffy tail. Mary and Mr. Booth joyfully exchanged pleasantries and discussed everything but Mr. Booth's role in Meryton and the Regiment. I glanced up and down the alleyway before tossing the stick and watching the dog bound after it.

The only reason I noticed the passing of time was the dog finally laying at my feet in exhaustion. " You need a home, boy," I said to it as I scratched it behind the ears. " How would you like to go home with me?"

" I think it is a noble cause, Miss Banfield," Mr. Booth interrupted, all smiles. Unlike Mr. Wickham, his did not scheme to work into a person's trust.

" I fear Mrs. Bennet will say no, and I have not yet married Mr. Brooks," The woman hated anything that ruined her furniture and decor. I protected everything in my room at home with a passion too, so I understood the woman's protectiveness of her home. The dog, an outside dog already, wouldn't invade her personal space, therefore I saw no reason for the woman to refuse my adoption of it. Nonetheless, I didn't want to antagonize the woman any more than she wanted to see me in her home.

" Then Mr. Brooks can adopt him," Mary suggested innocently, beaming. Both their faces flushed and I admired their shared handsomeness. They really did fit together like lock and key, and to think it all started with a comment by Miss Harrington!

I smiled at the dog. " Does he have name, Mr. Booth?" I continued to pet and scratch the flea ridden dog. I already plotted how to rid the matted fur and fleas, hoping Mr. Brooks went along with it.

" No,"

I considered a list of mythological names, not considering that I only wanted the dog to feel 'normal'. If I had, maybe I might have decided marrying Mr. Brooks in my current cold feet and homesickness was a bad idea. Fortunately the thought never occurred to me and I continued to give the stray overflowing love.

" We should try to visit Aunt Phillips,"

" Forgive me,"

" I will look after him, Miss Banfield," Mr. Booth promised me. I could've hugged him, instead nodding. Unbeknowst to me, he would have Mr. Brooks collect the stray the next day as a wedding gift.

Reluctantly we called upon the Phillips. When we entered the town house, Lydia's guarding of the window introduced us into promises of an exciting evening the following day. Mr. Collins bumbled his way through the prodding of Mrs. Phillips, and when we quit the house, I listened to Jane and Elizabeth ponder the rudeness between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham. I kept my silence, my discontentment growing with the promise to give Jane Austen her due rights as author of Pride and Prejudice. It hurt to listen to Elizabeth defend Mr. Wickham, and I already learned a valuable lesson.

If you acted like Mr. Darcy in times where communication in person ranked number one in importance, no one would think you a good person. If you acted like Mr. Wickham, you were a saint. Mr. Wickham's easy manners leant him to everyone while Mr. Darcy put up the Berlin wall. I'd call it a wall of China but we all know Mr. Darcy isn't a cold fish.

A letter greeted me on my return and I retreated to the bedroom to read in peace. Lady Catherine De Bourg had no right to badger me from so far a distance, and I hoped to never lay eyes on the micromanaging busybody.

 _ **Dearly Beloved, It grieves me to hear you miserable and unable to rescue you. Scotland so near and far at the same time tease us both. While curious as to why this rector upsets you so deeply, I know you will profess the truth when we trust each other implicitly. Forgive my briefness, to-day's business is grave. Two are no longer in this world, a mother and babe. A husband and two sons without a wife and mother. As I write this, I think of you and what you mean to me. If I lost you to heavens, my heart would go with you. I will leave this letter on positive sentiments and express my admiration of your strength. Be strong, my love. John Brooks, Rector.**_

I wiped away free flowing tears as I simultaneously mourned the loss of my real life and real family and the greatest desire to take John back with me to modern ages. The letter fell to the floor as I curled up on the bed and let the emotions wash over me in tides. " Caroline?" Miss Finch entered the room hesitantly.

" Come in," I chose to pull the cover more over me.

She stepped closer. " It is near dinner,"

I weighed eating alone with Miss Finch for company and eating with the family. " Mrs. Bennet must be bothered I am not entertaining Mr. Collins with her daughters," At this point I cared little for her antics and would snap at her if she let loose her tongue.

Miss Finch sat at the edge of the bed. " Not at all. Mr. Collins is praising Lady Catherine De Bourg,"

" Of course," Did that man ever speak of anything else? You'd think him being a rector he'd be sermonizing and preaching morals or practicing his good intentions every opportunity afforded.

Miss Finch nodded. " She sounds like a benevolent lady,"

I sighed. " Tabitha, tell me the truth. Am I wrong for loathing Miss Bennet? She is no higher than me, the daughter of a tradesman, yet she acts as if she is above reproach and and born genteel! She was not born genteel. She doesn't even act genteel,"

My lady maid reached for my hand. I let her hold it, and we were comfortable for a few more minutes before preparing myself for dinner. Though Tabitha said nothing at all, I was glad I chose her as a lady maid. Tabitha locked the letter away with the rest of my letters and created delicate lace patterns in peace.

"...not believe the sight today," Kitty started to share in excited fervor. " A new officer,"

" Handsome too!" Lydia agreed. I wanted to disagree but his figure, his countenance, and ease made him extremely appealing.

It was Mary to be the voice of reason. " Out of the window their lessons have fled and instead we are confronted with idiocy." She shook her head and clucked her tongue. Mr. Collins moved to agree and Mr. Bennet allowed the excitement of a new officer and the censure of unbridled control of oneself.

" Hold your tongue, child. You are to marry one!"

I glanced up and noted Mary's sagging shoulders. At least I wasn't alone in misery. " At least I am not throwing myself at his feet every moment possible, and without prior acquaintance," She reacted neutrally, having no real desire to partake in the argument.

The youngest two sisters frowned. I half expected food to fly, ready to duck.

" And who do you speak of, Mary?" Mr. Bennet asked curiously.

" Mr. Wickham," She answered distastefully.

I wondered what she had against the man, not knowing the truth about Mr. Wickham yet.

" Ah," Mr. Bennet returned to his meal while Mrs. Bennet demanded to know more of Mr. Wickham. Along with Mary and I, Jane did not pull into Mr. Wickham's growing fame.

Squabbling followed, horrifying Mr. Collins and when he started to preach morals and instructions for proper young ladies, Mary countered only God could judge. I spit out my tea and apologized profusely, claiming temporary loss of mental faculty. It didn't matter though because inevitably all talk returned to Lady Catherine De Bourg. All in all, Mr. Bennet considered the evening extremely amusing, ignoring the potential report Mr. Collins could take back to Her Ladyship.

The following morning gave everyone a sermonized breakfast and rare visit from Mr. Brooks. Almost instantly Mr. Collins ushered him away and for the better of two hours I entirely loathed Mr. Collins for depriving me of my betrothed's rare free time. To my great relief Mr. Brooks gave Mr. Collins back to Mr. Bennet and walked me down the lane with Jane as company. Mrs. Bennet refused to allow Elizabeth to accompany Jane, for reasons already evident to most of the sisters.

With his arm in my hand, I let his physical presence calm my growing depression. " Your composure is admirable, Caroline. By and by does that man speak of anyone other than Lady Catherine De Bourg?" He laughed but this was no laughing matter!

" No. The woman is a God to him and it is nauseauting,"

" I'm certain she's a pleasant character, but I need not learn how grand her home is. Have you visited the parsonage by chance?"

" No. Should I?" It never occurred to me. Now that it did I wanted to decorate the place to an acceptable style that didn't make my eyes hurt. Busy wall paper conquered the regency era, and it didn't stay in the regency era either.

He nodded, even his eyes smiling. " At your leisure,"

" Oh? What have you ordered? New drapery? A proper wardrobe?" I teased in equal cheerfulness.

My gloved knuckles brushed his lips and in that moment my heart decided it truly did love him. Better or worse this man wooed me with letters and cobbled evenings that barely constituted a long acquaintance. I swear I didn't know how it happened, only that I trusted him. His age did not matter. His profession did not matter. I would be his and his only.

" You wound me, My Lady, to believe I would think so little of you," He mocked playfully, his deep voice making love to my nearly dead heart.

I raised a brow in concern. " Surely the entire parsonage isn't remodeled,"

" I am no such fool to sink my meager earnings into a home that will not always be mine," Mr. Brooks assured me seriously. " You will be pleased to find your surprise when you do visit,"

I glanced over my shoulder at Jane. " Jane, I may need to borrow your and Lizzy's company soon," I called out, Mr. Brooks properly eased back into a comfortable position. Assured that I had not forsaken his hand in marriage, he let me chose the timing of my shift of residence.

Jane just smiled tightly.

" Tell me, John, what do you think of Mr. Collins? He is an odd man, one of the sort I have never met before. Servile yet self-important. Moralistic yet ignorant of his own failings. His olive branch is an offer of marriage, not a true olive branch at all but a noose for the cornered,"

" Have I ever told you how uniquely different you view the world?" He remarked in good humor.

I laughed. " I rose from a merchant trader class, rising from trauma. I supposition it stems from the trauma I experienced," Modern day medicine called it PTSD. While I didn't suffer its effects because the backstory happened before my consciousness entered the regency era, my persons would have displayed some sign of instability due to this attempt on 'her' life.

" I supposition you are a lady destined for another time in history, a heretic to all that stands today yet impossibly correct in how corrupt society has grown,"

I paused never hearing him speak so seriously. My eyes scanned his face for a sign of hope or hint of his true inner thoughts. " I am intrigued. How has this homeland grown corrupt?" As a student of the future, all I had to do was google to find out how corrupt regency era was. Starting with the military and officers buying commissions to how the church treated its retired members, the corruption is clear but when living up close to it, the concerns were elsewhere. How did one feed oneself? Where did one purchase their clothing? How did they transport themselves? How deep in depth could they leverage themselves to marry their children up the food chain of wealth?

He covered my hand on his arm with his other hand. " Worry not,"

" John…"

" Not at this moment, Caroline," He whispered, patting my hand.

I sighed. Jane's presence ruined the moment. Try as we might the conversation never restarted and we walked back in silence. I insulted Mr. Collin's easy inheritance of Longbourn, Jane consequently relaying this Elizabeth later in private. Mr. Brooks agreed that it was a shame an entire family could be forced out of their home if Mr. Collins was a shady man. When we parted at the door, I feared for his soul. His kindness and good intentions, embraced by godliness, brought light to the poor. Whatever darkened his soul I would like to find it out and perish it.

Kitty and Lydia ambushed me when I entered the home with Jane. Along with them, Mary made certain I matched them in appearance. I found it odd that all three felt the need to make me equal in standing with them. " Why are you putting a fuss into my wardrobe?" I asked Mary. " Tabitha is capable-"

" Tabitha is helping Mrs. Hill," Kitty said. " And we are all avoiding Mr. Collins. Lizzy is stuck with him and Mama,"

Lydia laid on the bed. " May I have your shawl, Caroline?"  
I frowned. " You know full well I do not dress without it. Ask your mother for one of your own,"

" You lended Kitty a bonnet," Lydia whined. Kitty loved that bonnet for the sole reason that it was the only bonnet Lydia could not steal from Kitty because I had announced to the entire family more than once it was my gift to Kitty and Kitty only. Mr. Bennet smirked and Mrs. Bennet called me paranoid, but all the sisters, except Lydia, agreed with my tactic of making it a publicly known fact and my will.

" Because you kept taking hers," I snapped. " And no. The shawl is mine," I happened to love that shawl.

Her pout failed to sway me. " Lydia a shawl like that is less than a dress. I'm sure your father will approve," At the very least she'd stop flaunting her youthful figure if she wore a rectangular shawl.

No more argument followed over the shawl and soon we were all piling into a carriage for Meryton.


	14. Chapter 14

For once no one bickered. Everyone wanted to play lottery tickets and what other games Mrs. Phillips arranged for the party. I just wanted to mull over what made Mr. Booth tick and if I could convince him to marry Mary sooner because I feared he'd die in combat before taking the opportunity. Unfortunately Mr. Wickham's presence ruined that altogether.

Every lady's eyes followed him. I swear the clock stopped ticking and when he seated himself with Elizabeth, collective hearts broke. Watching him cozy up to her as if they were old friends, I wondered how many women he tricked into his confidence with this tactic. Knowing he'd be lying his ass off soon, I found myself greeting Mrs. Phillips warmly. The volume of people talking soon made the room vibrant with life. I no longer could pick out Lydia or Kitty. Mary attached herself to her betrothed. Jane I spotted with her eldest cousin, newly out.

" Do you play whist?" Mrs. Phillips asked me after kindly forcing coffee and muffins at me. I wanted to tell her that I already gained at least five pounds and I didn't want to put on more weight. Instead I accepted the coffee and dipped my muffins in it.

" No. But I do know how to play," I like Mrs. Phillips. Unlike Mrs. Bennet, Mrs Phillips showed heart. Mrs. Phillips may gossip, but it could be said a lady was more informed than any politician or military leader. Yes, she did cause stress from her gossiping, but to be fair, she only spread what she gathered. Most of all she never pretended to be more than a tradesman's daughter. She loved all her nieces equally and her children wielded manners better than most children their age.

She continued to watch me nibble on the coffee soaked muffin. " When you become Mrs. John Brooks, I imagine you'll have other duties," I nodded, letting her prod for more gossip. " Are you worried?"

" No," I covered my mouth with my hand and brushed away a crumb. " I have already come to terms with the heavy list of duties and while I do not envy its weight, I take the comfort that the curate will help carry the load,"

" Mr. Farson is a gentle fellow," Mrs. Phillips remarked quietly.

I swallowed hard. " He is. Soft spoken, but very capable. I think one day he would be an excellent rector,"

" Rector? If a living is made available,"

" Aye. I agree that the church is now a widespread choice that the battle for livings is stiff," I finished my coffee and crossed my ankles. My shawl kept me warm along with the coffee. " But to be fair to Mr. Farson, he has influence in the church and it grows each year,"

" A shame that he should only earn 32 pounds per annum,"

How she learned what Mr. Brooks paid out of pocket, I did not know. " Curates are not rectors, and Mr. Brooks is economical. He wanted to give the man an honest 50 pounds but his own living will suffer if he does." I argued impassionately, casting my eye upon Elizabeth and Mr. Wickham. Poor Mr. Darcy being slandered without even knowing it.

" A true heart he has and a devoted curate to help him. He is blessed," Mrs. Phillips agreed. I believed she expressed appreciation true and honest. A handsome man always earned trust before an ugly man, unless you were Mr. Collins. Then all you had to do was compliment people to death.

A general restlessness of the party urged the card tables out and the parties formed around tables. When Mr. Wickham settled with the delighted Elizabeth and Lydia, chatter picked up until Lydia's interes in the prizes offered drew her attention more. Granted the freedom to converse with the handsome Elizabeth, Mr. Wickham's spout of lies let loose. I tried to eavesdrop except Mary and Mr. Booth urged me to join them at their table. " You are spoiling my entertainment," I accused them jovially. " How will I ever find what they are speaking of now?" I nodded to Elizabeth and Wickham.

Mr. Booth's thin lips gave way to a shake of the head. " Miss Bennet is too insightful to be taken in by the likes of him. I spotted him just yesterday wooing a servant of the Harringtons,"

Well, Mr. Wickham worked fast, didn't he? He only just arrived!

" Mary, is this why you dislike him?" I inquired.

She shook her head no. " Not too loud, Caroline. Too many ears," She shook her finger at me. I noted how Mr. Booth kept her cup of coffee full at all times. How sweet of him.

I glanced around at the ladies and gentlemen invited. She had a point. Most everyone here bartered on gossip. " Mr. Booth, is it only servants?" I lowered my voice for our reputable privacy.

He shook his head. " If a servant draws his eye so will a proper lady,"

I raised a brow. " Mary informed you that Mr. Wickham called your betrothal a fortunate one. How handsome Mary is, even beside Jane and Elizabeth,"

" Caroline…" Mary protested weakly.

I shook a finger. " Tut tut. You are a pretty lady and no one should say otherwise. Do you agree, Mr. Booth?" I turned to her betrothed, winking.

He chuckled and briefly rested his hand over hers. " She is the fairest of the land, a Guinevere to my Arthur,"

" Arthur loved his Guinevere too," Mr. Booth was almost too perfect. He wasn't as rich as Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy, but he completed Mary in the ways that Bingley completed Jane and Darcy completed Elizabeth.

I turned back around to observe Elizabeth and Mr. Wickham now able to have their own secluded conversation, especially with Mr. Collins vexing Mrs. Phillips with his excessive compliments and illimitable apologies for not being more skilled with common card games. Oh Lordy, the tall tale being spun by that mortal god in flesh and the size of his ego! Even if he were a mortal god in flesh, no right existed for him to thoroughly trash a good man's reputation.

Mary shook her head. " You are as obvious as Miss Bingley,"

I grinned. " I object,"

" Miss Bingley shows more discretion," Mr. Booth debated. " Miss Banfield shows no discretion in her actions. Honesty, refreshing when confronted with the likes of Miss Bingley,"

" Thank you for a stirring round of applause to my lack of subterfuge, but I am not ashamed of this," My mother always said I needed a mute button along with the occasional remote control.

Fortunately I was not the only lady openly watching the pair, and the handsome pair barely noticed everyone else. If I only possessed a camera to take their picture, all of Austen fans would worship me. Or maybe I was in a coma or dead and this is the afterlife. At least Mr. Brooks accompanied me in this roller coaster ride.

Mary smacked my arm. She forced me to tend to her and Mr. Booth until the whist party broke up and supper properly started. The food, once again belly expanding, impressed me and how much flavor we lost in chemically processed foods. " My only regret tonight is that Mr. Brooks is not in attendance," I boasted to Mr. Phillips. " I love the gentleman with all my heart,"

The port already put him under and the nature of my comment earned a nod. With Mr. Phillips a lost cause, I in turn greeted Jane with excessive spirits. She stirred her soup with a spoon, and not being Elizabeth, I could not distinguish whether she was sad, withdrawn, or simply contemplative. Her lacking interest abandoned me to a quiet meal, with Lydia and Kitty out of the corner of my eye and Mr. Wickham passing himself around the ladies freely.

Mr. Booth assured me as the party broke up that he would prevent Mr. Wickham from harming reputations. I grimaced, pleased that at least someone saw through the handsome stranger. " The night kept me entertained thoroughly. Thank you. Goodness knows that I refused to listen to silly men," He laughed at me.

Following the group to the carriage after bidding him good night, I dragged my proverbial feet loathing the need to join the boisterous group. Lydia and Mr. Collin's constant stream of dialogue prevented the idea of sleep ever entering my mind. Mary smiled ear to ear, thrilled to have Mr. Booth's company all evening. Even Jane excused herself for an early retirement to bed, and I sensed it had little to do with a headache. In fact, she's been cut off from the family in general after Mary's betrothal. Mr. Bingley's attentions lifted her spirits, but Mrs. Bennet's harping sank that as fast as the hopes rose at introduction.

The next day Mr. Wickham's lies still not yet fully spread bothered Elizabeth and Jane. Mary played in amazing passion an irish aire, earning her father's praise on end. " I should invite the gentleman to dinner if you play half as well as that!" He kissed her forehead as she embraced him.

I clutched my hands on my lap and curled beneath my shawl. One day closer to my marriage and Netherfield ball near, I expected Mrs. Bennet to be great distracted. I would be if I were her - knowing that the thorn in my side is soon to be gone and a party properly conducted. Mrs. Bennet wasn't me though, and although Mary played exceptionally well, her head lingered elsewhere.

" Caroline, you should play," Mary insisted.

I shook my head. " No, my friend, I will not. My head hurts enough and you are far better to listen to. I am merely waiting for Mr. Brook's letter," Soon a torrential rain would lock us in the house and the true torture awaited like a cackling god.

" An attentive gentleman. He does you due credit," Mr. Bennet replied cheerfully. His aged wrinkles appeared less numerous today. I suspected it had to do with the effect Mrs. Bennet had on his overall health.

I nodded. " He does his profession due credit,"

Mr. Bennet released his daughter and decided it was time to take a walk. Mary returned to another aire and I perked up at Miss Finch's entrance with a package fetched from Meryton nodding to Mr. Bennet in passing. Holding the package in confusion, I smoothed my hands over the general shape of it before putting my ear to it. Even Mary waited for me to open it.

" Should I take bets?" I teased them.

Mary rose to take the box but I yanked it back out her reach. Tabitha almost grabbed it but I clutched it on my lap and demanded the scissors or letter opener. Mary supplied the scissors from Kitty's needlepoint basket. The wrapping removed quickly and a letter sealed with a blank drop of wax. A hair comb and and letter were laid out on the crafting/card table. While Tabitha picked up the ornate hair comb in awe, Mary was more interested in the letter as was I.

We opened it and read it silently to ourselves, but the contents were anything but amusing or even heartwarming. " Tabitha, what do you make of this?" I called out to my friend. " Miss Caroline Banfield, It is with much relief we heard of your advantageous engagement to the gentleman Mr. John Brooks of Hertfordshire County. You are not aware of a past commitment between your mother and myself. The day you were born, your mother promised you to as my son's wife when you came of age. Her family's heirloom hair comb placed in my care ensured the promised union to take place. When you came of age, and your father perished, the union never came to fruition on the account of my son suffering a life shortening illness. Imagine my shock when we learned of your mother's insanity. In high hopes I return this heirloom to its rightful owner in hopes that your own union will be as agreeable as your parents. Judith Bloom,"

" A pearl studded gold hair comb. If only my family would pass onto me something so valuable," Tabitha said as she handed it over to me.

I ran my fingers over it, seeing it genuine in material. There was no way that I could ever not pass this onto the next generation of this bloodline, even if they weren't a direct Banfield. " I owe Mrs. Bloom a great debt for returning this," Mary asked to hold it and I handed it over to her.

Lydia burst into the room. " See? I told you Mr. Booth sent Mary a gift!"

Kitty and Elizabeth stumbled into the room at Lydia's pulling. Mary handed the comb back over to me. " It is Caroline's. A family's heirloom returned to her," She stated calmly to them all.

Tabitha hastily made to leave. I grabbed her hand. " No. You are my friend and I wish your company. Please," She hesitated and then obeyed, seating herself right next to me. Mary purposefully moved to the other side to keep Tabitha between us. Lydia started to protest except Elizabeth ordered her to be polite or vacate the drawing room. Lydia chose option two, leaving Tabitha offended.

I started to apologize for Lydia's behavior but Tabitha meekly bowed her head accustomed to being overlooked. Mary and Kitty immediately decided that Lydia's behavior was completely unacceptable and Lydia would apologize before the week was through. Elizabeth and I tried to cheer up Tabitha with a peek at my wedding dress, which I finished but had yet to unveil to everyone but Mr. Bennet, Mrs. Bennet, and Lydia. She didn't dare touch it after Lydia's insult.

Mary took the pompeian red gown into her arms and held it up for everyone to admire. " I adore the choice of velvet!" She spun around with it, testing its weight. Elizabeth's joy at seeing her sister in good mood admiring a dress instead of a sermon added to the overall mood of the room. Despite Lydia's snobbery, Tabitha soon swayed to everyone's good mood and she settled right into the group without further issue. I eventually claimed the gown again and asked Tabitha to fit me in it while the sisters were given privacy amongst themselves.

We were in the bedroom modeling the gown, Tabitha complimenting my skill over and over until even I tired of the compliment, when Mr. Bingley arrived with his invitation for the Netherfield Park ball. By the time we arrived back downstairs with me properly dressed in my normal clothing, Mrs. Bennet and Lydia plotted how to best show off Jane at the ball with Jane in company and Elizabeth painfully played along. Mary unfortunately started to suffer a cracking voice from an exuberant earlier performance and her further practice only caused her singing to suffer immensely. I already noticed the precursors to how the ball would turn out the way it was drawn out.

With Mary's cracking voice, Jane's continued meek character, and Elizabeth's eagerness to dance with Mr. Wickham, Lydia and Kitty looked forward to dancing! I left them to their devices. Everybody deserved this high before the storm hit, and when the plot left them high and dry without a hope, this moment would be the moment that reminded them that life didn't always kick you while you were down - it occasionally lifted its foot off your neck to let you breathe more freely time to time!

The only person that could possibly ruin the mood hadn't bothered to stop bothering Mr. Bennet, and while Mr. Collins was elsewhere, I embraced the slowly appealling realization that if this was to be my new home at least I had the crazy family to make it memorable.


	15. Chapter 15

Fortunately with the excitement of the invitation to the ball, the sisters resorted to planning their accessories and outfits. Even Mary did not object and why should she-Mr. Booth and she would dance again! So when the rain fell in devastating unrelenting sheets, I quietly thanked the heavens for providing me not learning more inane intelligence about the many officers in town. The agony of the wait had Jane and Elizabeth roaming the house in search of a spot that Mrs. Bennet would not find them. Kitty and Lydia napped the days away. Mary and I mended our wardrobes, preferring to stay busy in practical ways rather than fretting about what we could not change or affect.

" Scotland," I said as I mended a small tear on my favorite green velvet gown.

Her fingers pinched the hem of her dress together. I cast my gaze to the floor in all its dirtyness and pondered if this is the true partner to Caroline Banfield. Was Mr. Brooks just a diversion from someone else more worthy? No!

" Scotland," She agreed.

We returned to the respective clothing pieces in comfortable silence. The pouring rain comforted my weak nerves and for once I pitied Mrs. Bennet. I understood the anxiety, although I now seriously attributed a chemical imbalance to her 'nerves'.

Mr. Collins asking for Elizabeth's hand at the dining table for dances no longer amused Mr. Bennet. He saw what we all did - that Mr. Collins favored Elizabeth for a wife. Mrs. Bennet talked of gowns and gossip and Red Coats with Lydia crowing about dancing with Mr. Wickham since Elizabeth could not keep him to herself. I abstained from spoiling everyone's expectations. Not even Mr. Collins earned that unpleasantness, nor did I wish to skip out on the drama it would crash Longbourn with.

Being rain locked into a house however had its challenges. A small wardrobe that needed mending and limited topics, Mary and I resorted to reading out loud books to each other to pass the time, and even Kitty and Lydia agreed to take part in our small acting skits which consisted mostly of improv scenes focusing on ladies of a fictional shire faced with different dilemmas and choices. Sometimes the skits lasted longer than twenty minutes of interesting ladies of Darcy-like wealth and Mrs. Bennet-like antics. Sometimes they lasted five minutes with everyone deciding it was a bad skit and we should start fresh. Once or twice Mr. Collins tried to preach Fordyce to us all but we rebelled in unison and instead of handed over Shakespeare. This horrified him and he refused to be in our silly company from that point on.

When Tuesday finally rolled through and the ball relieved us all with the prospect of varied company and fine food, everyone hurried to pretty themselves up for the fateful ball that most all of us believed would shape Jane's bright future. Only Mr. Bennet considered Mrs. Bennet's hopes that Mr. Bingley would propose to be vain and childish. Tabitha spent over an hour on my hair alone, and even though Mrs. Bennet before complained of my taking up Lucy's time, she now wanted Tabitha to help Lucy prepare the other girls for the ball. I told Tabitha to rest up and to ignore Mrs. Bennet as loudly as possible, knowing Lydia would run off to tattle to her mother of my defection ( But seriously, given my history with the woman why did she think I would let her abuse Tabitha as she did all the other servants of the house?)

" You will silence all doubters of your beauty tonight," She assured me, deciding to not help Lucy and let Mrs. Bennet swallow the bitter pill of revenge.

My hand found hers over my shoulder. " You are kind, but I only care if Mr. Brooks believes," We sat in Mary's room listening through the cracked door as Mrs. Bennet complained bitterly to Mr. Collins about my incorrigible behavior and being a poorly behaved house guest. I couldn't help but grin as she went on in growing vexation that I did not bow to her whim. If she only treated me with respect in the beginning I wouldn't be acting like I was now! All for naught though, as this would never occur in a small mind such as hers.

When Tabitha wished me a full night of dancing, I descended the steps wearing the family heirloom in my nest of hair and my favorite velvet gown. I grinned at Mary, who I had let in on my plan from the beginning. Lydia and Kitty never expected me to listen to their mother, and while Jane wanted me to, Elizabeth already informed her sister that respect begets respect. Elizabeth reminded me of the same and I'm sure one day I would show respect to Mrs. Bennet. Today was not that day, and no amount of her quiet hatred unsettled me.

In the carriage, Lydia went on about how she would marry Mr. Darcy if he condescended to offer to her. Mr. Collins affronted by this statement declared no such offer would occur as Mr. Darcy was already obligated elsewhere. Before he could elaborate and Mrs. Bennet inquire, Kitty kicked Lydia. Lydia kicked back, hitting Mary instead. " If you will not restrain yourself at the very least aim properly," Mary yelled at Lydia.

Mrs. Bennet started to order peace but the lighted Netherfield Park ascended into view. From afar the home stole my breath. A gorgeous stone exterior, expansive veranda, and a statue towering in the middle of the circular drive set the image forever captured in my mind. Windows everywhere! I visited Netherfield before but to see it at this hour under the growing moonlight cast it into a new place of honor.

Drivers, horses, and carriages cluttered the free lane and packed the stables full. More people yet to arrive promised a full evening of entertainment. Kitty nudged me. " Think of the dancing! All the officers-"

" Mr. Wickham!" Lydia squealed, hurting all our ears and displeasing Mr. Collins thoroughly. " Lizzy will have the first two dances with Mr. Collins," Mrs. Bennet discreetly pinched Lydia into silence, her lips pressed together in dissatisfaction.

I glanced toward Elizabeth who steadfastly avoided everyone's gaze. " Mr. Collins, I understand you are overly pleased with Meryton. Almost all of note will be here tonight," I hated Mr. Collins less with each day, merely accepting his existence as a minor inconvenience to how I believed the world should be. Truthfully I hated his role more than I did his actual character.

The rector nodded. " Including your betrothed,"

" Mr. Brooks does not dance, or so he tells me," I held out no desire to dance though as tonight's energy crackled in its raw excitement, I too fell victim to the allure of a ball this grand.

Mr. Collins seemed to be insulted by Mr. Brooks chosen inactivity. " Dancing is not improper of a clergyman-"

" Of course not, Mr. Collins," Mrs. Bennet encouraged him. " Lizzy is a prolific dancer,"

If that is how Mrs. Bennet wanted to set the stage, I would gladly be of assistance. " Indeed,she is a strong dancer. Mr. Collins, are you well acquainted with the Bingleys? They come from the north, but that is all we know," I lied. Miss Bingley told me exactly where they originated from and I refused to let that information seep out to anyone but the most deserving parties.

Jane's brow quirked. Mr. Collin's hovering tonight was the equivalent of stalking and I wanted Elizabeth to have some peaceful time. Mr. Collins replied he did not know anything but should he learn he'd most willingly pass it along. The driver pulled to a stop at the veranda steps and Mr. Bennet let everyone out of the cramped carriage.

Mary smacked Lydia with her fan before Lydia escaped. I tried to follow but Mary pulled me back and let everyone else go first. " What are you plotting?" She hissed.

" Saving Lizzy," I whispered before exiting the carriage. Mary followed closely. Already the volume of noise spilled out onto the veranda as we progressed up the steps and toward the ballroom. At least the rain stopped for this lovely night. The smell of rain still fresh, I inhaled it and wished I could capture the smell without the actual rain.

The crush of bodies in the ballroom hit me instantly and I stood off to the side hesitant to enter the horde of people. I started envisioning the zombie adaptation of the book and quickly shook my head. No zombies in this world, no zombies in this….NO! Praying I didn't push the wrong thought and zombies somehow pop into existence, I bravely entered the fray.

Mary slipped into the fray and I no longer spotted her through the various clusters of threes and four and sometimes six and seven people of mixed families and of mixed genders. I stumbled upon Mrs. Long captivated by Mr. Brooks. " Miss Banfield!" She greeted me with open arms. I hugged her and kissed both her cheeks. " Mr. Brooks regalled me with his renovations to the parsonage,"

I blushed. " Oh?" I hope he didn't blow through his proper budget just to please me.

" You are going to fall in love with it," She assured me in overflowing mirth.

I bit my lip. He was a handsome idiot who needed slapped upside the head. The parsonage was probably fine before he spruced it up. " Mr. Brooks, you appear well,"

" As do you," He replied in kind, taking in my complete appearance.

Mrs. Long excused herself. " Mr. Collins is wishing to speak with you this evening. I would not tell him about all the horror that Mr. Collins endured during the rain locked days.

He cleared his throat. " Impossible. My time is devoted to you and only you,"

" Great kindness does not belay the bumbling rector," I warned him while laughing. " But we can find others to...direct his attentions," It didn't matter. In the latter half of the evening he'd be hovering near Elizabeth and making her miserable.

" Excellent suggestion. Miss Long desired your audience and Miss Rowley wanted to know who your dress maker is," He relayed to me. Both of us stood still in a sea of people and already Lydia claimed a dance partner. " I do not desire to dance,"

I smiled. " Nor do I,"

Relief marked his countenance. Mr. Darcy approached us then. As the introductions were already previously made, we did not need to re-introduce ourselves. " Mr. Brooks, we never had the pleasure. Miss Banfield, I trust the roads were safe?" I nodded. His awkward ease amused me in the manner a reader winces when the main character utterly fails.

I happened to note Miss Bingley's predatorial stalking, never out of direct line of sight of Mr. Darcy. " Excuse me while I engage Miss Bingley in mutually desired distraction. Clearly you wish to share Mr. Brook's confidence," Before Mr. Darcy protested my assumption and Mr. Brook's dissuaded me, I wove my way toward a woman I only once before.

We met halfway where I observed in a distance toward the band Mr. Denny speaking to Lydia and Elizabeth. " Miss Bingley, I regret we did not meet when the invitation was extended. You appear well. Is that a new gown? It is very becoming?" Her primrose colored gown actually complimented her form better than the ugly puce she preferred. Her ready manner replied in kind and soon we were debating the latest fashions overtaking London, including indian shawls and prints. That knowledge in particular presented like Wikipedia to me, complete with a reference list for shops that sold quality materials and products.

" How shocking. I believed the Bennets more knowlegible on fashion than yourself," Miss Bingley said without fear. " How are you more informed than the Matriarch of Madness?"

I laughed until my sides hurt. " Matriarch of Madness. Why did I not think of it first?"

" You do not have your own designated honorific for her?" Caroline's jaw would've dropped were she less of a trained lady.

My honorifics were more blunt and less able to be repeated in polite company. " None so majestic as yours. I daresay you have bested me, Miss Bingley," We both turned our gazes across the room to Mr. Darcy and Mr. Brooks. " Like a gaggle of hens, the men flock together. At least Mr. Bingley is dancing,"

Indeed Mr. Bingley currently danced with Jane and Elizabeth with Mr. Collins. Being heavyset every time he stepped on her foot, she winced and hid her pain well. " The sort of man Mr. Collins presents is respectable and not well versed in polite society," Caroline critiqued.

" With Lady Catherine De Bourg as his patroness I understand dancing is not an amusement but a distraction from her strong opinions," I whispered in equal insult. " As it is, Mr. Collins confidence borders on the knowledge he can oust the sisters once Mr. Bennet no longer resides,"

Caroline's interest peaked, I explained the whole to her. " Awful!"

" Aye. Though Mr. Collins shows no maliciousness, men are apt to change," I shrugged and sipped my punch. " I am fully confident Lizzy will reject him,"

" And so she should with dancing such as that," Caroline's disgust bordered on rage, and I started to wonder about her as well. We all saw the dark side of her but was she really evil? Jealous women were of all alignments, after all. " Is it true she has a fondness for a certain officer?"

I nodded. " Mr. George Wickham,"

" Son of Mr. Wickham, steward to Mr. Darcy's father," Caroline informed me. " Not befitting a lady of her standing,"

I cocked my head at her. She liked Elizabeth? Well, that was truly shocking. " Beg your pardon, but I should return to Mr. Brooks," She readily released me and I walked away with my doubts about her written character.

Mr. Brooks received me warmly and Mr. Darcy parted for elsewhere. " Do you care to dance this evening?"

" No. Hard floors hurt my feet too much. Possibly we could agree dancing is not one of our bonding activities?" I waited, hoped he understood.

His shoulders sagged. " I loathe dancing," He whispered.

" Then we are properly matched," I whispered in return and dragged him toward Sarah and Miss Haringtons. I wish I could say I obsessively followed Elizabeth throughout the next sets of dances but between Sarah and cousin Lovells telling me about Sarah's sister's pending union to an ill Mr. Ashland and Miss Rowley's intention to season in London, I had no time! Mr. Brooks learned more about his flock from the ladies than he did all of the gentlemen. Jane and Mr. Bingley barely separated for the evening and although Mr. Darcy was distant, Jane showed no partiality to Mr. Bingley whatsoever. I overheard Mrs. Bennet boasting of the opportunity for Kitty and Lydia to be exposed to other rich men.

Mr. Brooks shook his head in disgust at her bad manners. Lady Lucas cornered us at the punch bowl to probe Jane's personal inclinations. Once again I had no real answer to provide. Elizabeth's typically preferred answer, " She's shy," failed to satisfy Lady Lucas and soon I witnessed Mrs. Morrison and Lady Lucas speaking aside from their usual cohorts.

I leaned toward Mr. Brooks. " And Mrs. Bennet is perplexed as to why no one offers to Jane," I did not, especially after tonight, only blame Mrs. Bennet. Jane barely exerted herself in assuring him of her own partiality.

" By what do you mean?" He said dumbly.

" Jane shows no inclination to his attentions. She does not even boast of a fondness of him to the other ladies. Is he to read her thoughts to know if she cares for him or not?"

He finally understood. " And this upsets you?"

" Yes! Jane is family. Distant family but family all the same!"

" My beloved," He treated me like he would an invalid. " Not all are as vocal as you,"

I rolled my eyes. " Mr. Brooks, it is nothing to do with being outspoken. It has to do with reception and reciprocation of one's emotions and desires. It is not that hard to simply smile more, shun more outside company-"

Mr. Darcy unknowingly eavesdropped on my rant. Not even Mr. Brooks spotted him next to Mr. Hurst half in the bottle.

"-anything to show a profound attraction. Even the shy Miss Rowley is to season in London and it is widely known she preferred Mr. Booth for a spell before her interests changed. How was this known? She chose to exert her focus on another gentleman more…"

" As you do with me?" He stared at me blankly. God he was dense!

I took his hand in mine. " John, I entertain few and choose your company over any other young man's. I boast of you to everyone in my acquaintance, and I allow my violent affections to show. Shyness is a beast of its own rules. Mr. Bingley cares for Jane and though she yields to his company, what does she do beside yield? Most everyone believes Mrs. Bennet is ordering her to yield to his attentions…"

No longer he smiled. " Is she?"

" No such order is issued in my presence. She loathes my presence in her home," If Mrs. Bennet could avoid death by hangman she'd smother me in my sleep.

He squeezed my hand and cast his eyes toward Jane and Mr. Bingley. His mouth twisted and then he let go of my hand. " And Mr. Bennet does nothing. Shameful,"

Quickly changing subject he asked of what Miss Bingley and I spoke of. I admitted we were not well acquainted and pointed out the various other occupants of the ball until an hour later we both witnessed the collision of Elizabeth and Caroline after Elizabeth's disastrous dance with Mr. Darcy. Consequently Elizabeth and Jane met up as Bingley stopped his brother-in-law from falling over into the band and Mrs. Hurst claimed a sore ankle to take care of her husband without being tainted by shame. However the damage already set on her and her husband and she bore it as strong as she bore it before.


	16. Chapter 16

For the rare moment Mr. Brooks pulled away to speak with Mr. Bingley about Mr. Hurst and his drinking problem, I gravitated toward Elizabeth. Throughout the evening I spotted Mary and Mr. Booth dancing and congregating with Mr. Booth's parents. Lydia and Kitty never left the dance floor, their superior health allowing them to celebrate their youth properly. Jane and Mr. Bingley were connected at the hip if Jane wasn't claimed by Mrs. Hurst or Miss Bingley or besieged by her mother, the loudmouth Mrs. Bennet. Mr. Collins took it upon himself to finally hunt down Mr. Darcy and upon seeing him, the failure to comprehend he had no social authority to introduce himself to a socially higher ranked gentleman distressed Elizabeth.

" My dear Miss Elizabeth, I have the highest opinion of the world in your excellent judgment in all matters, within the space of your understanding," Once again I wanted to sew his mouth shut! He babbled on further in a self-important manner that made him intolerable. Don't misunderstand me, I understand that Mr. Collins as a clergyman is respected by all classes of society, but that did not mean he was leveled with Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy earned a clear 10,000 per annum and descended from a line of landowners. His wealth was not only vested and historically tested, it outmatched Mr. Collins regardless of Mr. Collin's service to God's word.

When he attacked Mr. Darcy, I placed myself next to Elizabeth as a sentry. " What a pompous idiot to speak to you as if you are stupid," I huffed.

She rested her hand on my arm. " He is nothing like Mr. Brooks,"

Thank the heavens for that! I had full confidence that Mr. Brooks understood social customs. " Not at all. If he were, I would have rejected his courtship. Handsomeness does not make up for lack of reason," I sure that Mr. Collins supported his decisions with very sensible reasons, but Mr. Collins is no ordinary fool. He supports his reasons by his self-serving humble sense of service that flattered everyone and serviced no one properly.

" In his mind he is a man of reason and godliness," Elizabeth said in severe discomfort.

I pitied her. " At least the detestable idiot will leave soon. Are you feet sore?"

Elizabeth had no time to answer as Mr. Collins reached us. I engaged him in conversation about his house in Hunsford and if he visited Mr. Brooks parsonage yet. This allowed Elizabeth to escape and prompted Mr. Denny to come to my aid. I joined forces with Mr. Denny and directed Mr. Collins to seek out Lady Lucas and her husband. It required heavy convincing but once he spotted Sir William Lucas and excused himself, Mr. Denny leaned toward me.

" Miss Eliza needs an escort from him," He shared. " Might I suggest Mr. Brooks?"

I scoffed. " Mr. Brooks finds his choice of topic exhausting, but the mission will be undertaken. You have my word," Unfortunately supper ruined any hope of Mr. Collins being discouraged.

Mrs. Bennet's boasting of Jane's impending marriage to Mr. Bingely to Lady Lucas convinced Mr. Collins Elizabeth stayed the right choice for his honorable intentions. Mr. Brooks and I seated ourselves with the Bingley and Darcy party with the encouragement of Mr. Darcy himself. Mr. Bingley sat opposite of Miss Bingley and Mr. Darcy sat to Mr. Brooks right.

" If a rector of my parish were as active as you, sir, I'd be a proud patron," Mr. Darcy complimented Mr. Brooks over the fine fare laid out by servants, empty platters carried away once completely emptied. " Miss Banfield-" I perked up at the mention of my regency name. "-and her many talents should bless the parish beyond expectation,"

I kept my eyes to my food, not wanting to spoil any further compliments.

" What talents does Mr. Darcy refer to, Miss Banfield?" Miss Bingley asked baldly.

Mr. Brooks answered for me as I chewed my cold ham lady-like after cutting it up in neat squares. " Miss Banfield makes and mends all the dresses and gowns she owns," Caroline appeared impressed and even Mr. Darcy nodded in approval. " She is a most proficient letter writer and her organization exceeds my own and Mr. Farson's," I expected the praise to end there but he continued on in a glowing manner that only continued to elevate me to the status of goddess in a matter of ten minutes. My annoyance with him only grew incrementally, knowing that the social reputation he was building would collapse when I slipped up and then I'd come tumbling down without a parachute to soften the fall.

I kicked over the pedestal unapologetically. " Please do not believe every word. I am well organized only because my father was a shopkeeper. I make dresses and gowns because my mother was a dress maker.I already finished my wedding dress, and I expect I'll be modifying the drapery at the parsonage. I was taught to be useful, not decorative," I aimed the last comment at no one but more than half the ladies in hearing distance cast dirty glances in my direction excluding Miss Bingley.

" You were raised properly then," Mr. Darcy said as he cleaned his hands with a hand towel. " Has family inherited the shop?"

" No." I looked at Mr. Darcy. Though he still put up a cold front, he didn't appear so threatening seated. " His partner inherited it. My caretakers, the Gardiners of Gracechurch Street, took me in and I came to Hertfordshire to grow in the Bennet's company,"

Miss Bingley hastily cleared her throat, holding back mocking giggles. Mr. Bingley nodded to Jane. " Miss Bennet is an angel," Jane bowed her head over her food while containing her pleasure.

Stupid girl. This is your moment! Seize it. Shine. Show Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst you're not a pretty portrait lacking substance. Do something besides sit there like a doll!

" Most everyone agrees with you, Mr. Bingley. I am fond of the Bennets myself. I consider them as dear as sisters to me and I look forward to Mary's union to Mr. Booth. They are very well matched in wealth and handsomeness," I nodded down the table, the opposite direction of Mrs. Bennet's fat, unchecked mouth. " Lydia and Catherine- we all call her Kitty, are fond dancing. Miss Elizabeth, as you danced with her earlier, Mr. Darcy - Miss Elizabeth is Jane's chief confidante. I respect her as much as I respect Jane and Mary,"

Caroline's mouth twerked like she wanted to make a comment and instead turned her head as Mrs. Bennet put down Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy's expression darkened. I cleared my throat and kept my comments to myself. Mr. Brooks carried on where I left off, declaring that he owed the Bennets a debt of gratitude for accepting me into their home and making him the happiest of rectors in the countryside. No doubt this would make it back to Mrs. Bennet and she'd claim the credit for my happy future marriage, and if she didn't I would be wholly surprised.

" Lest I start singing you endless praise and raise the pedestal beneath you," I teased Mr. Brooks. " Hush,"

He boldly grinned. " I challenge thee,"

I opened my mouth to meet that challenge when the silence fell over the vast party and Mary rushed to the pianoforte. Her breaking voice as she sang and played broke my heart and sent Mr. Bennet to grant everyone a reprieve. Mr. Booth soothed the wounded Mary and Mr. Collin's ridiculousness increased, if that were possible. Mr. Bingley's partiality showcased his blinders and captured heart much to the horror of Miss Bingley, Mrs. Hurst, and to the great dismay of Mr. Darcy. I pretended to be ignorant of the slew of negative opinions and wished Mary the best in her future performances, if she were ever brave enough to make another on for so grand a party again.

The rest of the evening passed tolerably well on my end. Mr. Darcy demanded to know how I could embarrass Mr. Brooks. I succeeded in listing how he attended to every birth, every death, every marriage, providing in home counseling for those unable to make it to services, and regularly helped those who needed employment or a doctor. He even took up post duties, delivering letters if they were on his route. Mr. Darcy declared I was marrying the most reputable gentleman in the parish.

" Reputable, but I will barely enjoy his company. At least the traveling is not constant outside of Hertfordshire," I covered a yawn, rolling my ankle and wrists to starve off the soreness of standing around so long a period of time in little more than a slip of cloth as padding against cold hard floors.

Mr. Darcy noticed this and offered the nearest chair to me. I declined. " I insist," He said in genuine concern.

Reluctantly I accepted the chair and dully observed ladies and gentlemen dancing, relieved that Lydia did not monopolize the entirety of Mr. Denny's time at the ball. I hoped a bright future for the soldier, but I feared my own hopes for him would be dashed given the number of wars that plagued Europe, not that the US was any better. We had our fair share of squabbles and in my time, it had become clear that we no longer ceased to be defenders but aggressors and that concerned me. Sadly the like of Mr. Denny would continued to be sacrificed for the politician's war.

We hovered near Elizabeth and eventually I sought out Sarah and entertained her cousins for the remainder of the evening. Mr. Brooks escorted us back to Longbourn after Mrs. Bennet's stalling distressed an already embarrassed Jane, Elizabeth, and Mrs. Hurst. Only Mr. Bingley regret seeing the party leave because it swindled away his angelic Jane.

Jane and Elizabeth were mentally exhausted from their mother's gymnastic attempt and convincing everyone that one of her daughters would be married soon, if not two. Mr. Collins concluded his attentions to Elizabeth a success, so he allowed himself to rest up for the morning where he intended to waste no time in offering his hand of marriage. Lydia, for once, was too tired to talk much, and Kitty likewise tuckered out, laid her head on Lydia's shoulder. Mr. Bennet in his half sloshed state of being failed to notice that Mary cried in the darkness of the carriage, unable to fully recover from her miserable performance at the pianoforte in front of so many people.

Tabitha greeted Mary and I when we entered the bedroom after a chorus of good nights. She put down her lace creation and hurried to seat us both on the bed so that she could more easily let our hair down.

" Why did you sing with your voice still breaking?" I asked Mary curiously, pulling out the pins and comb for Tabitha.

Mary kicked off her slippers. " I hoped it would heal by now. Jane and Lizzy are always praised. I wanted Hertfordshire to appreciate me as they appreciate Jane and Lizzy,"

I pulled her into a hug, annoying Tabitha who tried to undress her. We didn't need to talk about it further, retiring to bed instead. When I woke, almost everyone spoke of the ball and how it passed too quickly for their liking. I thought it passed too slowly for the Bennets to avoiding shaming themselves. Mary chose to stay in her room and Lucy carried a tray of food to the room for her. Mr. Bennet kept to his study and mostly liquid breakfast while Jane and I hurried through our own breakfast. Lydia, declaring she felt fat, decided to skip breakfast but could not convince Kitty to skip it with her.

I hid away in the drawing room hoping for a visit from Mr. Brooks and for Mr. Booth to call upon Mary while Jane wandered off to the garden to pray and contemplate. It wasn't until I glimpsed Kitty scampering off upstairs that I realized Mr. Collins cornered Elizabeth in the dining room. With no one in sight, I was the only person on the first floor who could eavesdrop. I'd already read the book more than once, so I chose to stay in the drawing room with the door teased open. At the sound of footsteps on the stairs, I peaked out and saw Mrs. Bennet hovering near the dining room door.

I quietly plodded toward her shameful eavesdropping. " You are an awful woman," I shocked myself with the first words out of my mouth. " Elizabeth has shown no interest, desire, or respect for this self-serving fool. Selling her off like this makes you a heartless monster and heaven will not open its gates for you,"

She started and blushed. " Hold your tongue. When you have five daughters-"

" No, Mrs. Bennet, I will not understand trying to force a daughter into a sour union that will lead to marital domestic abuse in and out of the marriage bed," All color drained from her once flushed face. " You know well as I that Lizzy will never submit to that odious lump of flesh. I pray you realize your error but that will be in vain. You do not deserve your daughters," I walked back to the drawing room and slammed the door, hands shaking from unexpressed rage and the very violent urge to slap the silliness out of the foul traitor.

Dabbing away angry tears with a hand cloth, I hated Mrs. Bennet now more than ever. How dare she toss away her daughters like this? Who cared if Mr. Collins inherited Longbourn? If Elizabeth wanted no part of the parson, then she shouldn't be forced to endure him! I used the servant entrances to the residential bedrooms and startled Tabitha teaching Mary how to properly sew an eyelit.

" We are calling upon Mrs. Long and Sarah, Tabitha. I can not tolerate to be in the same household as that...oh she makes me want to kill her!" I growled as I kicked my trunk and instantly regretted it. The two ladies stared at me in confusion and when I did not elaborate, Tabitha arranged our bonnets, gloves, and redingotes. Mary finally had the courage to explore beyond her room, but she got no further than the top of the steps when Elizabeth ran up them and away from an assured Mr. Collins and flustered Mrs. Bennet.

Using the back entrance, Tabitha and I exited the home and walked to Meryton, slowing down only after the house was out of sight and I feared no one following us. Surprised by our visit, Mrs. Long and Mrs. Morrison greeted us with warm civility. I encouraged them to talk of Emmeline's bethrothal to Mr. Ashland, sparking the first relieving conversation in a very trying day not only for my nerves but my modern morals and ethics as well. I imagined that the same moral and ethics existed in the regency era as well but the prevalence of marrying for survival instead of love or companionship prevailed. Mrs. Bennet was a bad example all around, so I could not say if she were a true example of what I expected from mothers with many daughters.

Sarah expressed her joy at seeing us and immediately demanded to know how many days left until I married the handsome Mr. Brooks and if any family would be at the ceremony. Mr. Farson would be carrying out the ceremony, and since I had no immediate blood relatives, I expected only Mr. Brooks side would be present. Surely after this morning Mrs. Bennet would never permit her daughters near me again! Sad as it was I did not regret calling the woman a monster to her face. She needed someone to remind her what she was and how misguided her notions of 'providing' were. Call it my modern sensibility, I saw no reason for a woman to give up all her rights just to eat and sleep in comfort. Nor would I ever subject Elizabeth to the likes of Lady Catherine De Bourg on a daily basis!

By the time we left Mrs. Long's home, Sarah and I promised to meet up at the parsonage a month after I adopted the name Mrs. Brooks. There, we would catch up in person, and that shouldn't stop us from writing each other. Tabitha, relieved that I calmed down, cheerfully handed me back over to Mary upon return to Longbourn with the setting sun to our backs.


	17. Chapter 17

Mary filled me in while I dressed for dinner. " Mama tried to disown Lizzy but Papa won't. Oh! She is furious with you. She ordered Papa to send you away now but would not say why. What did you-" She hovered over my shoulder like a fly on the wall, too curious for her own survival to step back. I admired the tenacity but on this subject required no interest.

I frowned as Tabitha pinned up one rebel curl. " Mary, if a woman is to submit to her husband and she does not desire to…" Tabitha stared into the mirror at me wide eyed. Mary, whose sheltered life prevented her from hearing about the greater crimes of sexual assault, needed a gentler introduction into the subject and by the time we properly tutored on her why it was horrible, she absolutely agreed that I was right in telling Mrs. Bennet to step off her obsession of Elizabeth marrying Mr. Collins.

We shifted from sexual assault ( And no I am not saying that Mr. Collins is capable of the act, nor am I saying that he would commit it, but I am also not saying that a man like Mr. Collins in this day and age with the full 'sense of authority' owed to him by his position as clergyman and husband would respect the wishes of a non-consenting partner,) to Charlotte Lucas's visit and how Mrs. Bennet bemoaned her second daughter's continued refusal to comply. Lydia shared with everyone how Mr. Collins finally relinquished Elizabeth after witnessing Elizabeth refuse under extreme duress. Mr. Collins demeanor at the dining table chilled me. The subtle shift from being pleasant to everyone to everyone but Elizabeth marked the line in the sand, and while Elizabeth appeared to be pleased, the mood of Longbourn dipped.

Unable to tolerate this, I decided to right the tilt before the titanic called Longbourn sunk to the bottom of the social ocean. " Mary, did Mr. Booth call upon you today?" As was custom after balls, significant others and significant interested parties called upon each other to continue the acquaintance. I likely missed out on Mr. Brook's visiting, but given my mood it'd have done neither of a us great service.

" Yes," Mary dared not speak too loudly over her mouth going on about something trivial. " It livened up Lizzy,"

Mr. Bennet raised his cup lightly toward us, though it was more of a faint lift so maybe I imagined it. " Mr. Booth is a gentleman worthy of your love, Mary," Elizabeth said pointedly, nodding to me. Mary kept her head down, avoiding her mother's narrowed glare. Even Lydia tamed her usual vibrant topic choices and volume to a permissible social level for the likes of Mr. Collins.

Of course Mr. Collin's insisted on being involved somehow. " Far be it from me to judge one who chooses trivial pursuits over serious occupations, but Mr. Booth is the sort of man who can exceed his bloodline predecessors should he apply himself,"

Elizabeth took it as a personal challenge. " Not everyone is as fortunate as you, sir, to have the patroness Lady Catherine De Bourg. Some gentleman must search longer for their rewards," She nodded to Mary, who gulped down her food in fear.

I got the impression as did Mr. Bennet that Mr. Collins formed a grudge. Call me crazy but the manner in which he replied to Elizabeth confirmed it.

" And not everyone will be fortunate enough to have more than one offer of marriage, Miss Elizabeth, but you are an exceptional beauty who can attract gentlemen of similar caliber as myself,"

I turned to Mr. Bennet, wanting him to intervene, but thankfully it was Mrs. Bennet who saved us all a verbal storm. " Mr. Collins, how fortunate you are to stay till Saturday. Have you plans in Meryton?" Kitty let out a sigh of relief and nudged Lydia's ankle with her foot, whispering about wanting to escape to their drawing easels to avoid the tension altogether. Both agreed it wise.

Inevitably Mr. Booth returned to the dining table in the form of his parents. If Mr. Collins treated Elizabeth like a leper, I wasn't far behind. " Mr. Booth is a pleasant young man well aware of his situation in life. Miss Banfield, what do you make of his family?" He seemed determined to raise another in honor over Elizabeth, and Mary was the last person who wanted to be put in that place of honor.

" I know not of his father, but Mr. Booth is a serious man of great dedication to his profession. Well respected in the -shire and his name carries influence in the neighboring -shire," Elizabeth answered, forcing him to engage her instead. I decided it was high time to announce that I had a headache and needed a quieter place to sit. Mary snatched onto me, proclaiming she felt no desire to play this evening. Lydia teased everyone about their dancing partners at the ball while Jane sat off to the side quietly upset. To his credit, Mr. Collins held his own against Elizabeth and to his discredit, Mr. Bennet never once tried to put a stop to the ridiculous tension.

The following day while the girls walked to Meryton, I coordinated with Mr. Brooks and Miss Finch the wedding details. I no longer possessed the time to trail every movement of the sisters and I didn't care anymore for the antics of Collins and Lizzy. Living this whirlwind plot started to take its toll on my patience and I only too gladly accepted marriage as a happy diversion from the humdrum of bickering relatives. So it came to pass that I not only missed Mr. Wickham reeling Elizabeth in,but I also declined the dinner invitation with the Lucas out of need to separate myself from the family. More than that though, I gradually accepted my own bridging of being a teenager and becoming a young adult.

It never occurred to me how much I changed until the last day before the wedding. As Tabitha dressed me in the red velvet gown and styled my hair with the comb as accessory, I gazed upon a mature young woman who refused to quit simply because the world said so. Words of wisdom from my real mother and father started to make sense. My wild youth receded in place of a world weary young adult in full knowledge my future was about to become increasingly difficult.

The carriage ride to the church offered much reflection. Only Miss Finch would attend on my side of the pews, as Mr. Bennet could not bother Mrs. Bennet to give up her vow to disown me even though I wasn't her blood born child. Staring up at the church I took a deep breath. Better or worse I chose Mr. Brooks. At the altar I accepted another hard truth - you reap what you sow.

It is said that marrying someone is supposed to change your life and I suppose my life did change when it was all said and finished, with the ledger signed and paperwork given to the appropriate parties to make it official. Our names would appear in the papers in announcement, though if all of London hadn't heard by now then the moon didn't rise at night. Mr. Brook's good reputation spread far and wide and I had no doubt his name would be remembered in good light when he did perish. My name may not be so highly praised but I never expected it to be either.

With the parsonage in sight, an abode within walking distance of the church hidden away by a line of trees and shrubbery with its own lane, I took in its full splendor. It fit the definition of Georgian architecture and the bones of the structure appeared in solid shape on the outside. I suspected the inside would appear just as pleasing as well. Mr. Brook's eyes never left me as I took it all in at my own subdued pace. Though he wore the church colors today, I admired him throughout the ceremony. Even now I thought him irresistible. It colored me pink to think I fulfilled his idea of the perfect woman, heart and soul. " Shall we?" I offered my arm to him.

My first glimpse of the house on the inside happened after I greeted the dog with a scratch behind the ear. It wasn't Longbourn, and the eyesore wallpaper was everywhere with the exception of the kitchen. The smaller rooms and plain furniture tied in nicely with each other in a manner that I could only describe as commonly pretty and pleasing - Not too much or too little but just right. Before I could ask about the portraits on the walls, Mr. Brooks swept me off my feet and carried me to our bedroom where we would spend the rest of our day until the evening.

And no. Shame on you for wanting 'those' details. I will admit to a few facts for the more perverted of minds only because I would have been equally curious. 1. We enjoy our marital relations. He's a man and I'm a woman and together we just...well, I'll say no more. 2. We're newlyweds in a prudish world, do the math on how bothered the hormones are. 3. He's as handsome in his clothes as he is out of them. Now we will never mention this subject again.

My first letter arrived six days into the marriage and a whole sheet of Mary's expression of her admiration of my freedom and the distinction of being mistress of a fine home barely touched upon what I wanted to know. I treasured that letter and replied in earnest of my current felicity and how lonely the entire wedding breakfast had been for me. On the whole however my new family welcomed me with open arms. I barely finished describing the parsonage with as much love as Mr. Collins held for Lady Catherine De Bourg when familiar arms encircled my waist from behind.

" My sermon writing pedestal is not for letter writing," He teased me before leading a trail of kisses to my neck. " Pray tell, wife of mine, would you mend my shirt before bed tonight?"

I laughed at the simple request. " I can,"

" You are a miracle," Unlike Mr. Collin's studied compliments, Mr. Brooks came off more naturally.

I embraced his hold. " John, am I wrong for wanting to apologize to Mrs. Bennet?" Maybe if I had been on better terms with Mrs. Bennet, I might've had the Bennets attending my wedding.

He waited, presumably to offer wise advice. " I always encourage forgiveness, but in her instance, use caution,"

Interest piqued I saved the inquiry for later. " Would your sister mind keeping me company? Tabitha has taken on extra duties and and I am wanting female company," I'd been spoiled with the constant company of the Bennet sisters. Tabitha's new position also granted her sister a better chance at a better marriage than a do-nothing Mr. Robinson.

" I will write to her and ask if she would stay a fortnight," He conceded. I doubted the older woman would consent to this invasion but one could hope for a voice to break up the silence. " But not before our month of peace and quiet is up," He said firmly, planting a kiss on my lips. For better or worse this man managed to make my head spin, turn, and my world shift inside out without trying. It frightened me.

 _ **Mary, I must declare myself pleasantly surprised by how much I adore Mr. Brooks. Mr. Farson once said his heart had no challenger and I am obliged to agree. It is the first month of our life together and I pray he does not change. I believe we have used more paper than your mother permits and will endeavor to make future letters more informative. I wish to know how Lizzy and Jane are, with Mr. Bingley no longer at Netherfield Park. Your Friend, Caroline Brooks.**_

 _ **Caroline, In response to your recent letter, I admit the circumstances are glum for Jane. Lady Lucas is no longer permitted in our home, and Charlotte and Lizzy appear no more cordial than Lizzy and Mr. Collins. Lydia is no better off, spying on officers. We are fortunate the amiable Mr. Denny and Mr. Wickham discovered her and not a knave intent on marrying up. Each day that passes makes me yearn for an escape such as your own, and I am not alone. Kitty also wishes to flee this pit of despair, so we beg of thee to welcome us before Michaelmas so that we may witness a resemblance of felicity among married couples. Mary B.**_

 _ **Forgive my lack of surprise but given the character of his sisters, did it ever appear likely that the family would stay in the humble Hertfordshire? The likes of officers will be more common than men of wealth such as he. London is where his kind stay with houses in the countryside for select seasons of interest. Please convey my warmest invitation to Kitty as well as Jane and Lizzy. I'd welcome Lydia but as it stands John does not desire her company in this house until she is reformed into an acceptable (or married) young lady. Yours, etc. Caroline B.**_

 _ **Mary failed to mention that I have a new dress! Papa purchased it for me and Lydia's face turned so red! I wish you were here to see it! La! I shall return the bonnet on our visit as well, since Papa ordered me two new bonnets and another spencer coat. Kitty B.**_

When I shared particular parts of the letters to John over our meals, he threatened to go straight to Mr. bennet. " Allow me to investigate from more matronly sources. It may not be as exaggerated as they make it out to be," I calmed him down enough to enjoy our meal. " I dislike hearing about Lydia's behavior as much as you do, but you must remember Lydia's current behavior is reflective on her parent's lack of restrictions when they raised her. I'm amazed that Jane and Elizabeth turned out as well behaved as they currently are,"

He agreed to give me the time to investigate the sisters' claims. Unfortunately upon further investigation and an extremely eager gossip in the form of Miss Watson, Miss Rowley, and Miss Long, Lydia's reputation suffered far more than any of her sisters were aware of. Not only had she spied on officers in their quarters, Captain Carter called her a female menace to the men too poor to afford wives and a threat to her own sister's respectability. Uncle Phillips, unaware of her activities while visiting her aunt, remained unaware because I bartered away this information to Mary and Kitty in the hopes they could help Lydia before Lydia completely ruined herself.

With Michaelmas fast approaching and John required to help Mr. Farson with the holiday observances and many families in need, we soon turned our attentions to more productive activities that I did not find too objectionable. Aside from helping him write his sermons and discovering that he did not have the bible memorized, Mr. Farson completed the appropriate consenting paperwork for Miss Emmeline Long to marry Mr. Albert Ashland. Mrs. Long asked for me to make her daughter's wedding dress, and after consenting soon embarked on the new project of creating another dress for a pleasurable union and equally consenting parties.

As I wrapped the dress up in a package for Mrs. Long with the promise from John that he'd deliver it when he called upon Mr. Jones to check on the baby, I received another, more formal letter from Abigail Gardiner detailing their trip to Hertfordshire and their intentions of calling upon John and I if we permitted it. Wholeheartedly I wrote back as quickly as possible, blurring the still wet ink with my hand, my heart light as a feather as I could not wait to show the Gardiners that though I lived in the shadow of my mother's tainted attempted murder,Mr. Brooks saved me from that shadow. " Guess what we are going to do today, Bud?" I said to the stray we adopted.

The dog stared up at me, cocking its head.

" We are going to prep the bedrooms for the Gardiners, just in case they choose to stay here instead of Longbourn. Our first house guests! Can you imagine...Well. Not like you care. You'll still be eating table scraps, you spoiled mutt," I rubbed its back and bounded off to find Tabitha to give her the good news. Lately I've taken to helping her with the tasks,wanting to be self-sufficient just in case circumstances turned hard luck in a wink of time.


	18. Chapter 18

My housekeeping would've made my mother proud, and as it were Mr. Bennet invited me to Longbourn on the day the Gardiners were scheduled to arrive. John fret about his clothes, my health, if we could provide a handsome meal for their cultured company, among other concerns.

" Are you apologizing to Mrs. Bennet today?" John asked me as I put the leash on our dog. Bud is family to us, and taking him with us felt natural.

I checked to make sure the collar wasn't too tight. " No. The woman is not my priority today. Mr. Gardiner wants to meet you in person, not just by reputation," I smiled and finally indicated we were ready.

He walked at my side, all nerves. " I hope to surpass his expectations,"

" You already have," I assured him as we stepped into the carriage and Bud rest his head on John's feet after curling up in a ball. I relaxed as much as I could given the bounciness of carriage. The life here wasn't perfect and I missed my toothbrush and toothpaste immensely. Almost all of my fears were put to rest, aside from my absolute refusal to allow a single leech on my skin.

The short ride to Longbourn offered us a comfortable silence and when we stepped out of the carriage with Bud, we were greeted by rambunctious Gardiner children. Little Emma ran up to me in glee. I knelt down to catch her, welcoming the squirming lightweight. " Caro!"

" Emmie, Darling," I kissed her forehead and brushed back her hair. She was an adorable four year old little girl that I adored from the start. " My you've grown since I last saw you. Are you my present?"

" You silly," Her little finger pressed my nose.

" Caroline!" A second greeting turned my head to see their older daughter, Charity. At the age of ten, Charity inherited her mother's looks. She waved in excitement, squealing when Bud licked her offered hand. As the two boys and Charity surrounded the dog to play with it, John waved at Emma.

John observed us in great pleasure. I made the introductions as Emma played with my hair comb in awe. She'd never seen anything so pretty before and holding it in her hand, her eyes landed on the pearls and never left them. I already suspected if I had no children of my own who the comb would go to, because as the youngest daughter, she would be given a smaller dowry and often be overlooked in favor of her sister who is older by at least six years. The comb could compensate for that, and hopefully she passed it along to a daughter who would appreciate it as much as she appreciated it now.

The cold forced us inside where Mary and Kitty waited patiently to steal me away. " No dogs in the house," Mrs. Hill scolded me immediately.

" Please, Mrs. Hill," Emma tugged on her skirt. " Can we play with him?" Her big eyes softened up the woman's resolve. The girls let the dog off the leash and ran off to the playroom with it following.

John grabbed my hand. " I will find the gentleman. Mrs. Hill, if the dog is a nuisance I will remove it to the stables immediately," A flustered Mrs. Hill thanked him and told him to follow her. The gentlemen were in the study. Mary and Kitty grabbed hold of each arm and lead me to the breakfast parlor. Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner, along with Jane and Elizabeth were in the drawing room talking about you-know-who and neither sister wanted to hear more of the clerygman.

I sat on the settee while Mary sat in an armchair. Kitty twirled in her new dress. I nodded in approval. " Mama is still upset with Lizzy," Mary said to me in a lowered voice.

" I understand why she wants Lizzy married, but to him? No. A poor man who can offer nothing would have pleased Lizzy more, and Lizzy knows no man who accepts a mere 50 pound per annum. No wise man anyway, and we know she must have a sensible, wise man for a husband,"

" Which Mr. Collins was not," Kitty snorted. She picked up her new quilt, stitching a pattern onto it. " I believe that if Lizzy had married Mr. Collins, she would be most unhappy,"

" Oh certainly, but we all know this, Kitty. Now all we need is to find you a husband who will love you, even with your whimsical flaws," I glanced down at her needlepoint, seeing the flowers come together in a pleasing array of color and ribbon like effect. I sincerely hoped that Lydia did not try to take that quilt as well. " London is where we will find him,"

She giggled.

Mary clucked her tongue. " I predict that Kitty will find her own husband,"

Taking the warning in stride, I turned to Mary." How is your Mr. Booth? I've seen nowhere but the parsonage, its lane, and it's garden," Tis the truth, albeit slightly concealed for the benefit of an impertinent silly girl.

We carried on like that for well over an hour neck high in the antics of Mr. Booth, Mr. Collins, Mr. Denny, Mr. Wickham, and Captain Carter. " Caroline, I thought I recognized that voice. Come here, child, and hug me," Abigail Gardiner entered the room, eager to leave Mrs. Bennet's company even if it were for a short spell.

I met her halfway. " I know I should visit you in London, but so much to suffer, so little time. I trust that Mrs. Bennet informed you of her foolish error?"

Of course I understood Mrs. Bennet's displeasure - she spoke her thoughts plainly without regard for anyone. Mary would have been the ideal choice for Mr. Collins. They devoted themselves to the Angelican church wholeheartedly. Mr. Collins reached for the prettiest apple when he was the ugliest of cousins.

" Her error is the abuse she suffers by Elizabeth not marrying the future inheritor of Longbourn. If she may change the past, she would force Elizabeth's hand no matter if the church disagreed with unwilling brides," Mrs. Gardiner answered darkly as she took up the last remaining spot on the settee.

Kitty gasped.

I held up a hand. " Calm yourself. Mr. Farson and Mr. Brooks would never allow it. Rest assured if they did, I would undercut Mr. Collins before he breathed. Not one of my fellow sisters will suffer such-"

Mrs. Gardiner sighed. " -a disagreeable grievance?"

" More like an illness, not even romantic but violent and unpleasant. I'd say a leech but leeches have a purpose," Mary said, shocking all of us into into silence. " Oh do not look at me like that. We all think him barely tolerable in presence and countenance. In aside, Lizzy always rejected his attention and even Jane refused to be swayed into his compliments, and we all know Jane can not go an hour without a compliment to her beauty,"

Kitty nudged me. " Is this my sister?" She whispered.

" Oh hush, Kitty." I chided her. " This is Mrs. Mary Booth talking, not Miss Mary Bennet,"

Mary blushed. " At least you remember that I am engaged,"

" As do I," Kitty glared at Mary. " Just because Lydia prances about thinking only of herself does not mean that I am like her,"

Praise the heavens for that. There is hope for Kitty after all.

Mrs. Gardiner quickly rose to her feet when John entered the parlor. " Mr. Booth in the flesh,"

Mary nudged me with her foot and winked. Kitty giggled. I rolled my eyes and crossed my ankles wishing both of them to be still and serious. Mrs. Gardiner sized him up discreetly before offering a hug, calling him family. Mr. Bennet extended an open invitation to John and I to visit the family as often as we liked. So it resulted we were invited along with the Bennets to the Phillips for a dinner party of close family. Emma attached herself to my hip, which lead to Emma begging to stay the evenings in my new home. John thought it adorable and Mr. Gardiner permitted her to stay in our care until they had to leave Hertfordshire.

With two bundles of energy to take back to the parsonage, we said our final goodbyes for the evening and happily escaped the household of hell. Emma curled up in my lap and under my shawl. I wrapped my arms around her and smiled back at John as he kept grinning. Emma passed out when we reached the lane to the parsonage. John carried her inside, leaving me with the task of letting Bud off his leash and hoping that Tabitha remembered to tell the cook what to make this night. I forgot to remind her before leaving and she had so many duties that a simple task could be easily forgotten.

" I want a daughter of our own," John whispered in my ear as we stood over Emma snuggled under covers. One brow quirked. " I thought boys were the preferred sex for the continuation of bloodlines," I teased him, equally weary of giving birth as I was of leeches.

" As long as they are our children,I would love them all the same," He assured me seriously, walking me back downstairs.

I clutched his arm. " You are aware that we need to check on her so that she does not wake frightened of her new surroundings," Nothing I said about our responsibilities for Emma worried him, warming my heart and making me wonder why I fought the idea of starting a family. Surely I wouldn't die here - why integrate me into the plot at all just to kill me off by birthing a child?

The following day we attended the party at the Phillips, Emma with the rest of her younger siblings at Longbourn under the care of Lucy and Mrs. Hill. Lydia and Kitty faced off against their cousins in backgammon. John started out the party at my side amorous. He ended up in the good graces of Mr. Gardiner by the end of it.

Kitty dragged me to their table upon seeing me sitting alone content to not be bothered. Lydia smacked my arm. " Why did you attend? Now all anyone will talk of is Mr. Bringley, Mr. Collins,and Mr. Brooks. La! I tire of being ignored. Go home. Feign a headache," She ordered.

I scoffed. " No."

" I demand it," Lydia pouted.

I no longer found amusement in her childishness. " No!"

Kitty smacked Lydia's arm. " Stop throwing a paddy simply because you've been overlooked,"

Mr. Bennet put his hand on Lydia's shoulder, standing over everyone seated. " Now, now. Mind your manners," Lydia pouted and hung her head.

I covered a yawn, glancing across the large room to spot Jane, Elizabeth, Mrs. Bennet, and Mrs. Phillips. I should be over there, but instead I loyally committed my attentions to Kitty. After Mr. Bennet returned to the side of the gentlemen, Kitty stuck her tongue out at Lydia. I kept glancing over at the matured group of ladies. Mr. Wickham's name soon caught my attention, and Elizabeth's reaction to it captured everyone's notice, even Lydia's.

" She is not taking his attentions, not after Mary stole Mr. Booth from under me," Lydia muttered under her breath.

I glared at the stupid girl. " Men are not possessions, Lydia, just as women are not possessions. Grow, not shrink," I sipped my tea and snacked on muffins to stave off the hunger.

Mrs. Bennet bested Lydia at the dining table. Her growing list of misfortunes fascinated no one. " If only Mr. Bingley were not torn away by business - for why else would he go? No, I believe - as I always will - that he was forced out of Hertfordshire against his will! No one would leave Jane after showing partiality!"

I cleared my throat. John pat me on my back to help me better swallow. I muttered a thank you and watched Jane from beneath my eyelashes. Her facade blinked and the pain of a sharp separation twisted her into an ugly mask. Elizabeth 'dropped' her spoon and made a fuss about needing a clean spoon. Completely unaware of the effect she had on her daughters, Mrs. Bennet shook her head and demanded justice.

" Take heart, Mrs. Bennet-" Mr. Bennet cut her off gently, the wit a warm blanket. " Wish that I may outlive you and our daughters will not be cast out,"

Mr. Gardiner's refined and restrained character twitched under his sister's unrestrained behavior and her husband's open mockery.

" You are foolish, Mr. Bennet, to believe that it is of any consolation to not only see Mr. Bingley give up Jane but Mr. Collins to give up Lizzy as well! Two daughters…"

I felt John's hand in mine and looked up at my husband. His jaw locked in place as he too reached a point where her woes were no longer annoying to just her children but the rest of the county as well. I contemplated what would happen if I dumped my soup on her head. I wasn't the only plotting how to shut her up. Mary, Mrs. Phillips, and Mrs. Gardiner all restrained their tongues while staring her down in the vain hope she'd tire of the threadbare topic.

" Mama, why do you care if Lizzy refused Mr. Collins? He's not worth our attention anymore than Mr. Darcy,"

Mrs. Gardiner cocked her head toward Lydia.

" Hush child," Mr. Gardiner tired to turn the conversation to a more respectable subject. Mr. Phillips failed to distract Mr. Bennet on the subject of rising taxation to supply the war machine keeping Bonaparte at bay. I started to ask about how the war efforts fared but Mr. Gardiner assured me I need not worry about it.

" Caroline," John pleaded with me.

I scoffed. " The Regiment is camping in Meryton and I'm tired of hearing about two gentleman who are not present nor engaged to certain Bennets. And no one is remembering Mary is engaged too? Did she cease to exist?" I whispered under Mr. Bennet's dismissal of the taxation that was raping the people of their wealth.

He pressed his lips to my knuckles. " Please,"

I yanked my hand out of his in growing irritation. " Call it what you will, but I am tired of Mr. Bingley and Mr. Collins. Both are silly stupid men who do not obsess over Jane or Lizzy and to continue to humor their possible attachment is folly,"

Half the table leaned their ears to my little rant,and I receded into my food and tea unable to take pleasure in the dinner party. John joined me in my misery, with only Lydia and Mr. Bennet engaging Mrs. Bennet in her lamenting. When the carriages spirited us back to Longbourn where we collected Emma, Mary mournfully wished me to not leave her, for Jane was already moping and Elizabeth desperately assured her that Mr. Bingley would return to her side longing for her love. Mrs. Gardiner kissed her daughter good night and Emma called out good night to her mother before asking John if he'd tell her a bed time story.

John apologized to me on the ride back to the parsonage with a sleeping Emma and Bud in tow. " I understand why you were upset, but you are not blood to them, and more than that, Mrs. Bennet will not change," He tried to kiss me, and I turned the cheek.

" You are not God," I countered quickly.

" Nor are you,"

" I know that, but I also know that Mr. Bingley will return and marry Jane. I also know that Mr. Darcy is going to marry Elizabeth and although I don't know if Mary will marry Mr. Booth, I have full confidence in her engagement as well. I have not lost my mind, and my name isn't Caroline. It's Emery,"

He held my held in his. " My love, you have truly lost your mind, but I will help you retrieve it. I swear," I shook my head, huffing. The truth slapped him in the face and he didn't even know it. I hoped he choked on it too!


	19. Chapter 19

" Caro, Can Bud and I play outside?" Emma asked, tugging on my skirt.

I smiled, my heart flipping as I ordered her to be mindful of the garden. John promised to make me at ease again, and while I wanted him to keep his honorable promise, he could not. Following Emma I swore to show the girl a good time while her parents and older siblings attended parties. She tossed a stick as far as her little arms allowed and Bud played along, barking and shielding her when Mr. Farson approached from a distance.

" Hush," I warned him before greeting Mr. Farson halfway. Happy to see him, I walked with him to the house. We talked of the sermon and how well written the talking points were. John's system of designing a sermon actually impressed me. John constructed them point by point, building a picture - like pointillism. It didn't necessarily fit together neatly at all times but it all tied together in a cosmic sense. I gave all the credit to John although it was a joint effort.

Tabitha greeted us all smiles and showed Mr. Farson to the drawing room where Mr. Brooks currently worked on tax ledgers. I stayed outside with Emma and when she wanted held, I decided it was time to turn in for a nap. I laid in bed with her until she quietly breathed against my chest in peaceful rest. Tabitha tiptoed into the room and handed over my book so that I could read in the quiet time. " Business as usual?" I asked Tabitha casually.

She mmmed. " Why does Mr. Farson believe Mr. Brooks has no help with his sermons?"

I met her steady gaze. " John deserves my full supoort and no one will believe that I contributed anything meaningful besides a loving hand. I am a mindless female, Tabitha, in a society that praises men even when they fail." Amazingly my voice remained calm. " Mindless fickle Mr. Bingleys and prejudiced closed off Darcys and foolish Mr. Collins. If a woman acted as they did, we would be shunned by all. No. I will give him all the credit and know he is undoubtedly loved. I will not discredit him,"

She appeared confused. " But how is not claiming your own participation a credit to yourself?"

I held up a hand. " I will invite Mr. Farson to dine with us and you can mention that I helped John with his sermons. Listen to what he says. Listen to how it will belittle my contributions or dismiss it entirely. That is accepted behavior and you know this. You see it," We agreed to test my theory and I invited Mr. Farson to dine with us that evening. Unknown to us, Mr. Brooks also invited the Bennets and Gardiners, including the children.

As Tabitha and I set up the tables with Emma's help, we talked of Tabitha's family and how Tabitha's earnings permitted her sister to travel to Cornwall to stay with their distant cousins who agreed to host her. " Tabby, Look," She pointed at Mr. Farson entered with Mr. Bennet and Mr. Gardiner.

Tabitha pet her hair. " Go to your Mama," The little girl ran past the men and to her mother who had yet to enter the home. " I adore that child," She sighed wistfully.

Polishing a spoon with a cloth, I chuckled. " She's a darling. John wants one like her," I liked kids well enough but in no way was I ready for raising one.

" And a proud papa he'd be," Tabitha winked. I playfully shook a finger at her and continued polishing silverware. The china on the table actually passed from Mr. Brooks grandmother to him when he married me. I was just glad we used it nightly.

" A well set table," Mr. Gardiner complimented us upon entering the long room. " I see my daughter has decorated," Emma's toys and charcoal drawings covered the walls. John allowed her to use the dining room as an artist's canvas. I even helped her with some of the drawings. I didn't even think of removing the drawings for the party.

I handed over a doll we sewed together from scrap cloth. " She is a pleasure,"

Accepting the doll, Mr. Gardiner tucked it into his vest pocket. Soon the mass of feminine voices invaded the parsonage. I worried we might not have enough food and hoped I was wrong.

"...stepping on my foot, Kitty," Lydia yelled in the quiet house.

" If you didn't step on my new dress-" Kitty yelled back.

" It can be cleaned!"

I already imagined them nose to nose close to pulling on each other's hair.

" You stepped on it because Papa said you couldn't have it,"

" Girls, my nerves!" Mrs. Bennet screeched at them.

I met Mr. Gardiner's less than amused stare and nodded. We didn't need to elaborate all the wrongs the woman committed on a daily basis. I wanted to know what Mrs. Bennet was like before she became Mrs. Bennet, when she was a Miss Gardiner. Maybe eventually I might learn what she was like before now, but the odds of finding out how she changed while she hated me is impossible.

Mary wandered to the drawing room. I waved to her through the open door. She rushed to me, effectively avoiding her mother, the arguing Kitty and Lydia, the gaggle of Gardiner children,and Mrs. Gardiner's calming orders to behave. " Uncle Gardiner, may I go to London with you?" She begged.

" Jane is already traveling with us to London when we leave and Lizzy is to visit us in spring to tour. There is no room, Mary. I am sorry," He hugged her and listened to his nieces fight over where to sit. " I shall see when we have room," He promised.

" Mary, I would gladly host you here. It is only Tabitha and myself," I volunteered, hoping that she'd stay with me, even if just for a fortnight. I missed the extra company. Going from a packed house to an empty house was like going from a crush to a tea party of a lonely little lady. I needed the extra company to shrink the void.

Mary leaned against the main table. " Mama does not permit our acquaintance, but Papa does. Except Mama does not listen to Papa and though I am permitted to write Caroline, I am not permitted to call on her," This alarmed Mr. Gardiner and unbeknownst to us, Edward Gardiner confronted his sister the following morning about her bad behavior. We are and will always remain unaware of the particulars in that verbal argument, but Kitty would hear the gold nugget of Edward threatening to toss his sister to the streets if she outlived her husband while agreeing to house his nieces until they married or took on a profession as companion or governess.

I finally finished setting up the table and joined the throb of people scattered throughout the drawing room and parlor room. Pride swelled in my chest at my first dinner party coming to fruition. Mom would be proud of me. Tabitha helped the cook due to the size of the large party. Mary attached herself to my arm. " Mama almost refused to attend," She whispered conspiratorially.

I caught Mrs. Bennet's stare and waved. " Would be best for all of us, I daresay. If I can I will try to invite the Booths to dine with us and your family as well," I plotted, waving at Kitty who tried to escape Lydia, constantly impeded by her mother and aunt.

" How soon?"

" Soon. Aside from visiting the sickly and bedridden, I am not needed for the gardening. John wants me to socialize as much as I am able to better keep him informed," I took a deep breath, proud of my simple home and it's simple decor. No one criticized the lack of space. Mrs. Bennet even held her tongue.

Mary beamed. In that moment I thought she a handsome lady equal to her sisters. Was the secret to beauty just symmetry of one's body halves?A more social factor must factor in somewhere. " Happiness becomes you,"

She poked me. " Charlotte is well. Eager to marry Mr. Collins,"

" I know. You forget Mr. Brooks is to marry them," I kept an eye on Mr. Farson from the corner of my eye, engaging Mr. Gardiner in talk of mercantile trade. Earning a living in this time was ridiculously hard and unfair to everyone not a royal. The class system imposed blindly by society needed reformed immediately. I should be grateful medicine was making leaps and bounds instead of stagnating.

Mary and I glossed over the Lucas-Collins union in favor of wishing Charlotte well in marrying a ridiculous fool. " I will be at the ceremony, not as a member of the wedding party but as John's shadow once the entire party leaves the church," I nodded across the room to my husband who glanced repeatedly in our direction.

" What do you suppose Mr. Brooks is concerned about? Why does he keep watching us?" Mary pried.

I shrugged. " We could ask,"

" No!"

" Very well. I will ask after you leave," I obeyed her desire to avoid embarrassment. " Is Jane well? I've never seen her so...mute," Physically, emotionally, and quite possibly spiritually the lady shut herself off. Similar to Mr. Darcy in her quiet demeanor, I learned the small cues without realizing it.

Mary sighed. " Only Lizzy would know," Inevitably our eyes averted to Jane and Elizabeth huddled together in hopes to avoid their mother's continued griping and scrutiny.

" At least in Lizzy she has an ally. It must be hard to have that failure thrown in her face every day of every waking hour," If my mother mocked my free lifestyle with cruel recklessness, I'd travel with my father as often as I was permitted. Jane had no such option available to her. Sadly this society did not permit her the freedom to avoid marriage and seek other avenues of living independently and to remain respectable.

We moved toward the fireplace and its meager warmth, Kitty springing away from Lydia. Mrs. Bennet grabbed Lydia's hand to stop her from following. Mr. Bennet shook his head and Mrs. Bennet let go fo Lydia's hand.

" Miss Watson told us of the Regiments training plans. Will you walk with us to Meryton so that we can visit the tents?" Lydia begged of me. I'm guessing her sisters flatly turned her down and her aunt refused to allow her cousins to be duped into this.

Normally I'd agree to this type of scheme in modern times, but in this age? Never. " Lydia, you are searching for shame, and I will not enable it. I have no interest in officers or their affairs, nor do I care if Mr. Wickham is a most handsome gentleman. He is poor, his character unconfirmed, and I have heard reports of poor behavior," Lydia protested loudly when she should have said nothing at all. Kitty covered her mouth quick enough to save Lydia the most humiliation but not before all the gentleman's head whipped toward her. I already sensed another Mr. Bennet and Mr. Gardiner conversation and another Mrs. Bennet warning to Lydia and to Mrs. Bennet herself.

" Reports are erroneous,given the source jealous," Mrs. Bennet declared for all to hear. Mrs. Gardiner sent her children out of the room at this point. " Who spreads the falsehoods?"

I breathed. " Mr. Booth, Mr. Denny-" I ticked the names off my fingers as they popped into mind rapidly. "Mr. Robinson, Mrs. Long, Miss Lovells, Captain Carter, Miss Watson, Miss Rowley,Mr. Harrington, Mr. Farson, Mr. Brooks, countless servants of countless households-"

" Nonsense," Mrs. Bennet protested fiercely while the skeptical Mrs. Gardiner started to suspect that Mr. Wickham was not as shining as he claimed to be. Mr. Farson opened his mouth, Mr. Gardiner muttering something that halted him. " Jealous women and ignorant men, who have not entertained recently. My what pull they have in a feeble self-important mind,"

I swallowed hard. Flanked by Mary and Kitty I couldn't even fling a cup of hot tea at her. " Call me a fool if you wish," Mary held my arm back. Anchored to her by the fireplace, I settled on verbally stabbing Mrs. Bennet. " But the sort of man Mr. Wickham is revealing to be by many independent accounts is startling," My voice shook. " And call me self-important if you wish. At least I'm respecting the honor of rejected and injured ladies,"

Jane exited the room with Elizabeth at her side. I excused myself before I outright insulted her in full steam. John intercepted me before reached the dining room. He cupped my chin in his hand and kissed my forehead before letting me go.

Mrs. Bennet's mild mannered insult deflected any criticism Lydia might've faced. Mary and Kitty reverted to their aunt's side to speak of Mary's engagement. Mr. Farson engaged Mary on a prospective date of her marriage to Mr. Booth and that amiable topic engulfed everyone in the room including an aggravated Mrs. Bennet. Jane, Elizabeth, and I sat in the dining room to recollect our senses before a supper.

" I am sorry, Jane, that your Mr. Bingley departed when he had," I said to her, wanting to draw her out of that wounded shell.

Jane forced a smiled. " He is not my Mr. Bingley,"

" Nonsense. While here he attended to you, and though it was far between, he did care for you," I pressed, now appealing to Elizabeth. " Help me,"

Elizabeth's humorthat always rose in the face of adversity now rose to Jane's support. " Only Jane's heart can fix itself. We are mere spectators in the game of love between economically incompatible parties. Regrettable as itis, at least Mary will have her love untarnished,"

" Pretty words for broken hearts and sharp tongues to roughshod over fragile emotions," I muttered in contempt. " Does no one know how to…" Words failed me and so it happened Mrs. Bennet's non-existent reputation stood for another two hours unhindered.

Everyone settled around the two tables cobbled together for the large party and prayed over the meal. Conveniently Mrs. Bennet was seated between her husband and brother with Jane and Elizabeth as far from her as possible. Emma sat on my lap as we ate and talked about her dolly and how she wanted to make Dolly a sister doll. " That is a good idea, Miss Emma. Caroline will assist you," John smiled at her as he wiped sauce off her chin.

Mary winked at me again. I ignored her in favor of attending to my own food. Mr. Gardiner cleared his throat, almost tearing up at the bond in front of him. " Are you offering to raise our daughter, Mr. Brooks?"

" She is a delightful joy, Mr. Gardiner, but you are her father, not I," John answered him warmly. I looked up to spy Mrs. Gardiner's sly smile. Great...more people plotting my future. At least they weren't malicious in intent.

I brushed Emma's curls back. " Emma is going home with her parents and taking her dollies with her. I promise to visit should the time and funds coincide,"

" And we can walk Bud-" Charity cut in.

" I do not think London will agree with Bud, but I think we can swindle a kitten-"

" Miss Lanton has a litter now," Kitty volunteered.

Emma turned to her mother, and that my dears is how Emma Gardiner took home an oreo colored kitten to London. I still remember Mr. Gardiner's disapproval turning soft when they left the parsonage that evening, and Mrs. Gardiner teasing her husband about his warehouses soon to become rat free.

Mr. Farson lingered behind after all left, Emma included. I dropped onto the settee and yelled into a pillow. " My sentiments exactly," He mumbled as he waited for John's last reminders.

I lifed the pillow off my face. " That horrid, vile, repugnant, vain, disgusting-"

" Mrs. Bennet or Mr. Bennet?"

I frowned and thought hard about it. " Both,"

John entered and moved my feet onto his lap. " Rest assured that we are all disappointed this evening," I shoved the pillow back over my faced. " And not in you. A feeble minded self-important woman you are not. Stubborn, strong willed, determined - not feeble minded," He removed my slippers and rubbed my feet.

I listened to the men talk of their plans with the Lucas-Collins ceremony and appreciated John's support. I chose well in men, or maybe he chose well in a wife. Either way this man never ceased to surprise me.


	20. Chapter 20

Inevitably Sir William Lucas and Lady Lucas called upon us to congratulate us on our union. I reminded myself that though we were married long enough for Mr. Farson to be considered a friend to both of us, all of Hertfordshire hadn't been introduced to us as a whole. With heaped praise on the parsonage and our dog adopted into the happy family unit we formed, we listened to them go on how they hoped the same for Charlotte and eventually Maria. John walked them through the ceremony step by step while I stitched a drapery set for our bedroom.

When they left I received a letter from Sarah Long. " John, you are needed at the Long residence. Mr. Ashland called off the engagement," I made a wedding dress for no reason, but at least it wasn't all lost. The dress could grace another planned wedding.

He dropped his bible.

" Yes, I said it" Not even I believed it. " Mr. Ashland called off the engagement," What a scandal it'd be, but for now only the Longs, myself, and John were informed. " Mrs. Long claims that Mr. Ashland will die a bachelor and that caring for a wife in his current health is impossible. Well, I can not say this surprises me,"

Poor Mrs. Long. She didn't deserve this, nor did her daughter.

Rapidly scanning the contents of the letter, I sighe. All that preparation for nothing! The stack of paperwork just for this union to reach the altar - all that wasted paper and ink. It could make a writer cry. " Miss Long will suffer the discredit," John grumbled as he now moved agitated about the room in search of his many belongings.

I glanced over at him, recognizing the anger touching his handsome face. " I love thee very much but you are distressed. Are you close to the Longs?" Pouring myself my first cup of tea for the day, I hoped for an uneventful day. Blowing on the steam to cool off the unsweetened tea, I waited patiently for him and the tea to cooperate.

He shook his head and brushed his coat down after retrieving it from the coat rack in the corner. " Gentlemen ruining ladies reputations and for what? He suddenly chooses to not support a wife after the day is near? No man purposefully discards a lady that near an altar," I let him vent because obviously I did marry the most reputable man in the country. Even the purest of hearts needed an occasional rest from the general crap that life heaped on people.

" You are joining me," He ordered. " Mrs. Long will need the consolation,"

I carried my tea with me as I fetched my redingote, bonnet, and gloves off the same rack. " Finally Mrs. Bennet's mouth will do good in distracting Mrs. Long from her woes," He handed me his shawl. I stood still for him to slide the shawl around my shoulders.

" She has a use after all," He joked lightly. Bud sat by, leash in his jaws. " Not today," He put the leash on the mutt, intending to have the coachman walk the dog.

I came up behind him. " No. I believe she'll find Bud's presence relieving.," Bud barked, tail wagging. John didn't argue and we bundled up for the cold. The actual ride to Meryton provided us the proper time to prepare what to say and how to say it. The rehearsal saved us when Sarah ran out to greet us, not yet acknowledging Bud.

" It is dreadful," Mrs. Long said over a light lunch. " We look forward to the day when two daughters remained unmarried," Red eyed, she blew into a hand cloth and apologized for her lack of propriety.

I whistled to Bud, the dog lifting its head. " Hug Mrs. Long," The dog cocked his head. " Go on. She doesn't bite,"

" Oh, it's no worry, Caroline," She brushed off the dog's hesitant reaction. Sarah sat next to Bud and scratched his head and along his neck. He rewarded her with a lick and more access to his under belly. " No one predicted-"

The weight of the shame bothered me because Miss Long did nothing wrong. She obeyed every social rule and still lost. Mr. Ashland acted like a creep if he expected this to brush off. Dying or not, he made a promise he should keep. Even my father married my mother when they conceived me before marriage. After nearly two decades of being married, Jennifer and Robert Banfield still celebrated domestic felicity.

John said nothing as I stared at Mrs. Long, a blank mind tripping me up. Finally I plunged into another drama. " Had I told you of Mrs. Bennet's theory on why Mr. Bingley departed Hertfordshire?"

" Oh, we all know it is to avoid her," Mrs. Long scoffed, looking very much her wizened age. Sarah hummed as she played with Bud, although I suspected she too felt strongly about her sister's failed engagement.

John decided to take note of the ladies muted emotions instead of invading the bond.

" Lucas declares they had business in London, urgent business and that Mr. Darcy was most adamant about it,"

Knowing the truth, I played the party line of knowing nothing. My plan to befriend Miss Bingley didn't even attempt an existence, and John's confidence with Mr. Darcy stayed between the gentlemen. " Jane, shattered as she is, will heal. To be abused by both aisles. At least Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst will not giggle behind their hands," I obliged her to refill my cup.

Her hand shook as she did so. " I'll raise a cup to that,"

" Mrs. Long, I-" John stuttered. " How can I help?"

We both angled toward him. " My husband will need all the paperwork cleared and the spiritual guidance. We believed in Mr. Ashland's character and to be abandoned when my daughter accepted it as a temporary stop in her life - devastating," I put down my tea cup and moved across the three feet to hug her. She put an arm around my shoulders and held on.

John excused himself and left us ladies alone. Sarah joined the group hug and the tears of Mrs. Long flowed. I hated not having an answer or solution for her and her family. Mr. Ashland deserved to go to hell for his wishy-washy behavior in a sensitive society.

" Horrible business," Mrs. Long muttered, holding us near for a solid six minutes. " If only Mr. Farson earned more I would gladly see him married into our family,"

I offered a little sandwich to Bud. He snapped it up and sat upright for more. " Aye. I hear that through and through. Mr. Gardiner called him well educated at our party last night,"

Sarah sat with her mother. " It is not only that. Al of Meryton will - Mrs. Bennet will -"

" Oh you worry not about Mrs. Bennet or Mrs. Phillips. If either gossip about the misfortune, I'll have their brother know," Edward Gardiner meant every word of his warning to his sister. This satisfied Sarah but not Mrs. Long.

We decided to walk Bud through town while the gentlemen reversed the paperwork and determined if they wanted Mr. Ashland to be dragged through the courts. On our walk, Mrs. Long's strong front allowed us to interact with the junior officers and be swallowed whole of their own daily duties.

Miss Watson and Mr. Booth at separate times stopped us to ask after the general Meryton society. It shocked me that both expected me to know more than they did living in Meryton. I then learned that Mrs. Bennet's jealousy stemmed from a very real threat to her ability to control how people viewed her. I wasn't just self-important, because we are all self-important to ourselves for our own survival. I actually was important. Even as a female, I hated that my marriage to Mr. Booth actually put me above Mrs. Phillips on the gossip scale.

" Oh, that reminds me, Mr. Booth. John and I are hosting a dinner party within several weeks. We wished to invite your family. The Bennets will also be invited,"

He spotted my maneuvering before Mrs. Long. In a matter of less than two minutes, my own scheming laid bare to all present. " My mother will accept, as my mother enjoys every dinner party, but my father may be unable to attend. Business does frequent him away time to time," Mr. Booth answered favorably. " And to see your faithful shadow well groomed,"

Bud wagged his tail.

Sarah held the leash tighter. " The dinner party with the Gardiners and the Bennets fared well?"

" Oh it fared as well as to be expected. I must say Mr. Gardiner is a true gentlemen and his wife a true lady. Their eldest daughter Charity will doubtlessly draw much attention as she blossoms into a young lady,"

" I saw them yesterday, and their boys are impeccably behaved," Mrs. Long stood near Mr. Booth as we took over a corner. " Fine breeding,"

A compliment with an interesting word choice common for this period and yet it did not annoy me. If Mr. Collins had said it,I'd probably latch onto it to hate him more. " Mary is well. She enjoyed herself and I think she took no issue with the parsonage and its size. We all can not live at a Netherfield Park or Longbourn," Nor did I want to live in a place like Netherfield Park. No one needed a house that big for themselves. Not even if multiple generations of the same family and extending family lived in it, it was still infinitely bigger than it needed to be. Longbourn, more reasonable but still exceptionally large compared to the parsonage, fit my father's vision of perfect sizing.

" A townhouse is perfectly acceptable," Mr. Booth agreed readily. He referred to the row homes that filled Meryton primarily. I always considered that type of building to be dangerous. " Would you mention living in the north to her? Once I save enough to purchase a townhouse, we can properly start a family,"

Oh dear. He has all his priorities straight and yet Mary would have to wait for his love. Sad as it was, it was also a beautiful portrait of a family that would flourish. I hoped. " It is my dearest pleasure,"

He relaxed and Mrs. Long looked forward to plotting Mary's future as they did mine. " And do not mention it to her mother, not that her mother is concerned,"

" Oh," I shook a finger at him. " Let's not undermine the lady, Mr. Booth. We know she loves her daughters. Therefore she will care, but her attachment is another subject,"

" Miss Catherine will bear the brunt once the elders are married," He conceded. " Has Mr. Bingley made hint of returning?"

" If he has, I was not informed and I only spoke to Miss Bingley on two occasions," I once again realized everyone's expectations of me. I wanted to rise to them knowing I'd inevitably fail at one point. When that day came they would demand to know why I didn't stay on that pedestal they built brick by brick. " Neither of them pleasant,"

" You were smiling-" A confused Mr. Booth argued from recollections.

" Oh just because I smiled while we spoke means little. It is better to cultivate than destroy," Except in Mrs. Bennet's case because everyone treated that woman as a joke. Even Lady Lucas, the closest person she could call a friend, refused to respect the woman. " And she can carry a topic when interested. I respect that," No newspapers to distract people in these times. No iphones. No televisions or radios. None of those distracting tools, but the regencery era claimed musicians, singers, dancing, games, books, and parties. Communication in these times is imperative to survive.

Mr. Booth's confusion struck me as strange. Usually he was more intelligent than my husband.

We parted ways at the added presence of a commanding officer. I leaned toward Sarah, noting Captain Carter's ordering mary's betrothed to keep an eye out for certain individuals that Colonel Forster wanted to speak with. " Captain Carter is the gentleman for your sister. He would never leave her at the altar,"

Sarah shook her head insisting that marriage would not solve the problems. It took all of my will to not congratulate her on this truth. A lot of modern people needed to learn this lesson too. One lady at a time, I suppose.

" Altar or not, he is a gentleman who can distract a lady in all the respectable manners," I countered cheerfully sensing the mission of moral and social support a growing success. Only after we returned to the house and I swore my secrecy to Mrs. Long, I crossed Captain Carter's path again on our exit of the Long house. While John and he discussed the growing problem of excessive drunkenness among the Regiment, I decided to wander down the sidewalk. Glancing down a narrow alley the sight of Mr. Wickham kissing a prostitute stopped me instantly. Before I could alert Captain Carter and John, Mr. Wickham and the prostitute disappeared further in the other direction. I had no inclination to watch their activities.

In the carriage, John regalled me with the particulars of his conversations with Mr. Long and how they refused to pursue legal action. I pulled his hand in mine and held it on my lap. " I love you, John Brooks, better or worse,"

He put his arm around my arm and kept me close. " Because I did not lead you to the altar and abandon you?"

" Because you are a good man through and through. Your heart could swallow England whole," I kissed him boldly.

His hand rested on my neck, his face close to mine. " You are acting odd,"

" Odd would be me refusing your affections. I am pleased, excessively so, with how fortunate I am. Are you not pleased?" All I could think of was how I needed his nearness. The comfort it provided me, the warmth of his love, the sunlight he cast onto my shadowed world - I will not live without it and I could not express my love enough for him.

He raised my hand to his lips. " I will be more pleased with our own Emma,"

Bud barked, snapping us out of the moment. I laughed and assured him a human sibling would not take away his flood of adoration. Bud amused the Hult children and the elderly Mrs. Morton while giving young Mr. Rush a flashback to his own childhood. We distributed dollies for the girls and wooden swords for the boys along with clothes for the poorest of poor. John prayed with the sore and sick and we promised to make our rounds on a weekly or fortnightly schedule. With the setting sun greeting us on our return home, we considered the day a success. Bud cemented himself in Hertfordshire as part of the parsonage and our family.

Accepting an invitation to dine at Longbourn for a party I resigned myself to Mrs. Bennet's antics. Bud blocked my path to the carriage, leash in jaws. I sighed. " Not today. You'll accompany Tabitha today," Tabitha hurried out after me and clicked her fingers at Bud. He ran to her, leash dragging. I snuck into the carriage and settled back, ready to sink into the desired privacy.

John ran out to stop me from leaving. The coachman waited for us to signal him when we were ready. " When you return we will need to speak about personal income." I nodded, fearful we exceeded our income. That worry distracted me throughout the party. I observed Elizabeth and Mr. Wickham thick as thieves, Mrs. Gardiner tracking the pair like a predator. It was Lydia who I watched, catching a hint of Wickham glancing in her direction more than once. Mary noted my dull commentary, especially given my visit to the Longs and Captain Carter's interest in Mr. Booth's future.

" It is of little consequence, Mary," I shared somberly. " I am simply balancing numbers and it's not adding up properly,"

" For?" Her intelligence surprised me sometimes. So I shared with her exactly what bothered me in exact detail without fear she'd violate my privacy.


	21. Chapter 21

To Mary I disclosed the sums we paid the servants and expected to pay them per annum. In total it made me cringe, and then I thought of how many the Bennets employed and how expensive their own household cost to run. No. The Bennets could keep that money pit. " Tabitha, I provide her 20 pounds per annum, and as your aunt already knows, Mr. Farson earns 32 per annum. On top of that we have the cook - not a french man of repute - but a wonderful woman equal to any french cook I assure you," I said with great flourish, unknowingly boasting of my happiness with my husband and his home.

Captain Carter and Mr. Denny listened to me, already bored with Kitty's inexperienced prodding about their familial connections and backstories that I'm sure are very interesting but unknown to me.

" I adore her. She makes the best of soups, and her handling of meat is divine. Never ever undercooked. Tabitha is a great help to her, and when I help Tabitha - did I tell you that learning how the servants go about their tasks is interesting? I may have come from a merchant-trader class but never have I needed to wash my own clothes or cook. It is amazing to see how hard all these tasks are and how often these people are taken advantage of and treated poorly. Awful, really. I am determined that all the servants at the parsonage stay there and are happy and content. They are like family to me already when it appears I have none,"

" You are a dear sister to us," Mary insisted distraught.

I hugged her. " Breathe, my friend. You are a sister to me, and I expect that you'll marry Mr. Booth in Hertfortshire by my John, my dear husband who is jealous of my bond with you. But back to what I was worried about. So aside from Miss Finch and Mrs. Abbottson, there is the coachman and groom who I am not familiar with myself except on a name basis. Good men otherwise they would not be hired, but respectively a total of 40 pounds between them and 50 pounds for our butler-Why is a butler necessary anyway? Are men unable or unwilling to take orders from ladies? Why marry at all if they are unwilling to take orders from ladies? Silly, I say. I do not understand how Mrs. Laurence only earns 24 per annum and the butler earns 50, double that and has less tasks than she does. Irresponsible, at best,"

Mr. Denny and Captain Carter joined us. " Your opinions, openly expressed, were overheard," Mr. Denny said in a lowered voice to not trigger Mrs. Bennet's interest. Mrs. Bennet's eyes were on Mr. Wickham, and I did not blame her. I admired the man in passing glance only. " Beg your pardon but they are incredibly different than most ladies I have been acquainted."

The neutral remark put aside my monetary concern. " I am a different person, sir, than the likes of Mrs. Bennet, Mrs. Fernside, Mrs. Long, Mrs. Morrison, Miss Watson, Miss Rowley-"

" I meant no offense, only to account for the origin of your beliefs," Mr. Denny insisted almost as if it were personal. Captain Carter's good spirits belayed my fears of offending without intending.

Mary glanced over at Mr. Booth talking intensely with her father about the Regiment. " I do believe that Mrs. Brooks,"

" Caroline," I warned Mary. " I insist upon you calling me Caroline. Now Mr. Denny, Captain Carter, I base my views solely on merit. If a woman can accomplish the task better than a man, she should be paid accordingly. If people are unwilling to acknowledge a person's merit, they are merely seeing one's wealth and wealth is no indicator of respectability or skill. You are a respected Captain who serves impeccably with the Regiment. You are the best example I can think of immediately that qualifies merit and wealth. Wealthy enough to purchase the rank of Captain, but sound of mind enough to not waste all your resources foolishly as many a soldier in the Regiment is wanton of doing,"

Mr. Denny's face flushed. " And should a man possess the greater skill and means?"

" Then he has earned the appropriate pay. Take Mrs. Hill for example. She has overseen much of the Bennet sisters' childhoods, managed the servants, and allowed this family the privacy that it requires. I respect her, I admire her, and were I not married to Mr. Brooks, I would emulate her. She is a proven woman of heart and character. The butler and foot men, yes they are present and they help with the manual heavy lifting but not more than a handful of occasions had I seen them actually affect the running of this household as much as I have Mrs. Hill,"

Kitty flanked Mary's freed side. " But Mrs. Hill is only a servant,"

" The difference between an easy life and a hard life is wealth, Kitty. If you have wealth, you will have an easy life. Easy life is not possible without the aid of servants," I chided lightly. " As it is, I happen to believe that family extends beyond blood. Tabitha is a dear friend to me, and I could not live without her. If I could spirit Mary away from Longbourn to round up our merry party I would, for relieving Lydia of Kitty's company is too much to be borne for the pair. They need each other," I teased Kitty playfully, starting to relax.

While Kitty, Mary, Mr. Denny, and Captain Carter welcomed the change of subject and prospect of Mr. Booth finally joining the rank of married men, Mrs. Bennet and Lydia openly flirted with Mr. Wickham while Elizabeth restrained her own preference for the man. Mr. Bennet and Mr. Booth lost themselves in the demands of the Regiment and its standards that Mary would not have her betrothed at her side. The party I dreaded turned out wildly successful, and when I departed after hugs and kisses to all the Gardiner children, Mrs. Gardiner, Mary, Kitty, and surprisingly Jane, I could not wait to tell John how much progress had been made in cultivating relationships with gentleman that could one day benefit us. More than that, I said not a word to Mrs. Bennet and that made me infamously happy.

The weight of his wanting to talk on my return calmed my giddiness and reluctantly I cornered him in the drawing room with his bible with pages thumbed over so much that the pages curled involuntarily. I closed the door behind me gently stalling off the inevitable as long as I could but his head whipped up at the sound of the click and thud. My heart dropped. We were about to be plunged into debt for the first time in our married existence and I could not earn a living to prevent it.

He presented me a square sheet of numbers in messy scrawl. " I wanted you to rest in peace knowing we can afford to grow a family," I finally realized the number circled at the bottom indicated that we were in the black, not red. Comfortably in the black! I wiped away a lone tear and let out a deep sigh. He massaged my shoulders as it settled on me like a blanket.

" Lizzy said you only earned 200, not 3-"

" I do not always speak the truth of what I earn. It discourages mothers hungry to marry off their daughters," He assured me over the crackling of a fire.

With the list of pay for each person tallied up, on top of the cost of carriage repair, maintenance, and horse costs, we only spent a considerable 426 out of 583 after all miscellaneous costs added in.

He put aside the sheet of sums and swept me up into his arms. We made love and spoke of Mr. Bingley's ever existing fascination with Jane Bennet in the embrace of each other's nude company. With his head on my chest and my arm on his upper back. I mindlessly stroked his back, lost in how interesting it was to experience everything on the front line, so to speak. Reading the book revealed little of the shadow characters that upheld the Bennets existence, and naturally I could never imagine finding someone - a good man worthy of my attentions - in this time to help me settle down. It never mentioned a love for Mary, but I imagine this was an unknown god entity acting out without reforming any of the plot to make it unrecognizable. Mr. Bingley was still a total mystery, aside from being rich and handsome. I knew more about the Longs than I did the Bingleys, and that was wrong given Mr. Bingley's role in the book.

My speculation about blank backstories and how I could reveal the flesh of those backstories was put on a back burner as the next day Captain Carter requested Tabitha and I to aid one of the wives after a rough night of drinking that lead to a young man physically breaking his wife's arm. While she refused to say how or why he broke it, the superiors determined that they needed separation and counseling. Mrs. Thomlin thanked Tabitha and I for helping her with the common tasks required of her.

" I say we string up her husband and beat him," Tabitha muttered under her breath as we folded up all the linens for the bedding. " How dare he!"

We both knew that a husband owned his wife in these times. I don't know why she acted so shocked by it. " Breaking her arm is probably to prevent her from being more social, but that fool forgets this is a town and he is already famous even if he does not know it," I shook my head. " My father knows how to handle men such as he and such men are never found except to be bloated and floating,"

" Your father has the right idea,"

We both stopped talking when Mrs. Thomlin neared. She babied her wrapped arm and guarded it away from us, as if we were the ones that broke it. I decided to tip toe around the event. " Is the drinking always this extreme?" She did not answer. " Does it sink you into poverty?" Again she did not answer. Frustrated I moved onto our next task - preparing tea and sandwiches for the lady. " It does not matter. If he continues to drink as he does, he'll poison his liver and you'll be a widow free of his terror,"

" He is not a bad man-"

" Real men do not beat their wives, Ma'am. Your husband is not a real man," I snapped at her before breathing deeply. " I do not mean to insult you but surely you realize this is not your fault?"

The woman looked away.

" He hit you. He chose to hit you. You did not tell him to do this-"

" But I provoked it," She whispered.

Tabitha paled. " I will never marry if my potential husband is the likes of yours, Ma'am,"

" Tabitha, it is clear that we will not convince Mrs. Thomlin that she is not responsible, even though she is NOT responsible for the bastard that calls himself her husband," My tongue slipped, and I admit the obscene use of the word horrified me, but I quickly got over that in favor of justified anger in third person. I wanted her to see for herself the terror that she lived under. If Captain Carter felt it justified to give me due warning, I felt justified in expressing my full hatred of domestic abuse in all its form. " How do you take your tea, Mrs. Thomlin?"

The woman answered our inquiries into how she lived as a wife of a Regimental soldier, and while we did not speak of her husband, we did speak of his associates by last names and rank. Tabitha swore to me when we returned to the parsonage that she would never marry an officer or drunkard who was half in the drink all the time. " What worries me is that a drunk is carrying a weapon with a bayonet on it,"

" Bless Mr. Brooks for not being a Mr. Thomlin,"

" Aye," I mumbled as I relaxed my jaw before I ground my teeth down. Dentistry in this period is questionable and I liked my natural teeth over wood or bone replacements. " Let us not mention any of this to John. I don't want him to be concerned, and I do believe that Mrs. Thomlin needs more supportive company than us. Someone like Miss Watson and Miss Rowley. We will write to them and convince them to befriend her. Captain Carter will assist us in this," I hoped my plan worked because I wasn't a therapist. I couldn't - refused to listen to a victim blame herself for an abuser. My empathy extended only so far before I wanted to take action and would try to take action. I already imagined a hundred different ways for Mr. Thomlin to die from a quiet vanishing to an open bayonet to the chest in full audience.

Rest assured if John did to me what Mrs. Thomlin's husband did to her there'd be no body to find. I'd feed it to the pigs in one of the tenant farmer's fields and then continue living as if I never married him. I wanted Mrs. Thomlin to see that she was not at fault, for she could not control her husband's fist nor was it on her to control his fist. As a man he should be in control of himself. As a person he should know how to restrain himself just for social respect, but given this period's view of women and a married woman's rights, it didn't surprise me.

John pretended to know nothing about the particulars of why I responded quickly to a letter until we were settled in the drawing room with our respective books and covers to relax before a night's rest. " I hear you were calling upon an officer's wife today. How is she?"

" Well," I lied while still reading about Greek architecture. If I looked up I would have seen his heightened interest. " Tabitha and I needed the company,"

" A whole day in her company,"

" Yes...well, these four walls are a shelter but sometimes a woman needs a different four walls for change of pace,"

" And by chance was her husband present?"

I glanced up. " As I recall he was on duty elsewhere in Meryton,"

He put down his book. " And her arm?"

I almost said functional, but then stopped myself. " The woman believes she caused him to hurt her. We tried to show her that it was not her fault, but she refused to listen to us. I am not you, an open bleeding heart that can soak up all the world's pain and offer a hot blanket to push away the cause of the pain. It pains me to look at her slinged up arm knowing that she'll be forced to live with him, and the likes of Captain Carter will not undo a husband's sense of entitlement. The worst part of it is that while she will be shielded in Meryton, what happens when they leave Meryton and Captain Carter is transferred elsewhere? What happens if her husband kills her in a drunken anger? Where is the justice?"

We stared at each in shared grief for the bleak reality. " I love you and your heart, but these are things that neither you nor I can change, Darling," He kissed my forehead and moved for the door. " Tomorrow you will visit with the other wives and determine if they too are being abused as Mrs. Thomlin is,"

I fully intended to have a long conversation with Mrs. Forster about the physical conditions of the wives of the soldiers under her husband's purview. I hoped that would nip this problem in the bud, and more than that, I wanted Colonel Forster to be a good man as he proved thus far. I followed my husband, deciding to rest up. Tomorrow would be long, and I doubted I'd have the tolerance for even a modicum of stupidity from anyone.


	22. Chapter 22 - Immersion and Non-Immersion

John distanced himself from Mr. Thomlin's over-indulgence of the bottle as I lead the investigation into how many other wives lived under an abusive hand. Tabitha gained a new zeal that waved the red flag. She and Captain Carter arranged the support group affectionately and functionally called a bible study group. Begrudgingly I loaned Tabitha to Captain Carter's mission to reform his unruly fellow Red Coats. The obstructionist Mrs. Bennet, unruly Red Coats and an incorrigible Lydia started to take a toll on my patience and tolerance for the countryside society in general.

Sarah and I were helping her mother shop when Mary and Kitty ran to us with news of Mr. Collin's return. I gave both of them a big hug and promised them that soon they would not hear from him for an extended period of time due to his commitment to the parish that he serves. Finally Lady Catherine's need to control proved useful, and I sincerely doubted she'd allow Mr. Collins to hire a curate even if the highest powers that be permitted it. " Mama has calmed herself and Lizzy is happy to be free of Mr. Collins," Kitty latched herself onto my arm as Mary recommended a different colored ribbon or else. Sarah's bonnet resemble Miss Bingley's dress.

" And you, Kitty? How are you?"

Mary and Sarah cornered the ribbon samples and were arguing about colors as if it were their life mission to be clothing designers.

" Has Lydia ceased to take your clothing without permission?"

We moved from one spool of ribbon to another and further away from the pleasant banter. Personally I liked my limited wardrobe and didn't want a large wardrobe in these times. Nobody needed more than one dress a day, in my opinion. Granted that special time of the month when my testosterone levels were higher due to a certain bodily function, I required a constant change of underclothing and learned how to properly clean 'blood' out of white to the point I could probably commit murder and not be caught by modern forensics. Sarah and Mary lapsed into a moment of silence.

Kitty lowered her voice. " Lydia would not be Lydia if she corrected her theft of clothing. However she is quietly feuding with Lydia over Mr. Wickham,"

We all know how this ends. I, with my front row tickets, found this mildly interesting. " Who is emerging the leading lady?"

" Lizzy, but Mrs. Fernside declares Lydia and Mrs. Forster are close as gossips," Kitty pined. Mrs. Forster is another blank character that no one knew anything about. Mildly intriguing but with no reason to better know her until now, I already expected for her bond with Lydia to overcome any sense I might instill in her.

Mrs. Forster married a colonel who earned a 5 to 6,000 a year. She delivered to her husband a dowry of 8,000 pounds and was barely older than Lydia. I thought it a scandal for a man twice her age to be her husband, but to everyone else, this is the norm. Admittedly John is 30 years old while I am only 19. An 11 year gap in my time would label me a gold digger if he were wealthy. Mrs. Forster's 17 years of age of Colonel Forster's 30 some years of age convinced Lydia that youth could sway any wealthy man to marry her. Lydia's vanity and ignorance prevented her from understanding that 8,000 pounds secured Mrs. Forster's comfortable position in life. The difference between Mrs. Forster and Lydia, aside from wealth, is that Mrs. Forster was raised in a proper home and learned restraint.

" Far be it from me to criticize how your sisters view the gentlemen, but I know for certain there are better men to be wooed by and not for economical comfort,"

" Mary is fortunate for Mr. Booth's attentions. I envy her," We both glanced over at Mary and Sarah arguing over what colors should classically pair together. Soft versus harsh, bright versus dark, 'loud' prints versus plain, they bickered in good almost competitive spirit. The old Mary changed into a new Mary, and I approved. This Mary started to have interests besides Fordyce sermons and I believe that brightened her beauty.

I smiled at Kitty. " It must be a relief for Jane to be in London,"

" I believe Papa is the most pleased, and Lizzy's scheming knows no bounds. All in the pursuit of Mr. Bingley,"

" Ah, the infamous Mr. Bingley! Oh, Jane's heart to be seized and dragged by a mindless fool,"

Until I learned more about Mr. Bingley I considered him a fool of epic proportions. Furthermore, like Mr. Ashland, his wishy-washy behavior lead to nobody respecting him as a grown man. Everyone respected his wealth, that much had been made clear from day 1. I feared it was Mrs. Bennet that pushed Mr. Bingley further and further out of Jane's reach. No man wanted a mother-in-law like her.

Sarah and Mary went to the counter to order the specific amount of ribbon they'd need. I dragged my feet, not wishing to go back to the soldier's longings. Mrs. Thomlin despised me and Miss Watson warned me that I needed to soften my outlandish expectations. At the moment I needed a proper time out before I broke apart and really spoiled the plot. " Kitty, if you can, could you call on me tomorrow? Bud and I will be making rounds with tenant farmers and shopkeepers and I need company,"

" Gladly. All Lydia talks of is Mr. Wickham. All other officers are no longer interesting and mama insisting on Mr. Wickham's presence more often. But Papa does not take offense and he should. It is wholly inappropriate of Mama to act as an unmarried lady!"

I laughed and instantly apologized. " He is very handsome, Kitty. When he is in a room, no other man can compare. He is the equivalent of Jane to ladies,"

The young man at the counter accepted the payment up front and promised Sarah the ribbon would be delivered to her house within the week. Kitty and I followed the ladies out toward Mr. Booth's family home. " I have a date for you, Caroline," Mary said to me, all pride. " Mr. Booth set it for two years from today,"

Kitty almost walked into a horse. I pulled her away from the disgruntled coachmen. " Mama will lose her head. Can I tell her?"

Sarah and Mary both said no at the same time. " There's a solid wall, Kitty. Is Mary's shyness presenting itself? Or is she simply worried no one will believe her?" I loudly teased.

" I heard that!" Mary shook a finger at me. I shook one at her in return. " Do not be a Lydia. I want to rest in peace knowing we will marry and soon,"

Her idea of soon pleased me and I hoped Mr. Booth could afford to support her. " I will visit you in the North then. Where about in the North have you agreed on?" I probed neutrally. All around us people bustled about with purpose, guilting me into walking faster.

Mrs. Booth welcomed all of us into the townhouse and soon our merry party of five relieved Mrs. Booth of a dull afternoon. As I listened to Mary and Mrs. Booth discuss how to manage a household, I felt a tapping on my leg.

" What is it, Sarah?" I whispered, eyes never leaving the future-in-laws.

Kitty plucked away at the pianoforte in beginning delight. The childish skill compared to Mary's refined years on end practice would have worked on Mrs. Bennet's nerves. Mrs. Booth didn't care in the least and Mary constantly shifted her comments from Mrs. Booth's advice on how to manage servants to instructing Kitty on how to play the keys without her hand cramping up.

" Is Mrs. Thomlin recovered much?"

" No. She still wears the sling,"

" May I visit her? Mama would but she is to visit my sisters and she already is indebted to you,"

I don't consider keeping a secret a debt. The common courtesy that I afforded them is the same I expected in return, nothing more and nothing less. " I am not Mrs. Thomlin's keeper. Visit her. Avoid Mr. Thomlin when you do. I do not trust his sort," I patted her leg and returned my attention back to Kitty wishing I could help her. Truthfully my performance would be just as horrible as hers at the moment.

" Nor do I," Sarah agreed, deciding that listening to Mrs. Booth and Mary was far superior.

In a blink of an eye, all auditory sound ceased. Mrs. Booth set up a backgammon board for Sarah and I as Mary decided to finally properly instruct her sister from the bench at her side. The scene shifted, almost like pixels going black, then white little by little. It started at the window and spread out in vines transforming the sitting room into a lonely empty whiteness. Just as I started to ponder if this was death, color exploded around me. Auditory sounds introduced one at a time until all that I could hear in the background was BBC's movie adaptation of Pride and Prejudice playing on the flat screen television in front of me.

Sprawled out on the living room wedged between my favorite pink sleeping bag and fur blanket, I curled up in a ball with a pillow beneath my head. As soon as I realized the floor beneath me smelled of lemon and was actual wide pine planks, I hopped up and ran toward the kitchen. Skidding across the bare wood floors in my white socks, I came to a stop as I noticed the only thing out of place in my parent's ranch-style home.

" John?" I turned to face the young man sprawled out on the suede couch dressed in pajamas.

He smirked, but I could tell - I knew the confusion he suffered moving from one time to another. " Hello, Darling," The lack of accent pleased me. " You'll be pleased to know that Lydia, your cousin from across the pond is sleeping in the guest room. She arrived an hour ago from the airport with your mother," He sat upright and motioned me back over to him.

I hesitantly stepped toward him. He motioned me again with more emphasis. I moved steps closer to him, out of arm reach still but barely.

" I'm not mad. I understand why you didn't say anything. Please. Come here," He pleaded.

Standing there in black fuzzy pajamas and an oversized gray t-shirt, I didn't know how to take him, if my return to my right time and place was permanent yet. " Lydia, as in Lydia Bennet?" He nodded. " What's her name here?"

He closed the gap between us and pulled me onto his lap. Situated on his lap, there is no mistaking he still wanted our close relationship regardless of the surroundings. " Lydia Benning. She's aware of everything, as I am. I'll have you know that I have a whole new appreciation of your patience with me," His hands moved up and down my bare arms. " Your father is still in France. Your mother is asleep right now, and Sunny is guarding the front door,"

Sunny is our golden retriever. Dad bought her as a pup and with the three acres of land that the house rested on, she lived a good life. My father is an architect for hire. He traveled all around the world, and his designs were everywhere. He designed for residential homes mostly, but because he accessed deep pockets due to the connects he made in school he designed for wealthy people. My mom is an accountant, and she doesn't make as much as my father but between the two of them, they are upper middle class. Because of them, I could afford an education without needing a loan or taking on three minimum wage jobs.

I planted a kiss on him. " Well...if I didn't push you away yet, I probably won't ever push you away,"

" Oh, do not doubt my adoration for your character. I admire it greatly. You are a challenging young woman to tolerate at times,"

" Really?" I leaned back in shock. " When?"

He shook his head. " Not here. Not now. I have a headache, and I am tired," I laughed at his easy excuse to avoid the tiresome discussion of how different and out of place he was here and now. " Go to bed, I have the couch until tomorrow morning. Your mother is setting up the former office for another spare bedroom."

Good ole Mom to be an excellent host. I expected no less of her. She'd pull out the blow up mattress and toss a crap ton of throw pillows on there to make it appeal more to the guest. Our linen closet stuffed to the brim with sheets, pillows, and blankets could easily pad a comfortable bed or make a comfortable bed out of nothing. I think Dad loved that about Mom - she just turned into a Mrs. Weasley without warning. When I was younger this bothered my teenaged sensibilities. As a young adult who had a taste of the unprivileged life. I've learned to not take her love for granted. Nor did I want to go back to 1811 without her. She was mother and every girl needed her mother.

Running my hand through his thick hair, I smelled a strong masculine shampoo. It suited him. " Well, let us hope that Lydia Benning behaves herself because Mom isn't Mrs. Bennet. She will make certain that Lydia is brought in line,"

" And how will she attempt this feat?" His hand rubbed my back, conservatively away from my waistline.

Honestly I didn't think anyone could reign Lydia in now. She was like a Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears...I mean just through out any pop star's name to include Justin Bieber. She thought her youth and wealth would shield her and draw everyone to her, which was not the case at all. Her ability to dance made her a riot at balls, but aside from that she insulted and offended the sensibilities of more mature individuals. When living in a small community where word of mouth built and destroyed reputations, keeping a clean reputation and image is all important. " I'm off to bed, Love."

" Sleep well," He snagged my sleeping back and fur blanket and laid out on the couch, turning the movie back on and watching it from the start. By the end of the movie with heavy eyelids, Mr. John Brooks prayed that Mr. Wickham helped reform Lydia because the movie revealed nothing to him of comfort.

***Obviously this is leading into a series of chapters of non-immersion so if you do not wish to read these chapters, pretend they don't exist. Yes, I have temporarily removed the rest of the family but I've imported John Brooks and Lydia Bennet to the future. No worries, we will be back to 1811 in no time. ***


	23. Chapter 23 - Non Immersion

Waking up in your own home after spending several months in a back country type of living is godly. Never before did the alarm clock sound like angels in a choir, but of course that appreciation wore off when I needed to drag myself out of bed and into the shower where I encountered my first frustration with Lydia. " You used all the hot freaking water," I stormed into the guest room assigned to her. " You don't need to stand under the shower head for an hour,"

" Why not? It was heavenly," She brushed her hair out, narcissistically admiring her own reflection in the round mirror mounted on the wall. Her unpacked suitcase and clothes strewn everywhere already transformed the tidy room into a pigsty. I wanted to be the fly on that wall when Mom told her to clean the room or else.

Heavenly or not, I vowed revenge. " Next time, don't waste all the hot water. You don't live here, I do, and when I was in your home, I was not nearly as-" I turned on my heel, growling in frustration and stomped back to my bedroom. A freezing shower for the first day back angered me to no end.

A pair of jeans and my favorite worn out pastel blue shirt fixed that up, and I hoped that a breakfast could lighten the mood. I sat down in the kitchen at the island where extra seating permitted me the space to study, eat, and enjoy the natural sunlight that flooded the house throughout at strategic intersections and angles. Truth be told, we rarely used out our dining room. Mom called it a wasted space and Dad always wanted sit down to a family dinner whenever he was home. I just hated how big the space is. Even if we had all the bodies to fill it, I always lost myself to the echoes of the room.

A lap top, notebook, pen, and textbook, I checked my email and facebook before turning back to the school website where I completed the easy courses. For the more important courses, I would be attending classes in person at a brick and mortar location. As they advanced, so would the cost of my education. Mom and Dad helped me keep the costs down by encouraging me to take the classes online before I absolutely had no choice but to attend campus. It paid off as I was able to pay my few bills with just the waitressing job that I held at a ma and pa restaurant.

Lydia first wandered through the sunlit house wearing a sundress from my closet. She let her hair down and tried on my few jewelry selections without asking me. " This is your house?" She put her hands up indicating the ranch style home and it's modern decor with a ton of natural light without sacrificing any of the desirable internal temperature. " I'd never leave it,"

John leaned against the sink, arms crossed. Eventually he picked up his cup of coffee and sipped it, his eyes on me as I tried to study. With my hair tied up on my head with a pen sticking through the looped bun, I mismatched Lydia's girly choice of clothing. Yet he didn't seem to notice that Lydia's breasts were practically popping out of her sundress. I did, because they were staring me in the face.

" We're going out for lunch today, and you can not stay here by yourself," John warned Lydia. " No one trusts you,"

I rubbed my forehead. " No." Did he have to be so obvious about it? " I don't want anything happening to you. My mother would never let me live it down," Even though she welcomed John into the house and blessed our relationship, she also expected us to end up pregnant at a scandalously early period. " And this world is more dangerous than you realize,"

" No more dangerous than my home! Gods, you are bonkers to not have faith,"

Giving up the studying I moved to the laundry room and tackled the chores that my mother set out for the day. Normally I'd procrastinate on this, but given the current company it wouldn't hurt. I folded the clean laundry in the living room, watching a rerun of Jerry Springer for background. John tried to help with the socks but gave up after realizing how deep the basket really was.

I rolled my eyes as she went on about how it was unfair she could not travel on her own due to her age. " Mem mem mem. I have the perfect amount of caution, especially with men,"

John opened his mouth and promptly closed it.

I tapped my hand off my left breast and then tipped it toward him, a silent " I love you, it's okay," which he immediately understood. " Both of you need to get ready for lunch," Lydia picked up a ball of socks and tossed it at me. I caught it effortlessly and motioned for her to put more clothes on.

" Knees up!" She hurried up upstairs to try on more of her revealing wardrobe.

" Knees down!" I shouted after her. Picking up the mass of clothes hangers and the laundry sack of socks, I shouldered all the weight. " We're not partying today…"

John carried the sack of socks for me. " We should have her leashed-"

" Hush," I chided my own inner urge to agree with him. " No leashes. We'll just have to keep an eye on her and hope she doesn't throw a paddy. Odds are she'll sneak off while we're sleeping," I already expected her to run off at least once, and if her fortunes were not aligned, she could be kidnapped, trafficked, killed, assaulted...I'd hate to go there, but she wasn't made for this time and place. She didn't know the tricks people used to lure innocents like her. I did. Documentary after documentary painted a disturbing picture I wanted her out of completely.

He opened the bedroom door ahead of me. " We should throw a party,"

" Underage drinking,"

I sensed the current frustration and shared it. " A cook...out?"

I dumped the sack on the made bed. Living in the regency era taught me to be more tidy without being threatened as motivation. " Now that I can approve. I have a few friends that can occupy Lydia's childish attention span and Mom won't object to it,"

" But what is a cook out?"

I laughed. His knowledge gaps were interesting and not the least similar to mine. " Cooking outside on a grill or over a fire pit,"

" Oh," The simplicity of the term surprised him. I hoped I could continue to pleasantly surprise him.

I glanced over my shoulder. John really cleaned up even in the younger body. He lacked the sideburns but not much else changed. His voice was still rich and deep, his eyes so brown that I could fall in them. His body rounded out more but his height proportionately measured out that it appeared he maintained some muscle with a little pudge. Dressed cleanly and clean shaven, I thought him most handsome.

" Yep. My friends could invite their boyfriends. We could break out games and cards and music. Make it a ball- sorry. I mean a party,"

He nodded. " And when is this party?"

" Could aim for tomorrow, maybe day after. I have to work so I can pay for my online classes," I answered. Hanging my shirts and pants in a double close, I pushed aside as much clothing as I could to squeeze in the new additions. " Which means driving to work, spending six to eight hours making nice with customers and cleaning up front of the house before closing up for the night,"

" Not quite the same as being a perfect parson's wife, eh?" He stepped toward me.

" I was enjoying that break from my job," I stopped to consider a change of clothing and glanced him over. Matchy-matchy with clothes or too much? Nah. Didn't matter.

He motioned to my shirt that dipped down to reveal a hint of cleavage. " Is that what you're going to wear? I already memorized every curve and I don't like sharing the view," His non-apologetic polite tone and quiet authority stunned me. I wasn't offended - no!

I put my hands on my hips. " I thought Lizzy's chest was more impressive,"

" I keep a general policy to not look beneath the shoulders," He held out his hand to me.

I motioned to my chest. " So this...this is the only chest you care about?" He nodded, and I hoped that he meant it. " Well, you just keep those hands right there. We have a bit of building to do before we can become more friendly,"

Lydia popped up beside John adding only strappy high heels and a cute little vest over top the sundress. Her breasts were still popping out but at least I couldn't distinguish the nipples. She put away the previous necklace and donned my pearls instead. She looked damn good, and I knew eyes would follow her wherever she went if dressed like that. Someone might mistake her for a prostitute. I hoped she didn't do anything stupid while here.

" Are you done? I'm hungry,"

" She's hungry, Emery," He snapped his fingers. " Get a move on,"

I flipped him the middle finger and grabbed a jacket hanging from the back of the bedroom door. They lead the way while I followed. My heart ran away before I could warn it that wholeheartedly loving John Brooks would only lead to disaster. The other foot would fall, and when it did, it would crush me. I wanted to be obliterated it it meant I'd get the best of him.

You must understand two things - I am still unaware of the full background to Lydia and John. Like them, I was emerging back into a routine that felt foreign. I didn't notice the wad of cash in Lydia's pink sparkly clutch or the velvet box that John discreetly placed back in his pocket. All I knew is that both of them were my responsibility now. I intended to return the favor that they showed me, Lydia excepted.

Once in the subaru forester my parents bought me as a HS graduation and college enrollment gift, I waited for them to buckle up. Rolling out of the driveway with a destination in mind, I hummed.

" Gods you are unbearable," Lydia interrupted me. " Must you hum?"

I started to know how Kitty felt living with Lydia. I feared before we reverted back to 1811 that it would lead to a shouting match and a physical altercation. I hoped it never came to that, but her current attitude already clashed with how I was raised. " Yes. Why are you not happy?"

She crossed her arms over her chest. " Not everyone's love interest is present," John turned in the front seat to confront her. " Turn back around. You're nobody here. You have no power over me,"

His jaw locked. Keeping my eye on the road, I listened instead. " Manners will lead you far everytime, as long as you use them,"

" You want to talk about manners?" I wished they didn't engage in verbal combat in my car. " With what wealth? You are a parson earning only 200 per year,"

" And you will only inherit 800 pounds when your mother dies. That gives me a four year span before my wealth outstrips yours,"

" Why? You're just a clergyman!"

I turned down another back road and swerved around a pothole. John gripped the door, unrelentless in his pursuit of equal ground.

" Shows you what you know," John gave up the argument, learning what I already knew from months of living with her.

" At least I have money, more money than waitressing will earn," Her eyes flicked to me as I wronged her somehow. " Isn't that right, dear cousin?"

Her sickly coo convinced me that she was an evil little brat. How did she come this far?

They argued all the way to the parking lot of my work place, making point after point and neither willing to acknowledge the other side in the least. With the boxing ring fitted out with the fighers, I donned the referee shirt and ordered a cease fire. I left the pair alone in the vehicle, but John vacated it as soon as I opened my car door. Lydia pouted in the back seat by herself while John and I walked around to the framed glass door. I didn't need her and she certainly didn't need me right now.

John put his arm around my shoulder. As soon as we entered, the space spread out with tables, booths and a bar set in the back. Behind the bar is the kitchen where all the heavenly food was created by a god of a cook. Behind the bar the owner's son cleaned mugs with a cloth. " You volunteering for overtime, Em?" He called out in the near vacant restaurant.

Automatically I looked around for Dacy. Dacy and I were the only two waitresses for the place. We were full time employees, and we survived on tips and server's wage well enough. Almost all the customers knew us on a personal level.

" No. Just food not cooked by me," I answered before introducing John as my boyfriend.

Mike measured John up. John measured Mike up in a silent alpha contest. " Actually I have a diamond ring in my pocket but I'm not proposing. She's going to name the day and I'll make it happen," John boasted.

I frowned and wished Dacy broke up this ridiculous show of possession.

" You don't know our Em, do you? She's the opposite of committed. If commitment bit her -"

" Not very nice today, MIcheal," I sat down at the bar and instinctively picked up the menu that I already knew by heart. " And I am committed. Committed to beating you with this menu if you don't stop brow beating me,"

John put his arm around my shoulder. " I'm willing to wait,"

I shrugged him off. " Alright, Romeo. Take a seat and shut up,"

Lydia finally trudged in. Mike stopped cleaning and admired the view she presented. " She with you?" He whispered to us.

I looked over my shoulder. If Jane came to the future, I bet Mike's jaw would have cartoonishly dropped to the floor. " Unfortunately. Little Miss Money Bags is paying for her own meal today," I turned to John. " I recommend the zucchini and chicken wings."

He pat my hand to acknowledge me.

I turned back to Mike, his eyes still on the underaged Lydia. " Where's Dacy?"

" She's taking out-" Lydia bat her eyelashes and sashayed up to the bar. "-the garbage," I know that it should be obvious this was the modern day Wickham but I know Mike Catano. The man never struck me as the Wickham type. Oh how wrong I was to think that Lydia's presence wouldn't bring trouble to my normally boring life!


	24. Chapter 24 -Non -Immersion

After Dacy seated us and took our orders, which Lydia wasted over ten minutes just chit chatting with Dacy about menial day to day life, we all sat at the same booth in a most awkward threesome that not even Jane Austen would promote for sake of plot. " Where's the ring?" Lydia demanded, providing the proper loophole for me to snake into.

Biding the time, I decided to let Lydia conduct the dirty work.

In the luck of draw, John reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a lovely blue velvet box. He popped it open to reveal a sparkling oval cut diamond centered on a white gold band. Lydia's eyes went big and even I had to lean back. Dacy stopped short of the table, tray of drinks tilting and quickly righted. " Pick the day," He repeated again, with that same polite alpha authority.

My fingers inched toward it and I pulled them back. Just looking at it made my heart flutter. Lydia reached for it and John's hand shot out to grab her wrist. He didn't flinch when she protested loudly. " I'd say tomorrow...but somehow I don't think Mom would go for that. How about...six months?" Damnit. Why did he have to be so perfect? I would have accepted a fake knock off worth a dollar if it meant having him but a real diamond bigger than most starter rings? Jerk. How could I refuse that?!

Dacy set down our drinks, almost spilling Lydia's. " Sorry...That's a really nice ring,"

" Yes…" I tapped my finger against the table top in growing agitation. " It is." And his wedding proposal was damn near perfect too. The jerk had me down to the exacting motivations, emotions, and mental processes. I hated him and loved him at the same time, and he knew that I hated him and loved him at the same time.

He flashed a quick smile. " You're cute when you're mad,"

" To hell I'm not," Dacy cleared her throat and excused herself. John let go of Lydia's wrist and closed the box again, pocketing it smoothly. " Just because we've spend a precious few months learning each other does not make me cute when mad. Mad is mad, cute or not. How dare you come up here with a perfect proposal and perfect ring expecting a yes? A woman has to have the right to say no, a fighting chance, and you took that right away!"

John shrugged in full confidence. " I aim to win, whether it be a heart, hearts, a proper pay, but I at least made the honorable offering that will not offend your better senses,"

Lydia gaped at me. " How are you going to say no to that? Now that is a rock, a real big-"

" My honorable senses are not offended. I am merely attempting to understand how long you concocted this plan of yours,"

" Actually the ring was already in the pocket...and the proposal was just winged. I hope you say yes, because we both know we're a match made in 1811," He kissed my hand. Mike made a loud noise behind the bar, breaking the corny lovesick bonding moment like a breaking stick after a ghost story around a campfire. Lydia laid back in the corner glaring at us.

I frowned. Lately I'd been frowning a lot and I pinned it on growing up faster than I needed to. " Six months and no sooner,"

" I accept that challenge. White dress?"

" Hell no. Black,"

Lydia grumbled under her breath about the unfairness of being stuck with two lovebirds who refused to act like adults. Before John dropped a mint $100 on the table, further intriguing Lydia's jealousy, Mike handed us the bill. I didn't bother looking at it because $100 easily covered the bill and then some. Lydia tucked it into her clutch and left the restaurant smiling. When I walked into the building later that evening to start my shift, Dacy asked me how it felt to wear the ring.

" Oh, I'm not wearing it until the wedding day," I answered her. " By the way, you're invited to the wedding,"

" But are you really going to get married? You're only 19. You have your whole life ahead of you. What if you don't love him?" We leaned on the bar top as we scanned the current crowd, the usual bunch that offered its pros and cons.

I touched her arm. " I know I love him. I'm just worried he's trying to buy my love, which is what I don't want,"

Dacy agreed with me, and when she left her first text message to Lydia was sent demanding to know more about John Brooks, my fiance.

When I arrived at the house at the end of my shift, I heard Mom and Lydia in the kitchen just talking. " ...and wouldn't you know when I stepped off the plane, this woman steps on my toe. She's refusing to apologize and I'm all argy-bargy to the point that the lady threatened to call security. But I wasn't wrong," Lydia detailed her fiasco at the airport.

I gently placed my kid sized backpack on the floor and tiptoed to the edge of the wall.

" So I said to her " It's alright. I know your sort. Back country trash that wouldn't know fashion if it hit you," And she swung her purse at me!"

Well of course the unnamed woman would have swung at her. If someone confronted me right off a flight, I'd probably refuse to apologize too. Lydia had a point about manners, if her version of the tale is the truth, however.

I tiptoed to the door and slammed it shut. Sunny perked her head up from the living room floor and looked at me like I lost my mind. " I'm home!" I called out Mom before leaning over to put my air pack on the floor, in doing so slipping off my running shoes onto a rubber mat. Lydia, granted a reprieve from my mother's probing questions, escaped for her bedroom while I grabbed a quick ham and cheese sandwich from the fridge on my way up to the bathroom for a hot shower.

While I was at work, John witnessed Lydia's finger glued to her phone with her head at a descending angle. We talked about it the following morning as we prepped for the cook out. Mom loved the idea so much that she invited her favorite local clients and commandeered the honor of grilling.

" And who was she texting?" I inquired curiously as we moved the picnic table, a squared all wood piece that cost my parents a pretty penny. The benches were easier to haul over to the table's new position than the table itself.

John nodded toward Lydia lounging in a custom made wooden lawn chair painted the very vibrant color of yellow with country music blaring. " Don't know. Every time I neared, she'd put the phone away or move away from me. But I do know no one should be texting every minute of every hour of every day," He showed off his arm muscles today in a t-shirt and wouldn't you know it - the man had a dragon tattoo on his left shoulder!

Even now, Lydia's head bent over to text. I hoped it was to more reputable friends than I suspected they really were. My mother kept glancing over at her, each time her smile turning more and more into a thin line until that thin line turned into a mouth twitch. Lydia didn't know who she was baiting, because no one messed with my mother and her values and lived to tell the tale. Her rules dominated the house. 1. Cleanliness was godliness, and if you ever forgot it, she made you remember it. Dad just stopped trying to force her to relax the high standards and threatened to hire a maid every so often. That usually worked for his messy office space but the rest of the house was perfectly ordered chaos. 2. Respect your elders. If disrespect were shown, you apologized. If you didn't apologize, guess who was going to be washing their own clothes, cooking their own food, finding their own transportation, etcetera? Yep, you. 3. Technology is great, but there is a time for technology and time for face to face interaction. One should balance that out appropriately.

" Lydia, darling, could you fetch the pop?" She called out to Lydia. " We're going to put the steaks on in a moment,"

Lydia put down her phone on the arm of the lawn chair. " Should have servants…" She grumbled loud enough for us to hear and low enough that the rest is unintelligible. Trudging to the house

" Should ground you until you're thirty," I muttered as I set up the table. " Brat,"

John mocked me with talking hands. I picked up a butter knife and pointed it at him. We both caught my mother watching us, eye twinkling. At least she didn't disapprove of my choice. Hopefully Dad wouldn't either. " Don't you mean a headache,"

" If she were a headache, she'd be a migraine," I countered quickly.

Lydia exited the back door with a 12 pack of canned soda. " Why don't you have servants?" She whined at my mother unaware of the thin ice she tread.

Jennifer Banfield suffered crap from no one and this young teenager was no exception. " John, can you-"

John snapped to attention. " Yes, Ma-am,"

" While I appreciate your readiness to earn my approval, let me finish," She held up a palm toward him. " I need you to lead my guests around the house. They're clients so guard your tongue,"

Lydia snorted.

All of us turned to look at her at the same time.

" And you, child, need better manners. Smoking weed, drinking at clubs, and getting caught shoplifting is going to get you locked up," Jennifer cut into her smugness like a surgeon. " The pressure you put on your parents to keep your name out of the papers - I will not tolerate it here,"

John rounded the house hoping to not return to a murder scene. I set the utensils out in wrapped napkins. Keeping my head down, I looked forward to Lydia meeting my father. If she thought my mother is a nightmare, I couldn't wait until she met my father's expectations of how a lady should conduct herself.

Under the watchful critical eye of my mother, Lydia put the pop in the ice filled cooler. She joined me at the picnic table afterwards. " Your mum is a horror. How do you live with her?" She leaned in close to the point if either of us moved we'd be hugging.

Pleased with my work I sat down on one of the two seater benches. " Well, it's a thing called love. She birthed me, raised me, and loves me no matter what. Besides I only have to pay my phone bill, my tuition, and the car insurance and maintenance. I live here rent free," Playing with the flower arrangement I kept my eye on the brick pathway that lead around the house.

Several minutes later a group of older men and women walked around the corner talking and laughing about something. My mother greeted them like she would a friend and John shook hands with one gentleman before stopping at the grill to add on hot dogs.

" You live rent free at the parsonage. What's the difference?" A perplexed Lydia struggled to piece together the why when it should've slapped her on the head with the force of a comet.

I chomped on a carrot. " Well, for one...my mother hasn't tried to kill me,"

" But you have to work," Lydia's confusion continued to amaze me. How would I want to trade a murderous mother just for the luxury of not working? Why is that even a fair trade in the eyes of a young teen like her? Was she really that ignorant of her own bleak future in 1811 that not working appealed to her? 40 pounds in interest wasn't even minimum wage for 1811 England.

I welcomed the conversation but sensed an ulterior motive to it. " Too many boundaries. Too many expectations. What you must wear. Who you must associate with. How much you must marry for. It's all too much. Why - I bet after experiencing all this, you don't want to go home,"

She said nothing, soaking up all I laid before her. Knowing I proved my point, I nibbled on pretzels and a tray of fresh cut vegetables. John sat down with us. " I can drive you to work today,"

" Thank you, but I wouldn't want to upset your sleep schedule. Besides, who else is going to take care of Lydia?" My phone vibrated on the table. A text from Lexi and Amy lit it up. " You have somebody new to meet. Lexi and Amy are on their way with their boyfriends," I informed both of them. The day improved without me needing to do anything.

" You know how to grill?" John asked Lydia. She shook her head. " I will show you. Darli-"

Mom stood behind John, her hands on his shoulders. " I have just heard the most interesting news...my own daughter is to be married," Her arch toneset both of us on our heels with Lydia cheerfully watching us suffer.

" Actually," I chose my words carefully. " I said six months wait and he still has the ring in his pocket," Lydia giggled. I shoved her and she shoved me back.

With nowhere to run and my mother standing over him, John bore it better than me. " All true, and I don't want to anyone's prospect if we decide to call the day off," My mother stared me down as if I were the four horsemen of apocalypse.

Clients approaching spared us my mother's severe disapproval. John let out a breath of fresh air when her back was finally to us. Lydia ran toward the radio to turn it down or else she'd end up on the end receiving end of my mother's wrathful disapproval. When my friends arrived, I lead down Lexi, Noah, Amy, and Tommy to the center of the action. Immediately Lexi and Amy abandoned their boyfriends and took Lydia into their good graces.

I offered each person a can of soda or bottle of water before plopping down onto one of mom's yellow lawn chairs. John's business plan for advertising soon caught my ear and my textbook failed to hold my total attention. With an eye on my phone for the time, I barely noticed the shift of people until a plate of food thrust under my nose. " Eat," Mom ordered.

" Thank you," I mumbled while noting an exact definition on a notecard.

" Don't be the runaway bride," She messed my hair and walked off. I doubted John got off so easy.

Lexi showed Lydia pictures on her cell phone, and in turn Lydia showed Lexi pictures of her own cell phone. The pair kept giggling. I cut my steak into neat squares wondering what they were giggling about. Amy and her boyfriend sat next to me with similar plates.

" Hey gorgeous," I winked at Amy. Amy winked back.

Tommy peered over at my messy notes. " Writing in egyptian?"

" Egyptian shorthand," I played along. Amy laughed and elbowed the ginger she claimed to love. He took it well and dodged her elbow.

Lydia and Lexi plopped down in the grass across from us. Both held their cellphones at the ready. " So I'm shopping with Lexi today," Lydia announced.

Lexi put her arm around Lydia's shoulder. " Don't worry. I'll bring her back safe,"

I snorted.

" She's just jealous that she has to work and I don't," Lydia undercut without a second thought. Both Amy and Lexi stared at her wondering where her supposed flow of cash came from. Amy took out loans to attend school and Lexi would be attending a school in another state in a few months. " Have you seen the ring yet? Now that is a rock!"

With the attention shifted to the ring, I deflected their questions by going straight to the source. My arm outstretched in the direction of my betrothed. " You want to see it, ask him," Until the ring was on my hand, I considered it non-existent.

Tommy propped his long legs up and put his hands on the back of his head. Amy elbowed him again in strong suggestion. I pitied him, but it was Lydia who eyed up Tommy that really worried me. She already sized up Noah, who wasn't even a 7. If anyone ended up pregnant, it would've been her, not me. He ignored Lydia entirely.

Lexi badgered me with questions about the ring. Lydia showed her another picture. " Mike? You're interested in him? Em didn't tell you?"

" Mike is engaged to his college girlfriend," Amy explained to the impatient Lydia. " He's known for playing around. Hit on Em once,"

" Only once. And he stopped when I said no," I went back to my notes.

Lydia scoffed. " An engagement is made to be broken,"

" You really want someone that will play around on you behind your back?" Lexi's disbelief mirrored Amy's and only Tommy became uncomfortable as it went on.

" He's cute and he's got money," She said in growing confusion. Her 1811 ideals did not match up, and not even the 'education' she was provided seemed to help her teenage mind.

" And herpes," Tommy said, shutting of all us up. " The man has herpes. How did none of you know? His ex-girlfriend cheated on him,"

" Old history," I brushed off the tall tale I thought a lie. Besides his current cheating is not excused by his ex cheating on him,"

Lydia's agitation grew. " He's not that bad,"

" Em!" John called out to me. I put down my notebook and trudged across the yard toward him. " Someone is here to see you," He guided me around the house up to the driveway where a line of cars ranging from luxury to junkyard worthy lined up. Two men were arguing about something in french.

" Dad!" I sprinted toward my father.

The men stopped arguing. I slammed into my confused father and hugged him tightly. John respectfully stood away while being visible. " Ma chere fille, tu m'as manque aussi,"

French poured out of my mouth as I told him I missed him. He eventually motioned John to him. " Hello, Mr. Martin," I waved at Dad's business partner, a french national who handled the European side of business.

Mr. Martin nodded. " Votre francais s'est ameliore,"

" Je pratique avec mon pere dans l'email,"

Dad finally nodded. " The Brooks are a proud family. Welcome to the family," He gripped John's hand in a 'firm' handshake. Better or worse, John wasn't going anywhere.

***Please excuse the lack of proper lettering connotations on the french. My keyboard doesn't have the proper keying for it. I used Google translate so if it doesn't make sense, blame google. ***


	25. Chapter 25 Non-immersion

From that point in time, changes took place before I could blink. My father and John joined forces to plot John's future ins the Brooks family business. Mom put Lydia on house arrest and enrolled her in public schooling. Mike visited John at the house once, and when John checked to see that I was ready for work, Mike found Lydia in the living room watching Real Housewives cheering on the ridiculousness. The pair were caught french kissing when John came back downstairs. That combined with Mike's suspect STD status and his current engagement spurred my mother to forbid him from visiting the house again.

My classes took on a life of their own defining how my days usually passed. I picked up Lydia at school to stop her from ruining her reputation any more than the day at school already permitted. The time in the car allowed us to understand each other a greater degree than either of us expected possible. It wasn't always pleasant but at the end of each school day we always reached a compromise to respect each other - if you could believe that possible. I started to see the extent of the damage Mrs. Bennet inflicted on her daughter and how irreversible it is on the impressionable young mind. Quite literally Mrs. Bennet brainwashed Lydia to think that being stupid was cute and handsome, when in fact it was ugly and repulsive. Was I the only one who couldn't stand stupid people? Were there really men out there that wanted stupid girlfriends and wives? What kind of men were they and how did they expect to actually live a productive happy life?

" Have a good day?" I asked her as she got into the vehicle.

She clutched her neon pink transparent backpack. Inside the plastic backpack cosmetics, perfume, and a single cheesy romance novel proved just how much substance she chose to keep in her life. Or as Mr. Collins put it, a serious stamp. " Everyone loves the accent," She's British in an American public school. Why wouldn't the accent be appealing to kids not yet exposed to the world? " The food is awful though. Why can't I order out again?"

Her privilege still floored me. " Because you need to learn humility. Not everything is about money. Money can't buy everything," I checked my mirrors before leaving the parking lot. " What did you learn today?"

Let me tell you how these conversations usually went. We're going to start on her least favorite class - history. As a fanfiction writer, I needed to learn as much of it to make my writing more interesting. I still hated learning about history though, and don't ask me to remember dates or names. I'm hopeless like that, but Lydia hated for reasons entirely different. Lydia believed that the United States should still belong to the United Kingdom. Bearing in mind Lydia recently traveled from modern London to the US and is up to date on everything about English law, she holds onto the view that I was beneath her because of the fact I was American. Even if I were British, I'd still be beneath her because her family is richer than mine. Either way, Lydia considered herself above everyone else.

She loathed art class and thought the teacher harped on her work for no good reason. French? The french were traitors for the unique crime of Napoleon Bonaparte being a french national. German? Yep, you guessed it - if they weren't British they were beneath her. Introduction to Theater? Too much work. Driver's education? Why do I need to drive when I'm going back to 1811? Study hall? Let's ditch and go smoke a joint in the bathroom or take a dip in the pool. She's had detention every lunch so far for her poor grades, no class participation, and a fight she instigated between two girls in gym class.

My father already called her parents refusing to house their troublesome child any longer. My mother enacted every punishment possible and short of taking away Lydia's phone and money, Lydia was already under the strictest control. She cooperated with my mother about keeping her room clean and helping clean up after dinner, but she defied my father openly and flouted her money like it was everything. John, who stayed in the ensuite over the garage until he could find an open apartment in the local area, tried to help but she outright disrespected him accusing him openly of being a false prophet of god's word and threatening to expose him when we returned to 1811. Thankfully my parents were not around for this particular outburst but many similar outbursts lead to my mother questioning why I bonded so deeply to John and he to me.

But back to this particular day! Do not let me distract you again or else floggings will be issued Regiment style.

" America is stupid. They should still be a colony to Britain,"

" I thought we agreed to not talk about that," Her loyalty to Britain, the UK, England - whatever the proper recognition of it is - always clashed with my devout American patriotism. On a whole I believed that bygones should be bygones and that included political BS as well. Unfortunately some bygones thoroughly entrenched in our creations and identities. The US's own demons hammered on our doors like hung up guillotine just waiting for the US to stick its head out in a vulnerable position. Nagasaki, Hiroshima, Vietnam - I could go on but do I need to?

Young Lydia failed to understand the vast political playing field that Britain plotted within. The US wasn't the only guilty player, and Lydia liked to believe that her home country is innocent. Whether it was naivety or simple blind royalty, it irritated everyone in the house. Her world was not as big as my world and that wasn't bragging. That is just the reality.

" You remember Jack Muldin, right? All those muscles and that throwing arm-"

" Is boys all you care about?"

I shouldn't ask because we all know how Lydia is in the book. Why expect better of her in a more flexible modern time? Still in a weird way, like the Beatles shift from pop to artistic expression, I learned to enjoy the fractured entertainment. Unlike the Beatles, Lydia didn't evolve. She just shifted her fierce determination to new targets. After Mike became inaccessible, Lydia reduced herself to other avenues.

She dug around in her pocket and pulled out a folded up evaluation. " Lydia Benning shows a heightened disinterest in higher learning, a hostility toward American History, and is spreading chaos among her classmates. We recommend a better schooling environment until such a time exists that she is more well behaved,"

" Lydia!"

" What? I have over 400,000 per year without needing to work. Why do I need to learn french or german or spanish?"

" Lydia!"

" Don't mother me," She snapped. " I'm not you. I'm not like you. I'm not going to stay here so why should I bother?"

I parked the car at its usual spot in the driveway. " At least try for a better future,"

" I am." She faced me. " When I return, I am going to marry and marry well. Mama will support me even if no one else will. Lizzy's nobbing and Jane's beauty isn't helping them and if no one is helping them, I have to help myself,"

I put my hand on her arm. " I understand. I want what is good for you. Schooling isn't bad. Being stupid will only cause people to view you negatively. You already have a bad reputation there, not to mention here. Do you think Mom didn't find the condoms under your bed? Just because she doesn't say-"

Lydia exited the car, my lecture dying on my tongue. John intercepted me at the front door with a kiss on the cheek. " You have the day off. Mr. Catano was rushed to the hospital for a stroke,"

" Any word?" Sunny whined and pawed at my feet. I scratched behind her ears and rubbed her neck down.

His hand stayed on my back. " Not yet,"

The sad part is that I wanted it to be the son and not the father because I learned, like my mother, that nothing would stop Lydia. Contracting herpes or any STD was the mark of shame. Ending up pregnant without being married or older - another mark of shame.

John and I ended up on the couch with my notecards, laptop, and netflix. When Dad arrived home from work before Mom, we spoke french. John just started learning french from Dad and myself. Mom hated when we spoke french in the house because she didn't understand the language. If you talked Math to her, I guarantee you she could speak binary like a natural linguist.

Ultimately however, John and I settled on the couch to watch - yes you guessed it! - pride and prejudice. Wrapped in my sleeping bag we snacked on popcorn. Mom passed the living room, already accustomed to us being cozy whenever we had the time for each other. She just asked we kept our other activities behind closed doors that were locked. We respectfully obeyed her rules and Dad's even stricter rules of no closed doors, only hand holding in public, and if he discovered we were having unprotected sex, John was dead. In fact my Dad didn't want to know if we were engaged in that activity, so we just decided to bide the time for the wedding day as we did in 1811.

" I need to know something," He whispered under the television volume. " When I first asked to court you, what were you thinking?"

I covered a yawn. " Here's a handsome hardworking man who wants to become more familiar with me when he could have a staggering beauty like Jane Bennet or an equally staggering Elizabeth Bennet. I should be flattered, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking of my own survival as well,"

" The 200 pounds of interest on the 4,000 does pay for the carriage," He admitted.

" Now I will say the carriage is a luxury I did not expect,"

" When you said yes, I arranged for its acquisition and the hiring of the groomer and coachman,"

I turned toward him and put my raised hand to his cheek. " Well, I hope we don't need to relinquish that luxury,"

" We may need to let go of the laundry maid-"

" Get rid of the butler. He costs more," I yawned again as the Netherfield Ball scene played out. " Plus the house is so small that the housekeeper is sufficient enough,"

" As much as I agree that is an excellent plan, the fragile male egos will not accept this. They will say it is your corrupt influence," He tickled my side.

I slapped his hand. " So be it. Tell them that I threatened to invite the entire family for a fortnight if you don't cut out costs,"

He placed a kiss to my hand. " Do not say that I did not warn you of the backlash,"

Taking that as proof I had won a war I didn't even actively wage, I shushed him.

" We do not dance like that! Where is the skipping? And the hopping? And clapping and spinning? That color wasn't even in existence in 1811!" He yelled at the television in disgust.

I laughed.

" This is bull-"

Mom poked her head into the room. " What is all the yelling about? If Sunny starts barking, I will ground you to your rooms," We both looked up at her and apologized. I smacked John's leg after she left the room. He went back to yell, just muting himself to the point that I found it incredibly amusing to just watch.

" And that is not Mr. Collins? Couldn't they find a fat actor to play the part or is that too PC for the people who cast this?"

I snorted. " You are aware if you ever said that in public you'd be in serious censure, right? You can't go around insulting people's weight-"

" But Mr. William Collins is a heavyset tall man,"

I waved my hand in the air and dismissed his common complaint and being purely compliant with the book is nigh impossible for a proper movie recreation. This was just the case that every fan of any book had to contend with. Apparently John was diving headfirst into the insanity called fandom whether he knew it or not.

Sunny laid down beside us and by the end of the movie, something shifted in the cosmos once more. Huddled together in each other's arms, we watched the color fade out with the audio and then the immense cold hit us. No longer huddling together but safely tucked in an otherwise cold bed alone, I already knew where and when I was. John joined me moments later, more relaxed than he'd been at my parent's home. " I hope Lydia does not blab," I voiced both our fears.

" Doubtful," He kissed my neck.

Safe at Longbourn, Lydia smugly turned toward Kitty and tugged on her braided hair to wake her. When Kitty woke, Lydia struggled in vain to blab about her trip to the future. Giving up the hope she could out me, she laid back down and Kitty grumbled about being woke up too early.


	26. Chapter 26

The sun forced us out of bed. Eager to see what occurred while we were future bound, we dressed for our routines. I donned my hair comb and claimed Bud for my trip to the tenant farmers. On my way to call on Mrs. Forster, I visited Mrs. Long and Mrs. Morrison. Both ladies exhibited high spirits and soon I learned why - Mrs. Bennet's gloating ceased and Mr. Bennet restored a modicum of respectability by keeping the family out of sight. I suspected this would last only a few weeks at best, a few days at worst.

At this point I already expected Jane to have visited Caroline Bingley in London and Lizzy to be frequently communicating with Mrs. Collins. Mrs. Long made certain to bestow love on Bud before I set off to Mrs. Forster.

" Colonel!" I called to the leading man of the local Regiment. " How fortunate to cross your path,"

The older man stopped on the doorstep. " Mrs. Brooks," His lips turned upward into a smile even though his eyes narrowed on me in suspicion.

I refused to allow him an escape now. I set forth a mission that needed to be accomplished at all costs. " I wished to speak to you about your officers. I do not want to offend," Leaning in close, I lowered my voice as if I was about to speak of a conspiracy. " Except Mrs. Thomlin is near helpless,"

His poker face held up. " I assure you that I handled the problem and Mrs. Thomlin is well cared for,"

Not enough, and I bet my 4,000 that he spoke a half truth. I'm not saying all men are bad, but men tended to look after their own and it's even worse with cliques such as officers. The officers, endowed with a sense of entitlement, either floated or drowned in the authority they purchased. Captain Carter floated. He understood the system and he respected how it worked without abusing it ( from what I can see). Mr. Wickham soon and possibly currently abused that authority by racking up debts, whoring himself out shamelessly, and using that handsomeness to his fullest advantage. I wanted to believe him at face value, but his loyalty to the system removed me from the easy acceptance that is expected to follow his ranking in the Regiment.

" We should be thinking of action, not reaction. Not everyone is noble as you," I pressed. Potentially the officers could become more clever with hiding the abuse. If they started that, then nothing could save the wives being abused by bad men. " The Regiment's reputation will suffer with the like of Mr. Thomlin,"

Bless his heart that he humored me as long as he did. " I swear to you that the problem is handled and will not repeat," Before I could protest the brush off, he excused himself and rushed off to whatever a Colonel in the Regiment oversaw.

My frustration only increased when I passed the Phillips with Lydia in company. " Caroline!" She waved at me in seemingly genuine excitement.

Bud strained on the leash as I stopped and turned toward the juvenile. Lydia winked. I curtsied, Bud straining against the leash and barking at a passing soldier of no real rank. His barking turned violent. " Heel...heel," I shushed him. He still barked and strained. Mr. Phillips came to my aid before Bud dragged me more than four steps. The officer Bud barked after high tailed it down the street and all bustling passerbys gave the mutt ample clearance.

" Hey…" I rubbed down his back and used my baby cooing voice. " Hey, hey….that's a bad soldier, isn't it? Well, you do not need to worry about him. If he trips up, we will learn and out him, yes?" The dog calmed long enough for Mr. Phillips to root him to the familial group without harm to the children. " Good boy. Goood boy!"

Lydia peered down at him. " I thought you had the mutt under control,"

" I do," I glared at her. " But dogs are still animals. They too have bonds and prejudices. No matter how much we may tame them, they are still primal at the soul. Isn't that right, Bud? You're a big fluffy furball capable of biting someone's throat out if you needed to,"

A pacificed Bud laid at my feet as I knelt next to him to keep him under control. All I needed was him hurting someone for the town to demand his put down. Too bad, I would not give Bud up.

" Good boy,"

He whined, his eyes down the street in search of his prey.

" Thank you, sir. I never had him act like that before. I wonder what that man did to him," Mr. Phillips nodded along, happy to oblige the people and to ensure that the dog continued to serve Meryton well.

If you wanted gossip, I brokered it. If you wanted kind company, my marriage to a parson required me to oblige. This burden rooted me to the family party and Lydia's alluding to how indebted she is to me. I tried to discover how she was indebted but she refused to answer these questions.

Mr. Phillips mentioned John's visits to the officers. " I am in need of clerks and the young men are of a strict training suitable for molding,"

" I will inquire if anyone is leaving the Regiment, sir," Kitty and Lydia would know this best but that was only because of their aunt, a prolific gossip of epic proportions. How Mr. Phillips failed to realize this, I did not know nor care. The more I could boost John's prestige, the better a chance he had of a benefactor when he retired from the rector's public life. More so I wanted to stay low key in a time where hitting someone, even if they deserved it, lead to censure and public disassociation with respectable company. " But pray tell, why not a young man from Meryton?"

" I am constantly molding young men for them to leave for the cities where a living is more varied. Loyalty is abandoned,"

" Ah," I caught Lydia and her aunt both observing the professional consultation. " Well, as I promised, I will investigate,"

And investigate I did. While Mr. Phillips would have to keep to the local help, my productive energy supplied Mr. Farson with the ability to attend to the more needy while John assumed higher duties. The triangle of power concentrated so much that at service I was confronted by Elizabeth.

" Might I a word with you Caroline?" She whispered. Her mother and father stood with the Morrison's while Kitty, Mary, and Lydia engaged Maria Lucas in idle gossip.

I wrapped my arm around hers. " Does it concern Jane?"

" Regrettably. I may have poorly advised Jane in pursuit of Mr. Bingley," We walked away from the church and its ever spewing of people. " And now she is in London without prospect of marriage,"

What a shame. What a shame that Jane needed to engage people in real interaction. A real shame her ignorant mother raised her to be uneducated in the rogue belief stupidity lured men in.

" I am in need of guidance,"

I ceased to mentally wander off. " Well, if it pleases you, I will do so. How should I guide?"

Elizabeth shared her reservations about Charlotte as her cousin's wife, and then Jane's attachment to Mr. Bingley and Miss Bingley's hope of Georgiana Darcy becoming a sister to Caroline Bingley. I nodded along to keep her talking. Clearly she needed someone to confide in as their mother only embarrassed the family. When she finally touched upon Lydia's wild behavior which shifted to a more focused drive lately and Mr. Wickham's attentions to Miss Mary King, heiress of 10,000 pounds, we heard Mrs. Bennet yelling for her daughter.

" I give you my word I will call upon you at Longbourn," I walked her back to her mother and joined Mr. Farson at the door wishing everyone a pleasant day. He shook more hands than I gathered gossip. Finally with no one to hold us back, we turned to each other as our weekly custom. " Mr. Farson, should I expect you at dinner?"

" An hour early as always," He bowed.

Walking home alone, I used that time to plot how to make Jane's return more pleasurable. I encountered Mr. Booth at the parsonage being tended to by Tabitha. " Just the person to advise me. Pardon my interference, but I require a word,"

" Tis the day of advising," I sang out in good humor, letting down my bonnet and gloves. " What can I ease today?"

He paced, head down. " Captain Carter warned me you were pressuring Colonel Forster too much. All the officers fear that their livelihoods will suffer because of Mr. Thomlin," I worried for the officers too, but not to the severity that they did.

I ceased to be amused and decided to consume food and drink before I became hangry. The light lunch that Tabitha helped prepare with the cook sat out on a tray ready to be eaten. Mr. Booth eyed up the food, most likely hungry as well. " And what exactly are you hoping I can achieve?" No amount of men would cowl me into believing something I didn't believe one single bit. My anger started to match his nervousness.

The man stopped moving facing me with his hands clasped behind his back. " I want your support to know that Mr. Thomlin will never be welcome in Meryton by respectable company and to remind the Regiment they are only visiting Meryton. To know Mr. Thomlin and his sort will never nest into our very fabric of local society," Tabitha placed the tray of tea down on the card table.

" I wish with all my devotions and passionate heart that I could promise you such a thing but sadly I was born a woman, not a man,"

Being a man opened so many doors in the Regency era it made me mad. But if you flipped the script, being a woman closed 99.99% of those doors unless you were the Queen of England.

" Surely as the parson's wife - have you no influence?"

Both Tabitha and I motioned for him to sit. He obeyed quite quickly, too quickly. " Influence, yes. Control no. John controls. I influence. Mr. Farson advises." I offered him a cup of tea to calm his nerves.

He thanked us. " I must marry Mary, but if I do, I can not support her at this point in time,"

" Such is the position you chose. What do you fear, Mr. Booth?" Tabitha sat across from him sympathetically. Keeping my distance, I stayed near the fire. Tabitha's acquaintance with Mr. Booth stretched deeper than mine due to their childhood acquaintance.

His hand raked through his hair. " Mary will not want me,"

Mary not want him? Never. Idiot. Fool. Once again I ask - why are all the good men so stupid about what is quite obvious?

" Mary loves you, sir, more than you will ever realize," I assured him gently, mindful of his emotional state of being. " You brushed the dust off a forgotten book, cracked open its pages, and read them aloud to a captive audience. You made that audience recognize the value of that book. You saved that book,"

His shoulders straightened as he sipped the tea.

" That book is now your responsibility and that book knows your are its protector. Do not underestimate what you mean to her. And how much Mrs. Bennet despises your engagement," Tabitha nodded along seriously. " You are a testament that beauty and wit do not always prevail,"

John tapped my side startling me. He placed a kiss to my cheek, avoiding the dirty look I tossed his way. " You should rest easy. He has already offered to the lady," He settled down at his desk to write his siblings. Two were in the navy and his sister married an architectural engineer. Rumor held that his brother married an indian girl, which I hoped to be true because I always liked learning about new cultures.

Mr. Booth hurried to abandon us and despite John's encouragement to stay fell on deaf ears. Tabitha rubbed down Bud, a grateful lazy mutt. John and I bickered about how much gossip should be revealed in the letter. The playful bickering propelled us into the afternoon and its leisurely sermon planning for next Sunday. Mr. Farson laid out play by play of the officer's activities and how the servants were compromised by one or another gentleman. The reality of the growing list of names horrified Tabitha and only bored me. Dulled by the modern taint, John forced the list to paper for record should a legal case be made.

Yet putting it to paper felt dirty and violated people's privacy. I locked it away in my letter lockbox hoping to never need to reference it again. I wish I could say that I never would reference it again. Inevitably I expected to hand it over to Mr. Darcy when he paid up Mr. Wickham's debts in Meryton.

Mr. Booth's genuine concern spurred me to meet with Elizabeth Bennet the next day. We put the charade in place that I wanted to visit Mary and Kitty right from the get go. When I arrived Lydia took over the visit, tossing entirely everyone's plans out the window. Content to have company, Mary accepted Lydia's interference. Kitty protested it turning to Lydia's favorite games while Mrs. Bennet permitted the abuse to go on. For a mother she sure as hell didn't care about the damage her daughter's heaped on each other, sublty and overtly.

" When Jane comes home, all of the attention will go to her. Mama only cares about her beauty when she's home. We need to create our own space," Lydia preached to her sisters. Mary and Kitty ignored her preaching in favor of the current game, whist. " Mary is engaged, therefore we need not parade her around in search of a husband."

" I thank you for your consideration, Lydia, but I am not in favor of your current plans,"

" I want no husband at this point," Kitty echoed Mary's sentiment.

I checked my cards. This can either go poorly or perfectly. Either way, I don't think Lydia scored any points in her war for recognition. " Good for you, Kitty,"

" Not good for her. She needs a husband,"

If this were earlier in the book I'd have congratulated Lydia on her change of complacency. At this moment however, I abhorred her increased determination. " Not everyone is fearful of a life without servants, Lydia," I glanced over my shoulder at Mrs. Bennet because I know she may have grown up with servants but lacked the real finery until her beauty snagged the fool known as Mr. Bennet.

Kitty lifted her gaze to stare down her mother. " I want to be remembered," Mrs. Bennet cleared her throat, ignorant of the fact that Kitty aimed for her misguided views that she semi-shared with the woman. " Not for my beauty or wit," Elizabeth winced, and guilt did hit me. I'd apologize later for Kitty's words. " Not because my breasts are half the room or because I could be a Grecian statue,"

Even Lydia said nothing. The silence overwhelmed everyone, straining the goodwill harbored between sisters and mother. I cleared my throat and nudged Mary's ankle with my foot. She nodded imperceptibly. Mrs. Bennet put her head down more over her needlework to avoid the scrutiny she rightly deserve. Elizabeth's tolerance proved greater than Lydia's disdain for Kitty's choice of ambition.

" You aim too low,"

Elizabeth departed the game and resorted to the pianoforte. Mary soon joined her, and I gave up the whist game entirely, as it held no distracting value against Lydia's determination to steer destinies other than her own.

" You said I should want better," Lydia hissed low so her mother did not interfere.

" And I am glad that you listened but this is not how to go about it. It must be for you- your path, your discovery. You've no right to determine how Kitty or Mary find their own happiness,"

So far Kitty maintained her observation post across from us at the table.

" But you interfere all the time!"

Kitty raised a brow at our familiarity. If I were an outsider, I'd be surprised too. We didn't exactly match as likely companions. My criticism of her behavior alone should mean that we were incompatible. A spark within her forced me to push for some common ground with the silly girl, so I wanted to help her.

" I am the parson's wife. It is expected of me," And Mrs. Bennet hated the influence I had. Mrs. Phillips told me so herself on more than one occasion, though not so frankly out of respect for her blood sister. " You are not a parson's wife. Barely of age, reputably damaged and immature. You authority is non-existent regardless of your debt to me,"

She slapped the table. " You are not even from here,"

" Lydia, you will shut your mouth or I will sew it shut. You have no authority of my origins, nor have I deprived you of yours. Rest assured you will find a way to win Wickham as you always aimed for and leave my family out of it!"

Kitty put her hands between us to 'push' us back from each other. " What has occurred?"

" Nothing," We answered almost in unison and shared secrecy. Ultimately the three of us, Mrs. Bennet not included, sat back and listened to Mary and Elizabeth play the pianoforte. Despite our dislike of each other, we understood that keeping my identity secret is paramount. In the back of Lydia's calculating mind, she sought to use that connection for her own purposes.


	27. Chapter 27

" Will you take me on your visits?" Lydia begged of me when I arrived to pick up Kitty and Mary for this week's rounds. The people of Hertfordshire learned my schedule and actually anticipated where I'd be at a rough estimation of time that usually was spot on. I took great pride in this as it meant that I'd executed the job to the best of my ability. " I can not stay here with Lizzy. All she worries about is Jane and wants me to learn the pianoforte!"

Oh the horror of actually learning something productive! The world would come to an end. Hades himself will welcome the souls of the dead with open arms! All because Lydia learned how to play a pianoforte instead of fanning herself and complaining of being 'fat'.

I hugged her because she needed the support nonetheless. " Next time. But and you can accompany me. It wouldn't hurt for you to actually connect with Lizzy. You are sisters," I rubbed her back and let her go. In ways she is a sister to me but not near and dear as Mary or Kitty. Honestly Jane is the least known to me, and it wasn't an improvement from Jane Austen's attention to her deeper character. Nothing gained, nothing lost ,eh?

Lydia grabbed my arm. " I will hold you to that promise,"

" Lydia," Mrs. Bennet called out from the bottom of the steps. " My nerves are to shreds with your constant escaping-"

I hurried out of the home before she yelled at me too. Kitty and Mary patiently waited for me in the carriage. I nodded to our coachman and accepted his hand to step up into the carriage where Bud already lounged under the attentions of the sisters. " Are we to call on the Longs today?" Kitty asked.

" Yes, although Sara will travel with us to visit the officers' wives," I dreaded that visit, having come to dread just about anything officer related since my first visit with Mrs. Thomlin. The entire Regiment was like a boy's club with the sign ' No Girl's Allowed' nailed to the tree outside.

" As long as we do not cross Mr. Wickham, to cast aside Lizzy for a mere 10,000 pounds," Kitty 'admired' the passing trees and brush with a haunting longing. " No loyalty,"

Well, at least in the book thus far we followed the general hard line. When Miss King started receiving Mr. Wickham's attentions, it devastated Kitty and Lydia. Kitty's explanation for her devastation made her more human. Lydia's devastation on the other hand stemmed solely from her desire to claim the handsome man known as George Wickham. The selfishness she exhibited matched her written character to a T.

" He is a poor young man, Kitty. Marrying wealth is the only way to achieve immediate rise in rank. Charlotte marrying Mr. Collins is possibly the most ambitious move a Lucas made in the past decade," Mary declared without hesitation or concern. Safe in the carriage, no one would rat us out or try to make us suffer guilt for expressing our true opinions. If the coachman wanted his job he'd keep his mouth shut.

I almost choked on good manners. Clearly my beloved sisters are more developed than Jane Austen allowed. Mary started to show true colors that Fordyce hid well. This lady held strong opinions, not necessarily wrong opinions. Charlotte's power play earned her a potentially large amount of pin money.

Kitty whispered nonetheless. " But Charlotte married for the same reason Jane is desperate - the shelf age,"

" I did not say Charlotte is shrewd like Mama and Lydia," Mary glared at Kitty. " I only said she married wealth. Mr. Wickham is poor with no real prospects. No connections. No values,"

I scoffed. " He has values. Monetary values," The gambling addict respected the guinea, pound, pence, shillings. I wouldn't put it past him to abuse drugs either, but thus far he has always been represented as a drunk and gambler and whoremonger only. I know this list isn't complimenting but pitted against Mr. Thomlin, he still ranked higher in respectability in my opinion.

Both hmphed.

" And Charlotte acted honorably. No one will dispute that," Except their mother, and if I read the situation right, Mrs. Bennet was already upset with Lydia's new determination. " Are you afraid of being cast out of Longbourn?"

Kitty looked me in the eye and nodded. The hard look shut off her soft character and that worried me. She isn't naive like Jane or hardened like Elizabeth or even devout like Mary. Kitty had a heart, and even if she didn't use it that often, her mother brow beat it out of her indirectly.

" At least you may live at the parsonage until Mr. Brook dies. I will have nowhere,"

" You will marry before then," Mary assured her.

With Meryton in sight, I sighed in great relief. " And how is Lizzy handling Charlotte marrying the fool of Hunsford?" As Mary and Kitty put together their scant intel, I already knew everything important. Not piecing it together for them, I instead speculated on the what-ifs. Today we visited Sarah first. Bud's popularity spread due to his affiliation with my taking him out during the grueling string of social calls that often broke my heart. The second trip I made certain to leave Bud with Mrs. Phillips as to avoid a possible confrontation with the officer beforehand.

Mrs. Forster greeted us at the doorstep to the quarters provided by Meryton. Her grave expression soon brightened into false cheerfulness. The trap set, we walked right into it. The wives gathered together in semi-natural clusters that just 'bumped' into each other to discuss the day's rumors and business. Mrs. Forster invited us to a tea with all the wives that were present instead of tea alone with her. Denied my one on one, I accepted the transformed offer. Sarah, accustomed to interacting with the officers' wives, went along with the scheme. Kitty and Mary accepted that I knew what I was agreeing to, even as the numbers were oddly gathered for so brief a period of interaction.

As to be expected, the pleasantries passed around in a growing flood of lies, half truths, and misdirections. Kitty influenced the flow like a master, and Mary instantly regret desiring an escape from home. All the ladies focused on Mary, almost cultishly. Or maybe I am just jealous about someone stealing my friend. Either way, I didn't like what I was seeing or hearing. Sarah, ignorant of the growing discomfort, dove into the center of it all. Mrs. Thomlin seated herself next to me and brushed her leg against mine occasionally. Her shy quietness allowed her to be largely ignored. The difference between her reaction to me before - almost antagonistic - to now - chummy - showed me that something changed within. Had I really touched her that deeply?

Mary leaned in and whispered into my ear. " May we leave?"

I rested my arm around her waist. " Of course. We are needed to keep our schedule,"

I am demanding reform in a corrupt body of enforcers and Mr. Thomlin damaging the image in Meryton. He, along with just about every officer, knows I am relentless and if he fears me, he will pressure his wife to put on a show for me. Except Mrs. Thomlin wasn't buying into the party line touted by Mrs. Forster and company.

Mary shrunk more into my side when Mrs. Fernside turned her steady, hardlined gaze over the cup of her fresh tea. I lowered my fan ( Did I tell you that I purchased a darling blue fan? It goes with all my dresses!). Let her think what she wanted to think. The Regiment were hated for good reasons, and I won't look the other way. Not for a friend, not for a man in power, or even the crown itself. Women needed to stand together to survive and accepting abuse in all its form without complaint is promoting it. I don't apologize for it and I am glad that John loved me as I am. Unfortunately 1812 disagreed with my progressive views, but at least the Ludites were helping create safer working conditions.

Mary put her arm around mine, clearly uncomfortable around these ladies. If this were Miss Rowley, Miss Watson, and Miss Long, Mary's discomfort would not be as monumental. Mount Rushmore could pop up between us and them and she'd still be uncomfortable because they shared the same room as her.

" I have to visit the Hults soon," I said loudly for everyone to hear. " The children love Bud and he loves them. The poor still need help, as none of you are in such need of my aid, I must collect my party and attend to those needs immediately,"

The contrived speech popped out as unnaturally as I put it together. No one dismissed the need for my duties - how could they? I am the parson's wife and I needed to tend to the parish just as much as John needed to. A parson's wife was equal to their landowners even if the wealth never matched. Each of them promised to call upon Mary at Longbourn before they were to depart Longbourn. Kitty and Sarah were completely overlooked in this wave of goodwill, and thoroughly insulted, Sarah decided that she will not suffer it longer.

Along with the Hults, there is a list of families large and small that John and I looked after. We cared for each family in different ways. With the elderly we tried to make their elder years smoother with the children and orphans we arranged as many adoptions as possible. In fact we seriously considered adopting a child of our own. To us, saving an existing child bested creating a child. If life were only as simple as my busy life, but sadly a loud mouth attracted attention. I only appreciated they weren't actual bullets.

Operation Recruit Miss Mary Bennet stalled. With the purpose of unusual gathering clear to more than one lady, I earned the support I needed to launch my war. Mr. Thomlin is a common man, so taking him down a couple pegs wouldn't be hard. If he were a Mr. Darcy my campaign to put him away and out public interest would never succeed. Even now I reaped the results, small as they were. I owed that to my marriage to John Brooks and John supported me 110%. I loved him wholeheartedly for this.

Surrounded by families in poverty reminded the girls how fortunate they were and why their mother is still a real threat to their well being. Bud's presence soothed Mary and set her upright before the late return to Longbourn. Kitty thanked me for the experience and wished me luck in dodging all the wolves determined to defend their husbands. It wasn't all the husbands I wanted to destroy - only one husband and if all the other wives didn't understand that, I chose to ignore it in favor of progress.

The coachman confronted me at the parsonage about the very issue that attacked Meryton's conscious. " Mrs. Brooks, pardon the question, but why is Mr. Thomlin wrong in controlling his wife?"

My jaw set. " He broke his wife's arm,"

" She is his wife," He insisted. " Wives are the property of their husbands,"

Property or not, you didn't destroy property simply because you had a temper tantrum. That didn't make the destruction right. " Oh, so a drunk bastard is allowed to make his wife an invalid and go free?"

" No, but-"

" There is " No, but-". Either you support that he has certain rights or he has the complete right to kill her and not be punished for it," Bud positioned himself between me and the coachman, teeth bared. " Where do you stand, sir? With a bastard of a monster or with the upright citizens of Meryton? It matters not where Mrs. Thomlin originates from but where she is now. Women have a right to feel safe in Meryton, especially when the Regiment is flooding the streets,"

Once more he had nothing to say. I heaved, cheeks flaming.

" If you had half a heart you'd realize that women are people too and physical violence is wrong. And as your employer, you should remember who pays your wages," I turned on my heel and snapped my finger at Bud to follow. Bud loped after me, and the coachman never challenged me on my views ever again. Whether it is because I threatened to take away his job or because I proved a point I don't know nor care.

When I entered the parsonage, I wiped away the brimming tears and forced myself to gulp down air. Tabitha presented a letter to me and poured me tea before massaging my shoulders and neck while encouraging me to talk about my long day. Under her gentle persuasion I finally broke down and told her how much I hated men and their ridiculous toxic masculinity in all its forms. To her credit she challenged nothing and hugged me.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Dear Sister, I am to understand that Mr. Booth married a woman of independence and will. It warms me to know that the Rector of Brooks s blessed with capable help in spreading God's word. As I know now, my husband is to retire from the navy and invested all of our funds into a trader. We are to live in Liverpool and will call upon the parsonage in spring. No children accompany us, and we long to meet the pup that has Meryton under its paw. Yours Truly, Dhyana B.**_

 _ **Dhyana, forgive me but I am unable to pronounce your name from spelling alone. How does one pronounce it properly? John and I look forward to your arrival in spring. We are already ensuring that company that we may entertain does not conflict with your visit. I also ask of your religious beliefs so as to not offend them on your arrival. I must warn you, if you not aware, that the battle between Methodists and Angelicans wages on with great aggression. Truly, Caroline B.**_

 _ **Caroline, I will teach you how to pronounce my name and spare the paper the horror of attempting the description. As for my religious preference, I embrace Allah. Islam is my spiritual guide. As I am told, the majority of Brooks are Angelican with a banished branch practicing Methodism. From the good opinion that has passed through the family, you help John compose his sermons and the sermons are stirring and rooted in the community. A devout heart you must possess for an entire parish to faithfully trust you. It is a shame that your own family was not able to physically attend the wedding due to the unfortunate circumstances I was only recently made aware of. Dhyana B.**_

 _ **I thank you for your concern, but I assure you that my family is with me spiritually every day, and the parish is my home now. I have more companions, friends, and allies than any woman can reasonably expect. I owe this to the minute attentions that lavishes on the less fortunate and more influential. If you are to cross the path of the Regiment, I must warn you to be careful. There's a gambling gentleman who is building debt and not discharging it - a Mr. George Wickham - that is devastatingly handsome and wholly charming. Monies is not all he is gambling with but ladies as well. Their lineage and wealth will not matter to his lack of morals. May Allah watch over you, Caroline B.**_

John picked up the latest letter that passed between my sister-in-law and myself. " Mother is going to be disappointed that Henry married an indian lady. She does sound like a pleasant young lady though," He kissed my forehead and admired my countenance.

I still haven't shared more than three sentences with his mother and that was because she is more interested in her own world. I liked it that way and wanted it stay that way. Mother-in-law horror stories were not my speciality and I refused to keep quiet if stepped on. " Are you sure that she isn't more disappointed that Die-yana, Dee-yana...is a muslim?"

He pressed a finger to his lips. Our little secret. I suppose I should expect this during highly religious times. But I was taught that you respect people in the hope that they will respect you. The golden rule always served me well.

The unsatisfactory answer left me with a new quandary. If Dhyana is a muslim, she'd likely wear a head covering or facial veil. This is going to stand out no matter the excuse we use, and I didn't want the community shunning her simply because she called her god a different name. Although in Arabic, Allah is the word for God….so….everyone was worshiping the same person anyway. But don't you dare tell that to the believer. It'll cost you your life.

" John, aside from Mrs. Forster covering for her husband and the other wives joining her for whatever reason they choose, Colonel Forster is growing irritated with me."

" I trust you to do what is right. You have not disappointed me yet,"

" Mrs. Bennet is also growing aggravated with Lydia,"

He leaned in for a real kiss. I granted him the kiss readily. " We both know where that child ends up, so let it be. I need to collect taxes again," Wishing him luck, I watched him leave the parsonage for an exhausting hard day. The church should have its own collectors that weren't parsons, rectors, vicars - the name varies. I just called John a parson out of habit but really his official title was Rector.

Assured that I had his permission to hold the pressure in place, I now worked on a plan to keep Mary and her betrothed out of my battle fied and list of casualties. I started with the basic first rule of battle. 1. Know your allies and enemies. That was easy. Everyone of them lived in the parish. 2. Pick the high ground or fight uphill. As a female, I inevitably fought uphill. So onto rule 3. Cultivate your spies. I wanted Mary out of the circle but Mr. Booth may prove of greater aid to me. Now the outline filled in detail by detail, it started to fall in line.

Lydia called on me two days a week with her sisters. Their mother never once joined them during these visits and Tabitha worshipped Mrs. Bennet's prejudice against the very class of she was born into. Elizabeth and I often sat aside while Kitty and Mary played on the small pianoforte at the parsonage mostly ignored. Lydia would go for walks with Tabitha and Bud, preferring someone she could bowl over with little effort. Mr. Farson took a liking to Kitty and John warned him against forming a serious attachment to someone who offered little more than 40 pounds per annum. I protested the attachment because in no method or manner would Mr. Bennet accept Mr. Farson, leaving elopement as the only option. One expected that to be a six day trip that most likely end with an interception if Mr. Gardiner or Mr. Phillips gathered enough men to track down the couple.

But everything that goes up must come down. The other foot is bound to fall.

And it fell rapidly. I can't describe it as anything other than an acid trip.

I happened to be in Meryton with Bud and another visit to Miss Watson - a really pleasant lady who wanted more than a life in Meryton. We ran into Mrs. Phillips and her sons who wanted to play with Bud. I handed over the leash willingly.

A loud argument from nearby captured our attention. Bud quickly sat upright. Mr. Thomlin gripped his wife's fragile arm, still drunk from the night before. She cried out and his arm raised to strike her. Except the blow never landed. Bud bolted across the twelve feet and lunged at the drunk fool. His jaw locked on Mr. Thomlin's leg, tearing cloth and breaking skin. Mrs. Thomlin's shrank away from the man and dog, near fainting.

" Heel! Heel you bloody-" Mrs. Phillips held me back. Everyone stared on in horror as Bud relentlessly tore into Mr. Thomlin, incapacitated by his own inebriated state of mind.

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. A shot rang out. Bud fell over dead. Mr. Thomlin bled from a gouged out right leg. Mr. Jones darted to his aide amidst the horrified onlookers.

Everything stopped, abruptly shifted, and tracked back to the moment Mr. Thomlin raised his arm to strike at his wife. Immediately I lunged for the leash and tackled Bud to the ground. The growling and proximity of my arm to his jaws worried me but I'd rather be bitten than him dead. A shopkeeper shouted out his door at Mr. Thomlin, fist raised in the air. Bud slipped out from underneath me and shot like a bullet for Mr. Thomlin. A shot rang out and Captain Carter lowered his fired rifle.

Instant reversal ported me back to the same awful point in time. I understood the frustration of the protagonist on Groundhog's Day. Except my objective became clear - save Bud or repeat this nightmare over and over.

The next three cycles cycles repeat with little variation. I ended up halfway across the filthy street and no satisfaction or success . Bud bit me more than once to reach Mr. Thomlin. If Captain Carter didn't fire and kill Bud, Colonel Forster, Mr. Wickham, Mr. Denny, Mr. Fernside...Sometimes more than one officer shot. The shopkeeper prolonged the engagement twice, but the still drunk Mr. Thomlin ignored the moralistic man.

A visual white tear opened up in the middle of the street. The tear went on ignored by everyone.

Further down the road a cart careened out of control and horses reared up. Mr. Thomlin lowered his hand to his wife's face when she shoved him into its path. My shoulders sagged in relief at the exact moment massive weight of crates combined with framing crushed Mr. Thomlin. " Good girl," I mumbled, golf clapping for Mrs. Thomlin's ultimate retaliation. No one stepped forward to apprehend Mrs Thomlin. The overturned cart, injured driver, and possibly injured horses now overtook the shocked crowd. The cosmic tear repaired itself and whatever unseen hand maneuvered it permitted time to move on unhindered.

I knelt down next to Bud and hugged him. " I love you, you stupid mutt," Tears tracked down my cheeks and I soon became a faceless person in the crowd. The other foot lifted temporarily.

Mr. Thomlin's death removed the taint from the Regiment and once more permitted Wickham free reign. Mrs. Thomlin called on me at the Parsonage to tell me that she'd be moving back to her parents' home near Scarborough until the year of required reclusivity before she marry again. ( But male widowers were allowed to remarry straight away. Go figure.) I promised to write her and keep her in the prayers. At that point I realized that the cosmic tear had nothing to do with Bud. He'd only been a pawn in the trap. Could it be - now I look back - that this was her battle and not Bud's?

Without an answer, life resumed track in a predictable manner. Mrs. Forster now invited me to tea on Mondays. Lydia and entourage kept me busy on Tuesday and Thursdays. Wednesdays I made my tour of the families. Fridays and Saturdays I stayed at home. Sundays we conducted sermons, offered advice, wrote family, and entertained Mr. Farson and occasionally the additional guest. The pleasant pattern that John welcomed into his hectic life interrupted for a dinner party a week before Elizabeth would depart for Hunsford for her fateful crossing with Mr. Darcy.

Everyone invited arrived early. The Booths, Bennets, and Longs made a well blended group of mature adults, pleasant ladies, and no shortage of music. Combined with the best cooking our cook ever produced, it turned an evening into an evening to remember. Mr. Booth and Mary rarely separated, Kitty and Mr. Farson flirted though they shouldn't dare, and Tabitha was one of the guests and not just a lady maid.

" Impossible! How could you possibly know that Mrs. Forster would accept a simple apology? The woman is as whimsical as Lydia. Tomorrow she is likely to turn on you," Sarah contested my account of my strained relationship with Mrs. Forster. " Miss Watson confirmed she already warned Mrs. Fernside to remember her place,"

Believable but not entirely a battle I wanted to wage. I nearly lost Bud to madness. " Either way, dear friend, I only care she does not poison the tea," We laughed and turned our heads. Mr. Booth whispered under Elizabeth's singing causing Mary to blush.

Sarah shook her finger at me, and we both suffered Mrs. Long's temporary notice. " I caution you to treat her with a long stick,"

" And so I shall," Or a very long leash and a protective mutt.

" Who shall you?" Kitty interrupted us. " Let me guess. Mr. Brooks. You are finally to adopt?"

Hmm. It certainly fit where we were in life. " Maybe. Perhaps. That is to be decided as time goes on," He wanted an Emma. I just wanted a family bigger than Bud and us.

She squealed and clapped her hands. Mrs. Long's brow rose, an inquiry. I shrugged in response. Kitty's youthful naivety is always refreshing for a weightly lifestyle.

Sarah shook her head in disappointment. " Where is Lydia?"

Kitty pointed to where Mr. Brooks, Mr. Bennet, and Mr. Long congregated. " Eavesdropping. As always," She muttered.

Lydia's eavesdropping paid off. She learned how to lure Mr. Wickham into her clutches and the gentleman stayed completely unaware. If they were too ignorant to not notice Lydia eavesdropping, I wouldn't help them. As destined to take place, it needed to be permitted to take place.

Off in the corner Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Booth listed the many expectations for Mary and Thomas Booth's union. Unlike the Lucas connection, Mrs. Bennet welcomed the Booth connection with overflowing mirth. Funny how she suddenly cared about Mary's engagement once Mr. Collins departed and married. That woman was a chameleon. She'd make a con artist turn into a saint by comparison.

Mr. Bennet and Mr. Booth completely ignored the expectations and only spoke of the future in terms of children. I knew for a fact that Mary wanted to put off children until she Mr. Booth could afford them. Such is the quandary of poor people - copulate and risk it or not copulate and pay for prostitutes with the already non-existent money? Two poor people marrying only kept them poor, for your information. Anyone who thought that marriage cured poverty were idiots and needed slapped until they wizened up.

" Caroline, you should visit the orphanage - think of it. To surprise Mr. Brooks with a son," Kitty pressed.

" Children are not pets," Sarah admonished the silly lady.

" He wants a child th-"

" Yes, yes…" I waved her off, looking past Mrs. Long. " But it's a mutual decision and you forget he is the man, not I," Not to mention I still needed to learn the adoption rules. Formally I'd love to adopt a child but at the moment we're looking at informally adopting.

" Kitty," I touched her arm, not wanting to ward off her good will. " Would your uncle know any local orphans?"

She nodded. " There are a few boys who were not secured in apprenticeship,"

Apprenticeship is basically where a master takes a poor boy under his belt and teaches him the trade. As I understood he owned the boy until the boy turned 21 years of age, but I could be wrong. Either way, apprenticeships were only one option for the poor. Did I mention I hated alot of what the society allowed?

" Perfect." And I felt even dirtier for even trying to adopt through heresay. " And their ages?"

A cute baby might be in high demand, but I wasn't changing nappies. I wasn't hiring a wet nurse, especially with the recent release of the butler. (FYI, the man hates me. I shouldered the blame for his release - a small addiction to dress making gone wild. My addiction, which occupied my Fridays and Saturdays, actually cost far less than 50 pounds per annum, but I wasn't about to argue the point if it spared John the heat.

Sarah supplied me with the ages and offered to contact the orphanages head mistress. I gave her full permission to pursue the communication on my behalf. At the very least, I could find a good family to take them in. I hoped to save them from a life of crime, poverty, and disease. I hoped they could reform and prevent the Mr. Thomlin's from growing into existence.


	29. Chapter 29

The dinner turned ugly just as soon as the mood lifted. The culprit? Mrs. Bennet.

" Miss King will be a fortunate lady if Mr. Wickham truly loves her," Elizabeth avoided the white sauced meat dish and helped herself to the pickled ham.

" Off to a pleasure trip again, Miss Lizzy," Mrs. Bennet cut across the various side conversations that sparked between amiable people. " When will Mrs. Gardiner favor Kitty or Lydia?"

Mary thanked Tabitha for refilling her cup of alcoholic punch. " We were not permitted to visit them in London, Mama, or has your memory faded?"

" Mary, that is unkind,"Elizabeth warned. NO! I wanted to see Mrs. Bennet put down properly and by a level, unprejudiced lady!. " You are aware that Jane is still unmarried and London is where the gentlemen flock," Sarah giggled and Tabitha gasped at the bold display of rebellion. Yet, it isn't even just a display but an actual breathing rebellion. Napoleon Bonaparte had a seat at the table tonight and he shot without hesitation. " And Aunt Gardiner already has four children to tend to. She could not keep Lydia from trouble at the time,"

I lowered my head over my plate. Family feud, 101. Who needs reality tv when I had a front row seat?

Mrs. Bennet tapped his spoon against his plate. Mrs. Bennet's lips stayed shut and I turned to Elizabeth. " I disagree. Trouble finds Lydia as much as she finds it," Sarah's jaw never lifted. A half hour later Mrs. Bennet feigned a headache and demanded to return to Longbourn. Her irritation won out a socially exhausted Mr. Bennet and the party departed with great reluctance on Mary's behalf. Mrs. Booth and Mrs. Long exhaled in relief at the exit of the troublesome Mrs. Bennet.

" Caroline, dear, are you planning to travel to London soon?"

I glanced over at her. She defied age gracefully, and her genuine circle of friends shielded her from the likes of Mrs. Bennet's ruthless gossiping. Mrs. Booth added honey to her tea before joining Mrs. Long on the same couch. Both ladies abandoned Tabitha and Sarah to their talk of fashion and hats.

" Mr. Darcy extended an open invitation for us to call upon him," John raised his cup to our cluster. " London's fresh air will do wonders for your well-being,"

I wanted to strangle him. " My well being is well enough here,"

" London and its fashion," He added on sweetly.

Fine. I could take a hint. But he'd suffer for this once everyone left for presumably home. " I'll be sure to pass along your gratitude to Mr. Darcy,"

" I already recruited Mrs. Long to help me. Mr. Long is so gracious as to grant the company of his daughters for the parish needs," He supplied. I should've seen the trap before the gate closed. But that damned smile of his! Uggg. I love-hate him.

Where's Bud? Oh! There he is napping in his bed Tabitha and I made for him out of straw and burlap. " What say you, Tabitha?" I asked carefully.

" And I will care for Bud," Sarah volunteered, dropping the gate into place.

Good god, how long had this been planned? How many people had he involved in this scheme?

Tabiitha's smirk settled that I'd lost this round. " Are you joining us?" I asked her. She nodded twice.

But the surprises didn't stop rolling in. " Mr. Darcy and I set up a business arrangement that will provide for you and our children when I pass. Mr. Bingley agreed to invest as well," He stunned everyone at the table, including Elizabeth.

As long as the investments weren't in agriculture I supported his choices. Mr. Long deflected Mrs. Long's interest and Mr. Booth offered to contribute willingly. Mary's betrothed's interest peaked and he started to ask questions about the investment opportunity. Tabitha bounced on the fainting couch, unable to sit perfectly still. I didn't blame her. She wanted to go to London since she was a little girl in pigtails.

In a letter I'd find out that Mrs. Bennet harassed Elizabeth to give up her tour so that Lydia may go to London instead. Mr. Bennet, angry with his wife's behavior, declared that if Elizabeth gave up her position with the Gardiners for the tour, Mrs. Bennet's money would be cut off entirely for the next decade. Only Lydia argued about being denied London and her pleas fell on deaf ears and closed hearts too accustomed to repelling her silliness and greed.

As soon as the parsonage emptied out, Tabitha grabbed my hands and twirled me in a circle. John seated himself and relaxed, content to bask in Tabitha's excessive joy at finally being able to visit London.

" Darling, did you really make a business-" I held on tight to Tabitha until the vertigo passed. " -with Mr. Darcy?"

He nodded, fingers steepled. " Textiles,"

" Everyone will always need clothes," Tabitha sang out.

" Aye, and you can make more dresses to keep rather than sell," That smalll income actually supported the addicting hobby of dressmaking. Any extra I earned usually put aside for a future where land sales would rise due to an economic failure. I would not be caught unaware by the devastation.

Tabitha tickled my side. " Your wardrobe is very familiar-"

" Oh hush. It's perfectly sized and I refuse to buy more dresses if Hertfordshire loves me as I am," I slapped her hand away and sunk onto the fainting couch. " Oy meh,"

London.

I didn't even want to go!

" When do we leave?" Tabitha demanded in a high pitched voice.

" Sunday, Day of our Lord," John answered her. " Mrs. Brooks will be reunited with Miss Bingley, a dear friend,"

He meant fiend. Not friend.

" Miss Bingley will need to be distracted," John cleared his throat. He stared me down. " I informed Mr. Darcy of my will and testament. You will inherit everything except church property,"

My heart dropped out of my chest, scuttled across the floor and laid at his feet. Not literally of course. " Well we should adopt a child soon then, eh?"

" The child I wanted to call our own is eight years old, orphaned, and has already been informed of our interest. He accepted it," John surprised me again, except this time more pleasantly. " He will travel to London with us,"

" His name?" I was going to be a mother. Without birthing a child.

Tabitha hugged me. Her joy flowed through her and to my numbed emotions. Tabitha excused her quickly to give us privacy and to prepare my evening clothing. He motioned me over to him and and I sat on his lap. Secured there, I just held him. A mother. Holy-

" Are you angry?" He asked.

Mad? How could I mad? My parson showed more sense than Mr. Bennet by choosing to invest instead of spend. " Are we truly adopting?"

" His name is Walter and he has agreed to obey the rules we set forth for him," John continually brushed his thumb over my knuckles in a reassuring manner. " I will arrange his education and we shall be a family,"

I kissed him, emotions washing over me in extreme prejudice, warmth, and security. The next day, we jointly retrieved Walter from the orphanage with Bud eager to have someone new to play with. Walter stood outside in his 'best' clothing, threadbare textile of a muddied brown that lost its original color long ago. Rail thin and tall for his age, he showed signs of physical wear and tear. A broken nose recently caused marred his youthful appearance and enforced the rough life he suffered. My heart immediately bled from the hard knock lessons he probably learned ten times over.

Removing my Redingote, I draped it around him. " You must be cold,"

Already the cold attacked my bones, and I couldn't imagine how cold he is standing there in the threadbare coat, pants, and thin undershirt in shoes falling apart. His big green eyes gazed up in me in guarded weariness. I imagine what we looked like - just two people wanting a shiny reputation to boast about, but it wasn't that at all. We wanted a family, to save England's neediest, and to give a boost of hope to the hopeless. " Thank you, Ma-am,"

John took his coat off and put it over my shoulders in turn. Bud nosed around the boy's feet and up his legs before deciding to lick his hand. He nudged Walter, an expectation for a pat and head scratch. " Are you ready to leave? Do you have any belongings?"

" No, sir," The boy finally rewarded Bud's whining with a scratch.

This encouraged Bud to beg for more love. I offered my hand to Walter. He slid it into mine and we walked to the carriage together. His silence and lack of emotional reaction when we reached the parsonage and offered him a full meal for his growling belly pressed on into the evening as he viewed it all with an outsider's interest and distrust. Tabitha sat down with him to help him with his butchered hair ( One of the other oprhans cut it and hacked off half the length on one side but not the other ).

It was hard not to hover, and when he laid down to sleep, I stood outside his open door watching him lay still under covers. Bud loped into the room and jumped onto the bed, laying at his feet. Closing the door, I dragged my feet to my bedroom where John already waited wanting a report. With no good news to share, I laid down next to him.

" Do we know what happened to his parents?"

John brushed my hair out of my face. " Died. Mother fell sick with a cold, and father was ran over in a field by a runaway horse,"

" Poor kid,"

" No relative was able to take him in,"

" They're all too poor to feed another mouth, most likely," How could the royal family and church put this burden of responsibility on people like John? Had they no compassion for John's ability to suffer the sights and knowledge without being traumatized by it? Someone needed to help these people now, not years from now or when it became a convenient publicity stunt. " And here we are -offering so much. I wonder what he is feeling now, thinking,"

John and I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling in sincere thought of how to ease Walter into the parsonage and to give him the personal space he needed without giving off the cold, detached persona. Our struggled carried us into an awkward breakfast and Mr. Farson once against assumed the full load of responsibilities while we set the foundation for Walter's new life. Or maybe we were thinking of it differently - Walter didn't need a new life and he didn't need us, that he just needed a hug. I honestly don't know at this point, and I doubt that I'd ever know for certain what Walter needed from us and himself. All I knew was that we should help him retain his identity regardless of our egos and desires.

Mary and Kitty visited that same day we were helping Walter adapt to his new rules of conduct - no fighting, no swearing, and respect the staff. Tabitha walked through the alphabet and numbers with him to test where his educated started and ended. The girls watched Tabitha's ever growing patience hold out. " Young Mr. Farrow,"

" Yes," It hurt a little that he didn't want to take the name Brooks but I understood. In the heart of hearts, I am still a Banfield. " Young Mr. Farrow. Bud slept with him last night,"

" Good boy,"

" Aye,"

We lapsed into silence and turned to the gossip that would infuriate Mrs. Bennet. That was when the boy diverted his obedient scholarly attentions to us. " Miss Watson is favored by an officer of the Regiment, not a young man of Meryton,"

" And how do you know this, young man?" Kitty inquired lightly, not the least serious.

His straight face won first place in a poker tournament any day. I'd wager not even Mr. Wickham could best him. " She kissed the officer after the whore and Mr. Lawley left the same alleyway less than a half hour before,"

" Guard your tongue!" Tabitha scolded him gently. " Civilized conversation does not include 'that' profession,"

" Miss Watson kissing an officer?!" Before Kitty's excitement turned into gossip, Mary bid her to be silent. It was only a boy's word and Miss Watson is a respectable woman! " But think of it - who would Miss Watson kiss? Captain Carter? Mr. Wickham? Mr. Denny? No. Is it the Major?"

I didn't know who the Major was. My tea with Mrs. Forster mostly consisted of pleasantries and polite deflection and local politics non-regiment in nature. We never discussed the Regiment in her boarding, and likely we'd never trust each other due to our invested interest in each of our goals and motives.

Before I could ask about the major, Walter went back to his learning and I reminded myself to be more careful of what I said around him. His mind is sharper than anyone gives him credit. More than that though, Mr. Lawley is cheating on his wife. How dare he? Oh, that's right...he has a penis. That's why. No one will ever punish him for choosing to cheat on his wife because her rights no longer exist.

At least I had Walter to help me set right some wrongs. Mr. Lawley could expect to be outted the next time I was town. I hope his wife cuffed him good upside the head for his defection from their marriage bed.


	30. Chapter 30

The road to London presented no reason for grief, and when the roads lead directly into London, a whole new world exploded! Street sweepers cleared horse waste from the streets. The throng of people poor to insanely wealthy pressed thick on the sidewalks and side of the roads and alleys where there were no sidewalks. It thinned out once we neared the wealthier parts of London, where the poor tended to be servants and the wealthy hosted parties and dances and attended assemblies, participating in the cat and mouse game of trading wealth for favors and back scratching.

Incredibly though, the smell of bodily waste, body odor, perfume, and industrial pollution intermingled together into an unpleasant cocktail that lingered EVERYWHERE. The only clean air existed near the river, which held its own death trap smell - plus historically speaking the river helped spread cholera. At least I think that's what my research said. But dear god! The traffic jam. The line from one street to the next intermingled with the overcrowding of people. Walter nudged me shyly. " He's pickpocketing, Ma-am," He pointed out the window at a gentleman standing next to several ladies on a corner next to a cart selling bread while a street sweeper attempted repeatedly to sweep the literal crap out of the street.

This gentleman was smoother than most pickpockets, but not as skilled as to avoid Walter's notice. " So he is…"

John gripped my hand tightly. " At least in Mr. Darcy we have a barrier to all this,"

Not comforting, I decided that I'd never visit London again. No wonder disease thrived in this city. Please, please let me make it out of the city alive and well.

" It is only London, Ma-am," Walter assured me.

This kid definitely experienced too much of life. He needed a little bit more faith in humanity, even if that faith isn't entirely well based.

I leaned back in the seat claustrophobic, not because of the carriage but because of the crowds of people around us. All it took in modern times with a crowd like this to create chaos is a gun or bomb. The lives it could take, animal and human, would be ridiculous. Anthrax, small pox, chicken pox, the common cold - I just needed to stop before I freaked myself out.

At the turning of wheels, we started the long journey toward Mr. Darcy's rented home. How could Mr. Darcy desire to be in London instead of Pemberley? The coachman parked the carriage in front of the home and knocked oon the door to alert us that we reached our destination. John told me to wait with Walter while he alerted the staff that we arrived. This took over twenty minutes, Walter telling me that his family came from London in hopes of escaping the crime.

" Your family had income to travel from London to the countryside?" He shocked me. " Well, I pray that we never come back to London. The fog of people, the mire of stench-"

The coachman just smiled. " Tis London, Ma-am,"

" Well I dislike London. I dislike people, and I dislike crowds," I was a social butterfly by necessity, not will. If I could sit at home and do nothing and not be dinged for it, I would. As it is, as a parson's wife, I can not. Nor am I a city person, although the convenience of everything in close proximity is desirably. " We should have never agreed to visit Mr. Darcy in London but your fa-well, John agreed to it,"

I'd never begrudge John a friend. In part, I believed that Mr. Darcy valued the friendship too as the men were similar in character and ambition.

Finally John exited the house with Mr. Darcy following him. The coach man directed the foot men to the trunks in the back. Walter took my hand and told me it would be alright, just to trust him. I admired his strength and bravery. " This is the fortunate Mr. Farrow," Mr. Darcy greeted the boy.

I put my arm around Walter. " Bud adores him,"

" Refreshing to see our children cared for, and he is to receive formal education as well," Mr. Darcy motioned for us to follow him. The town house is like any other townhouse in London, connected to its neighbor on either side sharing walls with windows in the front and back to provide ample lighting for the inhabitants.

My memories of London started to come back to me. Regency me loved London, but modern me feared London in this age. I navigated these streets like a regular criminal when I was younger, and I'd probably learned more secrets than any person should ever know. It frightened me the weight of those secrets - even as ridiculous as they were compared to modern secrets and scandals. I must have looked like a deer in headlights because Walter grabbed my hand and looked up at me. He tugged on my arm, a sign for me to act instead of be numb to all of it.

" Are you well, Caroline?"

" Yes," No. No I wasn't okay at all. There's a reason the regency me wanted out of London after my father's death.

His name is Harold and he asked me to marry him days after my mother tried to kill me. Naturally I refused his offer and Mr. Gardiner spared me any further interaction with the childhood acquaintance.

Neither gentleman was convinced. I wasn't convinced, and Walter wasn't convinced.

" He'll bless the household," Mr Darcy struck up conversation again as the foot men carried the trunks in first. " Do you intend to travel much of London while here?"

" Not much. Income limits my adventuring spirit, but Tabitha and Walter will enjoy themselves well enough. It is payment enough for me,"

" Mr. Farrow, you will keep your last name? Your family's name,"Mr. Darcy seriously addressed Walter.

He nodded.

We entered the house finally. Caroline Bingley rushed to greet us, although I know not why as we were never close and we had neither wealth or influence in London. The repugnant shade of purple she wore disserviced her lady-like countenance. " Mrs. Brooks, last we spoke you were Miss Banfield!" Her eyes shifted to my still not pregnant belly.

I embraced her out of social obligation. " As such engagements carry out, we wed in the parish and reside there. Were it not for Mr. Darcy, we would still be in Hertfordshire starting our new family,"

" Oh! Where is the babe?"

Walter tugged on my arm again.

" Caroline, this is my adopted son, should he choose to call me mother one day. His name is Walter. Walter, this Caroline Bingley. She is Mr. Bingley's sister, like Mrs. Hurst," We discussed who was who in the carriage and how they were important and unimportant far ahead of time.

His head bobbed in acknowledgment.

Caroline's disappointment covered over with a farce of a smile. Mr. Darcy's presence likely inspired this and Walter's sharp youthful eye easily spotted her displeasure. " How...charming. But no baby to grace bloodline,"

The nerve of her! Were I less restrained I might've swung at her. I knelt down in front of Walter. " Walter, Tabitha wants to experience London. Would you be willing to put on your best appearance and escort Miss Finch about? She needs the honor of a young man such as yourself to ensure her respectability," I'm not sure if society cared about Tabitha's reputation, but I certainly wanted my friend insulated against attack.

" Yes, Ma-am," The boy bowed his head.

I briefly touched his shoulder before standing again. " Caroline, shall we retire to the couch and talk there?" She offered her arm to me and I accepted it.

Mr. Darcy escorted Walter to his room that he'd share with the children of the servants. I won't lie when I say that London held a thrall, but I'd grown accustomed to pleasing a small group of people. I understood how to tread, where to tread, and when to tread. In London - reduced to no one - I also now subjected myself to random scorn and pressure should I misstep. This is Miss Bingley's playground, not mine. I now played in the land of wealth exceeding my own. A Mr. Thomlin here can hide, but not in Meryton.

So with Caroline Bingley confused about why I did not want a baby, the insult growing into massive proportions, I hoped Tabitha enjoyed the sights while she could. Not blind to my irritation, Mrs. Hurst covered ground that Caroline neglected. She congratulated me on the expanding family and my union to John. We covered my duties as a parson's wife - numerous duties that if seen in a listing way are overwhelming - and my union to John. We covered my duties as a parson's wife, my home, and my new life. All the while Caroline's confusion peaked. " You are permitted to earn wages?" She gasped as I described each dress I made for the ladies of Meryton.

" Well, yes." How could this woman look at me in horror when she insulted our adoption of Walter in front of Walter no less than forty some minutes ago? " John and I are putting it toward our family,"

" You are a married lady. Does he not think of your reputation?" Mrs. Hurst argued in my favor about needing the wealth but the narrow minded Caroline Bingley refused to listen to her sister.

My brows knit together. " You are not serious. Why would John not permit me to work for the betterment of our family? He is a good man and I am a good woman. My reputation is near perfect in Meryton. Do not lecture me on being more accomplished, Miss Bingley. I may not have 18,000-

" 20,000," She corrected me in equal aggravation.

" -20,000 pounds but I speak french, am well educated, a novice seamstress. I take care of what exists instead of creating what can not be supported. You may have the luxury of never fearing poverty, but I am not you and if you me as so you will find I can be extremely prejudiced in favorable recommendation of your company,"

She paled. Mrs. Hurst busied her hands. The silence stretched on.

" As it is, I hope Walter becomes our son and we will adopt more children. Family is important to us," Bridging the gap for a reasonable topic. " Mrs. Hurst, you appear well,"

Her pale complexion spoke volumes of the shame she suffered because of her sister's unguarded tongue.

" So I am," Mrs. Hurst replied stiffly. " How long will you stay in London?"

" As long as Mr. Darcy desires us as guests, to which I am not privy," Caroline scowled. I don't know why she's complaining. Mr. Bingley used Mr. Darcy as host too. " I suppose at minimum a week, possibly a fortnight,"

This upset Caroline exponentially. Unfortunately for my sanity John and Mr. Darcy's exclusion permitted their questioning of the Bennets. " And Miss Bennet?" Caroline asked lightly.

My brow rose. " Miss Jane Bennet? With whom you met in London already? Or Miss Elizabeth Bennet, who the details of that visit were relayed?" Neither looked me in the eye. " It does not matter. You do not want Jane Bennet to marry your brother. Let's not argue over fact, yes?

Their tune changed.

" She is a pleasant handsome lady-"

" Were she blessed with a proper dowry-"

" -that we would welcome were it not for the family,"

"-we'd gladly call her sister,"

My fingertips tapped against the side table. Soon the tapping created its own distraction, not the least relieving. If I opened my mouth I might have plunged my own reputation in London to shreds among the wealthy. I refused to do that Mr. Darcy who hosted us. My jaw worked back and forth. " Interesting that you should say that, given that we were all born of the same class. The difference is that my father kept to a lower sphere of wealth while your father chose to chase a higher wealth,"

" I protest! Of the same class-" Caroline exclaimed in horror. " You are the daughter of a shopkeeper,"

" And you the daughter of a barrister, not a landowner. Mrs. Hurst married a drunk and does not complain about her misfortune. 20,000 should have seen you married by now,"

Mrs. Hurst ordered a light lunch immediately. I excused myself and Caroline faced the facts that her own social sins bite back. Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley, and John returned to the dinner table rejuvenated. Tabitha and Walter shared their adventures with fresh insight. I avoided Caroline and she avoided me. Mrs. Hurst strained to close the gap and failed to put a convincing facade in place for the gentleman.

" Walter, how do you find London?" John ventured a question that no one could find tension worthy of a boy who offended no one as of yet.

" A paper on every corner. And so many boys like me - without family and means. We want to visit the port-

Tabitha put food on his plate because his arms are too short.

I pushed morsels around my plate with a spoon. " I hope that you will see that you are apart of the family now, without forgetting your birth parents," He glanced up shyly. " I am happy you are enjoying yourself. Was Tabitha's honor safely guarded?"

" Yes, Ma-am. The manservant and I protected her,"

" We will shop tomorrow, Caroline, for dress material. Tabitha, would you object to possibly having Walter's new wardrobe retrieved from the tailor?" John asked of her.

" A pleasure to prepare young Mr. Farrow for proper schooling," Tabitha replied readily.

Walter bounced in his chair. Even Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy smiled at the excitement of the imperoverished boy. Caroline Bingley's tongue held in the face of what poverty looked like without a filter. Her cruelty wilted as she realized what I was trying to help up.

" And remember that you can achieve anything you put your mind to, Mr. Farrow," I put my arm around his shoulder.

" Anything?"

I nodded.

He listed off the professions that were within his reach, including a judge, which caused Caroline to scoff. Mr. Bingley raised a brow in her direction, silencing her. " Before you can ascend to these lofty goals, you must learn your basics. That's why schooling is important. And you will learn because you want to learn,"I wanted him to want to learn, to achieve because no one would help him achieve that. People were greedy self-centered black holes that battled for supremacy in one big universe called Earth.

" He has already shown to be light of foot," Mr. Bingley boasted.

Caroline took this to mean stealing. " Surprised us all." Mr. Darcy agreed. " Dropped right over the railing with a perfect landing. Reminded me of myself at his age,"The men chuckled as old memories flushed back.

Now that he was outside of Hertfordshire, his tight mannerisms eased up a little. " Next time I will walk the rail-"

" Oh no you do not. You'll break your neck!" At least Walter's table manners were impeccable. The orphanage probably beat it into him.

He nodded obediently.

Mr. Darcy leaned forward diagonal to Walter. " There is a tree at Pemberley that you may climb. It's limbs touch the ground because of its age,"

" And I can climb it?"

" Yes,"  
My gaze flicked to John's. He nodded slightly. Good grief! How much traveling were we going to commit to?

" But you are rich and Mr. Brooks is only a parson. Why would we visit Pemberley?"

I put my hand over his mouth. " He's a young boy, Mr. Darcy-"

" He is an intelligent young boy who is correct," I lowered my hand and Walter made certain to scoot closer to Tabitha. " Pemberley needs young blood to rejuvenate its halls, be it for a week or fortnight,"

I cocked a brow. Well, if I didn't know any better that was the invitation I needed to visit Pemberley on a whim. Should be complimented? Should we be complimented? Walter asked more about the tree and Pemberley and I discreetly noted Caroline's building hatred. How could a boy win an invitation to Pemberley where she could not? How indeed….a poor rail thin boy. It is laughable almost, and yet...entirely romantic a notion.


	31. Chapter 31

" How charitable of Mr. Darcy to invite the Brooks to Pemberley," Caroline praised Mr. Darcy while everyone was out for the day. Except she never expected Walter to tire of London and its many marvels. His light footfalls and near invisible appearance among the servants and the occasional child with his plain clothing made him effectively invisible. Ear pressed to the door to the private sitting room, he listened to Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst. " It wounds me, sister, that he places a mere boy of no consequence above me. I have 20,000 pounds and many connections that will greatly benefit his family, but a boy of only 10 years of age-"

" 10," Walter corrected her in a bitter whisper.

" Caroline," A brief silence followed. " You antagonize those of lesser wealth. You invite scorn on yourself, and though Mrs. Brooks is not always right in her reactions to your reactions, you have earned her scorn as well. Mr. Hurst and I are trying valiantly to live apart from Charles, but until a time comes when you are safely married, Charles demands my presence at your side,"

" But I do not need your presence to find myself a husband. If only Mr. Darcy were to see that I am his best choice-"

" Mr. Darcy does not desire you or your wealth, Caroline, nor will he. Nor does Charles desire Miss Bingley, and nor she desire him,"

" I do not believe this. Even you are converted to this lie-this falsehood! He is not in love with me, but that does not mean he will be dissuaded against the many merits that 20,000 pounds can call forth,"

" It is over two years, Caro, since we have been in his acquaintance, and he has not yet show any interest in your views, your countenance, or your disdain for those who have rightfully earned it. You must turn your eye onto another gentleman, marry, and settle down into your own home so that I may settle into a home with Mr. Hurst, and Charles is free to live as a bachelor,"

" As long as brother does not marry Jane Bennet, we will be very fortunate," Caroline agreed.

Walter snuck away at the sound of approaching footsteps and later relayed all he heard to John, who then relayed it to me at the close of another day in London. It shocked neither of us, but to Walter, he worried that they might try to silence him because they were so rich and he so poor. To assure him that their influence could not silence him or force him to comply with whatever the sisters wished, John shortened the visit in London from week and half to a week.

But Mr. Darcy's greatest stalker landed eyes on the prize. She tasted blood. The great white shark aimed for the kill. I would help her as far as she was concerned. As far as I cared, she could rot in hell. She wasn't Mr. Thomlin - no, she wasn't physically abusive. She is socially disruptive. A vile plague. A real B. But did she deserve to a cart to land on her? Maybe.

" I know the best shops-" Caroline decided to join us on one our minor shopping trips we were exclusively making for Tabitha's sake. Tabitha adored helping me pick out clothing for dresses and I wanted a souvenir from London, even if I hated the city.

I put my hand over hers and pretended to be willing to suffer her condescending behavior. " Caroline to Caroline, if you try to use me to fetch Mr. Darcy, I will see that your 20,000 will never be passed into marriage. Leave me and my family alone," I shut the carriage door in her face and snapped my fingers for the coachman to take off.

She gaped at the back of carriage as it pulled away in small jerks. Tabitha linked her arm in mine, all smugness that I stood up for what is mine. The coachman needed to make a stop first because I needed Walter to see where I came from. Well, the regency Caroline, not I - Emery Banfield. When we stopped at a small shop in the midst of upscale, middle class shops, I asked the coachman to wait and motioned for Walter to join me. Tabitha soon recognized this part of town as I had discussed it a few times in our close acquaintance. A thriving dress shop with a colorful displays of completed dresses and bonnets fit for a lady or young wife.

A vast spread of memories washed over my current contentment. Good, bad, and ugly. Harold's acne spotted face and lack of personal self-care, especially of his weight and manners particularly haunted me in a kind of dread that settled deeper in the psyche of Caroline Banfield than even I expected. Had this man harmed Caroline? Well, I did not know, but I certainly planned to give the man his due space or else he end up with a blunt object swung at him.

" This was my lifeblood at one point, Walter. A home. Now it's a shop under another name. Time changes much, so very much,"

" You were poor?" He sounded surprised.

" No. My grandfather was poor but he gave his life savings to my father. My father saved as much as he could until he purchased a lease for a shop. It moved on from there - until he died and left me 4,000 pounds,"

His jaw dropped. He tried to voice the amount.

" You are rich-"

" No. Mr. Darcy is rich," I corrected him of the common belief that people of all fostered regardless. Walter considered 4,000 pounds rich. I considered 10,000 rich. Mr. Darcy likely considered royal wealth rich. " We live off the interest - 200 pounds-"

" How?"

" It pays for the carriage,"

" Really?" His voice ticked up and I knew he was happy with our level of wealth.

Tabitha joined us. " Will we enter?"

" No. I've seen enough," I turned on my heel and helped Walter up into the carriage. Onward we went to the main shops to purchase material for my new dresses. John met us halfway through the shopping trip with Mr. Darcy in company, the two men thick as thieves.

John teased me of the cost as he lifted the wrapped material. " A new dress for every night?"

Walter beat me to it. " Material for two new dresses, two bonnets, and a new outer coat,"

" A proper renewal," Mr. Darcy nodded along.

Tabitha handed Walter his own small allowance. " Good afternoon, Mr. Darcy,"

" Miss Finch makes lace, Mr. Darcy," I supplied as Mr. Darcy kindly waited for an opportunity to help. " I will read and she will make beautiful lace with crochet needles. She sells her lace and her sister is in the north with family partly due to her amazing skill," Tabitha is unaware of the gift I planned for her birthday.

Mr. Darcy asked her many questions about her lace making and who she sold to and how much. She answered his questions without fear of ridicule or being undercut. John put Walter first, lavishing fatherly pride on the fact that Walter would go to school on return to Hertfordshire. The entire party broke apart after all shopping commenced and browsing no longer amused the main group. Our return to Mr. Darcy's townhouse presented us with a reunion to the dreaded ladies. John and Mr. Darcy arrived first. When we arrived, Caroline and Mrs. Hurst already engaged Miss Bingley in a quiet head to head.

Mr. Darcy and John were seated in the far side of the room resigned to their own book reading. Mr. Darcy's eyes never left the woman or their carefully permitted subject of Georgiana's schooling. When Tabitha and I entered, Mr. Darcy rose to his feet and rushed to address us. " Mrs. Brook, Miss Finch, this is my sister, Miss Georgiana Darcy," Miss Darcy joined her brother at the mention of her name.

The dirty look Caroline cast in our direction slipped the sibling's notice but not John's. " Walter, go to John and help him with writing his letters," I pat the boy on his back and nudged him forward gently. John gave me a thumbs up and shifted from his borrowed book to the writing desk.

Miss Darcy resembled her brother. Light brown hair, matching eyes with flecks of honey in them, and a light figure, her shyness humbled any ego she may have developed due to her family's wealth and her impressive dowry. While Darcy was an 8, his sister was easily an 8 and far prettier than Caroline Bingley or Louisa Hurst even in their youth. I had no doubt she'd marry well and to draw in admiration wherever she went. Her name would ferry in title holders and wealthy professionals, even if she did not desire such attention, and thus her brother prepared for this eventuality. I prayed she found a good man who would love her through and through.

" Votre frère a beaucoup parlé de vous. Parlez-vous couramment le français? C'est une belle langue même si Napoléon Bonaparte est détestable." French spewed from my mouth without thought and it played on my ears like a well played harp

Mr. Darcy's schooled his face to hide his surprise.

Miss Darcy faltered for a moment. " Qui t'a appris le français? Mon tuteur, Mme Harding déclare que je suis une de ses meilleures étudiantes."

" J'ai appris de mon père. Il a souvent visité le port et a appris à communiquer avec les travailleurs étrangers. Maman ne voulait pas que j'apprenne mais Papa a insisté." I nodded to Mr. Darcy, always smiling as to assure him that we were not speaking of anything forbidden.

" Parlez-vous souvent?"

" Non. Mais j'essaie de le parler une fois par jour. Tabitha apprend toujours à me comprendre." I motioned to my lady maid and good friend, Miss Finch.

Tabitha raised a brow at the mention of her name. " Miss Darcy, a true pleasure,"

Georgiana turned to Caroline, the lady staring us down without understanding a word we spoke. " Miss Bingley informed me that you are to be here for a week. Is it true?"

" Aye, tis true. I - you have not a proper introduction to Walter. We are hoping that he'll accept us as caregivers," I didn't need to be called mother or Mama. I just wanted to know he considered our guardianship as valued as his own parents. I suppose all parents adopting wanted that.

Georgiana turned to Walter and John. " A handsome boy,"

" He is an energetic boy. A perfectly healthy and average 8 year old boy," I whispered, waving at Walter and John, both able to hear what we spoke of in the otherwise silent room. Walter waved back even though John forced him to help write the letter.

Tabitha excused herself. " I need to tend to Mrs. Brook's purchases, Miss Darcy." Georgiana and I let her go and proceeded to join the severely displeased Miss Bingley. Miss Bingley pretended that we were all happily acquainted and I would not remove her determination for setting a pleasant, amiable atmosphere.

But Georgiana's interest had been kicked and now wanted to pursue the trail it followed. Her brother clearly believed I was a respectable woman, therefore I could not violate any rules she was to abide by as the sister many years junior to an older brother. " Mrs. Brooks, it is brave to adopt a child of that age. So many boys forgotten, so many children lost in the crowd of orphans and poor family unable to support another," The truth hurt and I was glad she saw the truth. Her brother taught her well.

I chose my words carefully. Like Caroline, I wanted to avoid her brother's wrath. " Inherited wealth is far and few. Sadly those with wealth often lose touch with the working class, the class that provides the luxuries. As people we must stand together. United we stand, divided we fall, and the real strength is in those who support each other-"

Georgiana's lovely personality bloomed. " I understand. Wealth is difficult to accrue and achieve. It is a luxury as much a right - or at least a bottom for the poor. My brother regularly patronizes the the local orphanage and he is beloved among the children,"

" What blasphemy!" Caroline nearly shouted. First Mr. Darcy extending an invitation to a boy of 8 years and now to learn that the wealth she coveted is being spread out to the same class that 8 year old boy ascended from? " What right do they have a shilling they did not earn?"

My jaw worked back and forth. When I faced a starving child, I never felt more ashamed of my own weight gain and easy living. In fact it repulsed me as much as it compelled it me to be more persistent in my mission to make Regency Era England a better place to live. I refused to allow an unbathed child - starved and neglected and without hope - to suffer long. My conscience demanded the wrong to be righted.  
" The poor need help too,"

" Need help? What have they earned-"

" Your servants -" My voice shook, fists clenched. " -those who cook, clean, mend your clothing, light the fires, sweep the streets, care for the horses -"

Unbeknownst to us all, Mr. Bingley withheld his entrance long enough to fully witness his sister's slaughter of good manners and general politeness.

" -repair the carriages, create the textiles, teach your children, build ships, staff the military-"

Georgiana nodded along in full support.

I took a deep breath. I hated her. I hated her almost as much Mrs. Bennet.

" Those people permit you to live comfortably,"

Georgiana pat my arm. " Well spoke,"

The powerful emotions it evoked winded me. " I love the people of Hertfordshire. They are my family and I will care for those who have no voice among the -among the entitled populace."

Walter tapped me on the arm, jerked all our attentioned to him. He whispered in my ear that I should go to my room and freshen up. I glanced over at John and abruptly stood. It is for the best anyway. Better to tread safely than dive into the deep blue seas of mental instability.

" Miss Darcy, Miss Bingley," Curtsying, I followed Walter. Mr. Darcy suggested Georgiana to temporarily resign to her bedchamber, and John excused himself for prayers. Mr. Bingley entered then and Mr. Darcy exited. I don't know exactly what was said but the Miss Bingley that exited that sitting room wasn't the same ever again. In fact, her ill manners were never publicly displayed again. Mrs. Hurst never explained the change in this, and I never demanded an explanation. Miss Darcy was allowed limited time in Caroline's presence and never without an escort approved by Mr. Darcy.


	32. Chapter 32

Caroline resigned the popularity contest and put her new manners on display for her brother to believe that she turned over a new leaf. But she didn't. She committed the dirty deed of flaunting her 'superior' education, name dropping highly paid governesses and masters of their field that her father 'hired'. Mrs. Hurst confirmed that they were raised and educated by several well known ladies and gentlemen who hosted a wide web of patrons on the list of who's who. The badge of honor failed to impress me even though it convinced Georgiana Darcy that Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst were well educated, well informed ladies.

I wish I could say that my week in London passed comfortably. Except it didn't.

My visit to my father's former shop alerted the same Harold to my presence in London. Due to his wealth, he also put together the dots of my new name, who I married, and where I was staying. Mrs. Hurst welcomed him into the townhouse without a clue of what it would cause.

John and Mr. Darcy engaged him in meaningful inquiring about how he knew me and his intentions toward myself. Caroline sent me right into the private Billiards room without a warning.

" Caroline," John started, standing upright immediately, pool stick still in hand.

Mr. Darcy's calm front hid their shared concern effectively. " Mrs. Brooks, how may we help you?"

I was half tempted to tell him that Caroline set me up. I'd settle that score later. " I was searching for Walter," I lied.

The third man in the room stood. My heart dropped to my feet.

Hot breath on my neck. A muttered threat in my ear. His hand on my wrist, gripping it so tightly I could not hope to escape.

" Mrs. Brooks, I am Mr.-"

" Mr. Harold Gowen," I finished for him. " What brings you to Mr. Darcy's townhouse?"

Please let me be strong. Please let me keep it together. Please, please don't let me break down here. I, Emery, wasn't personally threatened. Caroline Banfield had been threatened. And the threat itself was so innocent that I did not fear it - not the rational me. The other me wanted to flee.

John stopped angling his body at 45 degrees to take up the shot. " Yes, that is an excellent question," He seconded. Mr. Darcy's turned head added to the pressure of the answer. " Why is a gentleman visiting my wife?"

" I wished to ensure the family carried on. Mr. Banfield was like a father to me," Mr. Gowen answered as smoothly as Mr. Wickham might.

" We were acquainted in childhood," I confirmed for the men. " But it was not a close acquaintance. Who let you know that I was in London? It hasn't even turned into a week," Was gossip of the marriage mart that powerful? Never. We don't dance, we don't dance at parties, and we certainly aren't a somebody in London. Miss Bingley did not know about this part of my life. Not even Mary Bennet learned of Harold Gowen.

Mr. Darcy put himself between me and Harold. " Mrs. Brooks, is Miss Bingley lingering nearby? I heard she needed an opinion on one of her new dresses. A shade of puce and lilac?" I shuddered and John chuckled at my visceral disgust. " I happen to agree, Mrs. Brooks, but she desired another opinion and your opinion is as valued as mine,"

" Oh, Mr. Darcy, I would never subject you to the fashions of puce and lilac. I would much rather subject Mrs. Hurst to it first. It might even sober up Mr. Hurst,"

Both men chuckled. " You remind me of Miss Bennet, Mrs. Brooks,"

" Well, Lizzy does have a spark in her that is impossible to ignore," I excused myself and exited as calmly as possible. Speed walking to my bedchamber, I almost collided with Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. They pretended to not know why I was needed in the Billiard room and I feigned to offer a remark on a puce and lilac colored gown. Much to my horror, Miss Bingley produced said gown from her wardrobe.

" Mrs. Browning said it a most handsome gown," Caroline boasted.

I wanted to believe she was sincere, that she believed the dress a handsome gown. Every rational sense of burning the dress in the fireplace wanted to yank it from her hands and do so. Mrs. Hurst cringed as I inspected the garment closer. The material of choice, silk, was superior, but the color!

" I must know, Miss Bingley, what is it about puce that draws you to it?"

" The depth and richness of it, of course. A mature color worthy of my patronage," She gasped. " You doubt my conviction to mature colors?"

I shook my head. " I never doubt such conviction. Do you suppose that Mr. Gowen will stay long?"

" Is it fair to suppose you would have been Mrs. Gowen instead of Mrs. Brooks?" Mrs. Hurst ventured.

Hell to the no. I wouldn't touch that overweight, Mr. Collin's type even if it were a zombie apocalypse and he were the last man alive. But I couldn't tell them that. I had to put a veil of politeness over my disgust.

" Mrs. Hurst, you are wiser to know that no one can compare to Mr. Brooks. I daresay there is no one quite as fitted me as John Brooks. I even dare to say to destiny itself has a strong hand in the arrangement,"

The sad part is that I had no idea how right I was. But that is for you to learn later and not now.

Thankfully after John pressed into Mr. Gowen that I was happily married, I never laid eyes on the gentleman again. Mr. Darcy and John both asked more after the gentleman in their private circles and confirmed the information shared and exchanged at random intervals of interaction. I never quite learned the full extent of their investigation or the minor threats subtly passed between gentlemen.

Tabitha toured every shop she spotted, and I met up with childhood friends who were amazed I married up out of my sphere. Tabitha scolded Walter when he defended my right to marry well. I never told these childhood friends who hosted us in London or where to find me except Hertfordshire. A few promises passed of future visits, but I never trusted any promises until they came to fruition. It's one thing to promise a visit, but with their income, I doubted they'd the time or ability to.

Before we were due to leave though, Mr. Darcy sprung one of the best surprises on me at John's request. " Mrs. Brooks, as your husband wished," He lead me into his study. " I am to explain the business partnership to you and what you gain from it should Mr. Brooks perish before your time," He laid out the legal papers in front of me in a perfect arch. The locked door prevented anyone from intruding. " He assures you have a stable mind,"

Asshole.

" I am no Mrs. Bennet," I promised him lightly. Surely he wasn't that daft.

HIs hands clasped together, fingers interlocked. " Your husband is contributing a small sum, as well as Mr. Booth in partnership with myself and Mr. Bingley. The share in profit will increase as more wealth is contributed to the mill,"

I'm not good with numbers, but it sounded like Mr. Booth and John were to be minority shareholders. The numbers he presented to me convinced me I was dreaming. Had to be. The projected profits alone could secure our retirement earlier than expected but why would I want to stop helping the poor eat? Why would I take Bud away from the kids? No. I needed them as much as they needed me. They were my adopted family.

" Is this after taxes?" I managed to ask.

" We are not calculating estimates at this moment," His male ego finally accepted I wasn't stupid and would have a voice in business transactions. " Do you have questions?"

Tongue tracing the inside of my teeth, I mulled it over. " Mr. Darcy, I understand your hesitation. In your experience, women are meant to one set of duties, feminine in nature, and to enter into a man's sphere is unheard of. But as John informed you, I am not without intelligence and will. I also care about my future. I want to adopt more children. Financially I believe it is a fair agreement at the moment. Should John perish and I be minimized in business discussions-"

" On my honor, I would never permit it-"

" And I believe your honor, but I do not know Mr. Booth or Mr. Bingley. Money has a strange effect on people and I will not be walked roughshod over. I am not signing documentation without thorough reading and I always update my will and testament should anything occur. I will have questions later, not at the moment. Thank you for the presentation,"

He bowed his head. What else should a man do given an informed reply?

Business concluded, I almost escaped the room. " Mrs. Brooks, while in Hertfordshire, I encountered Miss Elizabeth Bennet,"

" As all are aware," What did he want? Confirmation his love for Elizabeth is well founded? What her character sketch is of him? " You gravely insulted her honor on a fateful day on a certain assembly,"

Mr. Darcy bowed his head in shame. " Were I able to turn back the clock, I'd beg her forgiveness," The sincerity touched every corner of his study. Caroline Bingley probably wilted at the favorable mention of Elizabeth Bennet, arch nemesis. " I beg of you to tell me - has she fallen under Mr. Wickham's spell?"

I clasped my hands together. " A deceased Uncle King and 10,000 pounds later, Miss Mary King holds his attentions. As I understand Lizzy is no longer besotted with his divine charm,"

His shoulders sagged. He let out a breath and shuffled papers into a neat stack.

" I warn you, Mr. Darcy, that Miss Elizabeth is not to be trifled with. Strong of mind, sharp of wit, and a reputed beauty. If you pursue her, bear in mind who she is as a person. She loves her family, faulted they are, and much of the world hovers at her doorstep threatening to dash she and her sisters to poverty when her father breathes no more, Take care of her if you earn her adoration,"

A knock at the door interrupted the heartfelt reply. Mr. Darcy waved his hand, permitting me to unlock the door and let in the intruder. I excused myself and nodded to Mr. Bingley. I wanted to tell Mr. Bingley he missed Jane's presence in London but better senses controlled my tongue.

Before it occurred to me to warn about Mr. Wickham's bad behavior, the door closed again and I nearly walked into Mr. Hurst. For once the sober man resembled a gentleman in name and manner. " Pardon me, sir,"

" Mrs. Brooks," He half bowed. " Have you spoke with my wife this morning?"

" No, I -"

" I am in search of her and she is nowhere to be found," He scratched his head. " Caroline, in her pursuits and flights of fancy,"

I stared at him dumbly. " Best of fortunes?"

We each walked a separate direction intent on our own missions. Walter ran toward me, dashing in his fitting clothes. " Ma-am, may I take up trade?"

" Take up trade? As a merchant, shop keeper, or owner of business?" I put my arm around his small shoulders.

" You said I can become anything if I put my heart into it. I want to enter trade Mr. Brooks said the 4,000 pounds he invested will need a conscient guardian of future profits," His eyes lit up in childhood hope that no one should ever extinguish.

Mr. Darcy's numbers started to make sense now!

My schooled face showed nothing. All my good senses hid. Why shield the amount from me? Who is paying for the carriage now? Why did he do this?!

" You may enter trade, but you must promise me something - and I will not take no as an answer. You must help me protect our family and its wealth. Marry well, love from here," I pressed my flat palm over my chest as I always did with John - we called it the heart tap. "Always be proud of who you are. Can you promise that?"

He put his hand up to testify. " Yes, Ma-am,"

" Good. Trade it is for you, young man," Messing his hair I prided myself on the values passing from myself to Walter Farrow ( hopefully,). " Now...where has Tabitha ran off to?"

" Miss Darcy claimed her," He answered smugly. " A second eye for dress materials,"

And so our last day in London came to a quiet close with Tabitha Finch befriending Georgiana Darcy; Georgiana Darcy and I writing in french to keep the language fresh on our tongues; John and Mr. Darcy formalized the business agreement and celebrated a promising friendship. Walter talked incessantly of his new future with an exuberance everyone adored. John believed his lie successfully hidden and until I could properly punish him, I let him believe the deception sucessful.


	33. Chapter 33 - Non Immersion

The transition to the future happened more fluidly than before. Almost instantly we shifted from the carriage and muddy road to my parent's living room. The 3'clock alarm on my phone went off and the news carried on about the latest string of murders and Bill Cosby's accusers. " Who's Bill Cosby?" John asked curiously as the number of accusers displayed across the screen.

" Cosby is...was a famous black actor that preached morals and then failed to practice them. Cheated on his wife, drugged and raped a lot of women. You can split hairs about it, but he's pretty much an asshole all around and his wife is no better for aiding and abetting him,"

John just nodded along. " So...typical wealthy man who believes he's untouchable and ignorant wife just hoping her husband doesn't pass an STD onto her,"

" I think my cynicism is passing onto you. I'll have to…"

" No. I was always aware of particular details, but as a parson, I need to rein in my inquiries in order for the people to talk to me," He stroked my hair. " The ring looks good on your finger,"

I glanced down at the light sparkling across the couch and floor as the light hit it. " Are we married?"

All the memories integrated one by one selectively. Six months passed. Lydia returned to London on her own accord. We married in front of a judge in jeans, matching plaid, and wrecked nerves. The justice of peace raised a brow at our choice of clothing for the day because it matched - jeans for jeans, plaid for plaid, boots for boots - before he married us. My father officially welcomed John into the Banfield family by offering to help us buy our first home. Mom made me quit my job at the restaurant and go to school full time on grants and a personal loan from her.

His hand pressed to my slightly rounded belly.

A pregnancy test. Two pink lines. A baby book of names. Walter Thomas Brooks.

" Holy hell...Would everything mirror between the two world? Sunny versus Bud. Parsonage versus my parent's home. College versus shopkeeper's daughter. Spoiled daughter. Strict mother. Where the hell is my 4,000 pounds then? " John?"

He crushed me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stomached it myself. We were expecting! An itty bitty baby of our own!

" Not to interrupt," My mother held out the house phone to us. " You're wanted on the phone, Monsieur,"

John reluctantly let me go and seized the phone. He paced the living room, head down with his hand raking through his spiky hair. I must say the spiky hair and dragon tattoo fit well together. He motioned for pen and paper and another 20 minutes before hanging up. Mystique mounted, I waited patiently for an answer. Sunny nudged my leg with her nose and whined. " Shh, I'll walk you in a minute," I pat her head.

We donned our coats and hats, ready to face the snow ladened yard. Sunny went about her business while we stood in uncomfortable awkwardness. " So...we're expecting, married, and living with your parents,"

" Yep," I cursed winter's cold as much as I loved how pretty a fresh snow fall is on undisturbed ground.

His eyes kept leaving my face and going to my belly. " My dad wants us to live with them - closer to Mom. Help run the business. Brooks and Co."

I still wasn't sure what his family's business is, much less how profitable it is. " When are we moving?"

" We're not. I won't live with my parents. They're traditional catholics. Women should be ignorant and silent and obedient. Children should over crowd the rooms and God's will is in everything - good and bad. I want nothing to do with it, but you're with child and we're living with your parents. I need to enroll in Business Management and direct the family's operations,"

I crossed my arms. " If you're half as successful as a manager as you were successful with being a parson, I think you'll manage fine," I carved out a depression in the snow with my boots. Spelling out my name in the snow, I flattened it all in dissatisfaction at how messy it looked.

" My father will not respect you, and nor should you need to defend yourself if I can prevent it,"

Interesting that he'd actually say that…

I nodded. " Walter-"

" We'll baptize him even if I do not believe" He whistled to Sunny who already wasted over ten minutes. Sunny ran toward us, tail wagging. We returned to the heat and hot cocoa.

Did I mention I absolutely love this man?

Brooks and Co. made every possible piece of furniture - bed frames, side tables, bookshelves, benches, desks, dining tables, hall trees. They had stores spotted throughout the United States and were known for their quality control of product creation and aggressive environmental protection. ( Or so the company website says...we all know you can't trust what is posted on company websites because 90% of it is lies,)

John mapped out how the company is set up and who is in charge and what the chain of command was. He described the company motto and where it emerged from. In fact, his flowing description even captured my mother's attentions.

After my mother left us alone again, I decided to push past the barrier he exposed. " Why do you not believe?"

" You choose not to believe because there is no proof-

" I know why I do not believe. I'm asking you why you don't believe," I pointed at him, patiently waiting. As an atheist, I believed in science - that religious beliefs and structures were a tool manmade to control the population. That was my personal belief. I didn't force it on people, I didn't preach it, but I wasn't going to give it up either.

He stood on the opposite side of the bar top, one of our favorite hang out spots in the house. " Those who preach never practice and those who practice beat people with the book or keep to their own practices," He stirred milk into his coffee with a red and white straw stirrer.

Did he-" You're not a believer," I could've swore that he believed in a higher power at least.

" No, I'm not." He sipped his coffee. " Waging war over people's souls is futile. But to practice the practical - to respect the 'golden rules' as you call them. It transcends scripts and titles. Not hard to build sermons around it,"

I should know most clergy weren't believers. Once a rector was installed they were in for life. To give up one's duties is easier than clicking your fingers and the fact that Mr. Brooks cared for the parish is a miracle in itself. His humanity wasn't religious based then, but humanely based on rights? No one could ever learn of this - not even currently or else he be disowned.

" And you loathe sermons. Can't tolerate the church." My mouth opened and closed. All of it was true. I often sat very still in the front pew and watched him perform his sermons for the people with a captivating energy. He had a certain charisma - certainly not Wickham's charisma but a healthy charisma nonetheless. " That was obvious from our first introduction,"

We both turned at my mother's entrance and then abandoned the grand canyon of unveilings. " How is my grandbaby?" Her recent restlessness echoed my father's frequent absences that kept him away from the house.

" Alive," I rubbed my belly. The idea took some getting used to. The more I dwelled on it, the more I adored the fact that this baby would be of our blood.

" Of course he is. That's my little pal just waiting to be born," Her hand curled around my belly. She kissed my cheek and hugged me. Ever since she'd learned more of John's character and witnessed the blossoming marriage, she's become...more at ease around us. " Walter is a strong name, but what about a girl?"

John shrugged when I glanced toward him.

" Emma," I blurted out instantly. Gods, I missed that little girl.

" To Emma," He raised his coffee.

Mom kissed his cheek too. " Just be kind to my little pal. I'll be spoiling that child and you'll soon learn what it means to watch a child grow up,"

We both promised her that no harm would come to this child if we had a say. Unfortunately the new joy quickly dampened. His parents unannounced arrival at my mother's doorstep shocked the both of us and outraged my mother. How hard is it for someone to simply call ahead? These people had money and yet they just show up unannounced? My mother hosted them in the main house, and because my father was in France at the moment, he couldn't help her dissuade them from staying a longer period of time. John and I, safe in ensuite over the garage, avoided the majority of their quiet criticism and my mother's 'suddenly' heavy workload spared her the need to occupy their focused goal - bring John home.

This meant my schooling schedule was restructured against my will. With my father out of the house I took over his study to complete my classes and pre-emptive studying for the classes that were up and coming. Mr. Brook tried to derail my peace by interrogating the wisdom of my degree. It turns out that helping my father with his work and deciding that I wanted to become my father - an architect - wasn't admirable in his eyes.

" Are you not afraid that this will make you less beautiful? You are successful already - a growing womb, a loving union to my son, and a beautiful upbeat personality that renders you even more beautiful. Is a post-secondary education necessary? My son will earn more than enough - an adequate salary until he inherits the company - to more than provide for you and growing family,"

The glare of the computer screen, the stress of needing to note take, remember, flash card, among other memorizing techniques that actually worked for me, and his criticism did not help the growing headache.

I folded my hands together. " Sir, with all due respect, should anything happen to your son, the company goes to his younger brother. His younger brother isn't going to pay my bills if John dies. I love John. I'm not marrying Henry, if Henry were that interested. My Mom always taught me that at the end of the day there's only one person who is going to ensure I don't drown. And that's myself. I didn't marry John for the money. This ring-" I flashed the diamond ring that I now learned cost more than $500 ( I know it's more but John won't admit to the actual price,). "-is just a ring to me. The only value it holds is the love that we have for each other. I have bills to pay, we have bills to pay and I'm not always going to have my parents to depend on,"

His jaw set. " $100,000 starting salary. I assure you that you would have more than enough to purchase a home near us-"

" Near you?" I choked. Were they serious? " Is that the condition of him accepting position that we live near you?"

" It is not necessary to be out next door neighbor, per se,"

Per se? Was he Fn serious? " Sir, I'm trying to work on my notes. If you want to talk about salaries and house with John, by all means, but he's got a part time job as a janitor to pay the bills we're responsible for. My mother refuses to allow me to work while I'm pregnant and in college. Now, if you want to sit and read, by all means. But I need to focus on this, not on you,"

Live near them. Pft. Why the hell would I want to live near them if they were already imposing strings? They had money, I didn't. They held influence. I didn't. Even though I was carrying their grandchild, they still wanted me to give up an opportunity for a career like my father's and be a stay at home mother without regard for my own desires. How Fn dare they!

He sat down with one of my father's books on philosophy and read across from me. Mrs. Brooks started to demand to know when they were to leave for dinner at a restaurant in the city when Mr. Brooks shushed her. " She is studying," He faux whispered.

I pretended to not hear, chewing on the cap of the pen while mentally reciting the definitions in my head over and over to an unheard drum beat.

" Oh who cares what she is studying. Our son will give her a good home, a large family, and nothing to want for. You should join us at dinner, Emery. We have much to talk of, starting with your choice of wardrobe. Can't have you running around in jeans and t-shirts. That's just barbaric for someone who will be the wife of a millionaire one day,"

Ladies and Gents, I introduce to you Crescida Brooks, the matriarch of hell. She's my equivalent of Mrs. Bennet. Do you want to gander what her husband is like? No? Not even a little curious to know if he's a Mr. Bennet? Oh! You are? Why did you say so?  
The tall thin woman who abused liposuction as much as she did breast implants and facial reconstruction to look like a model stared me down as if I tossed her Gucci luggage bag into a mud pit. I glanced over the top of my laptop at her, pen still in mouth. Wiping the spit off the cap onto my jeans, I shrugged. " Sure. I can always finish this work when we get back,"

Spending some quality time with the relatives couldn't hurt. I was willing to accept Dhyana's faith, therefore I should accept theirs as well. As I said before the only difference between Allah, God, G-d, Yahweh, and other unlisted names is simply the language they are attached to and the belief structure. Look at it how you want, but if you worship a higher power, it's still a higher power, right?

" If you are coming with us, you'll need to change into something more...suitable," She flashed a pearly white smile that was absolutely irritating to all sensibility. I bet she bleached her teeth as well, unless those were dentures. She was too rich for dentures. Those were either veneers or bleached.

Tucking the pen behind my ear, I closed my laptop and placed my notebook on top of it. " How soon are we leaving?" For better or worse I would attempt to make the best of it and hopefully convert them to my way of thinking - if you don't bother me, I won't bother you. But from the way things were progressing, I highly doubted I have anything less than thoughts and prayers from them.


	34. Chapter 34 - Non Immersion

My first choice of clothing was tossed aside in instant rejection. I could wear the cocktail dress that John bought me but somehow I thought his father would disapprove if I showed any cleavage whatsoever. The second choice lasted seconds longer, discarded because I knew his mother didn't like being challenged as one of the prettier women to gaze upon. So I chose that boring office dress that my mother bought me as a present for last christmas - you know the one ,a boring drab black dress with no real design unless you think black is revolutionary. The low heels, because I constantly tripped when walking in heels, paired with no make up and a simply ponytail. I guess the only real splurge I made was wearing the pearls that paired naturally with the black.

Mrs. Brooks was absolutely horrified by the drab outfit. " Have you nothing else to wear?"

I stood in the vestibule, with full view of the kitchen and living room on either side.

" I think she looks beautiful, if not a little uncomfortable," John spoke up, dressed immaculately in tan khakis and a button down white shirt, his hair combed back with a smattering of gel. He smelled of the cologne that I bought him a day after our wedding. " Go change into something comfortable, darling,"

Before I could turn on my heels, Crescida Brooks wrapped her arm around mine. " Absolutely not. I will not be at the same table with a commonly dressed-"

" Be kind, Cres. I'm certain that Emery is aware that even though she is not well dressed that she is properly dressed. Our associates will understand she is new to the family and its lifestyle,"

Well, he certainly wasn't a Mr. Bennet. At least Mr. Bennet's ineptitude prevented him from supporting his wife's awful behavior so wholeheartedly.

John joined me holding one of my three copies of Pride and Prejudice. I liked to collect copies of classical books, because they always made for the best of displays. These three copies happened to be well worn because I purchased them from a second hand store on a whim. " You should read this. It might give you strength to endure my parents. We wouldn't want Mrs. Bennet to best us," Naturally his parents were confused, and I just accepted the copy with a choking laugh.

" Yes...well," I yanked my arm free of Crescida Brooks. " At least Mrs. Bennet knows to keep her hands to herself or else she ends up with a red cheek and turned face,"

" See what you have done now, Cres. You're convincing her that we're evil, which we are not. I apologize for my wife, Em-"

" I only accept sincere apologies," Book in hand, I moved for my coat and put it on without looking at the divided family. I didn't see John's heart breaking at my refusal to tolerate his parent's bullshit. In his mind, he'd lead a lie to the people of Hertfordshire so long that the battle was another sacrifice he willingly made. I wasn't born in the age where atheism was impossible to accept and therefore I refused to deal with jerks who wanted to flaunt both the religion and wealth like an abusive leash. " Are we leaving or are we just going to look pretty?"

John stepped forward, offering his arm to me. I accepted it, all the while determined to be as civil as possible. If they were nice to me, I'd be nice to them. They could smile and pretend to be nice, but in their black hearts, I was just another little doll to be manipulated so their son could inherit some kind of toxic masculine role that was supposed to serve some kind of social role that benefited the family. " Just a dinner," He whispered.

His parents rented Jaguar F-Pace parked next to my Subaru. Black. Just like their hearts. Mr. Brooks and Mrs. Brooks urged us to the vehicle. Settled in the back, John held onto my hand and squeezed it. When our eyes locked, he knew - he understood that this was an exercise of restraint for me.

" Would you do a favor and please restrain from talking to any reporters?" His mother asked.

" Why would any reporters care about you?" I blurted out disdainfully. " You're not the President of the United States or the Emperor of Japan,"

" We are a family of influence and donate considerably to our pet causes, and we don't need your liberal views-" Religion and politics just had to go hand in hand. A string of unpleasant words flowed forward, coming to a screeching halt on the tip of my tongue. "-convincing our supporters that we have betrayed our fundamental beliefs,"

A bunch of Jim Jones followers. The whole lot of them.

My lip twitched. " Gee. Why would I want to do that?" I muttered after she turned back around and turned the music up. She'd scan through the radio stations until the song of choice blared through the speakers.

I was stubborn. Living with John showed just how stubborn I can be, and moreso when I made concessions and compromises, I made them with full sincerity and respect. I expected them to honor that as well and to grant me ground instead of pushing me into a hole that would swallow me body and soul. By no means am I perfect. I admit that I have faults aplenty, and there are times when I am intolerant and intolerable. But I cared about people, about the well being of everyone, and I just wanted everyone to live free, happily, and without bieng someone else's pawn. At the end of the day that's all I ever wanted for people.

But my John wasn't Mr. or Mrs. Brooks. He was different and he wanted me to play along with the charade. Problem was and is that I'm not an actor. What I feel and believe will be put on plain display with all its beauty and ugliness. So how do I bridge the gap between them and us without digging the Grand Canyon?

My silence must have convinced them I was going to play along with their plans because once we arrived at the restaurant and a young man tipped well parked our car in a private parking garage, Mr. Brooks put his arm through mine and assured me that I would grow and learn to be a member of their family. Why did I have to grow and learn to be part of their family when John was just accepted as he was into my family? Seated in the center of the space surrounded by people of similar dress, I soon spotted at least 75% of the women wore black and over 98% of the men chose to wear black in piece of clothing or another.

We talked about the politics rocking the world. I remarked as gently and minutely as possible in hopes that our dinner did not turn into an argument about who is right and who is wrong. It could be split however one wanted to split it - the fact is that politics divided everyone and I refused to play into the narrow minded view that only one party ruined the world. It was the complete system that destroyed the world, and in their sheltered understanding, they insulted everything I held valid and true. John freely challenged them, free of retribution and rebuke.

" You can not order a steak, you are a woman and need to watch your weight," Mrs. Brooks scolded me at the start of the dinner. It horrified her when I added on an extra appetizer and then a dessert on top of that. " Think of your image,"

Ah, yes. My image. My beautiful, darling image. " Last I checked there were fat, rich women too, Mrs. Brooks," All color drained from her face. " While I'm sure your botox and liposuction regiment will keep you young forever, I'm not quite that interested in being plastic. If you want and can afford to be plastic, by all means." John kept his eyes on his empty plate, his father not the least interested. If it wasn't impeding on the masculine role in the finances and controlling the family he didn't care.

" Your manners-"

" My manners aren't dictating to me that I can or can not eat a steak." If I could channel Elizabeth Bennet, I might survive this night without crying. " I don't care if the baby pudge stays, I'll have a healthy little bundle to call mine. And if you can't accept that your son will have a real wife instead of a plastic barbie, it's not my problem,"

" Em," John tried to grab my hand but I yanked it away.

I looked Mrs. Brooks in the eye. " I have to pee. The baby is disgruntled. Should I touch up make up too while I'm in the bathroom?" Her lip quivered, eyes narrowed, nostrils flared. On the way to the bathroom my ankle 'twisted' and I nearly tripped over a chair. The older woman asked me if I was alright and I brushed it off as nothing.

While in the bathroom, John glowered at his parents. " Emery is not fat,"

" I never said she -"

" Telling her what to eat is insulting, Mother. She's not a simpleton. She's an intelligent young woman,"

" Is that so? She's wearing a loose fitting dress, no makeup, a pearl necklace that is likely her mother's, and no bank account. And no prenup? I know we taught you better!"

Mr. Brooks allowed his wife to viciously destroy my image and reputation. Little did they know where we met and how 'ugly' I was in that lifetime! Crescida Brooks would have a stroke if she were forced to adhere to their beauty standards and hygiene practices.

" I trust her! If she wanted to steal my wealth she would have done so by now. How can you speak so poorly of her when you arrived at her parent's home and then proceeded to mock her parents' wealth? Her parents pull in over $300,000-"

His father scoffed. " Mr. Banfield earned roughly $110,000 last year. His wife earned $114,000. Mr. Banfield is an architectural consultant and his wife is an auditing manager. Their daughter switched her chosen profession before she even started her core classes and switched without thought to her father's profession. A man's profession,"

" It is a woman's profession to be creative, not a man's. A man's profession is to be strong, supportive of his family, and the core of their success. A woman is supposed to make him feel as if he can fly to the moon and plant the flag in the moon dust. Emery has been nothing but supportive of me, and you have not even allowed her to breathe since your arrival,"

A waiter caught me before I could reach the table. We both glanced toward the table with my husband and in-laws. I reached into my dress pocket and pulled out a crisp five and pressed it into his palm. I turned back around to go into the restroom again and splashed water on my face. Arranging a calm, empty expression, I took a deep breath. Back to the trenches.

John sat upright when I neared the table. " Baby well?"

I cleared my throat, looking past my in-laws. " Baby is always well. It's Mama who isn't well,"

" Indigestion?" He asked hopefully.

" Sure. Indigestion," I pulled my coat on and buttoned it up. " I'm going to breathe fresh air while they pay for the check,"

" We're splitting the check,"

Cheapskates. I reached into my dress pocket and pulled out the $40 I had hoarded there. " I'll be outside," Shoving my hands into my coat pocket, I squared my shoulders and held my head high as I walked away.

John snatched up the $40 indignantly. He tossed down his own $60 and followed me as fast as etiquette allowed. I leaned against the building outside, wiping away tears with two fingers. " Em…"

" I'm not talking about it," I hated crying, especially when angry. I hated people seeing me cry. I hated their pity. I hated the way they felt a need fo fix it, when I didn't want to fix it or be fixed. I just needed to cry it out and move on. Being pregnant and hormonal off set everything. I even started getting pregnancy brain, forgetting the simplest things at the most inopportune time. " Don't touch me,"

His arm dropped back to his side. " I'm sorry,"

" I also don't accept apologies in third person," I glared at him, arms crossed over my chest.

He offered his arm to me. " Darling, lovely wife of mine," His lips pressed against my cheek. " You are my light. You must know that,"

Oh if I didn't know it already I was a fool. But I swear to every god of every religion that if his parents didn't shut their months up, I'd shove something worthy of choking on down their throats and then toss them off a cliff. " Your mother is a bitch,"His face never moved further than an inch from mine, and though he never put his arm around me, his presence invaded my anger and softened it up enough that I allowed him to walk me to the car the valet pulled up for his parents.

The stony silence in the car dominated our return trip. He didn't touch me but he kept glancing over at me in hopes I'd calm down enough to actually let him curl up beside me in bed without yanking all the covers away from him spitefully. Ultimately it didn't matter. My mother waited up for me and when I greeted her with a short 'hello' and stiff hug, she instantly glanced toward the in-laws in accusation. Mrs. Brooks 'admired' her dedication to her work, while John insisted that I get off my feet and relax,and so my mother and Mrs. Brooks traveled toward the kitchen to further discuss her chosen career. My eyes followed the women not subtle at all.

" A shame you couldn't hide your disapproval with more skill. It is an artform to loathe another and for no one to perceive it," Mr. Brooks remarked comfortably, his hands in his pockets. His eyes twinkled with a spark of amusement. " My wife is something else, isn't she? A true spectacle of pride and wealth and upper raising. Sometimes she forgets not everyone was as privileged as she was,"

Privilege. What an ugly word. No. My mood is exceptionally ugly now and I just had to accept the evening to be completely ruined.

I kicked the shoes off without care. " Well, if she wakes up outside in a snowy grave, you won't have to look far for her murderer, will you?" Sunny bound up to us. I pet her on the head and walked away without saying another word.

What more could I say? The woman needed to be put in her place or at least taught how to be kind and considerate, especially to those of less financial means. The true measure of a man is not how he treats his equals but how he treats those less fortunate. It is easy to kiss up to an equal, but to aid those who needed the support most demanded a certain humility and grounded personality.

John tore away from his father.

" Remember what you're risking," His father called after him.


	35. Chapter 35 - Non Immersion

" I'm off to work," John stopped in the office as I set up my pre-emptive notes for the next class in a new binder. To date I had at least six inch wide binders that contained my school notes. I proudly passed all my classes with Bs or As. Most of my general classes were knocked out, and I now was about to start taking classes that would attack the bulk of my architectural studies. Dad wanted to be my counselor on what to take and when to take it and how to best learn the course. He even volunteered for me to join him on sites in the US and in France. I couldn't wait for his company to approve my presence on the sites, and Mom encouraged my 'internship'.

I glanced up from the black binder marked with the class identifier. " Alright,"

" Please don't kill my mother,"

" I'll try,"

I didn't have the energy to kill her, much less dig a hole in the yard, drag her body out of the house, bury her, and then clean up the mess, and concoct an alibi about how she ran off with the Brooks family money. Not on such short notice would any of it work. I watched too many criminal investigation shows to know that the best way effectively avoid the authorities is to meticulously plan out the murder mentally and never put it to digital communication or physical record. Ever. Don't leave DNA behind in unusual places, and most of all, use a common tool that could be purchased anywhere at any time by anyone. Basically don't be a specialist and if you are specialist hire someone else to do it and best hope they don't turn you in or get caught themselves.

I'd say it'd be easier to kill in 1812 than 2018. There weren't laboratories in 1812 to test for presence of poisons or the levels of arsenic in someone's blood or the levels of gold in one's blood, etcetera. Don't lie to me, you know as well as I do that it is near impossible to get away with murder in current day.

So living with Crescida Brooks is my only option.

" I love you,"

I glanced up from my hole punching. " I know. I love you as well,"

" I'm sorry about last night." He wore his jeans and button down shirt and when he arrived at work, he changed into his full body navy blue work suit. " You're not fat and you can eat anything you want,"

" You're overcompensating for your mother's rudeness," I slipped the neat stack of paper onto the opened forks of metal. " I know perfectly well how you feel and what you want. I'm just worried that your parents aren't going to respect a line and they're going to force something on you that neither of us want. I want you to be you, and that's who I love. You're already a man, even if they don't think so."

One stack after another I layered on in the binder without looking up.

Arms wrapped around me.

" I'm not going to divorce you just because your parents are di-"

Face to chest, I had nowhere to escape. His anxious energy weaned off.

" Alright, handsome. Off to a paycheck you need to earn," I pat him on his back awkwardly and prayed that my degree paid off. I prayed that my father's name wasn't ruined, because in part I was banking on my father's reputation boosting my own reputation by association.

He kissed my forehead and promised to text me on his lunch break. I closed the office door behind him on his way out and sat back down at the desk. I dialed up Lydia.

" Hello, Lydie," I said when she answered. " How are you?"

Resuming the binding of my notes, I waited for her to answer. I called her often to determine if she matured or not and how she liked the modern times. Most of the time she impressed me with her new insights. She grew, but not in leaps and bounds. Just a week ago, she told me that she regret not having the baby because she really started to become attached to it. The week before that she said that she forgave Lizzy for being so critical of her, but not for the reasons I expected. She forgave Lizzy because Lizzy acted the way she was encouraged to act. Lydia still hadn't accepted responsibility for her foolish actions but given her age, hormones were a great driver that manipulated her impressionable mind. On a positive note, Mrs. Bennet's brainwashing started to wear off.

" Bored. I'm living in a loft with a friend and guess who called me? Javier. He wanted to see me next he was in the city,"

Locking the forks together and closing the binder, I leaned back in the chair and turned to my to-do list. I also had a list of classes that reminded me of the progress I made in my educational career. My dream board and planning board often conjoined at points in life that to me were key points of reference.

Resting my hands on the back of my head, I sighed. " He's bad news, girl, and you know this." Mr. Brooks appeared on the other side of the door and knocked. I motioned for him to enter. " Hey, Lydie, hold on a moment," I put her on hold and sat up straight.

His damnable smile warned me that I was dealing with a suave Mr. Bennet. I loathed to think of it that way, but I always suspected that Mr. Bennet had the ability to be influential beyond his wealth if he only extended the effort. " Good morning, Mrs. Brooks,"

" Morning, sir," New day, new opportunities.

" We were going to shop in the city and help you improve your wardrobe. The annual Brooks and Co. fundraiser requires family to be present and we'd like for you to be genuinely complimented." He leaned on the chair in front of the desk, manicured nails a sure sign of his wealth and privilege. His masculine energy pulsed out in undeniable waves that worried me in ways that a man of his position couldn't fathom. I didn't fear him as a person. I feared his wealth, his influence, and the effect all of it could have on my life should he choose to exercise it. I feared the influence he could have on his sons because this was a prominent catholic family. I suppose I could say that this is where my modern 4,000 pounds were - embedded in my marriage to John Brooks.

My brow rose. " Am I going to have to give it back when you're mad at me again?"

" Mad at you? My dear Daughter-in-law, you are a sculpture in the works. We are molding you from the clay and bringing out the more beautiful you. We do not expect perfection from you now, only an effort to become one of us as Henry's wife has,"

So much for a morning of studying. " Fine. But I swear if your wife starts criticising what I eat and how I eat, I'm taking a bus or taxi home," I snatched up one of my father's inspirational books.

He showed me out of the office. I chatted with Lydia while I dressed and ended the call with a warning for her stay away from the trouble maker. I should have taken my own advice, but often times the advice giver never sees their own follies until it's too late. The city offered up ample distraction for Mrs. Brooks as she tried every fashionable dress on me, whether it showed cleavage or not. We shopped for heels of every level of decency and then purchased a professional outer coat that would fit in anywhere - professional and unprofessional. At the hairdresser's shop, we chopped off an inch of my hair, created bangs, and dyed it a comfortable mousy brown. When I returned home looking like a whole new person wearing a one piece knee length dress and chunky high heels, Sunny did a double take before whining at my feet to be walked.

John tripped over himself as he walked past me. At the dinner table, he voiced what my mother likely felt as well. " I like the hair but did you really need to cut it?"

If I pleased his parents, I wasn't pleasing him. If I pleased him, I wasn't pleasing his parents. How could I close the gap if the parties refused to accept the same standards?

"It's just hair. It'll grow back," I pushed asparagus around on my plate with a fork, already full from the rest of the meaty salad that my mother prepared after she ended her shift at work. " You don't like it?"

His silence answered me more than his actual answer. " It becomes you,"

Not even his father was convinced.

" Isn't she a gem?" Crescida boasted. " She'll blend right in,"

My jaw locked and teeth grinded. I'll wait until they leave again and then dye it black. No reason to pick the fight now.

" Emery, why don't you rest up in the living room? We'll clean up after ourselves," My mother insisted quickly. I took her up on the offer and left the dining table. Mrs. Brooks moved to join me. " Mrs. Brooks, help me clear up the plates while the gentlemen discuss among themselves how John intends to act on his future,"

John and Mr. Brooks joined me in the living room, and the gentlemen turned toward me to include me in their talk. I laid down to take weight of my feet and propped up my head on a throw pillow. " We have the carriage house set up just waiting for your family to bless it," Mr. Brooks said to the both of us.

John sat all the way on the end of the couch with my feet on his lap, as far as he could be from his father without being obviously disrespectful. " Em?"

" I have no comment at this moment," I answered dully, putting my arm over my eyes.

Mr. Brooks leaned forward, elbows on knees. " Think of it, son. No rent, 100,000 per year with potential for income increase, full benefits, paid college education, family close by. You'll have enough of a down payment to buy your house in the first year, and if you continue to save up by year five you can afford a house like ours without a hefty mortgage payment," He ticked it off on his fingers in a very convincing soothing tone. " Think about it."

Familiar calloused hands massaged my bare feet. " It's not a bad offer, but Em is still pursuing her degree,"

" She can pursue her degree elsewhere. It is not necessary for her to live here to pursue it,"

" Actually, her father offered her field experience and mentoring under his supervision. He's very successful in his field and he has many useful connections that can be used effectively. If we move, she loses that,"

" You'll earn 100,000 a year. Why would you need an income from her to sustain yourself?"

I sighed. " Can we please leave me out of this?"

" You're as much a part of this decision as I am, Em,"

I moved my arm. " I know that. But I'm tired of being in the middle. Last night I didn't dress well enough. Tonight, I'm not a stand out at the dinner table. You're proud of my ambitions, they think they're worthless. You want me to be a strong independent woman. They want me to be weak and totally reliant on you. What I want is a happy middle. I'm not going to be an excuse for both parties to go to war about their ideal family unit and belief structure,"

" Yes, you are," Mr. Brooks insisted. " You're a Brooks now, you need to adhere to the standards of being one,"

Standards of being a Brooks. Ha!

John's hold of my feet prevented me from escaping. Father and son stared off, and I leaned over for the remote on the side table.

" What will it be? You adhere to the standards of being a Brooks or Banfield?" Mr. Brooks demanded.

Well, when he put it that way, I always chose my blood family. " As of right now, I'm choosing no one but me and the baby. If both of you want to get into a pissing contest about whose thought processes should reign supreme, then do so, but do it away from the baby. I'm tired of the arguing and not being 'perfect'. It's exhausting to give a damn about something and constantly being disappointed. Both of you keep moving the goal post and I'm tired of it. Either you find the middle ground or get the fuck out. I'm not your pawn," I flicked the television on and turned it to late night comedy. And that's where I kept it as the men set a temporary truce in place out of respect for my wishes.

Perhaps one of the most admirable qualities of the male Brooks that I noted so far was their loyalty. Whether I liked it or not, neither man would change. I needed to find a happy place to put the both of them so that I could find a happy place in the frankenstein bond that everyone wanted to create and uphold. That's why when I curled up next to John that night, we didn't argue. But he and his father argued the next day before he went to work about his growing laziness and the corrupt influence I'd been on their faithful son. My mother and Mrs. Brooks kept up a peaceful, fake dialogue that served the peace, and Mrs. Brooks and I avoided each other the entire day as I finally was able to study and she spent the majority of her time in the city with her husband.

" It's like living with Mrs. Bennet," I griped to John as he showered in our private bathroom. " I swear Mom is becoming more like Jane, and if I'm a Lizzy, then your mother is most certainly a Mary and Lydia combined,"

He poked his head out. " There will never be a combination of Mary and Lydia in existence, but I concede my mother is unique. How was your day?"

" It went. Are we moving?"

" I can not argue against 100,000. Can you justifiably argue against it?"

I shoved his head back behind the shower curtain. " Yes. But do you sincerely miss your family home?" The only person I wanted happy, besides myself, was John.

He rinsed off and turned the water off. " No,"

" Then we won't move,"

" We have to. If we do not, I will be disinherited,"

" Then you're moving by yourself,"

He pushed the mosaic shower curtain aside revealing his full nude glory to me. My eyes trailed head to toe shamelessly. I married a fine specimen of a man in any time period. Now if we were to shift to Rome or even -actually I'd just rather avoid Rome and Greece and Egypt altogether. They were slavery addicts who enslaved their own people. The Vikings were much better with their raiding and sea pillaging. You know, I just wanted the time periods we currently had.

Towel drying his hair, he smiled at me. " I know. And when you're ready to live together in our own home, we will. I will never subject you to them nor will I divorce you. You're my wife, and money is immaterial," I sure hoped he was right because I sensed that our modern lives weren't going to be comfortable or easy for a while.


	36. Chapter 36 - Non-Immersion

Mom drew the line at me when it came to the Brooks' criticism, therefore if they had anything disparaging to say about me, they never said it in front of my mother. I kept my disagreements with the in-laws out of my mother's knowledge, and as soon as they departed on the following Monday, I bought black hair dye and chopped off the rest of my 'proper' hair cut, instead turning it into a pixie cut that was anything but prim or proper. " Much, much better," She assured me as I cleaned up my father's office before he was to be picked up at the airport later today.

" Thank you, even though I feel a little naked without long hair,"

Contrary to popular belief, women didn't always have long hair in the Regency era. A small trend emerged where ladies wore short bobs, and no, I wasn't one of them.

Sweeping the floor, I mulled over what would soon take place. John is going to move back home, and I am going to stay home with my parents. My father is going to help me with my schooling, and no one ( excluding the stuck up snobby pricks known as Mr. and Mrs. Brooks) wanted me to fail at schooling. John's new career and newly started college education would launch him into a career he was already semi-familiar with. In fact, he promised to move me out to him after he saved up enough of a down payment to purchase a house for ourselves at least a half hour to an hour away from his parents.

We already discussed adopting a dog from the local shelter when this happened and maybe a cat or two.

What I didn't know is that his parents already worked on him to divorce me. Every night. At the dinner table. When I refused to go to church on Sunday while they were here, his mother threatened to cut off his 'allowance' which basically paid for our car insurance, car maintenance, and transportation costs. She refused to accept that my school work came first and that if God cared enough about me attending, he'd help me win the lottery for many, many millions and then I wouldn't worry about taking classes on Sunday.

" God's will will provide," She said in heated anger.

If God's will provided for us, John wouldn't have been barely scraping by, corporations would be paying their taxes instead of putting them in off shore banking institutions and then complaining about needing to pay 35% interest on profits earned by moving that money back to the US soil. If God's will provided for us, you wouldn't have people shooting up churches, schools, or Timothy McVeigh types going crazy simply because they became radicalized. Americans running off ISIL or Al-Qaeda or the Taliban - is that God's will? So no, I don't buy that bullshit excuse that Mrs. Brooks peddled out to me. If God fucken cared, he'd get off his fat ass and do something something productive like putting himself on the world stage and saying " I am God. Here I am. You all worship me. Stop these wars," And then click his fingers and the wars would be stopped and people would love thy neighbor and accept thy neighbor as they should.

Maybe I'm cynical. Maybe I'm the product of a defective social gene where religion has become as corrupted as every government in the world. Either way, God wasn't going to pay my bills and going to church and skipping out on a good education was a no-no. I refused bow to their money and catholic 'superiority'. Are there good, decent catholics out there who don't heckle non-believers? Sure...but those people weren't my in-laws. I got stuck with the Jim Jones fanatical catholic in-laws from hell.

" Honey, I'm going out to the food store," My mother warned me before she left the house.

Taking up my binders I moved them to the ensuite that was now solely occupied by me. Without John's possessions cluttering up the space, it felt too large. My pregnant belly decided I was too comfortable, and the urge to vomit hit me. As I heaved into the toilet, tears at the corners of my eyes, my phone vibrated on the floor. Shoving it a way with my hand, I just wanted to not taste vomit in my mouth. Pregnancy is horrible. I don't know why women love it - I'll love the baby but the pregnancy - nope.

The phone kept vibrating in repeated agitation until finally I answered it. On speaker phone no one spoke immediately.

" Em?"

" Dacy?" I reached for the mouth wash and filled the small cap half way.

The silence that followed stretched for about a minute. " Can you drive me into the city? I need to go to a doctor,"

" Give me a moment. I need to change and pick you up. Where you at?"

" Work,"

" Are you leaving early?"

" Mike fired me when I told his fiancee that he cheated on her,"

Rinsing out the vomit taste, I took a moment to just breathe. " Are you pregnant?"

" No. But he promised to drive me to the doctor's and now that he's angry with me, he's not willing to drive me," Her voice echoed. Most likely she was in the bathroom, probably crying. Poor girl. At least Lydia avoided the likes of him. I hoped that she didn't hop on the Mike train as well, because she might need the doctor for that STD testing. " It's not fair…"

Life isn't fair. I have asshole in-laws. She got fired for telling the truth. An education these days cost an arm and leg. The government wanted to impose more taxes on mileage screwing over the rural or suburban populace. Life was beyond not fair. It is impossible for the middle and lower class to scrape by or even break through the socio-economical barrier anymore. And the Rich just kept getting richer and storing their money in off shore accounts and complaining about needing to pay 35% in taxes. Boo fucken hoo.

God I hated being pregnant. It made my mood swings even worse.

As it turns out Dacy's doctor is a drug dealer. Dacy is abusing heroin, and she just spent her last paycheck on heroin that would help her find another job. Odds were she'd fail a drug test and end up in the slums with all the other drug users after her sister kicked her out, when her sister finds out she's abusing drugs. Everything I knew just seemed to be falling apart or held together by ghostly straps of normalcy. All of the surrealness just bashed me over the head repeatedly.

The return of my father grounded the reality to where it needed to be. " No monster-in-laws," I assured him jokingly as he off loaded his luggage by the shoes. Sunny watched him from the couch where she took up majority of the sitting space. I held out his Sports Illustrated to him, his one small 'need'.

" Mr. Brook's let his wife drain his bank account?" He teased.

" Worse. He has a business manager who's probably whispering in his wife's ear and persuading an affair that is against God's holy word," I shrugged. " Prenup. She leaves with $1500 because that's what she came into the marriage with. Everything goes to the kids, and the kids have to provide for her - reasonably,"

" You married well then," He scratched his beard.

Again, I shrugged. " Not intended. But guess what I didn't sign?"

My father chuckled. " A prenup?"

I nodded. " Doesn't matter though. Blood money is tainted money," I held out my arm to hug him. " You need a shower and I need finish reading the chapter for this week."

We hugged.

Hours later with a head full of new mumbo jumbo that needed integrated into my new bank of knowledge that would shape the future of architecture one day, I sat at the table with my mother and father. My mother dropped an official looking envelope on the table addressed to me before my father helped serve the meal. I opened it up curiously and slipped out two sheets of white stiff paper. My eyes quickly scanned the page, my heart dropping out of my chest.

Numbers popped out at me. $1000 per month in child support guaranteed. $50,000 paid alimony, yearly till my death. All I had to do was divorce John and offer up joint custody without fighting in the courts.

" What's wrong?" My father asked as he cut up the ham.

I lowered the sheet that laid out the calculations meant to seduce me into accepting this offer. " Mr. Brooks is asking me to divorce John on the base of $62,000 in income yearly, $50,000 after our child turns 18. He even suggested stocks I could put the money into, hedge funds that were willing to work with such a small amount of money,"

My mother picked up the front page that verbalized the parents desire to see their son more desirably married. " I'm going to kill that b-"

" Jenn, sit," Robert Banfield ordered his wife gently.

" I'm going to kill her," My mother repeated with growing volume as she sat down. " How dare she dictate to my daughter -"

" Our daughter," My father smiled at me. I returned it briefly because I honestly didn't know how to feel or whether I should feel anything at all. " Our daughter is very capable of telling her monster-in-laws how to travel and where to travel to,"

Directly to hell. " All hail Zeus, Thor, Odin, and Satan. I'm sure if I prayed to them they'd fulfill my request of removing the monster-in-laws. Either that, or I can just get cozy with Henry's wife…." As appealing the idea was, I didn't even know my sister-in-law's name. Now if I could find her email address or phone number...Google! I'm sure she had to be mentioned with a family this rich, even if it was just a stalker's blog.

My father was an absolute ray of sunshine and my mother volunteered to help me in composing the email to my elusive sister-in-law. The entire family affair actually amused us for two whole days before my father and I turned our attentions to the emerging trends and construction materials on the market.

" Big project?" I shuffled through his sketches.

He watched me with general pleasantness. " We're working on a custom home using eco-friendly materials and recycled building materials. Should reduce the footprint," We always were conscience of our footprint on mother earth, and Mom insisted we recycled as much as possible. I am proud to say that our footprint is small. The heartwarming effect it has in just knowing we were doing our part in keeping our planet whole and healthy to the best of OUR ability.

" Did you see the construction lego blocks they are using in one of those war ravaged countries?" I snapped my fingers in trying to remember what country it was again. " Like...they're in blocks and made of recycled plastic-"

" We were communicating with the creators to test the limits of its endurance and what climate it is best used in. We were also looking into other common materials - tires, bottles, glass - that are polluting this wonderful planet," He stopped on a page of his latest sketch alongside a series of photos. " Maybe I could build you a home using recycled materials entirely?"

I hugged him. " I wish I had the money to pay you,"

" Well, we could start small with the house. Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, sitting area," He pat my hand. " I'll talk to John about it and hope he is willing to grow with the house itself,"

It was times like this that I loved my father. But not even I could take advantage of him when I was already living on a private loan from my mother and practically rent free with a car I didn't need to make payments on. I wagered that my parents wouldn't be so free with their money if the mortgage weren't paid off already.

" You have the keys to my office again," He promised me.

" If you need help or want-"

" Worry about your classes for now," He kissed my forehead and moved upstairs to pack his suitcase again. I wondered how he and Mom survived as long as they did with his constant traveling.

He'd never let me fly pregnant anyway.

My mother consoled me. I wondered at their ability to hold a stable marriage with his constant traveling. " But they'll allow a car to transport you, which is more likely to kill you than a plane," My mother grumbled at the stupidity of the doctors and society in general. " Eygptian shorthand again?" She compared my notes to my father's notepad.

I shrugged casually. " It's Dad's fault,"

She laughed. " Your father is to blame for many things, and I am pleased to see that his daughter adores him. He wanted a boy, you know…." She teased me. " But the moment he laid eyes on you and looked into your eyes and held your little hand he didn't care if you were a boy or girl. You were not allowed to lay in your crib any longer than five minutes if you were not sleeping, and I swear he woke up more often in the middle of the night to check on you than I did,"

I arranged the desk to my liking. " Dad offered to build me our own house, room by room, but we don't have a down payment and until we do, I guess we'll just have to settle for John pandering to his parents' whims and hopefully my education pays off,"

" We're always proud of you, baby doll," Mom kissed my forehead and helped me move my father's folders, binders, and books to their appropriate shelves. " And you have a wonderful husband who would lay the world at your feet,"

Yes, John Brooks laid the world at my feet every opportunity afforded. It frightened me that he is so capable of it. While I was being fully supported, John's misery only increased.

Another dinner, another opportunity to be assaulted by his parents' demands. " If you divorced your wife-"

" I'm Catholic, remember?"John snapped at his mother. " Divorce isn't sanctioned by the Big Man,"

Their spread of sushi, spring rolls, and rice balls brightened the glass and metal table that spanned the elevated dining room in the half a million dollar home.

Crescida Brooks shook her head. " Divorced individuals are accepted now. We can find you a nice catholic girl to marry and fight for full custody in court. We can afford the lawyers-"

John said nothing to his modern mother and kept his eyes on the flooring visible through the glass. He checked his phone again. His father-in-law called him and left him a voicemail but he couldn't answer it at the dinner table. If Emery were here, she'd tear his modern mother a new one without batting an eyelash. He'd come to appreciate that about her - the passion that pushed her into every choice she made. Her stubbornness turned her into Mrs. Banfield, and he had yet to see his mother-in-law in a foul mood.

" You should think of the future, Jay. If she's going to take you for half, you stand to lose more than at least half the company's worth," His father pressed, seeing his mother failed. " Your brother already married a good girl and he's next in line after you to inherit. He was smart enough to make her sign a prenup,"

" I trust Em. She won't divorce me," John insisted harmlessly.

He dialed Emery whether his parents liked it or not.

" Well, you shouldn't. We offered her a tempting sum and she will likely accept it," Crescida boasted. " Our lawyer is already drawing up the papers-"

Suddenly his intent on dialing his wife changed. Now he just wanted to make sure that his wife hadn't written him off. " I quit," He placed his ID badge and card key for work on his half eaten dish.

" You can't quit. This is your future, your blood right-"

John accepted who was and who wasn't his blood, and these 'parents' of his were not really his parents at all. His real mother surely wasn't this scheming! " My blood isn't born yet, and it's mother is either going to kill me or kill you. At this moment, I'd prefer it to be your blood and not mine,"

Good bye college education. Good bye free rent. Good bye a hope that he could be closer to his family here than he was in his home period. Hello, beautiful wife who grated his nerves every so often and a busy life. He handed the house key to his mother and in a blink, they were no longer in the current but the past free of all their parents and hassles of the modern.


	37. Chapter 37

Nothing is more jarring than going from a pregnancy to a non-pregnant body. The diversity of our experiences now mashed together in the carriage created a unique tension neither malicious or delightful. With Walter and Tabitha in the carriage talking away about the opportunities of London, we made eye contact. We needed a shouting match to release the tension but in the company of Walter and Tabitha? No.

" Caroline?" He dared.

I almost laughed. What else should I do but laugh? It was almost impossible to exist in one time without it shifting beneath our feet. " Yes, John?"

Walter looked up at both of us. I turned my gaze to the window. John's hand sought my back and I physically had no room to play coy. " Em,"

" Yes, Dear?"

His mouth opened and closed.

Tabitha giggled. " I believe his is overcome with your beauty, even though you are not in the best of healths,"

My nose itched to sneeze on cue. Quickly I pressed a cloth to cover my nose and mouth. " Yes, he is incredibly charming like that,"

Walter sported a broken nose - A parting gift from one his scuffles with a local boy.

With heavy head and scratchy throat, I realized that I had inevitably come down with a dreaded cold. Let's pray I never ended up like Jane, eh?

But to John who struggled with an unknown, the compliment had not yet settled on him. " I had nothing to do with the…"

" We can discuss it once we are home," In an odd way, the parsonage felt more like home to me than my parent's house has. I held his hand and kept my nose covered just in case. It wouldn't do if Walter made every boy sick at his school. And poor Tabitha never had a day off from her duties. " But I will say this - never again,"

He nodded in agreement.

" Never again to what?" Walter asked, tugging on John's arm.

" Never you mind, boy," John pat his head. I mentally scheduled a visit to Lydia wanting to speak with her about her current state of mind. She progressed and regresssed so sporadically that I sometimes question the whimsical nature of her role. Troublemaker is the title I assigned to her, but she is a sweet sister if not a bit spoiled and extremely selfish. We all had our faults, and I ought to be mindful of my own as well.

As should we all.

When we reached the parsonage, Walter ran to the house and his room. John separated to send word to Mr. Farson and I immediately settled in the sitting area to write Lydia. How to hint at what occurred without baldly saying it was an artform that I am slowly learning, so after a short letter hastily scrawled, I sealed it with wax and the church stamp. But sitting around wasn't my style. I'd become too accustomed to the busy lifestyle in 1812 and decided to deliver the letter personally to Lydia. Jane intercepted me on the lane.

" Mrs. Brooks!" She waved, pure joy brightening her already blinding beauty.

I nudged the mare to a slow stop. " Miss Bennet, is Lydia present?" For some reason I could never feel close to Jane. There was always a...separation. I could never explain it myself and just marked it up to her living in a different world than everyone else.

" She is unusually cheerful today," Jane confirmed for me.

That seemed to be on par with Lydia's character. " Might you deliver this to her? I must return home and ensure that Walter is prepared for the start of his official schooling," The school in Meryton wasn't famous by any standard, but it was a notable institution to learn, and I prayed that this lifted him to a higher station in life.

Her hand rested on the saddle. " I have missed home. Are you well?"

Wait. She wanted to talk? Well, this is a change.

" As well as I can be. I need to return to the parsonage. Welcome home, Jane," She accepted the letter and stepped back. I slowly guided the mare back toward my home in Hertfordshire. The sky threatened to open up rain. It fell after I reached the parsonage.

Walter ran up to me as I disrobed and gathered my breath. " Ma-am, can I play in the rain?"

" No. You'll become ill,"

" Please!" He grinned at me hoping to win me over.

John cleared his throat. " Wear an extra layer and only a half hour," Walter took off for the door. John motioned for me follow him to his study. Well we needed to talk and we needed to sort it out. This is not to say we were upset with each other but worn down by the future that often times liked kicking us in the shins.

The door and windows locked us into the box that'd either clear our sins or bring to light our own bad behavior. He placed himself at his desk. I placed myself at the door. " Em, I love you,"

" I know. I'd say that is the most well known sentiment in all of Hertfordshire,"

Word control is important now lest the servants think we were crazy.

" But Dear Lord those people! How do they ever call themselves respectable?" He shook his head in growing agitation. He must've referenced his modern parents. I guess his world mirrored too because in this time my mother tried to kill me. " They wanted me to divorce you, to take our child from you-"

" Odd. The letter I received said they wanted custo-it split," My jaw worked back and forth. No way in hell would I ever trust a word from the Brooks in modern times. " My mother was ready to send a hit team to your parent's home," I laughed and laughed because my mom mad is rare. She always had a centered calm that occasionally shattered,and Dad always knew how to fix it.

He laughed with me until finally I leaned against the bookshelf. " I cut my hair, dyed it black,"

" I remember the picture you sent me," He motioned to my full head of hair. " I like it longer,"

I still hated Mrs. Brooks for trying to make me 'blend in'. I didn't need to blend in. I needed to stand out. I needed to be me and if it conflicted with the conservative Brooks family motto, so be it. " You feel better now that you got that off your chest?"

He breathed deeply. " I never understood your hatred for religion, and I still don't, but I understand and respect it. With parents like mine, I understand why people like you exist. Why you are committed to non-belief."

John talked like he also didn't believe. I think he fooled himself into believing that he believed when he clearly did not commit to the structure beliefs of our current patrons. Maybe he is just agnostic and is a spiritual person. I wanted him to be real with himself, but I also wanted him to respected here. There had to a compromise.

" Committed to non-belief, maybe, but I'm willing to alter my beliefs if the evidence is there." I just didn't tolerate stupid people. Or overzealous pricks. Or greedy pricks. Let's be real - live and let live was my campaign. If your fist was harming someone else, if your tongue was harming someone else, if you were personally harming someone, then you were certainly on my hit list. I refused to allow another Mrs. Thomlin to be openly accepted. I shuddered to think of what would have happened were the Regiment stationed elsewhere.

He moved toward me and I embraced him. My lovable idiot still needed me and that was more powerful than any drunk, drink, or high. We stood together for a few minutes, just holding each other like love starved teenagers. More aware of each other's fears, we promised to never let our families come between us again. I learned how far he was willing to go to give me the world. He learned how I feared and loathed frightened the both of us and deepened our connection. Unknown to both of us, the great tinkering goddess of Fate plucked away at the strings that bound us to each other.

We called upon the Bennets the next day with the intention to check on Lydia. Lydia didn't even open up my letter, and Jane insisted that we call upon them frequently now that she was home again, especially with Elizabeth in Hunsford. Mary and Kitty integrated themselves into mine, Walter's, and Tabitha's world with little difficulty. Jane occasionally accompanied them on their visits to the parsonage. When Mary showed up at my doorstep alone, I glanced around hoping to find an escort with her.

" I needed to be away from Mama and Jane. Mr. Booth and Mrs. Booth are already on the road again. Can I -"

I ushered her in. " Come, come,"

She sniffled. " I missed my Mr. Booth,"

" I know how it feels to pine for one's love," Being separated from John filled me with worry constantly. The fact that his parents pressed on him to divorce me and that he held them off soothed my weaker nerves. I couldn't fathom how a catholic could even promote the idea of divorce over the simple fact that I hadn't signed a prenup and refused to convert to any form of christianity. I thought catholics were supposed to be committed to the whole 'marriage is forever' not 'marriage is for only when convenient'. Had I judged the catholic doctrine wrong? I know people make mistakes, but I felt that if you're going to commit to a doctrine, you damn well better uphold it in letter and spirit instead of by appearance only. All or nothing. And you better expect me to criticize the doctrine when it's sexist, racist, age-ist, and flat out classist.

" You do?" She sounded surprised and relieved. " I just want to be with my Thomas again,"

" Hmm," Truthfully I never learned her betrothed's first name. " Well, have you written him?"

" Yes, but he is not always able to write back and after the first letter that he wrote including Lydia's shameful behavior! Oh," She pressed a hand to her forehead. I seated her and Tabitha walked in right on time with the hot water, honey, and milk. " You will not believe it!"

Oh but I could believe it. I specifically remember a conversation I had with Lydia before the Regiment departed Hertfordshire. " You've no idea how relieved I am. Pleased to be home. I miss Lizzy. I missed Mary's preaching. I missed not being pregnant," For a short period of time, Lydia became pregnant by a spanish model Javier Garcia. She miscarried.

" Just promise me you'll be safe," We walked around the house, taking our time and enjoying the weather. "

" So very very soon. But Mrs. Forster swore to invite me as her honored guest. Do not tell Kitty, for she will whine and Papa will put up a weak argument," Lydia waved her hand about.

I clutched my hands behind my back. " Mrs. Forster will look after you, to be certain, but remember-"

" I know," She sighed heavily. " You do not need to remind me," She shushed me and I let her be. When we parted, that was the last I saw of her before she would return to Hertfordshire as Mrs. Wickham.

Mary expressed the full array of shameful behavior Lydia engaged in with growing scandalized sisterly disappointment and Tabitha helped me assure the distraught lady that all would turn out. I know it would turn out but not necessarily for the better. Wickham gambled and drank excessively. Lydia loved to live in excess. This is common Jane Austen-fan knowledge. To the centrist Tabitha, she merely wanted to believe that Lydia would somehow reform.

Mrs. Forster had no time to rein her in if Lydia were not in her company. Lydia promised to write her sisters and mother but surprise surprise! She failed to write them except under the duress of social expectation, aka Mr. Wickham mentioning it time to time. She constantly wandered through the field of tents and sea bathed without Mrs. Forster or other ladies around her. Mr. Booth even mentioned that Lydia and Mr. Wickham were often seen to prefer one another over general company. Colonel Forster suspected partiality on Lydia's part but Wickham stayed a flirt and spread himself around liberally.

" You will be pleased to know that my in-laws are going to visiting us soon," I produced the letter from the desk and allowed her to read it. Mary's expression shifted as she neared the end. When she handed it back, Tabitha asked if she'd be staying for dinner. " You should stay," I pressed, happy that Tabitha thought to suggest it. " John will welcome the company, and Mr. Farson wanted to use your extensive knowledge of the bible to help him form a study plan for the students in Meryton,"

Don't ask me about how I feel about Walter being forced into a church-y education. I'm just not in the mood to go on a rant about it. I really-no. Church-state separation exists for a reason and this is regency era 1812 where religion is as necessary as air to people. It is what it is. ( But do you blame the people? The poor are poor, the middle class is disappearing and in years to come, famine is going to become a real problem,)

But cheer up! Smile. Each day is a new day. We have the potential to change our futures by focusing on present. K? Feel better now? Sorry I depressed you.

With Mary's agreement to stay for dinner, I cheerfully prepared for the soon to be hectic visit by my mysterious in-laws who I had not remembered being present at the wedding. One brother had been permitted leave to make it to the wedding, but not Henry. Mary and Tabitha created a checklist with me for all their needs and wants, and what I could reasonably expect to do within the short time they'd be visiting. John and Mr. Farson volunteered to take over the duty of occupying Henry's time, which I had no issue with as men and women lead very separate lives and often only saw each other in the evenings after the 'men time' was spent away from the women as if we were...I don't know...beneath them? I don't know how spending time with women was derogatory. Did men really need that separation to feel masculine? I don't know. I just didn't understand me at times!

But just you wait - these in-laws were going to be far more tolerable than Mr. and Mrs. Brooks! I promise you that ( hopefully).

In the carriage ride back to Longbourn, Mary sighed and lamented that I no longer lived at Longbourn. " I do not know about you, Mary, but living with your mother was a nightmare I am glad to be rid of. Do you not find her harping tedious?"

" Mama does tire a person's tolerance, but she cares about us. She just...she has trouble showing it,"

I held her hand in mind. " I understand, I do. But even you acknowledge that she needs to change to be respected,"

" No one will respect Mama, not after all the criticism she's inflicted on other ladies in and around Hertfordshire. Aunt Phillips is only slightly more respectable but even Uncle acknowledges that the Bennets and Phillips are being disrespected by their behavior,"

" Not everyone is you and I, Mary. As Mr. Collins put it, while we may enjoy a serious stamp of a book, your mother and aunt were taught that stupdity is desirable. We both have proof that Mrs. Thomlin is a not a desirable example of stupidity, nor is the lack of domestic felicity between your parents. I am amazed your aunt's marriage is so harmonious," I fixed my bonnet and swayed with the carriage. Modern cars being using a carriage, hands down.

With Longbourn village in sight, we both resigned that we would not be permitted respected associations through Mrs. Phillips and Mrs. Bennet.


	38. Chapter 38

With many thanks to Mary and Tabitha, I was able to properly set up the guest bedroom for the Brooks and stock up the house for their short visit. The main person I wanted to accomodate was Dhyana given that she is Muslim and not a Christian. While under the impression that I believed she preferred to cover her hair in modesty, I did not know for certain. She never outright said that she covered her hair or her face, and while I am unaware of the history of face and head coverings is Islam, I wanted her to be comfortable in Hertfordshire, in and out of the parsonage. She is my guest, and as my guest, I had a duty to her. John schooled Walter on how to act, and Tabitha questioned why we adopted cautious approaches with what should be familiar company.

She soon learned when our guests arrived by paid carriage. Henry bore close resemblance to his brother and Dhyana's light skin helped her blend in with the pasty white british folk. There was something different in the way she looked, but maybe I just mentally imposed an image of what I thought a woman from India must look like onto her. Walter positioned himself half way behind, holding onto my arm shyly. Henry knelt in front of Walter. " Hello, Mr. Farrow,"

Walter tugged on my arm. " Can I play now?"

" Of course,"

He let go of my arm and ran off toward the house and Bud. Bud's leash dragged as they ran along toward the back of the house.

I smiled at my brother-in-law, no opened arms for him. " Welcome, Henry. I feel as I know you already through your wife," I waved at Dhyana over Henry's shoulder.

He turned toward the shorter woman who finally stepped forward. Not an inch of skin was uncovered below her chin. I already predicted her choice of fashion would draw criticism but if this is what she wanted to show to the world, then so be it. I just wanted her to be comfortable and happy here. " As I know you through my beloved Dhyana,"

She cast her eyes to the ground.

I offered my arm to Dhyana, the elusive sister-in-law that I'd been dying to meet. " Please, let us stroll while brothers unite," Her arm slid through mine, and I waved at John as we walked toward the church to give us distance and privacy.

We said nothing to each other, the comfortable emptiness of the walk preparing for us the inevitable awkwardness of a first family dinner. Outside of the wedding breakfast, we did not see family. Most of the Brooks were a mystery to me. To be fair, all of my blood is dead. While this hadn't mirrored in my modern reality, I really didn't want it to mirror in the modern reality. We both needed an anchor, be it my parents, a society, or a public mission.

Bud and Walter eventually showed Henry around the house by the time Dhyana and I settled in the drawing room. Her uncovered hair is a pretty dark brown that complimented her skin color. Her dark eyes paired with her hair and expressed so much emotion. She instructed me on how to pronounce her name, her slight accent charming. We avoided all mention of religion and and instead decided to help Tabitha with her lacing.

A carriage pulled up to the parsonage as exited the house. With the rain deciding to bless us with sunshine, we took full advantage of it. " Caroline!" Mary waved at me. Sarah's face appeared next to her.

Dhyana leaned in. " Family?"

" Distant cousins by marriage by marriage, if that makes sense. Mrs. Gardiner is the wife of the Mrs. Bennet's brother. Mrs. Gardiner is related to my father, the late Mr. Robert Banfield," I turned to Tabitha. " Did you invite them?"

" No," She frowned. " But their presence is not unwelcome,"

" Miss Long is a surprise to be sure," Mr. Bennet must've permitted the use of the carriage. A rarity, and I'm sure that tolerating Mrs. Bennet is too much for the love sick Mary. " Lizzy must be back from Hunsford,"

Time really does fly. I stopped trying to track it, and often it was Mr. Farson who reminded me of the date and year. I don't tick days off a calendar. Even the book is unclear when certain events take place. Miss a line and you lose a chunk of valuable backstory.

" How so?" Dhyana queried.

" With Lydia in Brighton as Mrs. Forster's companion, and the fact she is two years younger," I shrugged.

" Lydia did not twist Mrs. Forster's arm," Tabitha begrudged the small allowance of leniency. " Although Mrs. Forster shows a fondness toward Lydia. Perhaps it is their ages and the fact that Lydia is unmarried,"

I put my arm around Tabitha. " Marriage is not everything, my friend. It is a tool to the wealthy, nothing more. What say you, sister?" We turned to Dhyana as the carriage opened up and out poured the girls.

" Marriage is a divine union. If you are committed to it, then waiting for the right gentleman is important. Do you not agree, sister?" Dhyana tossed back stiffly.

After meeting John, I had to agree. Divine or not we learned each other and genuinely cared for each other. " Hmm. I will hold my tongue on that answer. I have no grounded opinion that will uphold to moral scrutiny. But I will say that Tabitha is happy without her mother pressuring her to marry,"

I'd almost forgotten about the Finchs. Tabitha's sister stayed in contact but the letters were few and not long. I suspected it had to do with the family trying to help the girl keep a servan'ts job. In this day and age I honestly didn't know what was worse - being a servant, being an abused factory worker, or being poor. Money only meant you had food on your table and clothes on your back and a roof over your head. What we take for granted in the future with regulations protecting our safety and health simply did not exist in these times.

" I am," She grinned and opened her arms to Mary who ran toward us. Sarah speed walked toward us while Mary took her time. When Mary reached us, she grabbed hold of Sarah in abundant nervous energy.

" You will not believe what is storming home. Is this the long awaited sister-in-law?" Mary curtised. " I am Mary Bennet and this is Sarah Long,"

Dhyana glanced toward me and then curtsied to Mary. " You must be Miss Bennet, the wise confidante. And the loyal shadow, Miss Long," Sarah nudged Mary in a " I told you so" manner. " What a pleasure to finally meet the loyal protectors of Caroline Brooks,"

" The pleasure is ours, Mrs. Brooks. Is your husband accompanying you?" Sarah asked.

The sneaky bug seemed to be circling the fences. First John and London and adopting Wallter. Now Mary Bennet and Sarah Long conspiring to meet Mrs. Dhyana Brooks. Did no one respect informing me first? Jeez.

Dhyana nodded.

" Have you met Walter? He is this tall and Bud follows him everywhere. That boy kidnapped Caroline's faithful protector. It's why we are giving her a puppy-"

" Wait-what?"

"-that Bud fathered with Miss Lanton's beagle," Mary finished mischieviously.

Tabitha chuckled.

" It's too young to be weaned but Miss Lanton forced us to promise to give it to you directly once it can be weaned from its mother,"

This is how every bad adventure starts, folks. Yep. Puppies and gossiping ladies. Do not combine the two. Ever.

" May we see the pup soon?" Dhyana turned to me.

I pat her arm. " Of course. It's my puppy. An itty bitty bundle of happiness and mischief and puppy breath-"

Sarah and Mary giggled like teen girls.

" Oh hush. I should give the puppy to Walter and plunder your plan to distract me even more," I wanted to playfully smack both of them but Tabitha and Dhyana held me hostage between them. " Looks like rain soon," My eyes drifted up.

It always rained in England. I felt like this was a land of rain, and if it didn't rain, you should probably praise the gods. I learned to appreciate mud for all its advantages and disadvantages. I also learned how to properly bathe Bud and caught Tabitha cursing the rain out under her breath as she helped scrub up mud off the floor.

We trudged toward the parsonage as a group. Thunder and heavy rainfall trapped us inside the home with John, Mr. Farson, Henry Brooks, and Walter. An early dinner for the large party occupied everyone. Walter and Bud played fetch with a stick in the vestibule connecting the front entrance to the kitchen. Mary played at the pianoforte with Sarah turning the sparse sheet music. Dhyana and I stitched together a quilt ( You remember the Jane Austen quilt, right? It's gorgeous, and I decided to try to make it myself,).

" Darling, do we have muffins to serve?"

Tabitha sprung up from her chair, but John ordered her to sit back down. " We do have muffins-"

" No one needs muffins so soon after dinner. If the thunder persists, then the ladies must stay the night," John put his book down and I put my needle down. " Are you still hungry, Miss Bennet? Miss Long?"

They both answered no.

" No muffins needed," He picked his book up again.

My jaw clenched. " Why are you being so stiff?"

" I am not," He argued quickly.

" Yes, you are. I am merely trying to be a proper host," His brow lifted. What was wrong with him?" He was born and raised in this era. I wasn't. These were cardinal rules.

No one interrupted us. Henry asked his wife to pour him tea, and Tabitha observed the stiffness too. John's stiff entertaining isn't normal. This was against social expectations and british politeness. If you're British, you won't understand what I see. Your society is so polite it's almost a side joke. But I also respected that politeness because a kind word makes an easier day.

He shook his head. " A woman's mind-"

Oh no the hell he did not! " Yes, a woman's mind," I muttered darkly, going back to my quilt. " What a myriad of confusion it must be. How dare we,"

" Caroline,"

" My apologies. Would the ladies wish to join me in my room? My mind isn't wanted in this room,"

Dhyana packed my thread and growing quilt into its basket. Mary gathered Sarah's book of poems and Tabitha mentioned meeting us up there. John tried to take back his biting retort but the damage already cut to a shallow scab of a still sore emotional wound.

" Henry is always remarking I should be quiet and not to speak unless spoken to," Dhyana comforted me. " Little does he know how often he sleeps with unclean clothes,"

Sarah gasped.

" John and I - we reached an impasse of late and it has left us wanting for peace again. He is not always this brutish," The modern Brooks really worked him over, and I was going to kill them when we got back to the future. Forget my mother sending a hit team to their house - I'd personally go there myself and put poison in the food.

Mary wrung her hands. " I was about to say. This is not the parson I remember," She appeared almost as upset as I was by the drawing room verbal spar. " What impasse?"

Sarah scolded her.

I sighed. " No. It's natural to want to know. You must understand I am part of a social requirement to serve as John's wife. The poor, the lost, the hopeless - and lately the Thomlin incident is pushing me in a new direction. He wants to give me a world. I just want a tiny corner to rest in,"

Dhyana helped me set up the quilt again in the room I shared with John. Although after tonight's snapping, he might end sleeping in the stables. Tabitha delivered a traiy of muffins and coffee to the room and closed the door with her foot. " The men are all discussing business and removing you from the inheritance directly, Caroline,"

" Is he now?" I stabbed myself with the needle.

" Or at least Mr. Brooks is attempting it. Called you weak of mind," Tabitha nodded aggressively, lips pressed into a thin line.

Sarah and Mary laughed. Mary's brow rose when she addressed Dhyana. " Your husband underestimates Caroline,"

" I am starting to see that," She too laughed. " I must apologize for Henry. His greed knows no bounds,"

Oh it would find bounds soon. Or else.

" But Mr. John Brooks insists you will inherit and Henry Brooks should look elsewhere for easy wealth," " Tabitha poured everyone coffee. " That is a wonderful man to be married to,"

Lately he seemed distant, and if I do say so at risk of being wrong, disillusioned. My pedestal finally crumbled. He didn't know how to handle it and I never changed. So his eyes opened to the real me.

" How is your sister, Sarah? I imagine Mr. Ashland insulted her honor most agrieviously,"

" She is recovered. Papa is disappointed. Mama is very determined to see that they return to Uncle's," Sarah answered. " Mr. Ashland and family are no longer welcomed with open arms and they blame my sister," Sarah explained to Dhyana exactly what occurred. Dhyana ceased pinning together diamond shaped cloth pieces to listen intently to her.

We bemoaned the lost of a sore union and Sarah complained that of all the people to travel to Brighton, Lydia Bennet would represent Hertfordshire. We all agreed nothing good ever would come from an unrestrained child unleashed on a camp full of soldiers. " And Mama wants to sea bathe," Mary grumbled.

" Sea bathing is good for one's well being, as is God's protection," Dhyana assured Mary, slowly warming up to my close companions.

I moved to the window. " It would appear you are to stay the night," I smiled at them all, pleased to have plenty of company to keep me amused in the morning. Bud didn't know what to do with all the people to choose from but he chose to lay with Walter like he always does.

Longbourn is a home for a mutiny. Kitty could not fathom being torn from the Regiment, even though Lydia was invited along. Lizzy came to terms with the deception manipulated by Mr. Wickham while Jane wanted to give Mr. Wickham an opportunity to redeem himself. Mrs. Bennet lamented the loss for her daughters and Mr. Bennet was happy to have the Red Coat madness away from Meryton.

" Mary, what of your Mr. Booth?" I asked her as Tabitha and I prepared the spare bed she'd share with Sarah. Because of all the guests we needed to reorganize all the bedding. Henry and Dhyana were in the main guest room, Walter would be down with us on a cot, and Mary and Sarah would bed in Walter's smaller room. " Why are you not accompanying?" At the monent Sarah was being entertained by Walter and Bud in the corridor.

Mary brushed her hair out of her eyes. " Papa will not pay for it. Mr. Booth does not want me near the Regiment as well. I am missing him, but I respect his opinion," She toyed with her brushed out hair raking her fingers through it.

" Time will pass quickly," Tabitha promised her.

Dhyana knocked on the door and stepped inside. " Caroline, John wished to have a private audience with you before bed," She still wore her thick evening gown that covered her neck down to her feet. For a woman who exposed no skin willingly she wore the dresses well.

" Excuse me," I exited Walter's room and prepared myself for a tongue lashing. Passing Henry in the corridor, our shoulders brushed. John welcomed me into his study and locked the door.

Knife in the back or knife in the chest?

He put his hands on my waist from behind. " I am sorry. You are firm and sound of mind. Sharp words for an exhausted mind,"

My jaw clenched. He wanted forgiveness?

" Henry tried to convince me to form an investment with his partnership," His arm wrapped around my waist. " I informed him your dowry is not for his investing,"

Knife hovering over my head maybe?

" I am still upset," I wanted to just relax, to not worry about my happiness and well being. " And I am seriously disliking your brother. Is wealth all he cares for?" Poor Dhyana to marry such a greedy-no. I'm going to be nice.

He finally kissed my neck. " I never said my brothers were faultless. He learned of our investment with Mr. Darcy through Dhyana. Our mother is aware as well and hoped I include him in our fortune,"

" What fortune? We fired a butler to create an income to retire on," The former butler still hated me, by the way.

Did I mention gold diggers are as bad as religious zealots? I'm not saying that Henry Brooks is the equivalent of the KKK or Hezbollah or Boko Haram, but he toed an ugly line.

" Mother only heard the words 'Mr. Darcy' and '10,000 pounds per annum' to assume I came into a large sum,"

I rolled my eyes. " 4,000 pounds large?"

" Mr. Darcy swears to ensure the full amount and 4,000 is more a share than 100," He tensed up, his own guilt beating him into admission. " Mr. Booth invested nearly 800 pounds,"

I breathed deeply to keep from harming him despite having the reassuring presence of his arms around me. " Why lie?"

" I wanted you to not worry," There was that excuse again. Did men really believe that we women did not want know about financial concerns? His fingers raked through my loose hair. " But that was a wrong choice. You're worrying more,"

His stupidity cleared up at least. Still...he was as stupid as he was handsome. " I hate you,"

" As long as you love me, I will gladly do everything to take care of you," He murmured against the back of my ear, nibbling on the earlobe.

Gods he is just absolutely stupid. I mean monumentally stupid. " Then stop being so stupid. I want involved. I need to help. Not to be a burden. We can't give this example to Walter to follow. Or any children we adopt," I elbowed him spitefully.

" Yes, dear,"

Idiot. Absolute idiot. " Don't 'yes,dear' me if you won't follow through. I love you but for the love of all that is holy think of the fall out," This hurt more than a moment's irritation. It damaged trust and I wanted, longed to trust him.

He swayed with me, coaxing me into kiss. It was as best an apology as I could ever expect. But I hoped he knew apologies weren't enough. I needed real change from him. If he included me in the major decisions, full honesty, I'd be willing to concede grounds. He didn't ask for anything so I knew of nothing to offer in return but love.


	39. Chapter 39

The following morning Dhyana and I escorted Mary and Sarah back to their homes. Bud loved the mud and the coachman complained of a sore knee. Mrs. Bennet grumbled about 'my' keeping Mary at the parsonage last night.

" All of Hertfordshire witnessed the thunderstorm, Mrs. Bennet," Dhyana defended my honor even as I brushed off the brutish attack. " And the roads are nothing but mud,"

" Speaking of mud, I will have Bud scrubbed down to keep the mud out of the house," I said in aside to my sister-in-law. " We will try to convince Henry to tour Meryton with us if you wish. So many shops and there are a number of ladies there who I would like you to meet-"

Sarah tapped my arm. " Including my mother," Mrs. Bennet insisted we wronged her for keeping Mary away from home even though she gladly allowed Elizabeth to travel to Hunsford and London without a complaint about her daughter's virtue being protected. Even Jane is allowed to travel to London with Mrs. Bennet's full encouragement. " Mrs. Bennet, Mary is no longer able to enjoy her betrothed's near company. She needs the distraction,"

Kitty ran from Jane straight into the drawing room. " Oh! Insufferable! Lydia is free to go to Brighton, and everyone assumes she will not embarrass us,"

Not true! Elizabeth fought tooth and nail to force Lydia to stay at home and their irresponsible father refused to say no at the threat of his wife and daughter's constant whining. To be fair, I don't know how he lived with his wife without turning into Mr. Hurst. I'd prefer to be constantly drunk instead of listening to Mrs. Bennet's limited train of thoughts.

" Catherine Bennet, you should be honored that at least one of your sisters may marry. To think of all the officers she will be exposed to!" Mrs. Bennet thrilled.

Kitty made to leave the room, sniffling.

" Kitty," I hated to see her like this. She deserved better, much better. " This is my sister-in-law, Mrs. Brooks. Dhyana, this Catherine 'Kitty' Bennet, third-no fourth born. Mary is third born. Jane is first born and Lizzy is second born,"

" The famed beauties of Hertfordshire?" Dhyana turned her gaze onto the lingering Jane in the hall and Kitty before glancing at their stupid mother.

Kitty in turn studied Dhyana's facial structure and natural smokey eyes. Her mind made no connections but she spotted the differences in Dhyana that I already learned. " Oh, Mama. Mrs. Brooks is from-"

" Nobody cares," Sarah slapped my arm to grab my attention. I nodded, hearing what she heard as well. " Where is Jane? Are her new dresses washed? I do not want the new dressed unveiled until the next assembly,"

Dhyana nudged my leg with her foot. " I understand now,"

I nodded again. Our letters covered Mrs. Bennet throroughly. Likewise Dhyana informed me all about Mrs. Brooks, the matriarch of the family. Needless to say I am glad the elder woman took no interest in me or our marriage. " Kitty-"

Kitty left us with fresh tears.

" That was uncalled for-"

" No one asked you, Caroline," Mrs. Bennet snapped again, shedding all form of politeness. " Have you no boundaries - to enter the lives of people without their consent? What shame it brings on the name of Brooks," For the record, if I had a choice in where to live, it certainly wouldn't have been under her thumb. Living with the Phillips or Gardiners is infinitely preferable regardless of house size and size of serving staff.

Last I checked, John meddled even more than me. Just because he has a penis, his meddling is somehow better? What sexist - no, no. I was going to be nice.

My continued silence warned Dhyana that not all is right.

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. " Berate me if you wish, but I am close to your daughters and they to me," I finally spoke, careful to keep my voice light and tone cheerful.

This put Mrs. Bennet on her heels for a brief second. " Contrived whimsical misrepresentations-"

" I disagree, Mrs. Bennet," Sarah stood, no longer able to stay silent. " Mama says you are unreasonable and I wanted her to be wrong,"

Everyone wanted Mrs. Bennet to be reasonable. All of Hertfordshire prayed for it every Sunday. I don't think there's a sensible person in the parish or county or country that would tolerate Mrs. Bennet a full 24 hours without desiring to kill her at least once.

" Sarah, Dear, Mrs. Bennet is only polite when she wishes to be," I too stood, nodding discreetly to Jane who witnessed it all without being acknowledged by the participants of the drawing room. " And to finish what Kitty tried to say, Dhyana is-"

-" Very pleased to make your acquaintance, Ma-am," Dhyana cut me off and hastily clutched my arm in a skin piercing grip.

Fine. That is the last time I try to tell people Dhyana is from India. Probably better off hiding it anyway with all the prudes. " We're off, Mrs. Bennet. I pray your day clears up. Give my regards to the girls," Holding my head high I walked out with Dhyana on my arm and Sarah at my heels giving Mrs. Bennet a dirty look.

Mrs. Hill wished a pleasant day and safe travels. I loved that woman. She put up with so much and still managed to go to bed with a smile on her face.

Dhyana shared my restraint whereas Sarah let loose a storm of insults. " Sarah, Sarah...if you do not stop calling her names, your mother will believe I taught you the words,"

" My sisters taught me more disapproved language than you exercise," Sarah grumbled, finally spent. Curious though that it is Sarah Long being upset. What is Mrs. Bennet responsible for now? Who else did she inflict it upon besides her daughters and myself?

The Mrs. Bennet rants I once held. To a wall, a mirror, a dog, a field - well you see where I am coming from. I'm certain that my mother-in-law isn't much better in private audiences with close family, but at least she held the advantage of being a mother-in-law, thus is expected to act that way toward a daughter-in-law.

Sarah glared at the wall behind us.

Dhyana's steady calm restored peace to the carriage. " Miss Long, you waste too much energy on a futile woman. Nothing good comes from it,"

" No truer words spoken," I raised my hand in testimony.

" How did you live with her?" Both ladies turned to me, and it felt like I became the mouse in a room with two cats.

Be nice. Be nice.

" Day by day, I assure you. Marrying John saved me from that nightmare," I answered carefully. Switching from the modern to the regency era helped me control my crude tongue but that didn't mean I wasn't swearing a storm mentally at the abuse I suffered at Mrs. Bennet's hands. The horrid woman really deserved to be poor at times for the manner she treated people.

I caught Dhyana smiling. Oh we'd get along well enough without help. Thank you Mrs. Bennet for make me appear sane. I should send you a bouquet as thank you.

Sarah uncrossed her arms. " Day by...Mama calls her many unpleasant names. You know Mama can not tolerate ladies who will turn on their neighbors without batting an eyelash. What right does she claim - what right-" The more she muttered the more she frowned. The more she frowned the angrier her eyes turned.

Her muttering occupied Dhyana and I, giving us the time to catch our breath and collect our appearances.

" If Bud were here, she'd be mud covered and hugging it out with him," I whispered to Dhyana, smirking in Sarah's direction hoping she took the bait.

By the time we arrived at her home, she calmed long enough to catch her breath. Mrs. Long insisted we stay for tea and thanked us for keeping Sarah safe. " You are always welcome here, Mrs. Brooks. I have nothing but warmth and adoration for Caroline. She was a Miss Banfield when she arrived at Longbourn. And to watch her dance -" I blushed. " If she is to be judged by dancing then her character is dreadful!" Also for the record, if I were permitted to wear tennis shoes while dancing, it'd be a completely different story. You'd never remove me from the dance floor.

Sarah spit her tea into her cup.

" And for her to have a sister finally," I pat Sarah on the back as she coughed. " Even if by marriage. Must be a relief to have someone to share secrets with,"

" I have no secrets," Not even the Vaticans vault could hold all the secrets I kept. That's just counting the regency secrets for every person I was required to call upon, the people who actually approached me, on top of Lydia's secrets current and future. Now that I did the math, I'd say I was the Fort Knox of secrets.

Dhyana bowed her head demurely. " Sisters are a blessing, blood or otherwise,"

" Ma soeur,"

" Ma soeur,"

Sarah's foot tapped the floor rapidly, not yet recovered from spitting out tea. " Will you teach me french, Caroline?"

" Sarah! You are not yet married. A husband will never marry you if you speak french, but...after you are married," Mrs. Long and I nodded in complete understanding. Poor french people. Bad enough they dealt with overthrowing a monarchy among-uh,um-other tragedies? ( Okay, so I'm not too boned up on french history, but all my schooling never required it!)

Mrs. Morrison and Mrs. Phillips were announced as I sipped on my hot tea, and Dhyana mentally weighed how fortunate I am to have such confidantes and companions. We stayed another ten minutes, more introductions made, and soon all of Hertfordshire would learn of Dhyana's presence before she'd depart on Monday.

" This is truly home to you," Dhyana eyed it all up enviously as we walked through town, enjoying the time we had away from our husbands.

I waved at a gaggle of local ladies in passing them. " " As home as home can be," I answered cheerfully. " But you have not told me of your life and your desires while you are here,"

We painted a pretty picture, well dressed ladies with smartly designed bonnets and complementary coloring that complimented our skin. Strolling down the pavement, arm in arm, nothing could ruin our mood.

" I miss home, but Henry forbade me from talking of it. You do not mind if I?" She asked permission.

" No,"

She happily informed me about her two sisters and four brothers. We carried on the subject of siblings for well over a half hour before actually nearing a shop and being asked to try on a hat at the milliners. The tailor stopped us to inquire if I would pick up John's coats when they were due in two days time, and I promised Tabitha would be by to pick them up.

" England is beautiful, but it is not home," Dhyana lamented on our return to the carriage. Time passed quickly and I had not yet decided if we were to have guests for dinner besides family. Walter ran toward us after learning by word of mouth that we were in town. Usually he walked to Longbourn with another boy and Mr. Hill delivered him to the parsonage via horseback.

We shut down the free flowing bond and greeted Walter. " Ma-am, can we read tonight?"

" Absolutely. Would you prefer the bible or something classical?" I put my arm around his shoulders, pleased that he was more at ease in our company with each passing day.

" I think we can convince Henry to indulge in one of his favorite novels," Dhyana volunteered.

Walter's positive energy carried us back to the parsonage and into an evening meal with the family that surpassed all my expectations of pleasant company. We easily spoke of Liverpool and their lives there, Henry's side investment with a merchant trader, and their intentions to purchase a home in Liverpool. If there's anything that I thoroughly enjoyed about shopping, it was house shopping. The bigger the better, right? In the case of regency times with air conditioning and gas powered heat, smaller is actually more effective as long as the windows were properly constructed and sealed, the door frames likewise, and any existing doors. Walter kept asking about the puppy we would home in weeks to come. Henry, pleased with Walter's excitement, promised to train the puppy into a hunting dog when they returned to visit. John glanced toward me to see if I permitted this. I shrugged.

" And hopefully children of our own," Dhyana curled her hand in her husband's. She adored Henry, which baffled me. Henry Brooks is a greedy, pushy gambler. BUT love is love I suppose. As long as they were happy.

Walter held out the bible to me as the cook and Tabitha helped clear out the plates and utensils. Guilt hit me as I watched my friend take over the servant role and be left out of the family activities. It is a shame I could not employ a companion and a lady maid at the same time. " May we start at the beginning?" I wished he picked another book but the bible is not a bad starting point.

Youthful ambition. Poverty forced people to be ambitious or inventive. The tech industry proves this, and a poor boy becoming literate is just as important as any Iphone or Android.

" We may,"

Seated off in the corner that's how we spent the rest of the evening until bed time. He struggled to read but it's the effort that melted my heart most. A boy wanted to be literate! What more could any adoptive mother ask for?

" Will you pray with me?" Walter asked as I moved to tuck him into bed. Bud lay at his feet , freshly cleaned from a day in mud.

I knelt next to him and pressed my hands together. " You will lead the prayer,"

He bowed his head and closed his eyes.

My heart swelled with pride.

We prayed, unknown to both of us that John stood behind us silently waiting for us to finish our private prayer.

" Good night, Walter," John said once we both acknowledged his presence. " Em?" He offered his hand to me.

I slid my hand into his and joined his side. Walter turned his back to us and curled up into a ball beneath the covers. Yes, I liked these relatives more than the modern ones, even if the brother is a greedy bastard.


	40. Chapter 40

Mr. Bennet extended us an invitation to Longbourn the next day for an evening meal shared with the family. Somehow I imagined Mrs. Bennet yelling at her husband given her intense dislike of me when Mr. Bennet penned the personal invitation. It made me giggle. Walter would walk to Longbourn that evening and then change into clothing we would bring with us. At least that is the plan of action.

I helped Dhyana dress for the evening as she did not want Tabitha to see her without full clothing. As we are now sisters, she permitted me to see her figure uncovered. Once she was fully fitted into her evening dress, a flattering deep blue gown that complimented her chest without showing an inch of skin, Tabitha styled her hair. We chatted about how she found Meryton and how she liked - if - all the ladies I introduced her to. Surprisingly she discovered Mrs. Bennet to be a mild distraction, and it made me question what she called a grand distraction.

" Mrs. Brooks!" John called out, knocking on the closed bedroom door. Let's just accept that I refused to call the room a bed chamber, okay? It's a room, not a chamber.A chamber is where you torture someone. A room is a harmless four walls, floor and ceiling. " Is ready to leave?"

Tabitha shook her head. " Men are impatient creatures,"

" Aye," Dhyana seconded. " Henry is always impatient to attend clubs, but ask him to attend a ball or an assembly and suddenly he is incredibly patient,"

Tabitha and I locked gazes. So Henry liked to spend his money then. Never a good trait in a man. Penny pinchers aside, spending needed to be regulated for a constant, consistent flow of monies.

" Yes, Darling!" I called out impishly. Walking over to the door, I inched it open and poked my head out. " Give us a few more minutes,"

He leaned in for a kiss. Cautious to not close my head in the door, I simply held my awkward positioning until he pulled away. " A few more minutes but no more,"

The concession was all we needed to accept that no matter how I looked, Mrs. Bennet would insult my wardrobe without fear of retribution. My latest dress straight from London is actually an indian print paired with a contrasting under layer of white to offset the colors in the indian print. With my breasts on display, I doubted John's eyes would move far from my chest given the proper privacy. Dhyana's deep blue gown surely would outmatch Jane's new gown, if she wore a new gown. It appeared Mrs. Bennet was launching another campaign to marry Jane off as richly as possible, even with the plausible hope of Mr. Bingley returning to Hertfordshire.

In the carriage, John touched his hand to his chest, then pushed his hand out toward me. If you're just entering my world of craziness, this means ' I love you, we're alright,' It's just something we started to do with each other and caught on.

" The church is an overcrowded profession. I hope that Walter chooses another," John said to me in aside.

" My brother is fortunate for his living. Only death will remove the wage," Henry declared bitterly.

Dhyana bowed her head in shame. " We are well off, Mr. Brooks. What is 150 pounds to our investing in traders," My brow rose. John didn't even trust his own brother.

" Yes, a whole entire 150," I echoed in what I hope sounded like a slight depression.

The coachman announced our arrival a short spell later, breaking the awkward tension. Mrs. Hill welcomed us all inside. " Hello, young man. No four legged shadow? All the better," Walter appeared behind her, freshly cleaned and awaiting his change of clothes.

I hugged her, taking her by complete surprise. " Happy anniversary. I wish you and your husband many more happy years together,"

" He is a good man and works very hard to provide," Mrs. Hill pat me on the back. " Now off to Mrs. Bennet's company,"

I gave her a 'do-I-have-to' look that earned me a finger shake.

The volume rose as everyone gathered together in the smaller space. Netherfield Park made Longbourn look like a one room shack shared by tenant farmers and their families. Still it is the company that you keep that defines a party. As it is all in attendance are in good standing with society. Walter, after a quick change, rejoined us and tired of cards and listening to the ladies debate dress colors for the seasons and age groups. He turned to the gentleman in deep talk of finances and hooked onto the allure of it instantly.

" Are my eyes deceiving me, or is Mr. Brooks a double for his brother?" Kitty asked boldly.

Dhyana glanced up at her husband. Standing side by side John and Henry did justice to their father and mother. " I'd like to say that it's a height difference and a nose that separates them. I often wonder what all three brothers look like side by side," I nodded in agreement picturing how their mother distinguished them from each other from afar.

Elizabeth smiled, that mischievious sparkle back in her eyes. " A Rector and a Naval Officer, former. What a proud mother she must be. Love at first sight, Mrs. Brooks?"

" Hmm. Not at all. My father arranged the marriage and I met him on our wedding day,"

Jane's brow rose. " And you accepted?"

" Why would I not?" Dhyana turned to me for support but even I had issue with arranged marriage in that regard. I preferred to know my partner before the wedding day. It meant I wouldn't be poorly paired with anyone. To the lot of Jane and Elizabeth Bennet, the idea of marrying someone they never met before their wedding day likely was as horrific as Elizabeth being forced to marry Mr. Collins. " Father knows best,"

As a Daddy's girl, I happened to believe only good fathers know best.

" And Henry have never put a hand on me, nor does he imbibe excessively," She defended her husband needlessly. " I am fortunate that he is reputable,"

Hmph. Just because he isn't a drunk and and abuser doesn't mean he could just be a lazy partner in a life union. Those unions resulted in a Bennet type marriage. Let's face it, both parties are miserable and because divorce is nigh impossible unless you're the queen, such life unions were for life.

Everyone's critical attention on Dhyana lead to her digging even deeper. " " Caroline is handsomely married as well. John Brooks is a gentleman of the highest order and always beloved by his mother. Do you not agree, Caroline?"

I leant her the support she required to stay in full bloom. " I am indeed well married but unlike you, ma soeur, my father had not arranged it. If he had, it would shake all of this land given he is dead. I will admit he presents a handsome portrait," I waved at John cheerfully.

His brow quirked in question.

" Are you well acquainted with your mother-in-law?" Mrs. Bennet queried.

Which one? Crescida Brooks the plastic super model? Or the mysterious regency Mrs. Brooks? Because as it stands, neither one really supported me.

Kitty, Mary, and Jane tuned in for a loaded response while Elizabeth prayed that this evening passed quicker than it already is for the reputation of her family. I breathed in and out, fully aware that good manners made me appear the better in this lopsided affair. " I am as well acquainted as I wish. Which is to say that aside from " Hello, lovely morning," and " Safe travels, prayers be with," then yes, I am well acquainted," I shrugged, her non-horrified disappointment the neutral reaction I hadn't expected.

" You mustn't forget to compliment the dress," Kitty added. " Always compliment the dress,"

" And never let her know that you are in communication with anyone she forbids contact with. Henry declares she will disown you," Dhyana warned.

I frowned. Well...that answered that question. " Hard to disown me when I inherit what is left. It is I disown her. Not Christian at all,"

" You do not know the woman well," Jane defended my mother-in-law. " Perhaps she is simply lonely and growing aware of her limitation,"

Meh, meh, meh. If Jane knew what I knew.

" Jane, your kindness is endearing but blind." Lizzy teased. " Mrs. Brooks, pray tell - will you visit long?"

Dhyana tried to relax but everytime Henry glanced in her direction, she tensed up. What conspiracy cooked up between the two? " Yes - long enough to become acquainted with my sister?"

As an an only child, I always wanted a sister. I just didn't want Henry digging into our pockets, especially knowing that our pockets were extremely fragile at the moment. " And I am pleased to finally make your acquaintance,"

" As am I. Letters only reveal so much," I assured her.

Jane turned to Lizzy except that Lizzy already posed another question. I decided to share Dhyana with the Bennet sisters. Lounging back, I'd almost forgot about Walter until he materialized next to me.

" Ma-am,"

"Yes, Walter?" I wrapped my around him. He went still, then relaxed.

He leaned in and whispered directly in my ear. " Mr. H. Brooks is under an impression that he will take part in your good fortune,"

My brow lifted. " You cheeky lad, you," I lightly mock scolded him and hugged him. " Worry not. I am well aware his mind is not settled," I whispered back and let him go.

At least I could trust Walter to help me avoid people's scheming. Who knew that 4,000 pounds could somehow turn into a 'family' possession to be shared equally among in-laws? I sure didn't.

" How is your nose?" I asked seriously.

He touched his healing nose. " It is sore,"

" And how did it happen?"

Elizabeth and Jane captured Dhyana's attentions while Kitty took an interest in Walter.

" Not my fault,"

" I am not saying it is your fault, but who swung first?" I know - boys will be boys, but I cared about his well being all the same.

He pouted. " I did but he said - he said the only reason I was adopted was because the parsonage required a token child,"

Rectors were by definition mostly bachelors and married men touched a 'glass ceiling' in the church. If I remembered Mr. Farson correctly a bishop was never married. There were even female deacon, but they never were promoted due to their sex.

I put my hand on Walter's shoulder and looked him in the eye. " I promise you, Walter Farrow, you were adopted because we sincerely want to give you a future. We have the means to give you a better life. And we intend to give more children the same opportunity," He nodded, shyly looking away now. I hugged him again and invited him to sit with us. He sat next to me and Kitty.

As his legs swung out and back in, he listened to everyone and everything. My eyes connected with John's and soon Henry's as well.I waved mockingly at them in true polite fashion.

" Ma-am, why are we here when Mrs. Bennet does not want us here?" Walter asked loudly enough for everyone to hear and near enough to Mrs. Bennet to bear her wrath.

Elizabeth's wit redirected Walter's boredom onto more enjoyable topics - archery, schooling, and Bud. Jane engaged me in talk of Meryton and her cousins and I sensed an anxiousness about her. Did she finally fear the shelf age?

" I envy you, Caroline," Mary caught me before we all entered the dining room. " To be surrounded by respectable family," Kitty shot Mary a dirty look.

I simply smiled at my dear friend, wishing she could meet my real parents because she'd love them to bits for sure.

I glanced over my shoulder at Jane and Dhyana in close conversation. " Appearances are deceiving, mon amie. I will explain another time," Mary's brow quirked before she dropped the subject in favor of obeying her mother's wrathful pressure to sit as far from me as possible.

" And Hunsford had no husbands for you, Miss Lizzy?" Mrs. Bennet mocked Elizabeth. Mr. Bennet cleared his throat but tonight Mrs. Bennet would not heel. " A shame that you are to return home instead of London,"

A heavy silence might've settled over the table were it not for Walter wanting a piece of cold meat and needing help to reach it. Kitty instantly helped, chattering nervously about Charlotte's new union to Mr. Collins. " Mr. Collins, eager to remove-"

" Mrs. Bennet," Henry said between bites of food with a captive audience hoping for a more peaceful topic. " Though I have never set foot in Hunsford, I learn it is no place marriages are freely arranged. Lady Catherine De Bourg meddles everywhere and any respected socialite will tell you the woman would never allow an advantageous marriage on her parish,"

" But you have not set food in Hunsford. A first hand account is preferred over rumors," Mrs. Bennet dismissed Henry's spot on intelligence.

Elizabeth glanced toward her father for permission before speaking. A brief nod from her father set loose a liberal description of Lady Catherine De Bourg. I yawned at the the part of Anne's description and helped Walter fill his plate again.

" Caroline, I believe you would have liked Lady Catherine and daughter," Elizabeth teased. " She is the sort of woman with firm opinions and a firm will,"

I laughed. " I will take your word for this, Lizzy, because from what I just heard I do not manage so minutely,"

" But you meddle," Walter added critically. Geez, whose side was he on?

I pat his head nonetheless. " Tis required of me. Soon you'll understand why it is,"

John and I gave up on silencing Walter's unexpected tongue and sharp eye. It would be what it would be.

" Caroline is the wife of a Rector. She is required to tend to the less fortunate," John explained since no one else attempted. " Meddling is the title of position,"

Mary winked at me. Meddling in her love life had been before my time as a parson's wife. We both returned to our meal, allowing everyone to accept the standard that John dictated.

" A shame that Miss De Bourg is so ill to not be presented at court," Jane cleaned her hands and mouth. " But surely someone will court her as she is the only heiress to Rosings Park,"

Henry leaned toward Dhyana, whispering to her. Mr. Bennet noted the interaction before concluding that there is no doubt several gentleman were rejected by Anne's mother. " Why would Her Ladyship rejects visitors? She has a daughter to marry!" Mrs. Bennet screeched.

" Ma-am," Elizabeth cleared her throat. " Her Ladyship desires Mr. Darcy to marry her daughter,"

John and I pretended to know nothing particular about Mr. Darcy despite Mr. Bennet's polite questioning.

The weight of the wealth made everyone envious.

Mrs. Bennet declared Lady Catherine a fool and everyone agreed with her. Mr. Bennet, John, and Henry called it a night as we ladies started to discuss dress patterns with strong authority. With no choice but to depart, Walter attached himself to John's side and Dhyana thanked me for inviting her to our home.

" Lovely family," She praised what I can not take credit for.

Thankfully they were not my family.

" The daughters indeed are lovely. Except Lydia. She is...uniquely different. Almost - I daresay - American in her behavior," Truly Lydia fit the American behavior more than British behavior. John grimaced and Henry counted his good luck to have never made the acquaintance. I'm just glad Henry never crossed Wickham's path.


	41. Chapter 41

The time tables caught up with a us. Although Elizabeth's tour of the North had been postponed due to a development at her uncle's factories she remained optimistic. In the back of my mind, I counted down the time before Pemberley and Lydia running off to London with Mr. Wickham. We all know it's coming, and the moment Elizabeth Bennet left Hertfordshire, the official countdown started toward - yes - the end of the book.

What will happen when we reach the end of the book? What will happen to John and I? What will happen to our little family and the community I'd become attached to for all its little horrors and delights.

Dhyana's presence at the parsonage lured out the sisters. I escorted Walter to his day school, giving the in-laws run of the house until Tabitha and I returned home. ( It really does feel like home, doesn't it? It has all the people I care about there, and that's what makes a home. )Because of the guilt I felt lately, I decided to reserve an afternoon with her to prove I still wanted her friendship.

Elizabeth and Jane called upon Dhyana while we were out.

" And to Liverppool you will return?" Jane pressed, hopeful to make a new acquaintance outside of Hertfordshire. The only reasons a woman traveled was for marriage, death, family, or friendships.

" A shame, but Papa may allow us to visit," Elizabeth added hopefully. She's been spoiled in that regard, and it frustrated Mrs. Bennet along with the younger sisters who wanted to see the world outside of Hertfordshire. But where were those same younger sisters now? If you did not call upon your neighbors to make lasting connections, then who would you rely on when you had nothing in your favor?

Unaccustomed to high born companions, Dhyana drowned in appreciation. When she married Henry, the Brooks family kept to their spheres. With John becoming a Rector and then marrying me, it opened a world of different spheres. " We hope to purchase a home before a visit. It depends on the traders which we invested in," She shared hesitantly.

Elizabeth dipped her muffin into her still hot coffee. " And how does that - if you do not mind our curiosity - does that turn into an income? Papa's money comes from the land, and is a predictable flaw. Traders must sustain losses, what with the sea and war,"

Again Dhyana's shocked passed quickly enough. Ladies who actually discussed the politics and understood economy? Unheard of in the Brooks family. " I am not aware of the workings myself but Henry assures me that we are well off. Not as well off as your father, but well off,"

Jane slapped Elizabeth's hand when Elizabeth reached for her muffin. " Lizzy is entirely too curious," Jane scolded a guiltless Elizabeth.

" I am glad she asked nonetheless. We all know my brother-in-law is open with Caroline about their finances. She'd bury him otherwise," Dhyana privately wished she shared a piece of the responsibility pie that I claimed half of with John claiming the other half. Elizabeth and Jane knew my character too well to doubt Dhyana's assumption.

( Am I really that scary? Does all of Hertfordshire believe I'd really bury John if he pushed me into a corner? )

It was Jane who responded. " No one can say that Caroline is a demure wall flower,"

Elizabeth successfully snuck away Jane's muffin. " Caroline would not be Caroline without her fierce spirit," Only after she dipped it in the coffee and consumed it, Jane smacked her arm. She grinned impishly at her elder sister. " Though she is a valued sister. You will never be without a protector. Have you heard about Mrs. Thomlin and how Caroline lead the charge to remove Mr. Thomlin from Meryton?"

Dhyana shook her head and soon learned the full story with proper flourish. Unfortunately for me, Henry already heard the tale from local disgruntled men who now could not mistreat their wives without intense disapproval and scrutiny. For all the shock of my masculine, take charge behavior, I still reverted back to one simple feminine reason - taking care of family. But was that really a feminine reason? I thought of it more as a humane reason to take action, even though my motivation at the time had solely been knee jerk anger and hatred of the heirachy abuse heaped on women.

When Tabitha and I returned after a long day showing off Tabitha's new dress and boosting my side business, we settled in for a pleasant evening. " I was not aware servants eat with the family," Henry stated as kindly as possible, but the nature of his intent insulted everyone present.

I folded my napkin while biding my time to speak. Dhyana tried to remark on our absence, her sense of shame building, except Tabitha made to stand. I reached out for her wrist. " Please sit, Tabitha. Mr. Brooks is foreign to our household. He is unaware that you are as much family to us as he is,"

" No, it's perfectly-"

" I said you are to dine with us as you always do. You are not beneath us," I glared at Henry who adjusted his napkin over and in his collar casually. " There is no class in this parsonage. In God's eyes we are all equal,"

Henry opened his mouth to argue.

" Don't be a stick in the mud, Henry. I know Tabitha as a sister, a proper influence," John motioned for the food to be served. " And Caroline is an only child, without a living family. Tabitha is a sister to her, and thus family," His hand gestured ceased harmoniously.

Damage already done, I reached for Tabitha's hand. She avoided looking at him the entire meal. She promised me that his words bounced off her armor but my doubts lingered. " One should not insult those who are already present," I mumbled to Tabitha as we tidied up after everyone. John urged us to join them in the drawing room but I shoved him off to deal with his jerk of a brother.

" You are not a normal-"

" There is no such 'normal', Tabitha. But-" I put both hands up. " I concede I am liberal in certain beliefs,"

She handed over another cup. I added it to my stack.

" I thank you." Tabitha cleared her throat, starting to suffer a slight cold. " Had anyone told you that you are stubborn? As as can be when you are determined to dig your heels in," Tabitha almost teared up. " Awful chap," She dabbed at her cheeks with a semi soiled hand cloth.

Henry Brooks is barely above Tabitha's place in society. He married a common woman with almost no dowry. Yet the audacity to consider himself above the help? He's par for the English gentleman, which is regrettable. Also, it's good to keep in perspective that servants are not a long serving in one household because over time they tire of being considered second class by their employers. The likes of Mrs. Hill is rare. I wanted to break the standard and create a new one.

" Well, I would not be a Banfield if I weren't stubborn," I shrugged. I think I was turning into my mother, to be honest, and it isn't a bad omen for character. " And John would not know what to do if I started agreeing to everything,"

We both 'mmm' and carried stacks of dishes into the kitchen while Walter fed Bud leftovers.

" I believe if you agreed to everyone's expectations and conformed, I would not know who you are, and I value my friend." Tabitha cheered me up. " Shall we face the bloody fellow?"

Arm in arm we walked to the drawing room/sitting area to join the group. Dhyana worked on my quilt to distract herself from the minor confrontation at the table. " John, are you aware that most of Meryton's respected are fearful of your wife?" Henry pushed his limits. " Do you not remind her of her position as a woman?"

" Dear lord," Tabitha muttered under her breath.

I plopped down onto the chair and crossed my ankles. " You should remind men to not try to kill their wives," Dhyana's jaw hit the floor ( figuratively of course!).

" Mrs. Thomlin pushed her husband into the crashing cart," Henry countered quickly.

I glanced toward John. He kept his head down. " Heresay,"

" Witnesses," His voice rose.

And yet the constable made no charge against Mrs. Thomlin. " " Who had not taken her into custody. It'd appear that all of Meryton agrees she defended herself,"

" What is a fist to a rilfle or pistol? What is a bruise to a lesson?"

Henry's declaration shifted the ominous lurking into an actual threat. Tabitha made to stand behind me but I raised my palm in her direction. Dhyana ceased to stitch, embarrassed and worried. It made me wonder if she saw this side of Henry before, and if she had, did he really beat her? Or was he just a verbal abuser. There are different kinds of abuse in existence. People thought that the only legitimate abuse is if your partner physically abuses you, but that isn't true. Henry's choce, at least as it appeared now, was to be an emotional and manipulative brute.

My jaw worked. " John, Darling, would you reign in your brother? Remind him who is the host and hostess," I wanted to beat Henry but then I'd be no better than my brother-in-law.

" Darling, I will leave that pleasure to you," He popped his head up from his sermon for this Sunday. " Be kind,"

Henry manspread. I crossed my arms. " No. I'm not-I refuse. I am not going to tell a man how to be decent to people, much less their own spouse. This he should already know."

I swear a chasm opened between us. Though his jaw worked back and forth, he stayed seated. Dhyana excused herself for bed. Tabitha stayed in the room as back up I didn't need.

" And a woman should know her place and to be submissive to her husband," Henry accused.

John smirked and winked in my direction. " I'll have you know that she is acceptably submissive to my will,"

" You are loose in permitting your wife freedoms," Henry turned on his brother. " If mother learned-"

The mood shifted.

With me on the sideline, Tabitha at my back, and John taking up the defense, Henry faced a new opponent.

"-how liberal your wife is, she'd disown you entirely,"

John put down his quills slowly. He closed up the inkwell, and put aside the paper. " Tabitha, escort Em up to our room. Help Walter to bed," He ordered calmly.

We slowly obeyed and John closed the door behind us. I lingered against the wall hoping to hear more. Tabitha tugged me upstairs where Walter practiced his lettering in his room. A new guilt upset her, and Tabitha insisted it was her fault the argument started. Walter promised her that Henry only on a front of a gentleman.

" Would you like to read a prayer before bed?" I asked Walter, hoping for a hint of normalcy.

Tabitha sat by Bud rubbing his belly. " Why does Mr. Brook's call you Em?"

I laid next to Walter to be more comfortable as we opened the book of prayers. " My mother wanted to call me Emmeline, but my father insisted on Caroline," I lied.

She accepted my lie. Walter picked a bed time prayer and we bowed our heads over the book. Reading was slow and when we finished Walter complained about how hard it is to read and write. " Would you like to learn french - speak it?" I volunteered.

" Oui," He nodded.

" We will start your lessons tomorrow," I promised him. " Becoming literate does not occur overnight or over a fortnight,"

He nodded. " G-night, Ma-am,"

I ruffled his hair, which needed trimmed, but I could ask Tabitha to trim the split ends. Tabitha and I left him be to change for bed and wind down from the day.

John and Henry spent the better part of two hours back and forth arguing about brotherhood, wives and woman rights, and fortunes. It turned serious toward the last half hour with John demanding an apology to Tabitha from Henry and a ceasefire against me. In return I needed to be a traditionally conservative woman and speak civilly to Henry at all times. As I wanted peace between the brothers and my MIL as far from Hertfordshire as possible, the terms were entirely acceptable.

The next day Tabitha received her apology and I decided to write Georgiana Darcy to inquire after her well-being and schooling. That occupied me a solid three hours, especially as I needed to mentally recall the appropriate vocabulary without google's assistance. Dhyana called upon the Bennet sisters, Longs, and Phillips thus making it so that we were not in each other's company until dinner. Since talking to Henry is impossible, I chose to teach french to Walter at the table.

" Un, deux, trois, quatre," He tried to memorize.

" Cinq, six, sept," I pushed on for him. He repeated after me. "Huit, neuf, dix,"

John and Tabitha talked about her sister running off to Gretna Green while Dhyana stayed silent. Henry at in terse isolation, not yet forgiven his younger brother.

He counted it off on his fingers. " Merci, Madame,"

" Very good!" His pronunciation was spot on and he could remember the phrases with little difficulty. The real challenge came when trying to create sentences and using different tenses.

" My Mama always wanted me to be learned," He beamed at me.

I nodded. " Now from the top. One through ten, in french," I caught Dhyana glancing in my direction and cocked my head.

He held out his fingers. " Un deux, trois, quatre, cinq, sept-"

" Cinq, six, sept," I corrected gently.

He thanked me and resumed the count from start. John and Tabitha nodded a lot now, and Dhyana kept playing with her fork and knife. It bothered me because I feared I caused this anxiety.

" Dhyana, would you instruct Walter how to count one to ten in your native tongue?" I spoke out.

Henry's head whipped up.

Husband and wife connected. " I am not permitted to speak my native tongue," She answered meekly.

Walter opened his mouth and I clapped my hand over his mouth. Not a peep traded between Henry and I. " Well, thank you, ma soeur," I removed my hand from Walter's mouth and rubbed his back.


	42. Chapter 42

The rest of the week dragged. Dhyana, reluctant to anger her husband, refused to communicate with me; and John, distracted by Tabitha's own fears that her sister ran off with a no-good fool, refused to interfere in what he considered a settled affair. Walter and I distracted Tabitha with his reading and writing lessons. None of it eased her heart, John's mind, Henry's anger, or Dhyana's fear of her husband. It almost felt like Longbourn all over again. But I changed since my first arrival in the regency and I wanted peace.

On Sunday after service Tabitha and I helped set up the dining table and Walter and Mr. Farson read aloud from the bible. Our plan involved persuading Henry that I was not as big a threat as he imagined (Although flattered as I am, the last thing I needed or wanted was a brother-in-law constantly undermining me,) and convincing John that all would be well. " You set a fine table, Caroline,"

" Merci, ma soeur," I replied instinctively toward Tabitha.

Walter glanced up from his bible. He still is stuck in Genesis and had many questions. His french improved faster than Tabitha's, not a surprise given kid's minds were a dry sponge in search of water.

My sister-in-law paced the corridor, wringing her hands. " They are to leave tomorrow,"

" It' been an incredible week," I acknowledged. Tabitha laid out the folded napkins. " When I first entered into this communication with Dhyana, I hoped for a respectable connection,"

I started to polish the utensils.

" They appear and act respectable,"

" Before or after the gambling embarasses the family? We have an offshoot of Methodists Mrs. Brooks refuses to acknowledge. I am going to send a letter to them tomorrow," I whispered just in case her hearing is exceptionally sharp.

Mr. Farson entered the dining room. " Miss Finch, have compassion for her pride,"

I glanced between the pair. I know Mr. Farson and Kitty flirted but Mr. Farson and Tabitha? How did I not notice this? Maybe my overactive mind is just jumping to conclusions that never existed.

" Oh my pride is safely intact," I promised. Walter put Bud's dish in the corner in preparation for everyone to enter the dining room. " And I am not faultless,"

Tabitha smirked. We lived with each other long enough to know exactly how vicious I can be when properly provoked. Mr. Thomlin and Colonel Forster learned that lesson the hard way. The only person who always put me on her level is Mrs. Bennet, shameful as she is.

" Ma-am, are we practicing writing in french tonight?"

" Oui, mousieur," I placed his chair at the table and continued to polish. " I suspect your teacher will not know what to think when you exceed the other students,"

He nodded proudly.

I put my hand on his shoulder. " And you will exceed them because you have known hardships, loss, and hopefully a very bright future," I pressed, wanting more from him than words expressed. I wanted more for him.

Mr. Farson and Tabitha left us straightening off tablecloths and counting for the umpteenth time the number of placements. Walter counted them in french. We moved to welcome everyone into the dining room. I pressed a hand to Dhyana's back as she passed me and nodded to Henry. John's brow arched because I never told him about the planned meal and Mr. Farson kept his silence.

" I'm on my best behavior," I groped his ass on the down low. He swept me up into a kiss, our eyes locked. With everyone in the dining room and us in the corridor we were safely tucked out of view. " Tsk tsk,"

A lustful fire burned in his eyes and traveled to his hands. " Tease,"

I pressed a finger to his lips and shoved him back before company sought us out. He wet his lips and stalled his carnal desires temporarily.

No one suspected what nearly happened and we seated ourselves in our respective positions at either end of the table. The cook carried in course after course and offered to carve up the meat. " Henry, how do you find life as an investor? Is it easier or harder than being a naval officer?"

He leaned back from Tabitha as she poured his tea. " It is a different profession. The wealth is earned differently," His eyes searched my face for answers to why I engaged him in direct conversation.

I clasped my hands together in grim prospect. The line needed drawn somewhere for a dialogue to develop. We are family. We needed to be supportive of each other. "So...you prefer it?"

" It is less structured," Henry answered cautiously. His mind probably worried I set up a trap on the road side or something. " Why are you concerned?"

I put a hand up. " I know very little of the particulars. A learned mind wants to learn more naturally. Is a sister to not learn about her in-laws livelihood?" Even Walter eyed me like I'd lost my mind.

Settled I poisoned the food, he pushed his plate away. "Investing is praying your income is doubled on return and then reinvesting starts the cycle over," Now the dialogue officially started. " We are comfortably invested,"

" Does that mean all of your income is sunk in with traders or that you have a sum set aside?" All in is very much what John played, and I still wanted to slap the hell out of my husband for not consulting me first.

And Mr. Darcy.

And Mr. Bingley.

And Mr. Booth.

" Does it matter? Finances are a man's concern," He defending himself.

I nodded. " Walter, women work, yes?" I turned to my obedient shadow.

" Yes, ma-am,"

" And paid work means that women handle finances, yes?"

He nodded again.

I shrugged in Henry's direction. " I balance needs and wants in this household, calculate living costs, time spent on activities to maintain our life. Finances dictate what we eat, what we wear, and if Walter can continue to attend public school,"

John readied an intervention.

" But it is not your income-"

I ticked off on my fingers. " As I recall, without my 4,000 pounds - no carriage, no coachman, no horses. As you were. Trivial to argue about it. I was merely curious,"

Just like that everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Our truce required both of us to play nice so Henry waited until his shock wore off. " Is this true, brother? You're wife balances your ledgers for you?"

" On contrary, brother. She balances them with me," John answered energetically. " I find that an equally aware wife benefits our future,"

Dhyana glanced up at me skittishly. I know Henry did not physically abuse her but his views obviously forced her into the shadows - his shadow. I'm sure that her raising had something to do with how she 'respected' her husband. It bogled my mind that he forbid her from speaking her native tongue, like he was ashamed that she originated in India. Henry is a female Caroline Bingley. Perhaps I had not learned enough of other men's character and Henry is being unfairly judged. The world is full grays. I would even venture to say that black and white only exist in myth.

" Unheard of," Henry grumbled.

I cleared my throat. " Actually Mr. Bennet has allowed his wife to be ignorant and silly and makes no effort to curb his youngest daughter. Lydia, not Kitty,. Mrs. Bennet is not included in the finances, often over runs the budget, and because they do not live economically their five daughters will only inherit 1,000 pounds on their mother's death. That's roughly 40 pounds in interest annually. Not even a proper living,"

Mr. Farson feigned indifference. He only earned 32 pounds, and often enough feared remaining a career curate.

" Poor Miss Bennets," Dhyana lamented.

Walter looked up at me. "Is that why you do not like Mrs. Bennet?"

" No. A person's spending habits does not determine their character. However Mrs. Bennet's irresponsible spending does pass onto -potentially to Kitty but affirmatively to Lydia,"

" But she does not like you at all," A confused Walter declared.

Henry's smugness transformed his boredom. I don't know how Mrs. Bennet disliking me benefitted him, but whatever. I hope his boat still floated at the end of the day.

" I can not speak for Mrs. Bennet, Walter. Only she knows her thoughts and emotions. I do believe that because I married John and removed a bachelor from Hertfordshire, she dislikes that her daughters lost an opportunity,"

" Because marriage is sacred to women?"

You know that moment you just want pipsqueaks to be quiet? This is one of those times.

Walter is far smarter than anyone gave him credit. I know I say that often but truly he could go anywhere in society if he applied himself.

Dhyana dared an answer. " Women are not-respectfully at least-permitted to earn an income and be considered a lady of raised status," Was it also like this in India? The modern me, aware of its contrasting images, still considered India a land of confusion - an early US melting pot. Not in the radical sense but the religious sense, and to clarify at the risk of sounding uninformed, I mean India is a melting pot of religions demanding supremacy.

" Mama worked,"

" Your mother was poor, Walter. As dark as it is, the poor do not matter to most people of Miss Bingleys and Mr. Darcy's position. Mr. Darcy does care for the poor, but not all wealthy are as open hearted and caring as he is. Their wealth blinds them to the trials of survival that everyone else must endure,"

John stared me down. " Jading the boy already, Caroline? Allow him some hope,"

" Hope is for the rich, for which none of us are," I pointed my fork at him. " We must be practical and realistic, idealogy will not be the bread that bides everyone's time,"

Dhyana opened and closed her mouth.

" And if not the church-"

" Prayers don't feed hunger, Henry," I shoved a fork full of food into my mouth.

John agreed with me - prayers only nurtured the spiritual breing. " Sadly we can only afford to aid the poorest of poor. Caroline and I are constantly adding families to the list - feeding the children at least. How many families have we fed so far?"

" Five at least. And those are where the families are entirely dependent on church charity,"

That shut Henry up. " And you manage this on 150 per annum?" He exclaimed.

I shrugged. We barely managed. My dress making actually supplemented the ability to feed people. It is no longer a hobby to me or those who the funds supported.

Henry turned to John, who also dodged the answer. Dhyana and I talked about the charity we provided and how we managed it. Walter's take from this is more than any of us expected. He would go to bed with the belief that non-action is action. Henry, regardless of his personal beliefs, accepted I served an important role by harnessing 'masculine' energy.


	43. Chapter 43

The next morning we ushered Henry and Dhyana Brooks out of the front door with Tabitha muttering a prayer of relief in private. They boarded their coach, and we stepped back as the coachman snapped the reins for the horses to start off. " I'd almost forgotten how big of a bastard he is," John muttered under his breath.

I elbowed him. " At least your brother cares about you," For some families, people were cast out entirely.

John's arm slung over my shoulders. " I admire your naivety," He kissed me passionately, going as far as his hands resting on my waist. Tabitha and Bud ignored us accustomed to our open affectionate embraces that might disgust more conservative, prudish individuals ( You know the ones - where hand holding and kissing in public is only for hetersexual married couples and even then it must be chaste and connected to the desire of proceation only,).

We adjourned to our bedroom to celebrate the house returned to us. Two days later I vomited up toast on Tabitha's shoes. Morning sickness took over and all of Hertfordshire's mothers spread that the parson's wife finally been blessed with a child of blood.

" Walter," I assured the young lad as we prepared to start his french lessons. " John and I decided that you will help us pick the baby's name,"

" Why? I'm not your son,"

" I did not birth you, but you are part of this family," I smoothed back his hair. " You must believe that,"

No matter our reassurances his disbelief maintained a growing distance. Tabitha and I removed him from school and integrated him in the children of poor families and gradually accepting that we would not return him to the orphanage ( Or so we hoped,). Along the way he also learned how I balanced where food and funds flowed and why. Time flew by with all the excitement swirling around our little family that we cobbled together seemingly out nowhere - the lonely parson, older sister with a mother pushing her to work as highly as possible, a stray dog, and a modern lady cast into the regency era, and now Walter an orphan. I doubt the parsonage ever hosted a diverse group of misfits that harmoniously fit together like a puzzle.

But it worked! I mean...Tabitha and I were like sisters most of the time. John and I loved each other even though we quibbled over silly things like whose side of the bed was whose. Bud is everyone's sweetheart shadow, and the servants expressed no discontent with John thus far even though we sacked the Butler to create a retirement income. And now we were going to have a baby, or so the pregnancy persisted. Even with the headaches of Mr. Ashlands, Mr. Bingleys, Mr. Darcys, Mr. Wickhams, and Mrs. Bennet, we managed to scrape together a paradise out of hell.

Before I blinked Kitty cried about being left out of another traveling opportunity and Mary sorrowfully complained about her mother's harping, Jane's despondency, and Lizzy's frustrations. It gave Walter a new perspective. To be fair to the lad, we exposed him to different perspectives - rich, poor, entitled, threatened, protected, spoiled - that required assimilation and contemplation. His young mind could easily absorb it more than a grown adult's as malleable as it is.

With Elizabeth off on her limited tour, I feared that my life would be harmed at the end of the book. I might be trapped here forever, which didn't sound too bad at all given my adoptive family. I could be sent back to the future where I belong and I may never see John again. That would destroy me. What if all of this is a dream or afterlife? The end of the book is a definitive stopping point for all predictable events and the start of a real adventure.

" Are we visiting the Bennets today?" Walter pestered me as I packed up my newest dress for Miss Watson. He hovered a step behind me.

I made certain to not elbow him accidentally. " Yes. Miss Mary and Miss Kitty are exhausted of their mother's harping of their lack of husbands," Adding a bow to the wrapped package, I smiled. One dress down and two more to go!

He now stood opposite of me. " Husbands are not always a savior,"

Oh I could kiss him.

" I know that, but the Bennets are a landowner's daughters," And that apparently meant something to British folk. Who knew that class was more important than character to the Brits? But I won't harp on this point because each society has its faults and not everyone is a complete arse toward everyone on a class base.

" Why can they not stay there? Will Mr. Collins force them out?"

Bless his heart and head.

" Walter, Mr. Collins is of limited relation and for whatever reason the senior Mr. Bennet refused to remove the entailment. The current Mr. Bennet, by law, is unable to end the entailment - only a son of his can. Damage already inflicted, all the ladies will be forced out of their true home,"

He crossed his arms. " Not fair,"

" Life isn't fair," I hugged him.

He pouted up at me.

" Because people, at the core, are greedy survivalists," I let him go. " Our footprint in our lives will leave a legacy. Some people care about the legacy. Others do not," I couldn't preach about industry improvements without being a hypocrite. ( Did I mention that the factory is in the process of being built and prepared for production?)

He hugged me and kissed the growing baby bump. " You're strange,"

" Well I try. Are you ready to call on the ladies?"

He carried the wrapped dress for me. " Mum,"

" Yes, Walter?" I held the door for him.

" Thank you," He skipped past me and out of the room.

Rooted to the floor I stared after him. Ma-am and Mum were similar sounding so the impact of his request probed deeper than the word itself. He clearly said Mum.

Mum, Mom, Mother, Mama, ma mere…

" Caroline?" Tabitha touched my shoulder.

" My apologies," I hastily followed them to the carriage. Did I want to leave this behind? My mother would be proud of me, turning into the adult she knew I could always be.

Walter pressed his hand to my belly. " Why is it hard?"

Tabitha chided him.

" The baby is safe," Modern explanations I can not give even though I wanted to. " He or she is curled up in there,"

He stared at my belly wide eyed. " Like a cat?"

Tabitha chided him again and I held up my hand. " Well the baby is safe in the womb and when it is ready to be born in 9 months, it will be push from my womb-" The awkward baby talk stalled and my lips quirked as I scrambled for an appropriate regency description. Did the Regency era parents have a sex talk with their children? Or did they just let their sons have sex with diseased prostitutes and that's how boys learned and then boys passed along this scant knowledge to their supposedly virginal wives?

" But how does it leave the womb?"

Tabitha looked ready to faint!

My face burned. " It just does,"

" But how was the baby put in the womb?" He could not tear his eyes away from my belly, obsessed with the idea of a baby coming from it.

" Walter!" Tabitha shouted. He cocked his head toward her and Bud lifted his head to peer up at Tabitha's flushed visage in confusion.

I leaned over and whispered into Walter's ear. " One day when you are older, I will tell you how babies are made," He grinned, that glimmer of rebellion transforming his usual innocent naughty behavior.

Tabitha hazarded a guess at what I whispered in his ear and gestured wildly at me with a finger.I shared Walter's grin and shrugged. What was I supposed to do? Even if I wasn't in a mothering position, I wanted to make sure Walter got as good as he deserved.

" Miss Watson is downtrodden lately," Tabitha shared sadly after resigning her loss. " I pray the new dress cheers her up,"

" She paid for it. I do not see why it would not,"

" Clothes do not fix moods, Caroline," Tabitha firmly corrected me.

Tell that to the fashionistas and shopaholics. I promise a horde of people will come to my defense but sadly Paris and New York City are not at my fingertips. I suppose a ship across the pond could deliver me to New YorK City via Ellis Island, but my own bloodline emigrated in 1904. Walking to Paris is wonderful and all but I liked keeping my head on my shoulders. I especially loved breathing. So no, Paris and NYC were definitely out of reach.

My hand wobbled in the air. " Debatable,"

" I liked my new shoes," Walter argued out of spite.

I laughed. " I am pleased you value your shoes,"

Even Tabitha begrudged that a pair of shoes will please everybody.

Miss Watson welcomed us into the home and Walter stumbled over his feet in a rush to give her the package. She helped him back up off his knees and painfully slowly opened it without appearing too eager. " Excellent stitch work as always," She ran her fingertips along the stitching and seams.

" I warned you that clothing can fix moods, This is proof," I faux whispered behind a raised hand.

Tabitha smacked my arm. " Cheat,"

" I protest," I stuck my tongue out at her. " Cheating is a clear violation of rules. We never set rules,"

" On my word, what are you about now? If no one knows better, they'd say you were blood sisters," Miss Watson scolded both of us. We both shut up and Walter about Miss Lanton's puppies. Before I could argue, we were all readied to call upon the young lady and hopefully abscond with a puppy. I won't lie - the child in me wanted the puppy as much as Walter. There was just something about puppies, kittens, babies - younguns in general that made people go gaga over them.

As we walked down the street, Bud kept tugging on his leash and soon we discovered why. He nudged a basket full of kittens abandoned to an alleyway. At least they didn't drown the litter but it is heartbreaking.

" May I? Please?" Walter bounced on his toes.

Good lord! I can not raise a zoo. But we can find a home for the little buggers. " One," I stipulated. " One cat and the rest will find better homes,"

Basket in hand, I pet the furballs in adoration. All but one recoiled from my touch. " It's okay, Little buddy. I won't hurt you," There are plenty of farms that could use a stable mouser.

" Now I want one," Miss Walton pouted as she cuddled up one of the more squirrely kittens. " But Papa will not allow it,"

Walter craned for a view. " Can we keep the gray one?"

" Maybe. John still needs to give permission," I warned him.

Kittens and puppies turned us all into idiots as we mooned over the cuteness overload. Walter picked out the puppy and Bud's confusion before realizing the puppies were his babies. He sat nearby his children and guided the moving furballs back toward their mother when they wandered too far. A solid hour we all turned to mush surrounded by fur babies. Mrs. Lanton turned on her heel when she entered the room and exited it as quickly as she entered, determined to not encourage more animals in the house.

The coachman's brow rose at the sight of kittens and a puppy. " Mr. Brooks will be surprised," He commented.

" Pleasantly," I shot back cheerfully.

Whoever said kittens and puppies don't cheer you up are liars. I am on cloud nine with the fur babies.

Mrs. Hill nearly had a heart attack at the sight of the young zoo. " My lord, no! I forbid it," She shook her finger at me.

I picked up the white and gray female. " How can you say no to this? I understand Bud and the puppy, but these innocent balls of fur - likely hungry- are not so scruffy," It appeared they were born to an indoor cat, which bothered me more. Why cast helpless kittens to the street instead of being a responsible owner and preventing your cat from being bred in the first place?

Walter tightly held onto the new addition to the family. " Not too tight," Tabitha loosened his grip. He apologized and adjusted his grip.

" No!" Mrs. Hill refused to look at it. It's meowing bothered her as much as it did me. " One bowl of milk and no more,"

Tabitha clapped her hands. Kitty spotted ups and then the kitten. " Mama, Caroline has got kittens,"

Mrs. Hill glared at me before taking the entire basket full of furballs. Kitty tried to follow her. Walter offered to share the puppy and Bud sat next to me, not the least worried about the loss of attention. Mrs. Bennet hurried out to spy the kittens. Tabitha pointed toward the kitchen. In disbelief but a genuine desire to play with adorable furballs, Mrs. Bennet sought out Mrs. Hill and squealed in sheer joy. A shudder went down my spine as I never heard her less than only pleasantly happy.

For the next two hours while the kittens enjoyed many cuddles, free milk, and much love, I sat with Mary to talk to her about her betrothed. " I miss him, Caroline. I would run off to Gretna Green if he asked," She held the puppy, a fast asleep bundle that Walter no longer cared about. Bud lay at my feet, completely overlooked. " He does like Brighton's society,"

I nodded, understanding the separation anxiety.

"Lydia is impossible, the biggest inconsequential flirt of the camp. Mr. Forster caught her at the library in the company of many officers. Her reputation is ruined,"

Her hand shook as she pet the puppy. Clearly her mother aggravated this. A mental breakdown may soon occur. "Mary, have you the nerve to marry Mr. Booth regardless of the two year period agreed on?"

" Where will we live?"

" Will it matter if you are together?"

She mulled it over. " Papa will not allow me to travel alone and we will need to marry here," I shrugged. Small hurdles for so great an unexpected bond. " Oh it is bold, isn't it? You must help me,"

Wait! Just hold on a damn moment. A basket of kittens, a new puppy, an adopted mutt. An adopted orphan. No. NO! I'm not helping Mary Bennet rebel when I barely got a grip on my own affairs.

" You are a dear friend. You must," She pleaded.

At times like these I needed a protective helmet and full SWAT gear to ward off trouble. Unfortunately neither existed yet. " Mary, you must be able to commit to the lifestyle," She assured me as she could. I did not fully believe her. " I will aid you, but first these kittens need a home, and John needs to not stroke at the sight of them,"

No. I'm not a crazy cat lady.

No. I'm not a creating a kennel or zoo.

And no, I'm not keeping any more pets.

And that's that. Don't look at me like that! I mean it.

" I accept," Mary turned her eye toward the horde of kittens. " Mama may want one,"

One down. Four to go!


	44. Chapter 44

Mary's request set us on another path of plotting. What if she and Mr. Booth could not afford to rent a cottage alone? What if other officers' wives faced the same struggle? " It is not unheard of for multiple women to live alone together," Kitty suggested.

" And who will look after their safety?" Jane pressed. " You would be alone without support and too far from Longbourn,"

Mary tickled the puppy's paws as it tried to play with her. " I would be supported. Thomas will support me. And we will not need much help," She gestured to the grandness of Longbourn. " What need would we have if it's two women? A cook, a servant to launder clothing, and-"

" Absolutely not. I will not have you so far," Jane demanded in a genuine wine. " Without you, who else will entertain us with music? We can not always expect Miss Lucas to call upon Kitty or Miss Long to visit or the Miss Harringtons,"

Today Mrs. Bennet called upon Lady Lucas at Lucas Lodge. Without Elizabeth home, Jane relied on Mary to keep her sanity. Mary only wanted to escape and Kitty pined for a future where she is respected as much as Jane. Not crying when entering Meryton is a start, but she had a long way to go. A worried Mrs. Bennet wanted to have at least one silly daughter to validate her ridiculousness and she intended to hold onto Kitty as long as possible.

Mary continued to play with the puppy. " You can learn how to play, Jane,"

I rested my hand over my baby bump.

" I have not the hand for it," Jane excused far too quickly.

" If you applied yourself, sister, you would," An irritated Mary corrected her.

Jane shook her head. " Mary, I am not as gifted as you are,"

" I am not naturally gifted, Jane, but well taught and much practiced," Mary nudged my ankle. " Caroline, does the baby kick often?"

Hmm. Pregnancy is weird. The symptoms are not the same woman to woman. Mrs. Holt never experienced morning sickness. Mrs. Long endured back labor. Mrs. Watson always craved meat. Mrs. Robinson warned me away from 'witches' for fear of my child being a stillborn. Lady Lucas insisted I drink a certain tea for a boy and another tea for a girl. I dare not ask Mrs. Bennet about her views or experiences.

I looked past Mary toward the fireplace. " It kicks, I think, but it is too early for it to be real kicks I think. Babies are odd creatures. A complete mystery, and I will not try to predict them,"

" You have listened too much to the fearful," Kitty covered a yawn. She recently recovered from a cold and Mrs. Bennet insisted she not leave the house. " But you are not yet far enough along. Lady Lucas says she only learned of her pregnancies when she is three months along,"

Jane counted down the time to when I announced the official news to their aunt in a preemptive strike to Mrs. Bennet's spiteful gossiping. Honestly not much time passed since then. That said I calculated my conception date to be about February. Come to think of it, my period started to turn wonky on me around that time but I thought nothing of it contributing it to stress. " You are to deliver in September then,"

Wasn't it October that Darcy proposed to LIzzy? Well we were cutting it close,weren't we?

" We will see," I brushed off their seemingly forbidden knowledge. " Mary, have you thought of expanding your vocals? You could earn a small income by small performances," Not many men approved of it but I noticed when women tried to become independent, men started to turn hostile and antsy.

Not to be rude, but if frightened them that we did not need them. I don't know why. What's so hard about being a decent person with an equal as a spouse? I know the common man isn't a complete jerk, but when the voice commanding the expressed views is sexist, it doesn't paint the society in a positive light. Silence is consent, I believe, is the takeaway.

Mary shied away from the idea of earning her own income as did Jane and Kitty. The puppy's cute growls as it spotted the shy kitten. Mary let it go despite Jane's protest and the kitten hid under Mr. Bennet's chair. " Bad pup, bad," I picked the muscular ball up and scratched his belly. " We don't hunt down kitties. We are nice to our neighbors,"

" Hmph. Mama may disagree," Kitty spoke up from her father's chair, staring up at me. She still looked sick with untidy hair and a dullness to her usual sparkle.

I laughed. " Oh the pains of a rocky start, but I think we come to an understanding over time. I dare not hope or pray for a truce, otherwise who else will I complain of?" They laughed at me and the puppy licked my palm, it's paw batting at me.

When they walked me to the carriage, I expected a visit from them at the parsonage soon. I didn't expect it to be because Lydia 'eloped'.

Tabitha woke me earlier than expected, because Walter needed help with his written french and I had a visitor. It didn't matter how much Tabitha and I let out my gowns and daydresses. I was simply going to grow steadily and would need a maternal gown eventually.

" You must do something," Kitty ran to me,tears streaking down her cheeks. " Lydia is run off with Wickham. Mama is in fits and Jane and Mary are unable to calm her and Lizzy is not yet back-"

I put my hands on her cheeks. " Breathe. Count up to 10. Now Count down to 1. Breathe again,"

The color returned to normal as she listened. " Lydia ran off with Wickham. Papa has set off for London. Mrs. Hill is the sole voice of reason in the household and the butler is keeping it running,"

Pfft. What a lie.

" What are we going to do, Caroline? Who will we turn to when Meryton learns of this?" She held my hands at her waist. " The tongues that will wag-"

Walter slammed his fist onto the desk.

We turned to him. " What's the word?"

" Flower," He frowned, ready to slam his fist again.

" Fleur,"

" But what pronoun?" He tested the pronouns on his tongue unhappily.

I paused, my mind not responding. " I must tend to Kitty first, Walter,"

" Oui, Madame," He put his head down again and went back to writing his vocabulary.

Kitty sniffed. " Lizzy warned of this,"

" I know, and we will handle this moment by moment. First you need to acknowledge you are not Lydia. I let go of her hands. " You are Catherine Bennet, fourth born of the Bennet clan,"

She nodded. " I am Catherine Bennet,"

" Good. Now who are you not?"

" Lydia Bennet," She answered.

I nodded and smiled. " And Catherine Bennet's responsible and decent and socially tame. You are a wild cat under the mask of daintyness and demure ascent," Walter glanced up from his listing to listen in. Tabitha even put aside her book.

She nodded, ready to cry again. Before I realized it we were both crying and holding onto each other. My hormones betrayed me. Kitty's frayed nerves prevented her from believing the pep talk I lead her through. Tabitha made us all tea and Walter gave up on his french and read with Tabitha another couple pages in the bible and then a lliterary classic of her choice.

Kitty and I worked on my quilt as she shared her pre-knowledge of Lydia's preferences. We excused it as 'Lydia talk' which loosely translates into a rushed jumble of half assed pleasantries and dialogue. Mrs. Bennet's fits fell into an entirely different category, properly defined as a dramatic drunk. Jane's steady calm and Mary quoting Fordyce didn't aggravate the drunk dramatics, but without Lydia marrying Mr. Wickham, Mrs. Bennet would soon be uncontrollable.

" I wish I could stay here,"

" You are more than welcome to, but for your sister's sake you should go home. Bud and I will escort you. Tabitha can you see that Walter tends to his numbers as well?"

Walter's education path is very structured. We made certain to build up his curriculum as a balanced battlefield of mathematics, literacy, and languages. When he reached an age where he could enter higher learning, we wanted him to have options. Soon we'd add new topics. Until then we needed him to strive for his best.

The puppy tugged on Tabitha's dress, growling. Bud already sat in front of us, leash in mouth. Kitty put it on and pet Bud's head.

Nothing prepared me for the storm at Longbourn. Before we could exit the carriage, Jane sprinted out of the front door. Her disappointment upon seeing it was only us set the timer. I stayed in the carriage under a lap blanket. " Mama is still in her bed," Jane warned Kitty. " You have our gratitude, Caroline,"

I held out my hand to her. " I am happy to oblige, Jane. Kitty will suffer much comparison for a spell, She will need the support and less of Lizzy's sharp tongue," Bud jumped up onto the seat and rested his head on my lap.

The sisters hurried inside to attend to their invalid mother. I pitied them for the burden they carried. Someday I wished dementia on the woman just to give her children relief.

Upon my return to the parsonage, I encountered Walter flipping through the architect book that John purchased for me as a gift. " Hello, Mon Fils. Are you ready to write a letter to your cousins on Cornwall?"

" With your help," He reached for a sheet of comparably expensive paper and smoothed it out. " Why was I not sent to their home?"

I sat with him. " Likely because they do not have the space or means to care for you. It is a common occurence," I opened the inkwell for him.

His nose scrunched up. " Cher Cousin William, Cousin Lisbeth, Cousin Amelia; Je suis votre cousin Walter due comte de Hertfordshire. J'ecris cette lettre pour dire bonjour et pour inviter votre invisite si vous avez des moyens et des fonds,"

" And do not forget to translate it in English. They may not be as educated as you are," My hand rested on his shoulder as he reached for another sheet. Redirecting for him to translate line by line, we meticulously dictated a simple and warm letter full of hope and expectation. He signed it with a simple first and second initial.

" Will they visit?" He asked innocently.

Tabitha finished setting the table. " Hungry bellies all around," Bud kept pinning his puppy to the floor whenever the brave pup stopped barking and decided to pounce. " And a kitten keeping the cook company,"

Oh yeah. Mr. Farson adopted one of the kittens. John isn't happy that we have three fur babies, but he's convinced that the parish will love the new addition to our army of positive enforcement.

" But found the kittens, not I," I replied cheerfully. " And I have you know His Majesty is a wonderful burst of life,"

" What is the puppy's real name?" Tabitha whined as we prepared to sit down for dinner. " King George, His Majesty, and Vicar of Hertfordshire are not real names,"

Walter smirked. Taibtha reminded him to eat his vegetables tonight.

Names are odd thing. What did I call a puppy volunteered into my home?

" Well," I offered up a piece of bread to the puppy leaning against the chair begging. A whole host of fantasy names immediately demanded support. " We can call him Arthur, after the legendary king,"

" A romantic name," Taibtha agreed. " Stop feeding the mutt table scraps before we've started to eat ourselves!"

I laughed at her. John and Mr. Farson joined us completely solemn. " What's wrong?" I asked as the men seated themselves. " Who died?"

" No one, thankfully," Mr. Farson answered me. " Mr. Phillips shared the Bennets troubles with us,"

" Miss Kitty shared with us the troubles already," Walter pepped up. " Miss Lydia ran off!"

I put a finger to my lips. " No so cheerfully. Because she has now placed the entire family in deeper mire," Before I could slip Bud a piece of bread, the cook came out with our courses.

" Do you remember that list, Em? We will need it. Already talk of Mr. Wickham's debts and bad behavior is coming to light. Three servants were dismissed and Mr. Wickham is rumored to fathered at least four children,"

Miss Austen never told the readers that, did she? And Mr. Wickham just gets to skip off on raising those children! Better for the the children, lest they end up becoming a whoremongerer themselves.

" I'll make a copy of it and ensure that it is given to Mr. Darcy as soon as possible though I know not what address to send it to," I promised him as I heaped food onto Walter's plate. Much to Tabiitha's complaint, Walter fed Bud a slice of meat. " Maybe better to give it to Mr. Phillips as he is more sensible than Mr. Bennet,"

Mr. Farson said nothing to our joint planning. We often excluded him and gave him free time as he gave us ample free time too. Our business threeway beneifitted the parish too. I think Walter learned more from our joint example than he did at school or the orphanage. Tabitha and Mr. Farson traded smiles in a world of their own.

" Have you word from Miss Darcy?"

" She is well. At home. And she adored Lizzy," I piled food on my own plate. " She predicts Mr. Darcy will offer to Lizzy," A slight pause passed between us as we already knew of the ending.

Tabitha and Mr. Farson insisted it is an impossible fantasy someone so wealthy would marry someone without an equal value. Walter even added to their argument that Miss LIzzy was too witty for polite society and that Mrs. Bennet would drive away all honorable suitors. We let them have their victory now because Miss Austen was a dreamer trapped in a poverty after the church abandoned her father. No English man of that standing realistically would marry so lowly.

John and I alternatively shooed the puppy away and formulated an end game plan. Unbeknownst to me, he worried as much I did. To him to lose all this would kneecap him. This is heaven to him, even if the protested the kitten and puppy. When our eyes met the world melted around us. We stood - his front to my back with his arms wrapped around me, - in a vast white emptiness. Across from us a stunning goddess stood in front of us, weighing knick knacks on a scale against a black feather.

" Hello, my Darlings. It is that time, I am sad to say," She stopped her weighing and approached us. Neither of us could move. " You see, I am at a crossing point in my creation of two souls destined for greatness. Do I place you in the future with Walter Thomas Brooks or do I keep you here in the past at the parsonage? Or do I grant the both of you a new start?"

We stared at her in mixed feelings. The grip of her words rooted us to our choices. " Do we have a choice?" John asked.

" You always have a choice. As an agent of destiny, a goddess, it is my will that i give life true meaning to each person,"

What John saw was a black haired, big breasted tall woman with dark blue eyes and a pregnant figure. I saw a Jane type woman with vibrant red hair and striking green eyes.

" So in your heart of hearts, what do you desire?" She smiled at us, patiently waiting.

I cast my eyes to her scale. Was she weighing souls? " I want to be with John,"

" And I with Emery," He joined me.

She clapped her hands. " As I suspected. And time of your choosing?"

We both hesitated. But then we both glanced at each other and felt int he heart of hearts where we wanted to belong.


	45. Part 1 Alternate Ending 1

In a blink of an eye we were back to the future as a younger, teenaged persons of 16 years ol. Our parents sat together at my parent's home in the back while grilling. We were off to the side in an uncomfortable view with full knowledge of what we likely faced if we were to become a couple. Nothing new ambushed us. Everyone is of the same character. The only that that changed is we were both 16 and our parents were better acquainted. To put it in more clear terms, my father was going to build a custom home for his parents and they were in the middle of designing the said home.

John whispered. " Caroline,"

" Yes, Rector?" I answered in equal whispered, a growing smirk.

Holy shit! A real goddess actually granting our wishes!

We smirked and glanced upward. A cloud waved and then reshaped in a lump mass.

Slouching back in my chair I slowly mulled over everything that happened to us. Pets, kids, careers, jerk siblings, everything. Here we were - 16 year olds with an open future ahead of us! What could go wrong? Wait - forget I asked that question.

Sunny sat upright at the sound of my father calling her name. Wedged between John and I, she was happy exactly where she was. John scratched behind her ears and sighed. " Do you miss the parsonage?"

" Sometimes. But I'd rather have a real start than being plopped into a life that isn't mine. Do you know how difficult it is to live with Mrs. Bennet? Or how frustrating Jane and Lydia can be? And the lack of easy transport and instant communication-"

" But you adapted and learned how to become one of us. And you learned to tolerate Mrs. Bennet," He stared me down.

" Reluctantly," I flicked a pretzel at him from my bowl of snacks. Sunny snapped it up before darting to my father to eat a chunk of grilled steak. " But in place of her, we have your 'mother'," I pointed to his mother dressed for a Sunday brunch at an exclusive club. His father dressed more reasonably in shorts, flip flops, and a hawaiian shirt.

He grimaced. " Still Catholic,"

" I can live with that. At least she has a brain," And if I needed to beat her at her own games, I would. " So, handsome, where do we go from here?"

Our parents glanced over at us. I already sensed my mother's train wreck of thoughts. I already expected to find condoms in my bedroom before long. My parents practiced the prevention method because abstinence never worked with teenagers.

John cracked open his bottle of Coca Cola. " Want to see a movie tonight?"

" Are you sure your parents won't forbid it?" I tossed a pretzel into my mouth and missed.

" That's what makes it even better," He held out his fist to me. Our knuckles bumped. " Horror?"

I shook my head. " You just want to cuddle,"

He grinned impishly.

" What happened to our lives back there, do you think Walter lead a good life?"

Gods I hoped that Walter was given the chance to lead a good, productive life. He deserved at least that. If you didn't have bootstraps to pull yourself up by, then you were really winging it with prayers. Let's be honest - prayers may help the heart but they don't do shit anywhere else.

Our parents kept glancing over at us and we finally reached for each other's hand and leaned in for a kiss. For better or worse we were going to make a future just for us. Mrs. Crescida Brooks looked pissed and my dad just lowered his head laughing because he saw this coming. Mom leaned back and turned to Mr. Brooks remarking about young love.

Because that's what Pride and Prejudice is about - love. The down and dirty love that comes a with Wickham stamp. The dutiful boring love with a Collins stamp. The unexpected slow building love with a Darcy stamp. Love at first sight with a Bingley stamp. More than that there's a familial love that is often cast aside and boomeranging back when it's most needed.

So...Go, love each other.

Love yourself.

Have a little pride and self-respect and self-worth.

Practice the right amount of prejudice. And remember life is always an adventure.

Love you, Jane Austen! Thanks for the lesson.


	46. Alternate Ending 2 Part 1

We found ourselves looking at each other. Except he wore a white coat with a name tag. Brooks. Turning my head I spotted the medical equipment monitoring my vitals, then the calendar. " Welcome back, Miss Banfield. How do you feel?" His familiar voice melted my heart and broke it off at the same time. This man is definitely out of my range, and out of my league.

I swallowed hard. " Throats dry,"

" Do you remember anything?" He carried on as I never lived a mental life with him.

Yes.

I remembered everything. I remembered a full life with children and dogs and puppies and kittens and a rent free house. I remembered what the horror of ribs poking through tight skin looked like. I remembered tears on children's faces as they were given free clothing in a time they'd be forgotten. I remembered a loud crash. A fire and heat. Screaming. Sirens.

Oh yes. I remembered.

A tissue box was offered to me. I pulled it to my chest and a sob wrenched itself out of emotional darkness. Like a reel, the pictures flashed through my head. A semi crushed where my parents sat in the car. Blood and crushed metal everywhere. Numbness in my legs as I glanced down to discover them crushed in between metal with a mangled seat dripping my father's precious life force dripping. The vivid face of a firefighter as I was cut out of the car.

No legs. No legs. No legs. No, no...no legs.

My hands pushed down on empty mattress and the doctor pushed me gently back down. " I remember," I cried, blowing my nose into a tissue. " Stupid fucker,"

" Ladies don't swear," He started to check my vitals. " And you are a lady,"

I glared at him through a teary gaze. " Fuck being a lady. Some stupid fuck ran over my parents and killed them. Why isn't he dead instead?"

His hand rested on my shoulder. " You should rest," Without me knowing it, he injected a small dose of sedative into the IV line. " When you wake up, we will have another talk,"

With heavy eyelids, I closed my eyes. But the memories did not haunt the drugged solace. When I woke next, a nurse told me that Mr. Brooks son would be visiting me until I was ready to be released into the care of my relatives as an invalid with no legs. The news covered depressing issues so I tried reality television. Women staging a cat fight fueled my anger and cartoons lacked a certain substance my needed to distract me. I wanted to throw the remote, except it was anchored to the bed.

" Good afternoon," A young man I'd become accustomed to entered the room. " You're up,"

My lips pressed into a thin line. " Tends to happen when one wakes up from a nightmare,"

" Sorry to hear that. Did you want to share?" He made himself comfortable in the cramped space.

My jaw worked back and forth. " No. Why are you here? I'm not a pity case," I hated that I wanted him. Needed him here or else my whole house of cards would fall.

He opened a box of donuts. " What do you prefer? I favor the jelly filled myself but you strike me as the chocolate covered donut girl," He plopped down two paper plates on the side table.

" What do you want from me?"

" I want to know what type of donut you want to eat," He clarified the original question. " Chocolate, jelly filled, plain? Sprinkles included?" His arms resembled a scale as he waited for my answer.

I crossed my arms. " Chocolate with sprinkles,"

He handed the donut on a plate to me. " I'm John. John Brooks,"

" Emery Banfield,"

" Pleasure to make your proper acquaintance," He bowed to me all the charm of the John that I knew. " Would you like fresh air?"

I frowned. " No." I bunched the covers up around my phantom legs. The more I tried to bulk it up the more upset it twisted me.

He grabbed my hands to stop me. " We'll get through this. Can I call you, Emery?" Fresh tears embarassed me. " Even tearful you are beautiful. I promise a smile will make you beautiful, not tears. Can we try a smile?"

Jerk.

" That's a start," I let go of his hands before my jealousy overwhelmed me. He wasn't mine. He isn't mine. That was a fantasy life. This was reality.

This-is-reality.

Six Months Later

I closed my diary and put the black pen on the desk. Another day in another miserable week. My aunt Theresa tried to be as supportive as possible but simply put - I had new challenges to confront. Losing both of my legs in an accident that killed my parents guaranteed me a hefty pay out from the trucking company and from the life insurance company. I was guaranteed for life as long as I budgeted properly and didn't get robbed by the medical field. Dr. Brooks and his son kept tabs on me to make sure I didn't off myself, and I've come to the sad disheartening conclusion that I would never be with a man that kept me from waking up earlier into an even more painful point of time.

Nothing dulls the loss of my amazing parents. Along with their estate, which I inherited, their memories haunted me. My aunt hinted at wanting to move out and have a personal aide help me adapt to my new disabilities. I sensed my depression depressed her and she needed light in her life. So I told her that I was ready to become an adult and that if I needed her help, I'd give her a call. Her hesitation in leaving the house worried the both of us. If it weren't for Sunny I don't think I'd be able to make it through the days, but having Sunny there as an anchor reminded me I wasn't alone.

Buried under the mass of blankets on the couch I watched the movies - every version - of Pride and Prejudice in ascending order to current years. A box of tissues battled tears as I kept returning back to the point in time where I imagined myself happy and part of a whole thriving community. Sunny lay on the opposite side of the couch, half in and half out. Every time I blew my nose, it felt like the world just squashed me flat until I couldn't breathe.

Somewhere in all of that, the tears stopped falling because I lost a life that never existed and fell because I needed to build a life that would support me. I felt like Lizzy - burdened by Lydia ruining the family when she ran off with Wickham and then being proposed to a second time by Mr. Darcy. I felt like the breath had been robbed of me but now that I was letting go of what never was, I could finally embrace the new.

Hopefully.

Love you, Mom and Dad. I promise to make you proud.

And one day I'll find my J. Brooks. And he'll sweep me off my nubby limbs and love me as I am. Because he's that big of a gentleman to not care about a few half limbs.


	47. Chapter 1 Part 2

" Caroline, if you are not nice to your sister, I will forbid your betrothed from calling upon you tomorrow," Regency Judith Banfield lectured me as I stitched together a whole quilt - not out of necessity but boredom. Not much changed since the goddess threw us back into the Regency Era.

At least this time we were already engaged, much to the confusion of Judith Banfield. My regency mother birthed two boys and three girls. I am the second of three girls. John is the inheriting son of a successful textile factory ( Wink, wink!). Apparently the elder sister failed to even make John blink twice. The younger is Lydia's age.

Seated in the small drawing room with my mother and the family dog, a mutt my eldest brother named Merlin, I almost - yes, I said it. - missed Mirs. Bennet. At least that woman was never dull. I never took my eyes off of the linen and battling for my whole quilt. " Yes, mother,"

" I don't understand why he did not choose your sister. She is older and prettier, and you've no chest,"

Thanks, mother, for the support. By the way, fuck you too. No seriously, go fuck yourself.

" At least you will be able to host your sister in London,"

Now why would I want to host slut of the Banfields in a city of gossips? Sister or no, I refused. And before you roast me, Prudence Banfield has a respectable D cup and knows it. She also flirts like Lydia. With everyone. It's disgusting.

Merlin whined. " Mother, I am going to collect Charity and we are going to walk Merlin," I swear if this woman harped on me any longer I might stab her with needle.

I want to say not too much changed since my first life here, but one can never be too sure. Gods are tricksters and I still wasn't sure I really fancied a life in the regency. I wanted John and would follow him to the end of the world. He chose this time. I chose him.

Judith Banfield's eyes followed me as I snapped my fingers at Merlin. ( Merlin is such a better name than Bud,) Merlin's leash was handed over by the housekeeper and Charity gleefully escaped the pianoforte tutor wrath. " Is Mama still upset that Prudence will become a Miss Charlotte Lucas soon?" Charity chuckled as we dressed appropriately for the weather.

I liked Charity, but she was still a teenager. Boys were her preferred prey.

" Aye. But if Prudence stopped flirting with servants instead and acted like a wealthy businessman's eldest daughter, she wouldn't need to become a Miss Lucas," It is the truth. You can not judge me for being honest about the dickheads of 1811. I am merely living in their rulebook.

We stepped out into the sidewalks of Meryton. We've come no further than four houses away when two strangers strolled toward us. John dropped into a bow in front of us. " What a pleasure to cross your paths, Miss Banfields. We were just to call on you," Charity's eyes went to John's companion, someone vaguely familiar through immediate recognition escaped me.

" Mr. Brooks!" Charity ribbed me and Merlin accepted his treat from John. " Mama will not be pleased you are calling upon us without warning,"

Did I mention Mrs. Judith Banfield and Mrs. Bennet are close acquaintances? Yeah….pray for me. Not even Allah will win that argument. Thor and Odin would just throw up their arms in defeat before either woman uttered a word.

John smirked. " I am sure your mother will excuse us for being smitten with your sister. I am bereft without her constant company," His forked tongue always worked magic on my better senses. " Forgive me, Miss Charity, but this is my companion, Mr. Carter,"

We curtsied. Charity lowered her gaze respectfully and stood behind Merlin, who sniffed at Mr. Carter's shoes. The small nugged snagged my interest. The Regiment hasn't arrived yet in Meryton so I could not confirm for the immediate interests if he is related to Captain Carter. I bet my pinky that he is related to Captain Carter. But check back with me in a few months or a week and I will let you know.

" Miss Charity, am I to understand you are without a suitor?"

" Mr. Brooks put you up to flattering me," Charity excused his interest. I kept a firm hold on Merlin's leash. " He is a gentleman, truly. Why, when he first called upon us, Prudence bore most of his attentions until Caroline entered the room. Violently in love, at first sight,"

John and I smiled at each other. Not too long ago we walked a different story and set of challenges.

Mr. Carter laughed lightly. " I hardly believe it. The methodical Mr. John Brooks tripping over himself at the mere sight of a lady. There must be more,"

We just kept smiling.

" Caroline is beautiful," Charity politely pointed out.

" All ladies are beautiful," Mr. Carter countered equally polite. " For a man to fall violently in love is a feat, whereas a woman is as likely to fall in love in a blink and then jump to marriage,"

Society engineered that. It isn't the woman's fault that she jumps from acquaintances to love to matrimony. We shouldn't bear the whole fault because the patriarchal church created the problem in the first place.

Charity laughed at him. " You are a wonderful man, Mr. Carter, but poorly informed of a lady's mind. Love is not always preceding marriage,"

" Isn't that the practical expectation though? I've known ladies with bigger dowries that would accept my friend's hand. You must tell me what is so bewitching that Mr. Brooks cast aside your eldest sister,"

Charity laughed again, then motioned to me. " You dismiss her character, si. Who else would challenge Mr. Brook's stiff raising and add a bit of Caroline to his structured life? Everyone needs a touch of chaos,"

John and I bowed our heads at her enthusiastic defense of my character and our first meeting.

Mr. Carter studied me trying to find my chaotic nature. " I admit you have got me. I do not see the chaos but I must submit to your sisterly view of Miss Banfield. Shall we continue walking?" He offered to Charity.

Merlin set our path for us, and we walked the family pet as we spoke of other topics less insulting to John and I. The more Charity and Mr. Carter engaged in almost combative conversation, I envisioned the pair as married. Our goal for being cast back is to not observe but change history. Each action has a ripple effect and each ripple will build on other ripples. Consequently John and I desired a well thought out approach to our new life - an adventure in its own right - and it's main goals.

" The horror of a mother torturing you?" John asked in a low voice.

It is hard, really hard, to act less familiar in his company. For the sake of our reputations we tried to pretend to only be infatuated.

I nodded. " Prudence is amiss you chose me,"

" She is no Elizabeth Bennet," He chuckled. " And once I learned of how many men she flirted with, the decision to flatter only was in place. And then you walked in. Covered in dirt, and brushing Merlin down. How could I not fall in love?"

My face colored and I cleared my throat. " My father respects you. My mother envies your wealth. Prudence wants to stay in London, and Charity only wants to attend balls," We both stayed steps behind Charity and Mr. Carter.

He fed Merlin another treat. " Are you pleased by Meryton?"

" Yes. And no. Meryton is people and a general sense of society,"

" Meaning?"

" Meaning, Mr. Brooks, that though I am on familiar terms with Miss Long and Miss Watson and extremely familiar with the Miss Bennets, I am also cut off from a sense of roots,"

" Roots anchor us," He agreed.

" That anchor is now emotional. I am still trapped in a confusion of what is real and what is dream," I honestly did not know with any certainty where I belonged, who my real family is, or what my real name should be. The future taunted me, the past mocked my very progressive views, and the present restricted me to a prude's paradise.

Charity glanced over her shoulder. " Caroline is eager to travel to London,"

" Thank you, sister, for reminding me that we should turn around before Mrs. Phillips runs off to inform our mother of our unexpected guests," Holding my head high, I redirected Merlin toward our townhouse.

The townhouse! It is no Longbourn but all houses have a certain charm to them. The townhouse consists of several bedrooms on the upper floors shared by my parents, my brothers, and my sisters and I. The maids slept in the attic and the cook lives in the basement with the butler. Honestly though it's narrow and many flights of stairs I don't mind the house. Except the wallpaper. It's a hideous floral that only my great grandmother can love.

And yes, I loved Charmed's house and that wallpaper was hideous too.

By the time we arrived at the townhouse, Mr. Brooks lead us into a nest of ladies in the drawing room. " Caroline, you sly daughter," My mother approached and put her hands on my shoulders.

" It is no deception on her part, Ma-am," Mr. Carter defended me. " My companion decided we must be ahead of schedule. I daresay he is more eager than Mrs. Brooks to be married,"

I laughed. " My apologies," Stepping away from a scandalized mother and unaffected company. " I was not aware that we had company expected here. Mrs. Long. Mrs. Morris," They kindly smiled in our direction. I dare not ask their opinion of my betrothed or my betrothal. I respected Mrs. Long too much and I knew too little of Mrs. Morris.

" Mrs. Banfield, might I present to you Mr. Adam Carter, second son. Their first son is in the Regiment,"

" A very proud Captain Carter, ma-am," Mr. Carter beamed with pride. " At the moment he is elsewhere in country. One must always be prepared to defend against the french!" Mrs. Long raised her tea to that.

John helped me sit down at the desk. I raised a brow. He already got a jump start on me. Bastard. " You appear uncomfortable, Miss Caroline. Please allow me to fetch you your shawl," Before I could protest he moved to accept the shawl from Charity, who fetched it from our favorite corner trunk tucked away under the side table.

Prudence glanced up from her book on lady etiquette and sat up straighter. Charity rested her hands on Prudence's shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Before I realized it, her eyes turned on the younger Carter with a new interest. Oh dear.

" You must join us for dinner. I insist," My mother latched onto Mr. Carter like a pack of wolves onto a wounded deer. " We are having the finest courses tonight,"

Before anyone could say otherwise Mr. Carter expressed gratitude for her invitation and welcomed the new company. I jabbed John with the flat side of my letter opener. " First point to you,"

" Thank you, Miss Caroline. I pride myself on being attentive to the finest details. Such delicate handwriting!" He mocked my sloppy cursive, quill not helping. I jabbed him again with the flat end of the letter opener. " Miss Banfield, how fast does Caroline write? I will require her aid in writing business letters,"

Prudence's jaw set. " You are better off on relying on your own hand, sir, as her hand is untrained,"

Have you actually seen cursive writing? Most people would horrify monks responsible for copying volumes of text.

" Many thanks, Prudence," I replied airily before needing to do something productive. " Mr. Carter, an assembly is nearing us. Will you attend and dance with my sister?"

Mrs. Long gasped. " Miss Caroline!"

John laughed while Mr. Carter's subdued amusement warmed his semi-handsome features. Charity covered a micro-giggle while Prudence glared at me. " Sibling rivalry is strong in this household," My mother excused us more lightly than her eyes expressed.

" No, Mama, not strong. We love Prudence, do we not, Caroline?" Charity cleared her throat of more giggles. I nodded, John laughing freely. " Mr. Carter is not offended, Mama,"

" No, Ma'am, I am immensely occupied with how pleasurable it will be to dance with all of your lovely daughters. I am a man of high energy and excel at assemblies and balls. I have danced through at least two of them in entirety,"

I went back to writing the wedding invitations. Every invitation is handwritten and delivered early. We already ordered the wedding clothes, and my dowry of 4,000 pounds would be passed onto John once we married.

Mrs. Morris and Mrs. Long inquired after his life in London and we soon learned of his modest income provided by a family trust. While he is no Mr. Bingley, his income is very desirable. I found it odd his brother opted for a military career until he started to describe Captain Carter. The more they spoke, the more the ladies turned into him and allowed John to help me with wedding invitations. We mused among ourselves how we would enjoy the life ahead of us while embracing its challenges.

At the commencement of dinner we already tired of writing short, modern wedding invitations and wanted to just snuggle in front of the window. Prudence agreed to a dance with Mr. Carter and Mrs. Morris and Mrs. Long approved of him and his income. Charity and I bartered back and forth for who would visit our friends first, and in the end our mother informed us we were to pay intimate respects to the Bennets that my good luck can rub on their daughters. Another horrified exclamation from Mrs. Long relieved me of her immediate disapproval.

Time frame: Three weeks before the arrival of Mr. Bingley.


	48. Chapter 2 Part 2

" You must excuse Mr. Brooks from your company," My father, Robert Banfield, whispered to me with a full smile. " We are to discuss your living arrangements in London,"

I still distrust London but London presented a unique opportunity to help the Bennets escape Wickham. " With much regret," I kissed his cheek and hugged him before excusing myself to join my sisters and mother in the drawing room while my father and Mr. Brooks secluded themselves in my father's study.

Mr. Carter hooked his arm through mine. " God save the king, for your mother is determined to marry me to your sister,"

" Well, sir, should you marry Prudence or Charity, you can expect 2,000 pounds as a dowry. The first daughter married carries the largest dowry," I warned him. " And Mrs. Long's daughter and nieces are just as beautiful as Prudence,"

The short walk lead us to the drawing room. " As Mrs. Long boasted, I look forward to their acquaintance tomorrow," He smiled a lot and his energy just worked away the tension that created spontaneously. I liked him. He's a good man. Whoever wins his heart will surely be a happy lady.

Mrs. Long and Mrs. Morris departed us fifteen minutes later. Mr. Carter carried a lively back and forth with my mother and sisters while I worked on my quilt. All in all, everything appeared to be off to a great start.

" Oh, can you believe it, Caroline? He intends to marry before Michaelmas," Charity sighed happily as I brushed out her wet hair. " I hope he offers to me. Then I might have a dowry of 2,000 to 1,200,"

" Dowry size does not relate to a man's character, but I approve of Mr. Adam Carter. He's a pleasant young man," I smiled at her and pulled the wet mass to her neck base. " Do you suppose Pru is upset I am marrying first?"

" You are the second born, not the first, so yes," Charity smirked. " Why does he love you when you are barely acquainted?"

Oh I don't think anything can be further from the truth.

I braided her hair. " I dare say that Pru flirting indiscriminately diverted his interest and I am second eldest of us girls,"

Long hair sucks. It's always a hassle but it's fun to style. The weight of it causes headaches after a while. Lucky for me, I can always turn it into a bob hairstyle fitting for the era. Don't believe me? Google it. Don't believe that long hair is a burden? Just ask someone with long hair.

" I heard that!" Prudence poked her head into our room. " And I do not flirt,"

" Yes, you do. You always throw yourself at every dance partner, wear low necklines-"

" I do not! It is the fashion of the day!"

" The fashion of the day needs to change, and so do you. I for one am glad Mr. Brooks is wealthy. To earn over 1,000 per annum! You will live very well, sister,"

I nodded. " It is still London. I shudder at the traffic," Yes, I am slightly claustrophobic. Yes, I am not a city person. But to London I will go. With company!

Prudence slammed the door and we both glanced over our shoulder at the slightly askew portrait of our grandmother. I tied it off and fixed the portrait. " May I stay with you?" Charity asked as she crawled into our shared bed.

I soon joined her in the minimal warmth. " Certainly but I hoped to invite one of the Miss Bennets as well," John would not refuse me this as it would help our goal of saving the Bennets. " Do you object to Kitty?"

" I adore her," Charity purred. " Please invite her,"

Settled with the plan in mind we conspired to extend an invitation directly to Kitty. Privately I couldn't wait for the fit she'd throw with the invitation not being extended to Jane or Lydia. Her temper tantrums amused me endlessly because it highlighted her biases. It was like watching hypocritical ignorant zealots take the podium and make a fool of themselves. The more leash you give them the more they hang themselves.

" Now on your best behavior," Our mother warned us as we piled into the carriage. My father is successful at business and he takes good care of us. Our eldest brother will inherit the business and the second eldest will inherit the townhouse. So in the end everything would be fair. Except the dowry allotment. That was my mother's idea and my father chose not to argue with her.

Prudence glared at me. " Mr. Brooks is invited for dinner,"

" Do not be so bitter, Pru. You will find someone one day," I replied cheerfully. " Charity, I overheard Mr. Carter ask you to dance as well,"

" He did," The youngest of us five replied. " And I accepted."

Judith settled back happy to possibly see two daughters married. She boasted of such to Mrs. Bennet upon our arrival. Jane and Elizabeth sat with Prudence in familial closeness while Charity ran to Kitty and Lydia. Before I decided how to ambush Mary, my mother and Mrs. Bennet forced me to take tea with them. " If Mr. Bennet were half as able to provide for 5 daughters, I'd be less worried, Mrs. Banfield,"

I don't know why they called each other by formal names when they grew up together. I tried to keep a steady hand as I poured the hot water.

" Mr. Banfield is attentive to the future, Mrs. Bennet. He always had a head for plans and numbers, unlike our daughters. Prudence is gifted at the pianforte and Charity can dance an entire ball without feet falling off,"

" And Caroline to be married! You are fortunate indeed," Mrs. Bennet's praise stopped my mental abuse of her instantly. I wished we had sugar cubes but the ladies of society were protesting the use of slaves to farm it, so no sugar for us! " How are the nerves, Caroline?"

" Steady as ever, Mrs. Bennet. Mr. Brooks and I were discussing the possibility of taking in company in London. After we are married over a month. Naturally I will be inviting my sisters in time but I desired the company of your daughters as well. Miss Mary and Miss Kitty in particular,"

I handed my mother her tea, exactly as she always prepared it herself.

Mrs. Bennet beamed. " I am certain they would be receptive to the invitation. Mr. Brooks must be well off to extend such invitations,"

I nodded. " He owns the textile factories and owns a house in London. I'd say that as a single young gentleman he had no need to spend the income that he earned,"

" A young wife to spoil! If only Jane could find a gentleman…"

I kindly offered her a cup and poured my own cup now.

" Will you extend an invitation to Jane?" Mrs. Bennet asked seriously.

My mother watched me closely.

" Eventually. The Gardiners always entertain her and Miss Elizabeth. I wanted to offer the same opportunity to the younger daughters too," I diplomatically dodged her attempt and finally let my tea steep.

The way my mother's eyes never left me made me suspect she may pressure my father to force me to take Prudence to London. Jokes on her though. I'd just send Prudence back to Meryton the day after arrival in London. I am not obligated to host anyone I did not want in my home.

Mary lifted her head from her book regarding me wearily. " I do not care for London, Miss Caroline,"

" Are you certain, Miss Mary?" It hurt we were no longer close friends in this reset, but I can fix that. All I had to do was persuade her I could be trusted. " Think of all the concerts you could attend and the music masters who can train your voice,"

She paused long enough to seriously consider potential offerings. " Mama, would Papa pay for it?"

" Do not be foolish, child. He must focus his attentions on more important needs," Mrs. Bennet scoffed and finally sipped her tea.

Jane and Elizabeth both glanced furtively toward Mary who cast her gaze down in disappointment. I decided that John would speak with Mr. Bennet and convince the elder to spend more funds on someone other than Jane or Lydia.

" Miss Mary, fret not. I am certain you will be able to enjoy London. Moreso than Miss Kitty I dare say,"

" London? When am I to be invited?" Kitty poised on the edge of her seat eagerly.

I glanced across the room at her. " I do not know but most certainly within a half year," Not giving Mrs. Bennet the opportunity to cut down Kitty too, I leaned back in the couch and sipped my tea with both hands. My mother distracted Mrs. Bennet by a mention of a dinner party that they planned.

As it were John and I were soon to be married. And by soon I mean within two weeks. All of my acquaintances kept reminding me to write them and of course I obligingly agreed. What else will a married woman be able to do when she can sit a home all day? Not that I intended to. And John had plans for making me part of his business.

Lydia crowed about playing the lottery and its potential prizes while Kitty and Mary both cornered me about my London plans. Jane and Elizabeth later would thank me for including their younger sisters as our mothers held off on departing each other's company.

" I have not seen Mary so intrigued," Jane whispered.

We stood shoulder to shoulder as Charity and Lydia huddled together and gossiped about fellow ladies and new fashions entering the town.

" Miss Mary is a quiet soul. I wish to bring peace to a quiet soul without Fordyce as inspiration. I believe the lecturing is not desirable to you either," I teased them, winking at Elizabeth. Prudence lingered with our mother, eagerly soaking up Mrs. Bennet's endless praise of her beauty ( though it paled to Jane's,).

Elizabeth placed her hand on my arm. " If she quotes some one else, anyone else, we will be grateful,"

" Now, now Miss Elizabeth. According to Fordyce one must be willing to receive instruction,"

" And as a married woman, I expect you will learn instructions well. Unless the spirited Banfield never loses her spirit,"

" Oh I am certain a Miss Banfield will not," John would never allow it and I may live here now but I am still a modern lady. I smiled at Elizabeth and turned to a tap on my shoulder. Mary clutched a letter. " Yes, Miss Mary?"

She held it out to me with both hands. " These are my favorite songs and I have composed two songs of my own creation. I know it may be too much to ask, but if I am to have a teacher-"

" Of course, Miss Mary. I will see to it that the teacher is aware of your preferred material,"

" I would like to learn new material as well," She whispered. " Mama will resist my invitation but if you address Papa directly-"

I tucked the letter into my reticule. " I have a plan, Miss Mary. I always have a plan," I winked again.

She smiled to herself and excused herself again. I watched her escape presumably to her bedroom. My mother motioned me over to her side. Pasting a painfully obvious fake smile on my face, I dragged my feet on the way to my mother's side.

Judith Banfield's arm snaked around my shoulder. We made eye contact. She lowered her voice as to exclude everyone outside of us. " It is settled that you may invite Miss Mary and Miss Catherine. A Mr. Bingley will be arriving to claim Netherfield Park and Miss Jane and Miss Elizabeth must be here to-"

Were they deaf?! I never extended the invitation to either Miss Bennet.

" -woo his favors alongside Mrs. Long's daughters and Prudence,"

Prudence smirked at me. " 5,000 per annum!" Her palms pressed together in excitement.

Good for her but Mr. Bingley would still go to Jane. Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst still disapproved of 2,000 pounds. Or even 1,200. Unless Prudence wooed a whimsical Mr. Bingley and hoodwinked Caroline - which we know won't happen.

I nodded quickly. " Pleased to hear. Thank you, Mrs. Bennet," I stepped back or tried to. My mother's arm anchored me to her side.

" I trust that you will see that nothing happens to my daughters," Mrs. Bennet pressed me. Since when did she care about Mary or Kitty? She only cared about Elizabeth to insult her. " Mr. Bennet will be pleased to cover all of their costs-"

He damn well better. This isn't about charity. I still needed to be able to afford my own needs as well. And I refused to allow a landowner to not pay his debts.

My face buried in her neck as she hugged me. Mrs. Bennet hugged me! What in all of Hertfordshire is happening here? Surely Mr. Bennet would never refuse his wife a trip to London. Or he was too poor to afford it. Surely they weren't that poor?!

My mother excused us back to our home where our father waited for us. My brother attended a boarding school and my elder brother attended post-secondary type schooling. Honestly though, I never expected to ever see them. I barely saw my own father as is and my mother complained of not living in London. What's so special about London? It's just a city. With people.

We'd only just sat down at the table after changing, and Merlin planted himself near Prudence. My father smiled at all of us. " How are you, m'dear?" He asked my mother first.

Mr. Fricken Bingley. Had to be.

My mother laid out our day in vivid detail, repeating herself often. Charity and I indulged in our food. Prudence slipped Merlin bits of food.

" I would hope that my daughter will care for others as we cared for her," Robert Banfield answered after my mother boasted of my offer to the Bennet ladies. " I happen to believe Hertfordshire will be fortunate because of Mr. John Brooks,"

" And why is that? He is only one man," My mother exclaimed in exasperation.

I don't understand how or why a mother can be so cruel to her daughters. I wish I could change her. But what does a daughter do with a mother like this?

My father grinned, crooked tooth and all. " Mr. Bingley is acquainted with Mr. Brooks, and he has been welcomed to our home when he moves to Netherfield Park,"

John - 2. Me - 0.

My mother turned toward me. I shrugged. Why should I know everything that takes place? It's not like I had a penis or the personal wealthy to go off changing the world.

" And Mrs. Long informed Mrs. Bennet of Mr. Bingley only yesterday!" My mother clapped her hands together. " Oh what a splendid surprise, Mr. Banfield? I do love thee!"

I rolled my eyes.

" Roll your eyes, Caroline. What is 1,000 per annum to 5,000 per annum. Better carriages, better dresses, a bigger dowry for our daughters," Prudence joined in.

Dear god, please deliver me from these insane people.

Charity offered me a sympathetic smile. My father ordered for the new dessert to be presented. We all sampled the barely sweet pastry and agreed it held a balance between sweet tooth and plain.


	49. Chapter 3 Part 2

Mr. Brooks settled in at the inn after a long day of legal matters and touring for a small country home. He wanted to provide relief for Caroline after they married and could afford to do so. Thus far he managed to gain Mr. Charles Bingley's trust, Mr. Adam Carter's friendship, and arranged for Mr. Bingley's introduction to Meryton and Netherfield Park ( Even if it was already destined). And that took a great deal of manuevering on his part. Finding his beloved Em took time, but his heart guided him. Imagine his relief he felt when he finally discovered the right Banfield residence.

The moment their eyes connected.

A bolt of lightning.

Realization of being in each other's presence.

Naturally he proposed to her the next day in front of her shocked mother and equally stunned sisters. Just as naturally, she accepted his hand. The proposal only a day after acquaintance and he ached to hold her by his side once again. Propriety forced them at arm's length. But soon. Soon he'd hold his beloved again and call her his over.

He twirled in the small room with his spirit of Em, before catching hold of his better senses and grinned like a besotted idiot.

He was home.

At breakfast the following morning, he strolled through town. Stopping at the tailor he picked up his wardrobe and crossed paths with Mr. Long and Mr. Morris. The two men held him up for an hour as they discussed business trends in London. After departing company with the agreeable gentleman, he eventually rode horseback to Longbourn to impress upon Mr. Bennet another ambitious plan.

The older man at least 20 and half years his senior, if not more, welcomed John into his small study. " The weather is properly miserable today, is it not?" Mr. Bennet said as he offered port to John.

" Not a rain cloud in sight, sir," John appeared confused, refusing the port.

Mr. Bennet nodded to the door. " It is when all my daughters will receive visitors and talks of balls and gowns will dominate the dining table,"

" And beautiful daughters they are to wear the best of fashions,"

John never understood Mr. Bennet. He acted so irresponsibly but wanted to avoid blame for his own actions. He had five beautiful daughters and mocked suitors for them. Their dowries were so small that even if they married into the merchant class, it wouldn't be a downgrade to them.

" Your eye has landed on another beauty, Mr. Brooks," Mr. Bennet chided him in resignation. " It has properly upset my wife to hear it is not one of our own daughters,"

The two men shared a chuckle. " Sir, if I may, your eldest is too mild to interest me, your second born greatly disfavored by your own wife and I have no desire to go to war with your wife so that Miss Elizabeth be properly respected, the third destined for a more devout husband, and the youngest two far too silly and young for my interests," John answered honestly. " I prefer a wife that will keep me alive and out of debt,"

" And Miss Caroline Banfield is the choice," Mr. Bennet remarked quietly, drinking his port. " Mr. Banfield is to gain a respectable son-in-law,"

John leaned back. " Mr. Banfield is a prosperous business man who understands how to earn an honest profit at very little expense to his work force. Although there is much to be desired when one considers his wife, a woman of disregard for his sacrifices and complains of his absences,"

Mr. Bennet poured himself more port in shared misery that Mr. Banfield suffered. " My wife would call that being loved,"

" Love may make a woman pine for her husband, but from what I have heard, she does more than pine. Insisting on sending all of them to London so that the daughters may be married at a tender age of 15 instead of respectably a more matured lady. The ignorance of her understanding of London's marriage mart is astounding, especially how she divided the dowry, but I am not leisure to scold her for what she deems to be a 'proper' motivation for them to sell themselves to the first man who is a gentleman of some wealth,"

" No finer truth," Mr. Bennet agreed warmly, halfway into his second glass of port. John worried about his health at the current rate of his drinking.

" Sir, I am aware you are a busy man, but I am always interested in investors. Should you wish to invest in a profitable textile factory, I invite you to London to see for yourself the proof of it," John saw no other segway for what he came for than the bashing of foolish women willing to sell their daughters off for less responsibility.

Mr. Bennet put his cup down. " I thank you for the offer, but this estate is entailed away from the female line. I would only earn a profit for it to pass along to Mr. William Collins, and that is not my intention,"

" Wealth not invested in the estate may be diverted-"

" I appreciate the concern but at this point in my life I must accept that nothing I do now will correct the sins of my past,"

John nodded, reluctant to let go of his purpose. " I heard tale of your shooting ability. Do you still hunt?"

" When I was younger, but I am not so limber anymore," Mr. Bennet answered with half a smile. " Does a man of London hunt?"

" I am a marksman, but often my business keeps me in town. I have searched for a home in the countryside because my wife- soon to be - despises the city. Bless her, she does hold strong opinions," John chuckled. " I aim to please her in every way I am able,"

" Young love," Mr. Bennet mused half heartedly.

Could it still be called that, John asked himself before standing. He held out his hand. " A pleasure to make your acquaintances, sir. I trust we may soon be neighbors,"

" I welcome the company, Mr. Brooks," Mr. Bennet vigorously shook John's hand and walked him to the door. Out of earshot the gentlemen heard Lady Lucas and her daughters speaking exuberantly about the prospect of a new suitor in town. Mr. Bennet rolled his eyes and thanked John for his generous offer. On his exit, Mr. Brooks prayed Mr. Bennet came to his senses.

For many of the ladies of Hertfordshire the public assembly is their opportunity to display their class, beauty, character, and lady skills. The same applied to Prudence and Charity.

" Caroline, does this color suit me?" Prudence asked my opinion of her new gown mother purchased for her in retaliation for being passed over by Mr. Brooks. I cocked my head and stepped back, taking it all in. " Be honest. Our mother won't be,"

I laughed. " Well that color washes out your skin tone, but our mother wanted you to wear it,"

" But at the assembly? Where Mr. Bingley is to arrive the first time?" She shook her head, thick hair framing her face. " No. It will be worn for our party,"

I shrugged. " As you wish,"

She threatened me with the hair brush. I shook my fist at her and we both let it go. Mr. Brook chose me and that was the end of the argument, not matter what our mother wanted to stir.

Charity soon joined us in her night gown and bed time slippers. We huddled together by the window and stared up at the stars in general amusement. One by one we slipped off to bed because tomorrow the party would take place and the Phillips would arrive first. The infamous gossip, coupled with Mrs. Bennet, and the amiable Mr. Carter, I expected everyone to enjoy themselves.

" Up! Up! Up! All of you!" Judith Banfield raised all of us from our slumber and the lady maid scrambled to make us presentable. " Caroline, you are radiant! Keep smiling, Mr. Brook is here to be your escort. Mr. Carter regrettably is in attendance of Mr. Booth and his son. Charity, dear, he took a strong liking to you,"

Prudence glowered at our mother from her padded stool. Charity shied from our mother's embrace and hurried to dress in all the underlayers a lady is required to wear in these days.

" Tabitha! Ensure that Prudence wears her best gown. We have invited all the proper families in hope they will see her as a desirable wife. And Caroline, do be kind. Allow her some attention,"

All of us stared at my mother hopelessly. Weddings were private affairs here, but marriages are celebrated or denigrated in a community manner. I no more had control of everyone else's attentions and will than Prudence and Charity.

She clapped her hands and exited the room leaving us all in peace again. I slumped over on the bed and curled up in a ball, still exhuasted from yesterday. Charity and Prudence pulled me off the bed for my hair to be styled. I love the greeks as much as everyone else but why did the hairstyles have to be greek inspired? I picked at the curls framing my face with mild disgust. The same hairstyle every day is just boring!

Tabitha warned us the house was in disarray as everyone hurried to set up a memorable evening for fifteen plus people. Our guest list grew at my mother's whim. We invited the Bennets, and Mr. Bennet abstained from attending and sent along his daughters in company of his wife. Mary suffered a slight headache and would stay home with her father. That bought our list to 5 attendees not family. Mr. Brooks counted as six. Add the five of us Banfields were not at eleven. Mr. Carter and the two Mr. Booths turned our merry party into fourteen. As far as I knew we also invited Mrs. Long and her daughter and extended an invitation to the Lucas family. Add on the Phillips and we're busting at the seam.

But - people may not show. RSVPs are not always instant in these times and schedules change.

" Save me, I think Merlin will be full tonight," Prudence worried as I gripped the handrail upon our descent to the first floor.

" He sleeps with you, Pru," Charity ribbed. " As long as no one feeds him ham. He always has an ill humored body after ham,"

Well, dum dum, dogs and ham are a bad combo. So is chocolate and peanut butter.

We dodged my mother's frazzled orders and encountered Mr. Brooks in the drawing room. He had a smirk on his face as he took it all in. We made ourselves comfortable amidst the collection of furniture and turned half an ear to the chaos.

John's eyes flowed from my head to my toes. He kept reading his book, a beautifully leather bound masterpieces. " Mr. Carter does not know what he enters,"

" And how is Mr. Carter?" Charity inquired.

" He is well, Miss Charity,"

She leaned in. " And how has he found Miss Long?"

I picked up a needlepoint I'd been working on for ages. By any standard it is not a decent piece of work, but my fingers remembered stitches I mentally remained unaware of.

" He enjoyed her music," John answered honestly. " His soul is always young,"

Charity smiled. Prudence stared out the window at the street and its passerbys. " Mrs. Long taught Miss Elizabeth and Miss Mary Bennet to play, so it stands that Miss Long will play exceptionally well," She glanced toward the door as our mother let out an exclamation.

Finally John sat up straighter. " I was unaware of that,"

" Mrs. Long is an exceptional woman," Prudence shared my opinion, our opinion, with John in full seriousness. " Were it not for her, well - many a lady is grateful to her music lessons,"

And that is how Mrs. Long earned extra income in some eyes this may make her a 'lesser person' but I always considered her superior to any titled lady. Including Lady Catherine De Bourg.

" And does Miss Caroline play?"

Both my sisters laughed at me,"

" Is that a no?"

I smirked. John's brow rose. " Now, sir, that is incredibly rude of you. What does the ability to play pianoforte have to do with my qualifications as a lady?" I squared my shoulders and clasped my hands on my lap.

His expression went blank. Then he smirked. " Everything, if you are to believe society. We will entertain, of course," Prudence sighed, resisting the jealousy. " However I will require you at my side often. To help run the business so that when I pass onto the afterlife, you will own it and pass it onto our worthy children,"

" Oh, you are too kind, Mr. Brooks!" Judith Banfield exclaimed from the drawing room entrance. " Caroline, you are the most fortunate lady of Meryton,"

Oh, now she cared about him choosing me? Bitch. Opportunistic, attention greedy-

John held up his hand. " Please. I am merely thinking of my family,"

Oh, right! Henry is a gambler. Trust a gambler with a successful business is like signing a death warrant. I mean one only need to look at Selfridge, an American who settled in London and built a magnificent building, and created a thriving shopping experience for previously house imprisoned women. HIs love of a certain tiwns put him in the poor house and eventually saw him die of poverty.

I glanced up to spot Charity cocking her head in a rare quiet study of my inner turmoil. I forced a quick smile and started threading my needle.

" You must give your daughter the due credit of being ably minded. Though she may not play pianoforte, her head for numbers is very desirable," John kept his attentions to our mother.

Prudence moved to my side to help me with my epic undertaking of a scenery project. She nitpicked the puckering of a cloth and complained about the messy stitches and knots. " Come now, even Miss Lydia can embroider better,"

" Pru, I swear if you do not-"

Charity chuckled and refrained from adding injury to insult.

" You will what? Shun me?"

" Your entire piece is shameful-"

" Shameful? Who am I displaying this to? A duchess? You must excuse my skepticism that even a queen wil care about one lady's needlework,"

John and Charity shrugged in unison.

Prudence and I snipped back and forth even as I adopted her advice and tried to improve the piece. Our mother scolded us upon walking in on us arguing and Mr. Carter jovially rejoining our company.


	50. Chapter 4 Part 2

" The parson is an interesting fellow. Mr. Farson can lecture a man on morals without pause. I hope to never disappoint him," Adam Carter mused out loud. " Miss Charity, will you play for us?"

Prudence and I turned away from each other and toward John and Mr. Carter. Our mother actually predicted a preference? A clock was right at least once a day.

Charity's playing soon caught the attention of the Mr. Booths and our father. Not long after the parade of Phillips invaded our home our mother insisted on a friendly game of whist or loo. John excused himself of both and chose to brush Merlin down head to toe. Prudence helped me pack away my hideous masterpiece and ordered a light snack as we refused to starve until dinner is served.

Just as Tabitha snuck us a few delicate sandwiches in our bedroom, the majority of other guests arrived. Like unashamed fat people who didn't care what people saw them eat, we finally laid out on her bed and relished the brief peace.

Until our mother found us.

" Have you no shame?" She boxed both of us over the head. " We have company and to behave so shamefully in front of your betrothed!"

" Mama, you are being too serious-" Prudence started.

I put on my most contrite expression. If it weren't for the fact that Kitty spotted us at the foot of the steps we both probably would've been beat further. " Miss Banfields!" She shouted exuberantly.

Prudence snatched my arm and pulled me toward Kitty, but I power walked us to the drawing room with Kitty in tow. Our mother glared after us.

" Is your mother always serious? Is she unwell?" Kitty whispered to us.

We traded a mutual shrug. " No. She is not unwell,"

I gravitated to my father's side and welcomed his hug. " Papa! All is well at the shop?"

He squeezed my shoulder. " Such concerns need not bother you,"

I nodded and smiled. Prudence and Kitty engaged in talk of Mr. Bingley. Despite my lack of interest in Mr. Bingley and desire to engage in meaningful conversation about current events, John and Mr. Carter were amply distracted by the Booths. So with limited options, I strayed from my father's side and settled near the Phillips and Jane Bennet.

They observed the gathering with a mixture of boredom and introverted shyness. My annoyance with everything added to the general atmosphere encapsulating them. At least Charity's playing managed to provide some amusement and Prudence seemed to connect with Kitty. I felt a hand over mine and glanced toward Jane. " Thank you for inviting us," She whispered.

" Of course. It is a shame that our home is not as grand as Longbourn, but we make do," I squeezed her hand in true appreciation while aching for that close friendship, even if she were boring. Sacrifices had to be made. I refused to ask the nameless Goddess for another favor.

Jane did not let go of my hand. " A home's grand appearance and size is inconsequential to the quality of company,"

" But you have your dearest sister-"

" One voice of reason in a home is not enough, Caroline," Jane sighed and turned her eye toward her aunt and mother. The women joined my mother likely cluck like hens about Mr. Bingley. " Sadly the voices of reasons respected here are male,"

She had a point. " Afterall, what sense can an unmarried woman make?"

" Or for that matter, how long?"

We both stopped the morbid playthrough of facts and reality. Our mothers continued to humiliate the female sex and gender ( Yes, there's a difference. Even the dictionary defines them clearly for idiots,). Prudence and Kitty joined Kitty at the pianoforte and together they joked and played. This ensnared the men and so all gentlemanly attention soon leant itself to the skilled enough fingers of Elizabeth Bennet, Prudence Banfield, and the page turner Kitty Bennet.

Mr. Carter and Mr. Booth settled near Jane while the elder Mr. Booth and Mr. Brooks settled near my mother. My father chose to stand by the fireplace in quiet agony at the explosion of company. With everyone crowded in the same area, the card tables were set up and everyone wishing to partake in game took a seat at the table. John, myself, and my father abstained from the gaming in fear of observational sport.

" I have never withstood the popularity of cards, but even I find no purpose in playing for sport," Papa, aka Robert Banfield, remarked to John.

John twitched. " Gambling is for those who need amusement with risk. I take my risk as I do my drink - lightly,"

" I do hope you mean that you prefer light risk," I interrupted the pair before they forget I was in between them. " Risk is not to be taken lightly,"

" I assure you that I am not supportive of risk, my dearest," John kept his hand on his lap, my father's gaze heavily focused on him. " I prefer a tea to heavier drink. And I am prepared to prove it,"

" Prove it after the wedding, Mr. Brooks,"

Insert eyeroll at stupid fatherly warning. Also the equivalent into a father cleaning his shotgun while waiting for your date to drop you off a half hour before the stipulated curfew. It's cute but at this point completely unnecessary.

" I am certain he meant-"

" Caroline, when I wish you to speak, I will acknowledge you,"

Gathering up my skirts, I removed myself to the other corner of the room and picked up a book part of the revolving library - a mobile library of books passed between homes because books are still too expensive to purchase willy-nilly. My mother's gaze followed me in severe disapproval. My hand shook as I opened it to the first page and started to read.

The games picked up speed as Mr. Carter knocked out Lydia and Kitty and Jane ended in a stalemate with both Mr. Booths. My father and John continued to speak - of what I do not know - before we were all moved to the dining room altered to fit the large party. Something brushed my hand and I turned to see John before being bumped into by Elizabeth. Pulling my hands in close, I eventually settled in between Mr. Carter and Jane.

Despite knowing that I unceremoniously walked away from my father, he smiled at me. I forced a quick smile and leaned toward Jane. " You played well tonight,"

She smiled gently. " I know the game,"

" The expression on your mother's face is priceless. Scandalized almost. I applaud your success,"

" You must remember that a lady must allow a gentleman to always win,"

" A mere game?"

" Everything," Jane whispered. " Lizzy cheers us up. Mama does not have the mind to control her tongue,"

Okay, I apologize to Jane for being a boring lady. It's her mother's fault that she's a closet interesting person. But she still needed to prove herself a lot more.

I glanced over at John nestled between Lydia and Kitty. He kept listening to them talk about how marvelous it would be to go to London like Jane and Elizabeth.

" Well, at least you will not be scolded for 'shaming' the family," I picked at my food disinterested in eating. " Everything, no matter how slight-"

" What shame is to be found here? No one cried, no one harmed themselves, everyone is amiable-"

I shrugged. " Mothers. Worrying about non-existent criticism to a family's reputation. I do worry about Prudence. After being ignored, mother has harped on her about being more noticed-"

" She is more noticed and less refined in being more noticed. She tries too hard," Jane mumbled.

We both forgot about Mr. Carter who listened to us equally interested in what we had to say and the death daggers glared in our direction by our mothers. Curiously enough Mrs. Phillips didn't even consider us worthy of her eavesdropping. At the exact moment we looked up our mothers feigned ignorance. Mr. Carter cleared his throat.

" You have offended the crown," He teased us.

We turned to him at the same time. " A shame it is," Jane replied mildly. " That a crown vain needs approval of everyone beneath it,"

Nope. I couldn't top that.

" A shame indeed. Miss Bennet and I were of the opinion that all gentlemen should be as cultured as you. I trust you have enjoyed the evening so far?"

" Indeed. I am delightfully fully engaged by so many beautiful ladies. I would offer to Miss Bennet were I of 5,000 per annum," He said loudly.

Jane blushed. " I-"

Mrs. Bennet opened her mouth and closed it at the sight of my mother paling.

" Of course I would not offer without a proper courtship, Miss Bennet. It is not very gentlemanly to do," Mr. Carter pressed in a hard to be angry at charm.

Jane blushed. Deep red.

I laughed loudly - on purpose. " Mr. Carter, you are refreshing!"

" I try to please the fairer sex, Miss Caroline," Adam Carter beamed. " Miss Bennet, I did not desire to offend you. You are a handsome lady and I could never compete with 5,000 per annum,"

No one said a word until a breathless horrified Elizabeth cleared her throat. " You are too kind, sir," Her voice shook. " We are-"

Lydia clapped. " Oh! Mama! Mr. Bingley will-"

I laughed. Oh boy...Bless Mr. Carter for helping embarrass our mothers. Who am I kidding? He needed a nobel prize. " Poor Mr. Bingley right, Papa?"

My father's flat expression revealed nothing. " The gentleman has no idea how many mothers are invested in him and 5,000 per annum," No one uttered another word about 5,000 pounds or Mr. Bingley. A mortified Mrs. Bennet failed to scold Jane and Lydia and a mortified Mrs. Banfield held no desire to dare her husband's wrath by refusing to scold Prudence, Charity, and myself.

The next day took weird to a whole new level no one could cope with. Dad, or Papa, I don't what to call him in this time and place. We never bonded - father's in this age considered bonding to be a hug every now and then. I couldn't even ask him about business without him insulting my birth and sex. And last night was the final straw.

I may have chosen this time but fuck its bullshit rules and shitty parenting beliefs. Society needed a swift kick in the shins too. I may have a vagina but I'm not stupid or incapable. Penises don't make a person intelligent. But what do I know? I just live here now.

The early morning chorus of our mother urging us to wake up lacked its usual gusto. She didn't even stick around to gossip about last night's success - or dismal failure depending on how you looked at it. The breakfast table gave us the empty yet pregnant silence. Only the clink of silver to china ware greeted our ears. Until Merlin whined at Prudence's feet and we all finally accepted that even though Mrs. Bennet been put in her place this would only cause her to embarrass Jane even more.

" Will anyone say anything?" Charity complained.

I liberally jammed up my bread. " Hats to Mr. Adam Carter. Best of fortunes to him,"

Prudence laughed. " You would say something to that effect, wouldn't you?"

" It is true," I raised my bread to her. " Were it not for Mr. Carter Mrs. Bennet would not be so speechless. I feel for Jane though. Poor lady to be abused by her mother's greed,"

" Too true," Charity bowed her head to pray.

I bowed my head. " May we pray for the lost, lonely, and forgotten. The Miss Bennets who are daily paraded as sacrifices for the great Bennet name already doused in shame and despair. The Longs who have too many daughters that not even an uncle elsewhere is able to marry them into respectable families. For the Banfields, whose mother unfairly divided the dowry amounts-"

" Hold it, sister. We know your direction of thought," Charity interrupted a fountain of giggles. I wasn't jesting in my mock prayer. Not in the least. " Now you'll have us believe that our mother is evil and does not love us,"

Actually, I seriously doubted that Judith Banfield loved any of us considering she was so rich she never breastfed, changed a diaper, spoonfed an infant, or held us until we were at least four or five years old. In fact she never even tried to personally educate us. I took that as an insult. And my father - pft! I thought modern dad never was around. This father lived elsewhere 99.9% of the time. I would not be surprised if he had another family in London or whatever town or city he constantly visited.

" No, our parents love us, Caroline,"

Actually my name is Emery. My real name. And my real parents actually gave a damn about me. This charade needed to end and they needed to be honest. Their sham of 'love' needed exposed.

I shoved the food into my mouth and got up from the dining table. Prudence and Charity bickered about nonsense while I slipped off to the drawing room and found Mr. Brooks casually lounging with my father. " My apologies-"

" Come in," My father waved me in. " You are calm this morning,"

Ha! I wanted to slap him for his stupidity. " Well I had such a grand time last night, but today is all about the calm. Besides Mama is elsewhere. Likely to sooth Mrs. Bennet's sore spirit after being openly called a greedy woman."

John sighed. " He would offer if he knew it would not outright be refused by both parents," In his hand, he held a letter filled with sloppy handwriting not his. " The beauty of Jane Bennet is undeniable,"

I pulled a blanket over my lap and laid down. " Forgive me if I say that Mr. Carter is better off without Jane Bennet. Who would want a mother-in-law like Mrs. Bennet? And to live with her? I'd sooner risk my afterlife," My father placed a pillow under my head and placed a kiss to my forehead before exiting the drawing room.

" A pleasant man when he isn't calling you ignorant, silly, or weak of heart," John muttered as he read the letter. " How are you truly feeling?"

I threw my arm over my eyes. " I am ready to run off with Jane to Scotland, marry her, and then move to another continent. That is how I feel. She was so miserable last night. And when Mrs. Bennet protested it in front of everyone not even Elizabeth could save her. She's going to die an unhappy woman if she keeps her mother in her life,"

" I do not disagree,"

" And Elizabeth! Why should se suffer her sisters and mother's bad behavior? What a miserable woman to make her daughters so miserable,"

" Be still, my beloved, lest your hatred show," John warned me in a seductively low voice. " I would not want you to trouble your heart over someone not worth the time or effort,"

I removed my hand and curled on my side. He smiled at me from his seat. " You make my heart do flips and then stop beating altogether,"

" And you set my moon and sun, Beloved," He put down his letter. " Soon we'll be united as we are meant to be. What a fool your mother is to think I would want your eldest sister as a wife,"

" Do not be so harsh of Pru. She is only acting as mother wants her to. And without a father to constantly provide structure then who is she to mimic? Our greedy mother?"

" According to you, all mothers are greedy," John teased.

I sighed. " No. There are good mothers. Mrs. Long. Mrs. Watson. Lady Lucas. But Mrs. Bennet has a dowry that affords her daughters only 1,000 a piece. And yet she thinks that earns the attentions of someone worth over 100,000 in total wealth? And she who is of common birth! And no refinement,"

" You know full well I abhor that woman already," John rose and knelt in front of me. " But that is not what troubles you. Speak to me,"

As his voice worked through my ears and wrapped around my heart, I forgot about my woes. " I am merely concerned about other ladies. They do not have you to save them. And Mr. Bingley-"

" All in time, Beloved,"

For a moment it felt like he beckoned to me and turned vampire. It felt incredibly moving and life altering.

Then I blinked.

" I believe you. I just wish others can be as well protected as I am," I took his hand in mine and treasured the intimate touch so long denied to me. " I love you, John, in ways that torture me heart, mind, and soul and I can not explain why. Only I know I wake up and yearn for you I can not fight it. It is her will to torture us this purely,"

" I feel it too, and it is what lead me here. And when I first laid eyes on you all turned bright again. I'd die for you-"

" I would never ask that of you,"

" You would never need to ask me. I would know when you require my sacrifice," He placed a kiss to my hand and reluctantly stood. " She made us inseparable. She made us the key to each other, and we will always be the key for each other. In time we will die together too,"

I smiled up at him. " That is a long ways ahead of us, is it not? Our future has not yet been written- "

A knock at the door startled us out of our soul lock.

Prudence clutched her hands together. " Might we remove Caroline to call on the Longs?"

" It would be my absolute pleasure," John offered his hand to me. I accepted it and sat up. " We will have more time once we are married,"

John handed me off and Prudence lead me off to our outerwear. Prudence fit my spencer jacket over my shoulders. " Mama does not know how fortunate you really are. He adores you, sincerely and I would not take that from you," She whispered as she waited for me to finish dressing properly.

I glanced over my shoulder just to be sure that we were alone. Then I latched my around hers. " You will find someone that will adore you just as much. Sadly I do not believe it will be Mr. Bingley. As he describes the gentleman's sisters, I would not want them as in-laws,"

" I can not be as picky as you,"

" Pru-wait, isn't Merlin accompanying us?" Prudence shook her head. " Maybe you can not afford it but at least consider other gentlemen-"

She smiled gently. " I always intended to…"

Problem was that neither of us expected whatsoever would come in the near future.


	51. Chapter 5 Part 2

The assembly loomed near and the wedding passed peacefully. Everyone displayed their best behavior and John and I secured a temporary home in Meryton. The small home suited us perfectly. It dissuaded his brother from visiting us, people pressuring us to host parties, and forced us in close quarters of each other. We barely settled our belongings in the home before the assembly rapidly approached.

" Darling, dearest - where are you?" John searched the second floor of the townhouse before finding me in the nursery turned wardrobe room. " I must warn you, Mr. Bingley is married,"

I stopped comparing my final two dresses selected for the evening. " Impossible,"

He smiled. " Mr. Darcy informed me beforehand," He raised a letter. " Mr. Darcy is an investor. Mr. Bingley convinced him as of last week. We are to open a textile factory elsewhere, outside of London," He held the letter out to me.

With the parchment safe - no, not parchment. It believe the paper is known as paper because it originates from vegetation, not animals. John explained that to me on our wedding day. With the paper safe in my hand, I abandoned the dresses and gorged myself on a flowing script of handsome cursive. " Well, that is a spectacular tale, Mr. Brooks. He married a childhood friend and they are to ascend on Meryton as a couple. I like him already,"

John's arms trapped me against his chest as he held me from behind. His lips pressed to my neck. " I invited him to visit when he is ready," His voice teased the inner lover that yearned for more intimate attentions. " And mentioned you will be desiring privacy instead of his sister's heckling,"

" I hope you phrased it differently,"

" I did," He smelled my washed hair and released it from the pins. " I much prefer you with your flowing hair. Your beauty is wasted on one hairstyle,"

Ha! Finally someone noted the dullness of it. Well I can always shock society and wear it differently. Should I dare?

Soon he turned me from the letter and we embraced each other in a passionate kiss. The wall confined us to our upright worship punctured only by a clock chiming the hour. Not a single person remarked on our appearance as we reported dutifully to the dining table and greeted the cook with hungry bellies and a healthy appetite. John insisted I wear my hair down the following day, so I wore it in a partial braid with a flower tucked into the braid. The silence of the home calmed my high nerves with the society surrounding her.

And then they walked into the small multiple floored townhouse.

Mr. Fricken Bingley, Miss Bingley, Mr. Drunk Hurst, Mrs. I'm-Better Hurst, Mrs. Surprise Bingley, and Mr. Aloof Darcy.

Our housekeeper introduced them gracefully. I smiled kindly at the Mrs. Dosset, a local of Meryton married to a butler for the Longs. We spirited her away with offer of board and a proper wage traditionally offered to men. "Mrs. Dosset, do we have a proper dinner planned for current company?" I asked at conversational volume unabashed by the surprise guests.

Mr. Bingley smiled ear to ear and dipped into a deep bow. " Mrs. Brooks, I presume," His lips grazed my knuckles.

I gently withdrew my hands. " Mr. Bingley, I presume. I was not aware that you were - uh- prepared to call upon acquaintances so soon introduced to the county. If I known I would have planned activities," Rats. Apparently John's request went on ignored.

The others awkwardly seated themselves.

Mrs. Bingley introduced herself shly - so shyly I pitied her around the strong personality types of Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst. She blushed profusely when I reached forward to hold her hands in mine. " It is my pleasure, truly, to welcome you in my home," Her eyes cast to our tea before she recollected the cold composure Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst displayed.

Mr. Darcy stood near a window, arms behind his back. " Mrs. Brooks, your view of the street is commanding,"

" I prefer to keep the curtains drawn for privacy most days. To be honest, while a comfortable town, I covet the ability to keep to my own company. It is no reflection on current company, and it stems from an overbearing mother, I believe,"

Mrs. Hurst gasped. Mr. Hurst focused on the furniture.

I wanted to laugh at their reactions. They acted as if I buried my mother in a shallow grave while she still breathed. All I said is that Judith Banfield is overbearing. Honestly I expected more from them.

"It must be exhausting to entertain guests newly wed. I applaud you for your generosity at present," Mr. Darcy commented plainly. " Does marriage suit Meryton that they grant you the privacy?"

Not more than ten minutes and it already turned awkward. Mrs. Dosset produced coffee and sandwiches for all present.

The handsome face masked a beautiful soul, or so I hoped. " I believe Meryton is happy to see one of its own happily my father, although he often travels to London on business," I smiled briefly, a lie slipping between my teeth too easily. At this point lieing is necessary. " Mr. Darcy, what do you think of Meryton?"

" Oh, I have only visited for a day. Surely I will not have an opinion fit to hear, but ask me again in a fortnight and I will answer readily," He thanked Mrs. Dosset for the coffee and stayed near the window with his cup.

Caroline motioned broadly with her hand. " A beautiful home,"

" Temporary, I'm afraid. We have a home in London and will move there in months to come. We want to spend Michaelmas with my family before we leave. Although I pray that he sells his home in London and chooses a beautiful countryside," Mrs. Hurst paled. Caroline choked on words unspoken and Mr. Hurst raised his tea in toast. " People are excellent distractions, Mr. Darcy, but a person needs peace too,"

Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy smiled briefly. " I will agree only on the condition that home is the shield and society is the battlefield frought with conflict and unavoidable,"

" Unfortunately, society is most severe on ladies. John is fortunate to have the freedoms I will never have. He is a wonderful man and will be a wonderful father. I hope we only birth boys. At least they will live a full life not contained to a house," I sipped unsweetened tea with a grimace and let out a breath in sincere irritation. " I apologize. Overbearing mothers and society expecting us to start a family - a large family - is overwhelming,"

" Unjust," Mrs. Bingley said, catching everyone by surprise. " My aunt is of the opinion as well. That all ladies are to birth children, regardless of age,"

Upon close inspection the young lady of light brown hair and lively blue eyes charmed me beyond first impressions. " I believe that one pregnancy is threatening alone. But many?"

Mrs. Bingley nodded solemnly. " I mourned the loss of two aunts and a first cousin and none of the children survived the births,"

No fun facts, folks. I only googled certain information for the fanfictions. Mortality rates for pregnant women isn't one of them. My distrust, for doctors, however resulted from the lack of handwashing that resulted in the spread of disease. Therefore I refuse to trust any doctor to not kill me, especially when I'd be vulnerable and weak.

" I am - my deepest condolences," I bowed my head to her.

She met my gaze and nodded. " We are depressing company. Forgive me," I laughed. " Manners are a terrible burden," I laughed again.

The gentlemen shifted uncomfortably. The ladies snickered about something - most likely us.

" A burden, no. Inconvenient, yes," I whispered and relaxed. " Mrs. Bingley, might I ask your opinion on a dress? I am at a crossroads of what to wear to the assembly and John's compliments and adorations is of no aid,"

She glanced toward Mr. Bingley. He motioned for her to join me. As soon as we exited the drawing room, Miss Bingley turned to her brother. " Highly improper, Charles. To speak - to utter the -" Her face turned red with embarassment.

Mr. Darcy cleared his throat. " Miss Bingley, one must respect death's grip and not dismiss a lady's concern for her well being. A home is only a home when a man is whole with his wife. Overbearing mothers are a common presence in every lady's life,"

" To speak of it in mixed company!" She burst. " Improper. I advise against this association, brother," She hissed.

We stood outside the door, ears pressed to the wood. The voices filtered through as expected.

" And I am not to refuse a friend, sister, even if his wife is eccentric," Charles denied.

I grabbed Mrs. Bingley's hands and held them as a friend would. " You are not required to be acquainted with me if you wish," I whispered to the lady.

She squeezed my fingers. " You are better company than my sister-in-law,"

Mrs. Dosset stood behind us in disbelief. We glanced in her direction guiltily before strolling toward the steps and the nursery. Her disapproval stalked us all the way to the safe room devoid of awkward company. We laid out both gowns and sighed deeply, worried about tonight.

" Mrs. Brooks, will you save me from Miss Bingley at the assembly?"

" Certainly," I assured her as I ran my fingers through my long hair. The sunlight hit it, highlighting its cleanliness. " May I ask - no. I fear I have stepped over too many boundaries already,"

She leaned over the coquelicot colored gown. " Is this not an improper color, Mrs. Brooks?"

I nodded. " John says I am beautiful in it,"

" And what of Cerulean blue?" She quirked a brow.

Her hands fiddled. Mrs. Bingley acted strange. Perhaps Miss Bingley made threats when the gentlemen are absent?

" I am always beautiful," I clutched my hands together anxiously. " Coquelicot or cerulean blue?"

As we mulled the tough choice over, Mr. Darcy studied the tidy drawing room and made light conversation with Mr. Bingley and Mr. Hurst. He appealed to Caroline's sense of propiety to cool her outrage at being associated with a socially impaired lady until more connections are made. Mrs. Hurst declared they needed no such shame cast upon them. Mr. Darcy suspected I acted as I did out of nervousness and granted me the benefit of doubt.

We rejoined the mixed company after selecting the safer of the choices. Yes. I'd make John's life easier at the moment. No I didn't want to travel to London. Did I have a choice? Ultimately, no.

Suck it up. Move on.

Hopefully I loved the London house. If not, I'm burning it down….Kidding! I swear.


	52. Chapter 6 Part 2

Arriving early at an assembly and claiming the freshest of air is important. Masses of bodies creates heat, and heat with no escape is unbearable. Sweat smelled offensive from a crowd. Therefore fresh air is imperative.

I fanned myself while standing near Mrs. Long. Charlotte and Maria congregated with Miss Robinson. " Awful start to an evening," Mrs. Long whispered to me in confidence. " I wish Mr. Long to think of his daughter. If she were to socialize with the Lucas and Robinson family, we may hope for a suitor,"

Her voice struck me as desperate. I empathised with her. I wanted boys only. Boys at least were permitted to work for a living without being looked down upon. Ladies are not.

" You are most fortunate, Mrs. Brooks," She touched my forearm gently before fanning herself as well. " A handsome and well to-do husband,"

Well...John is a catch. He loved me. I loved him. If I lost him, I wouldn't be able to go on. I know it sounds cliched but the heart doesn't care. The heart just wants, and when it wants, it bleeds. I bleed for him. I'm sorry if that's too trope-ish for some people, but it's the truth.

The ballroom started to fill with people. The Bennets arrived en masse. Miss Watson, Miss Long, and Miss Harringtons gossiped about Lydia Bennet nearby.

" John is a real miracle, Mrs. Long. My family approves of him completely," I soon spotted Charity and Prudence. They practically fled Judith Banfield's side and danced through the groups of Meryton's finest, wealthiest, and luckiest of residents. Charity hugged me tightly. Prudence kissed my cheek. We sat together and Charity whispered about our mother's behavior since my wedding.

Not only was I was spellbound by what they shared, Mrs. Long and Lady Lucas joined in our misery. Sure enough Judith Banfield and Mrs. Bennet gravitated toward each other and upon reunion burst into an odd mixture of reservation, boldness, and obnoxious arrogance. Robert Banfield ignored his wife and cornered John near the musicians. Deprived of my husband, I waited for Mrs. Bingley to arrive.

Charity nudged my arm and pointed to Mr. Carter. " 600 pounds, Caroline. He earns 600 pounds per annum. And he offered courtship to Miss Jane Bennet. Mrs. Bennet is furious,"

I chuckled. Of course the greedy woman wanted a handsome wealthy suitor for her daughter. Why? So she could live comfortably when Mr. Bennet died.

A huff turned both heads to Lady Lucas. She sipped her punch innocently with an 'I-dare-you' expression. Prudence contained herself and tugged up her neckline.

" I hope Jane accepted,"

" She has. Quite exuberantly according to Lydia," Charity clutched my hand. " I am happy for her even if Mama is not,"

Prudence cleared her throat suggestively. We settled the gossip to a dull roar and discussed my new home and our future plans for London. Surely that would calm Meryton's gossip about my future.

A noticeable hush alerted me to the arrival of Mr. Bingley and party. That hush rose to possessed whispers once Mrs. Bingley greeted any who spoke to her. Caroline Bingley started the rounds with Mrs. Hurst. I tried to reach Mrs. Bingley's side intercepted by Elizabeth and Jane Bennet.

" He offered," Jane glowed.

Elizabeth's happiness almost touched the ascended divine levels Jane basked in. " I dodged more positive energy and dragged the sisters to an unoccupied pocket of space to help a new friend. Except Mrs. Bingley listened to Mrs. Harrington and Mrs. Watson with a shy smile. Our eyes connected for a moment and she nodded. I turned fully to the Bennet sisters and in hushed whispers filled them in on my earlier activities. Both chided me for being me. Both determined they must befriend Mrs. Bingley.

John - 2. Me - 1.

At least I believed I earned that point.

Mr. Darcy caught us by surprise, awkwardly bowing. " Mrs. Brooks, do you wish to dance?"

I extended a gloved hand. " Before we do please allow me to introduce Miss Jane Bennet and Miss Elizabeth Bennet." The ladies curtsied.

(I know...I know. I'm supposed to say Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth Bennet, but reserving first names for another time is ridiculous. It's not like Jane and Darcy are going to fall in love anyway.)

His eyes lingered on Elizabeth. " Excuse me. I have interrupted your privacy,"

" Not at all,Mr. Darcy. I assure you that the deprivation of my company is not insurmountable to their enjoyment of the evening," I nodded to the line forming on the floor. " Shall we dance?"

Jane nudged Elizabeth. Elizabeth lowered her gaze and whispered something intelligible as we joined the partnered pairs. Mr. Darcy and I danced the first dance with no conversation. The second dance touched upon how I wished to spend my time in London.

You know what sites didn't exist in London in 1811? Neither do I. Education is aggravating at times. Nonetheless Darcy's kindness brought to life a map of London. His appreciation of London illuminated what I called a cesspool of disease, death, and wrongs on all levels. Racism, classism, sexism. Come to think of it what year did Jack the Ripper terrorize people?

Damn it. No google!

At passing of one partner to another, Mr. Darcy once again sought out Elizabeth Bennet. John smiled at me and informed me that he expected our father in London. We danced a set tracking who danced with who, particularly Adam Carter and Jane Bennet.

Lady Lucas seated herself next to us when we rested our feet. " I must compliment your dancing, Mr. and Mrs. Brooks. My best wishes on a little Brooks as well," She appeared exhausted without dancing once that evening.

" The punch is stronger, Lady Lucas. Whoever made it should add less-"

" Oh ho! I do not believe that necessary, sir," Mr. Hurst protested. He wobbled and leaned on the wall for support. " It is the proper strength,"

John motioned to Mr. Bingley. They pulled to the side and gestured to Mr. Hurst more than once. Mrs. Hurst soon appeared at her husband's side like a domestic slave bound to aid a drunk for a husband. John resumed his place at my side. I rest my head on his shoulder briefly before yawning. Out of the corner of my eye, Mrs. Bennet glared at Mrs. Bingley, Jane Bingley, and Adam Carter talking in a tight trio near the exit. For people who valued men not touching women until after marriage they poorly understood personal space at public assemblies.

Not to worry though. I am certain that all three individuals firmly fit on her hate list at the moment.

" Why are you smiling?" John asked.

Supremely aware of his hand on my lower back, I leaned in. " Jane is defying Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Carter is making her laugh, and Mrs. Bingley made a friend," I nodded in the trio's direction. " It is a beautiful sight to behold,"

He kissed my hands. " You are more beautiful,"

Romantic fool.

" Shall we proceed in their direction?" He asked.

I shook my head no. " Let them be,"

" Yes, let them be," Lady Lucas seconded. " It is befitting to observe happiness from afar," She covered her mouth and mumbled an apology before declaring her age robbed the joy of an assembly from fond memories past. "To be young again,"

" Aye," Mr. Hurst chimed in.

John and I glanced between the pair before sitting in comfortable closeness to forego the last chances. Out of our sight, Miss Bingley prowled the floor and harassed Mr. Darcy while Elizabeth Bennet watched over Lydia, Kitty, and Mary due to the lack of dance partners. Occasionally Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy made eye contact, curiously drawn to each other without the influence of his 10,000 per annum.

Author Input:

So I wanted to apologize to anyone who thought this was a dead story. It's not. What happened was I was fixing the house, my mind got fried, and I needed distance from the plot to figure out where I wanted to go with it and how I intended to get there because I am straying far from the original material and taking it into original content material almost. It's difficult to put all that together without going mental every once and awhile.

On another note, I am in the process of seriously writing a book, so that has taken time to write and plot and such. The sacrifices for a publishably story, eh? Well, moving on…

I am going to be adding to this at a less rapid pace than before but now that I had the distance and time I feel comfortable in picking it back up and pouring my soul back into it. My voice may change, not by much, I hope.

Anyhow...love you all.

You're all awesome, wonderful lovely people and I'm happy you're reading my work and taking some kind of enjoyment out of it, even if you're just taking the piss out of it. Any attention is...well, helpful to me because it means this is catching eyes and attention and isn't a horrible piece of work meant to be obliterated from the internet.

Always Yours, The Unpredictable Muse


	53. Chapter 7 - The End

Time is a strange creature.

It didn't take long for John and I to learn we were pregnant with our first child. In rapid succession, John decided to move us to London to avoid my parents hovering and attempting to raise our child for us. For once in my life, I welcomed the city center of disease, crime, and -isms. My only regret is that I'd be leaving behind my friends - people who felt more like actual friends than modern friends.

We said farewell to family and friends early one morning.

In the middle of a stolen kiss, our lives were ripped from us as another carriage collided with us. Our last thoughts were of each other as we clung to each other.

Modern Times **

" Mrs. Banfield!" An excited Mrs. Brooks called out.

The wedding crowd increased in size as the families gathered in the manor garden. A DJ worked the music booth for the large crowd of teenagers and young adults brave enough to populate the dance floor.

Two childhood friends embraced as sisters united.

" I am ready for grandchildren. With Jackson and Loria Bingley married I might finally have someone to spoil."

" They're an adorable couple. Cute babies are in the near future." Mrs. Banfield assured Mrs. Brooks. " How old is John?"

" Jackson is almost 30 and John is almost 20." Mrs. Brooks nodded toward the flagstone patio changed into a dance floor for the wedding reception. Teenagers and young adults brave enough to put themselves on display populated the small space and 'danced' to a pop artist belting out love lyrics.

They walked toward the buffet. Mrs. Brooks gravitated toward the caviar while Mrs. Banfield eyed up the escargot.

At a round table close to the dance floor, Emery Banfield sat next to John Brooks. Their easy smiles preceded the accidental touching of their hands and red cheeks.

THE END!

Author's Farewell Notes and Thoughts:

First off I want to apologize for not adding more to the story. I realize that Part 1 is longer than Part 2 but the simple truth of the matter is that I felt so disconnected from this story that I no longer knew how to write it and give it full justice. So I chose the next best option and give it an ending that is a mix of Jane Austen style and my own.

I apologize if I disappointed anyone, but maybe in the far future I might do a little story for the modern bloodlines with the given history I established in this fanfiction. I may not. I honestly don't know. My novel is making me work overtime, especially learning how to write a person with BPD II, and I haven't had much time for any other writing. I haven't stopped loving P&P and I will likely write another fanfiction for it. I just don't have any ideas for it or the time which is what I need to make it a fantastic, Muse-worthy read.

If anyone wants to use my characters they are more than welcome. Just let me know. If anyone wants to make suggestions on how I can improve, please do so. Thank you for taking the journey with me. I regret that I was away from this for so long that I no longer felt a connection to it.


End file.
